Tuesday, May 31, 2011

I Gotcha, Honey

Bo: Red, do you think our wedding cake will taste as good as it did last year?
Nora: Oh, Bo, I don't know. We probably won't get to find out until our second anniversary.

Well, Hello My Lovelies!!

I swear, every time I do an into for the blog I channel Lucy Ricardo. “Well, Hello, friends. I’m your VITAMEATAVEGIMIN Girl. Are you tired, run down, listless? Do you pop out at parties? Are you unpopular?” Ok, enough of that douchtastic quoting!

I apologize for posting this so late, but my parents phoned me to try and figure out how old their air conditioner is. If yall really knew me, you would know how hilarious that is and would be wetting your pants as we speak.

Anywho, how is everyone on this fine Tuesday? I hope everyone had a fantabulous Memorial Day holiday weekend! ME is moving/unpacking as we speak – total woof! The good news is that she slept with the cable company rep (sooo kidding about that), and her cable will be connected in her new apartment tomorrow morning, so you all will only have to put up with my ass for today! Yall can stop groaning now!!

So, on this Hurricane Season Eve (Tomorrow, June 1, is the start of hurricane season, FYI), my generator has been serviced, my evacuation kit is ready to roll at a moment’s notice, and my cocktails are made! Let’s get this party started, shall we?

May 31, 2011: Pat O’Brien’s Hurricane Edition of the Llanview Ledger

Thank you, Lord! After a day of shopping (which I loathe), my Bo and Nora are on first. There is a God! Why not just send the doctor out to talk to the dynamic duo if the nurse can’t answer their questions? Great balls of fire (in my best Scarlet O’Hara voice)!

Aaaaaand, Mestiny and her nosy self is eavesdropping while on the phone with Dan-yella! There is a devil.

More proof that there is a devil, we are now going to have to be subjected to Dan-yella, Nathaniel Q. Salinger, and Day-en. Woof! Yes, Nathaniel. Please sing this phrase from Jimmy Buffett’s Margaritaville with me “Some people claim that there’s a woman to blame, but I know, it’s my own damn fault.” ‘Nuf said!

Oh, sup, Rex and GiGi?! I guess Christian cancelled class tonight, and GiGi picked up an extra shift at the diner? Extra cash is always a plus!

And, back to proof that there is a God, bad ass, handsome as hell, dying Clint and Queen V are on today!! Thank you, baby Jesus that the fab four are on to save this episode for my ass! Dear OLTL Wardrobe Department: Please dress Queen V in only red from now until January. Kisses, MH.

Hey, Joey!!! Awe, he came to show his dad his preschool graduation diploma? Clint will be so proud, no doubt! Darn, Joey should have left his cap and gown on as a bonus! Oh well. And, I hate to be rude, but Clint’s dapper ass looks like he is about to fall off of the side of that matchbox of a hospital bed. I mean, where do they purchase these beds? The Fischer Price catalogue/website? Mylanta!

You are correct, Rama, you are a coward. Again, please go ask Nora Buchanan about lying to your husband that you are preggers. Not a smart move! Actually, I take it back. Don’t go ask Nora. Homegirl has enough to deal with right now. Just take it from me, not a smart move! Eff, now Cutter is here. I do not give a rat’s ass about any of these people, sorry.

Tess, hi, this is MH. You don’t know me, but is there any way I could borrow that straight jacket to get through all scenes that don’t involve Bo and Nora and Vicki and Clint today? I would greatly appreciate it! Awe, poor Vicki, it has to be hard watching your child be committed. I just cannot even imagine.

UGH, as if NQS, Mestiny, and Day-en were not enough to stomach, now Ford is on. I will need more than a straight jacket at this rate.

OMG, Mestiny. Obviously your grandparents were not only liars, but they were also a failure in teaching you manners. Any dip shit would have the common courtesy not to bust all up in the grills of parents whose child is fighting for his life. Please stop screaming like you are in charge, back the hell up out of the situation, and wait for Bo and Nora to get in touch with you after they assess and process the situation. UUUUGGGGHHHH – I cannot stand that this messy busybody has to be the focus of this effing storyline. I am sorry, I hate to be rude, but I have never liked her character from the get-go, and for her to now be in the middle of this storyline is absolutely heinous, in my humble opinion. There I said it! Snap, thank you, Dr. Pryor, for stating the obvious!

Oh no, Queen V is crying. I cannot handle Vicki and Nora crying in the same episode. I will need an entire box of tissues, FACT.

And the Robert Ford redemption attempts continue. Who didn’t see Ford’s falling for Tess coming a mile wasy? Raise your hands. Yea, that is what I thought.

Somebody please remind me again why I should care about Cutter, Aubs, and Rama when there are less than nine months to go of OLTL. Somebody. Anybody. Buler? Buler?

Clint said “bitch,” and I peed! Listening to him say “bitch” is almost as entertaining as listening to Dorian say it. I said ALMOST. Dorian still wins the “bitch” contest!

These Rex and GiGi scenes are boring, sorry. Snap, Shane is here now. Rex and GiGi are good parents. I do believe this!

Nate, I will refer you back to the Jimmy Buffett lyrics that we sang above. Let’s all hope that you practice what you preach and come forward with the truth. Somehow, I doubt that will happen.

Well, that Bo and Nora scene was so short that I took a sip of my wine and missed it. Woof!

I find it adorbs that Rex is getting food for Nat and really do enjoy their brother/sister relationship/bond. Oh mercy, are they going to make Ford a hero in this bullying storyline aren’t they? Why the eff does OLTL insist on making him its golden boy? I don’t get it.

Tess, Queen V is most certainly not boring. Please pay attention to what she is saying, and you will witness this for yourself!

Cutter can give Aubs everything she wants? And what would that be, an STD or ten from the Chlamydia Motel? Hepatitis thanks to Jess/Tess/Wess (whatever the hell her/his name is today)? Just what every girl dreams of!

Nothing all that interesting about these Clint/Joey scenes, other than Clint looking totally awesome in his faboosh pajamas and that matchbox of a hospital bed.

Ok, I am sorry, but I refuse to discuss these NQS, Day-en, and Danyella scenes. Absolutely REFUSE. Great, now there will be more NQS Day-en alone scenes. Why?

Now, I know that Bo and Nora are in absolute agony at the moment, but may I just say that they look about ten thousand kinds of awesome? They really do. I cannot deal with their adorableness. Bonus, they have been in “contact” the entire time thus far.

Hooooooold on just a cotton pickin minute. Mestiny’s busy-body, screaming ass is the first one to see Matthew after surgery? Really, OLTL, REALLY (In my best Nora voice. Like ME, anytime I say that, please just assume that it is in my best Nora voice)? I have no effing words for that foolishness. I mean, I get that she is beside herself, but seriously, wait your turn, girlfriend. Bo and Nora should see him first.

Yes, Joey, please bust out a shot gun on Cutter’s ass! We haven’t seen a Buch point a shot gun at anyone in a while. I think it’s about time for a reprise, don’t you? And if it rids us of a totally unnecessary character, BONUS!!!

Tess, please continue to listen to Victoria and witness the fact that she is not boring. Queen V is in full Head Bitch in Charge mode, yo!! I for one, flove it!!

Poor Shane. I feel so bad for him. I can only imagine what it is to be in his shoes. Sidenote: It is 102 damn degrees in my Texas hood today, and I literally started sweating (well, moreso than I already am) when I saw Shane’s jacket/sweater/pull-over. OMG, now I want to go jump in the pool to cool my ass off.

More Ford redemption attempts.

Stars, Clint looks faboosh even when he is asleep! I enjoyed that Clint Rex scene, I honestly did!

Mestiny, please, in the name of all that is holy, please step back. UGH – Why is she still here?

Aaaaand, I peed when I saw Nora’s “WTF are you still doing here?” facial expression just at the end of Mestiny’s plea to Matthew. I have said it before, and I will say it again, I could watch an entire show of nothing but facial expressions from Nora, and Bo for that matter. They are THAT good. OMG – I cannot deal with this. Nora almost fell when she saw Matt, and Bo said “I gotcha, honey.” Be still my heart! Bo is awesome. He is Nora’s rock, as he always was. Lord have mercy. Hey, Bo, can you see if one of those geniuses on the Llanview Hospital staff can clone you for me? Thanks in advance! Oh no, now Nora is crying, too. STOP IT, now Bo’s voice is cracking, aaaaaand, I just lost it. I cannot handle Vicki and Nora crying as it is, and now Bo is going to start. Where are my tissues? A forehead bump, to boot? Well, I have no words.

Oh boy, Danyella has arrived to support Mestiny. Screaming will ensue, no doubt, and I will have to get all teacher on their asses and give them demerits for not using their inside voices. My pencil is ready. Bring it on, bitches.

Somebody please break a bottle of Hounds beer over the counter, Marty Saybrook style, and slit my wrists because that is the only way I will make it through these NQS/Day-en scenes. Oh snap, a Natasha Richardson mention. Kudos, OLTL!! OMG, I floved Natasha and was devastated when she died from her skiing accident injuries. I am sure yall all know this, but Hillary B. Smith was in a Natasha Richardson movie. First one to tell me what the movie was wins! What is the prize, you ask? An all expenses paid trip to Llanview, PA to bludgeon the character of your choosing (If you need suggestions, here are a few: NQS, Day-en, Mestiny.). ME and I will be your accomplices and dispose of the body Dexter style! Word!

Bo and Nora are breaking my little heart. I mean, I am a basket case. Sidenote: I bought my dad Bo’s exact shirt for Father’s Day a couple of years ago!! Nice wardrobe selection, Bo! Oooooh, great, and we all know what that beeping means. In the immortal words of Phyllis Rose, we will find out after the break.

Halftime – time for a bathroom break! I know yall wanted to know that!

Once again, not even gonna waste my breath on Aubs, Cutter, and Rama. Although, I must say that Rama is good comedic relief at times.

Did Rex just say that Clint “had the stones” to come into his house after Shane’s suicide attempt?! Let me rewind that shit. He surely did!!! I am peeing on myself. That’s right, Clint, Karma is a bitch, but I still love you anyway, you silver fox.

More Ford redemption attempts. Ok, I will admit, I like the mentoring that Ford is giving Shane, I really do. I can’t help it. I am still sweating my ass off looking at Shane’s jacket.

HBIC Vicki continues to be not boring. “He used you as an ATM.” I rest my case. Tess is right, Queen V should be thanking her because if she (V) would still be married to Chuckles, no telling what kind of diseases she would have obtained by now (from Chukles’ stay at that godforsaken hotel, among other things).

Please, somebody, put me out of my f#@king misery with these NQS Day-en scenes. Really, please just let me bleed out from my cuts to the wrists. Their scenes are longer than Bo and Nora’s scenes, and it is making my blood pressure rise. Woof!

OMG, Nora sounds hysterical, and in a sick, demented way, I flove it! She hasn’t lost her shit yet, but I anxiously await the moment. I know, I already said that I was demented for liking that shit, but Hillary Smith and Bob Woods do such a phenomenal job with material like this, that it is just incredible to watch. This is not to say that I particularly like this storyline, but yall get my drift, yo! And, thank you, Nora, I am now a basket case once again.

Well, Tess, we have all paid our soap and OLTL dues for the past few months putting up with your shit, so could you please do as HBIC Vicki asks and let Jess out. Thanks!! HAHAHA – Your surely have let some greasy pigs snort and grunt all over you. The Chlamydia Motel surely could be considered a whole pigsty, too!! Oh, and PS, still waiting for you to send me that straight jacket so that I don’t jump through my television and bludgeon half the goons on this episode. Oh no, Vicki, please don’t start crying again. I just stopped crying thanks to Nora.

I am sorry, but I am seriously enjoying these Ford/Shane scenes. Ugh, I will not like Ford, I will not like Ford.

For the love of God, Cutter. Why didn’t you just effing hire Rick the porn king to film you and Aubs and just show it to Joey? Oh snap, Clint beat Rick to that. Too bad that USB got smashed. Now I will have to get all teacher on Cutter and Joey’s asses for fighting on the playground. Sheesh, I will wear out my pencil and demerit pad today.

Again, Clint continues to be awesome! And, again, I continue to like these Clint/Rex scenes.

And, like the HBIC she is, Vicki knew that Tess was faking! Ha! Word! Oh, and I totally floved the way Vicky said “my daaaaaughter” with a hint of a British accent!!! Awesometown!!

Somebody please lock me in a padded room like Tess’ with NQS and Day-en. I mean REALLY. I can no longer maintain my sanity through these scenes.

Ok, so Bo has held Nora like this entire episode. Le sigh. Oh, please let them not have to speak to Mestiny and Danyella, pleeeeeeease. Aaaaaaand, shoot me. My wrists are already bleeding out, so now I will need to be shot. Mestiny spoke, and Nora looked at Bo like, “Does this bitch ever shut up and butt-out?” I think I peed on myself at that expression, too!! OMG, and Mestiny continues to speak, and Nora won’t even look at her to respond. HAHAHAHA!!!!!! Again, peeing. I am sorry that I am such a frigid bitch, but I dislike Mestiny THAT much!! That’s right bitches, you cannot go into Matthew’s room. Why? Cause you don’t effing belong there. Again, have some gd courtesy for Matthew’s parents at this time. Give them some space.

Sidenote: Leigh Ann, you are right, Dr. Pryor is so short that she probably had to use a step ladder to perform Matthew’s surgery!! Lurve it!!

Dammit, Joey didn’t knock Cutter out, hense, Cutter kicked all their asses out of the house.

Oh, Tess, from your lips to God’s ears, re Cutter.

Blinked and missed that Shane/GiGi scene. Ready for a shower from sweating so much thanks to Shane’s jacket.

Lord have mercy Rex, you are about to kill Clint on the spot. And you are a PI. Can’t you see that something ain’t right with daddy dearest? Whoop, Queen V is now in the house. OMG, I cannot handle her losing her shit, too! She must remain in HBIC mode, word!

Mestiny, I am pretty sure Danyella cannot read lips, and there are no real life closed-captions for you to be tempted to sing along to. Patience is obviously not one of your virtues either. Danyella, maybe you should be the PI and not Rex since you are obviously better at assessing a situation tonight than Rex is. Great, NQS will now infest these hospital scenes tomorrow. UGH – I will need Tess to overnight that straight jacket to my ass, for shizzle.

Aaaaaand, I don’t even know what to say about that last Bo and Nora scene. I mean, awesomeness exudes from these two, and their expressions and reactions were spot-on. I am keeping all limbs crossed that they don’t have to share screen time with the three stooges in the hallway tomorrow since we all know they will not get to celebrate their first anniversary. Woof of infinite proportions on that foolishness.

Um, what happened to the “Stay tuned for scenes from the next OLTL”? I thought that since May is over as of tomorrow they would make a return. I mean we had previews yesterday… Things that make you go hhhmmm.

Alll righty, my dears, as always thank you all so very much for putting up with my blabbering while ME is moving into her new abode. She will be back tomorrow, so until next time, loving you all to pieces!! Happy (Hopefully) Hurricane Season!!


Sunday, May 29, 2011

Dark Days

OMG will these two EVER be this happy again? Sweet Lord!

Happy Sunday Funday! Whew...pooped from all this packing, but I'm squeezing in a blog post about Friday's episode. Oh and MH is most definitely posting for me on Tuesday and possibly Wednesday. Thank God for her adorable and generous self! Anyway, our cable/internet/dvr won't be hooked up Tuesday and we are TRYING desperately to get it by Wednesday. Ross knows how dire the situation is since...ummm hello?! Bo and Nora are on practically everyday next week and OF COURSE we would be moving THIS week. Dammit! Anyway, this might be my last post until Wednesday or Thursday...I'm upset! :( I can always respond to comments and stuff from work. Of course, I'll be able to correspond from home until Tuesday. Everyone pray my internet/cable/dvr is hooked up quickly! I'll miss all of you until then and I mean that!!!!!

Friday, May 27th

OMIGOD!!! Is anyone else so damn tired of seeing RH in the white, cloud-like ensemble and those shitastic Keds?! I'm also totally tired of the Llanview Airport background. Woof Woof!

Starr...it ain't your first rodeo in the sex department. Just do it.

I don't understand why this baby thing is such a big deal? I mean...why can't she just tell Vimal the truth? I know she lied and all but I am just confused.

Score! Bo and Nora...thank you God! Now I just need their scenes to be longer than 2 damn seconds. They look fabulous in this episode by the way...seriously. They are so good looking. Word.

F*@K!!!!!!!!!!!! NQS and Dayt-en...shooooooot me! Packing all holiday weekend for a move...I can handle. Seeing NQS and Dayt-en together....beat the shit out of me please.

I'm so damn outdone with effing Mes at this point. Cannot effing deal with her or that purple pleather jacket. Barf Barf Woof.

I will beat this to death but Bo and Nora look super fabulous this episode. Damn! Oh, not to mention I TOTALLY feel their pain about Matthew. They are so damn believable it's not even funny. FABU!

LOL...there is someone hiding out in my pool house. I FLOVE that Marty's Playhouse is being taped in Toad's pool house. Also, I'm sure Marty left a little crazy sauce on the floor. I'd love for Tea's sharp, suspicious ass to spot it!

Aaaaaaand, I'd do Blair Cramer. Totally! She is 50 for God's sake! Jesus H. Christ she looks like sex on a stick!!!!

Beyond effing bored with these Todd scenes like no other. Pretty sure anything on public television is more entertaining than this nonsense. I mean...I don't even want to discuss this shit. I must say I'm totally disappointed with all this RH nonsense. He needs to start interacting with peeps in Llanview stat.

How effing hideous is that bra that Blair has on? STOP IT!!!!! I know she didn't?! Oh yes she did! She effing sang!!!! Ross and I just peeeeeeeeeed on ourselves! My God she has to sing at every mother f*@king opportunity she gets! Just.No.

Oh Hells Yes!!!! Liam's toy is under the couch! LOL...Ross thought that Marty was hiding under the couch! hahahahaha! How much better would it be if Marty's crazy ass was under that couch?! Damn.

Starr...you're really nervous? I just don't buy it. James' cheesy lines are KILLING ME! KILLING ME I TELL YOU! I'll be dead by the time this post is over.

That sundae looks delish and I don't even like ice cream. Times...I flove how EVEYRONE and their mom literally talks about Matthew killing Eddie ALOUD and IN PUBLIC! LOL. Not to mention...Bo, Nora and Matthew were practically screaming it the other day. I need Mestiny to shut the f*@k up like 2 years ago...literally. Oh, and that's great for kids to hear: Matthew was upset so they had sex. Lemme tell ya...sex is a problem solver. Stupid as hell, I tell you!

NQS just threw the laptop on the coffee table. Cool. Aren't you poor jackass? Seriously, take care of your stuff! You might not be able to get another one. Do I sound bitter? Yes. It's because I am and I'm tired of seeing him.

Yes...more Bo and Nora fabulousness. Poor babies need a hug! Ross even made the comment about how much tragedy they have had to deal with in the past year! I mean...they were apart for 10 years...give 'em some happiness will ya? I know soaps need drama and all but can't they be happy as a couple and still have storyline? Just sayin'. Aaaaaaaand, my heart just broke in about a million pieces when Bo told Nora the nurse said nothing useful. Jesus Christ. His sad eyes made my cry! They are playing their reactions so perfectly. I swear I could watch these two fold laundry and say nothing and be perfectly entertained.

I don't understand why Rama just can't tell Vimal. I'm sorry but I just can't wrap my mind around it.

LOL! Tea wants to go to the pool house! OF COURSE she wants to go swim...at night...and we have never seen her do it before. I'd love to see her walk-in on Marty eating a tv dinner and watching The Real Housewives of New Jersey in that pool house...awesome town!

Does anybody remember if Starr has a kid or not? Yeah, I can't recall either. FAIL in the mothering department, Starr! FAIL.

I flove how Bo and Nora touch constantly. Superbly awesome in every way and why they are the shit and uber believable. This hospital is bigger than I thought! Damn! I'm tempted to fly to Llanview on my broom and beat Des with a wine bottle...in Marty Saybrooke fasion of course.I'm sorry but I don't buy Matthew REALLY liking Mes. OMG OMG OMG...may I just leap through the tv and hug Nora?! When Mes said she didn't see Matthew fall or hit his head and Nora did that facial expression well I cried. Sorry...I'm a big ole douche. OMG and now she started to cry. I cannot deal! I can't handle it when Vicki cries let along my favorite character. Lord have mercy!

I need Dayt-en to get a phonetics coach stat. I also need Joe Pesci to fly to Llanview and take out NQS in true "Goodfellas" style. NQS' ass deserves a painful departure...sorry.

May I just say that Bo and Nora are saving this episode for me? Otherwise this whole thing sucks.

Sooooo RH is in this whole white outfit and all....ok. What about when he needed to GO to the bathroom? I mean...he has been catatonic for 8 years? Yes. I'm so confused by how this works. Maybe Dr. Levin's intelligent ass could tell me...

Every damn time someone says "make love" on this show Ross laughs. Should I be worried? LAWD...a "Sexual Healing" reference? Sweet Lord I'm glad Marvin Gaye isn't around to hear this nonsense. Aaaaaaand then Todd said "Oh, I'm up." REALLY?! REALLY?! In my best Nora voice. Wait...what? "Why don't you go upstairs and get yourself ready and I'll get us some tequila." LOL...what a smooth talker that Toad/Walker.

I mean...I'm sorry. Tomas and Blair should have ripped each other's clothes off at this point and have already been going at it. This just sitting there kissing while Tomas is fully clothed just ain't believable. Word!

I'm PEEEEEEEING on myself! PEEING!! I'm sooooooooooooo f*@king sure ADDIE EFFING CRAMER just called Starr before she was about to spread her legs and then HOPE (y'all remember her?) got on the phone to talk to Starr!!! My ass! And, since when did Hope start talking? I missed this...

Again, I still don't understand...Rama tell him the truth, girlfriend!!!! DAYUM! I assure you that taking a play from the Nora Buchanan handbook (when Nora was NOT acting herself! victim of horrible writing!) and lie about being pregnant out of guilt. Just totally dumb, Rama.

I'm so effing distracted by that damn purple pleather jacket Mestastico has on.

Snap! A Bo and Nora finger sex close-up! We haven't seen that since 2009...lord have mercy! Thank you writers! Bo is gonna figure all this shit out, yo. Oh and when he does figure shit out I hope he beats Nate...and he remembers how lame he was for a few months when he was helping Inez and feeling sorry for her and ignoring Nora's concerns! This family has caused you nothing but problems, Bo darling. I assure you!

Look I don't want Nate emailing any tips, but thank you God he wants to send that shit to Phyllis Rose instead of Bronco Morales. I cannot deal with that bitch. Of course, we won't be seeing Wendy Williams again to play Phyllis I'm sure but at least it ain't Bronco. Word!

I'm sorry but Blair should have ripped Tomas' clothing off at this point. I would have leaped on his ass the minute the door was shut. Oh, and I'm drooling watching Blair. KDP has it goin' on! I'm as heterosexual as they come and I'd do her...for shizzle. Dammit Blair don't drink OUT of the wine bottle. Just no...

I'm about to sip MY wine now and not watch these RH scenes. He is like a crazed toddler in a high chair. I cannot deal.

Starr is now the mother of the year for not spreading her legs and for going to check on Hope for the first time in about 1 year. She is what the girls on "Teen Mom" need to strive to be like...MY ASS! Those trashy bitches on "Teen Mom" are probably better parents than this girl. Lord have mercy!

Dan-YELLA...slap Dayt-en please!!!! You totally should. Oh...and ummm where is Inez? I don't give a shit but I'm assuming she has a job? Maybe as a stripper? She could earn such a good living if she did that...seriously.

Of course, Mestiny is gonna invade this Bo and Nora goodness. Woof. Aaaaaaaaand, I just wet my pants thanks to Nora's awesome reaction when Destiny said she and Matthew had gotten as close as two people can get...peeing! Ummmm this ain't the time girlfriend. Actually, you should never spill some secret like that to parents but now is DEF not the time. Bo and Nora don't need to hear this shit. Bo, on the other hand, looks sweet and adorable and open to hearing whatever.

OMG for a minute there I thought Blair was watching porn!!! That music was sooooooo porn music! Seriously.

Tea...you're smart as a whip so be suspicious! Snap! Toad gave Tomas a gun? No doubt to open fire on Marty's Playhouse. I am upset by this... =(

Rama, ask Nora...this lying will backfire. So will Christian knock her up? Hmmm.

NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! I pray to God that Doris Day does NOT watch OLTL. This is so insulting. "Pillow Talk" is one of my favorite movies and now OLTL is gonna do that split screen with James and effin' Starr?! KILL ME!! No one insults Doris Day like this!!! Egregious!Rock Hudson and Doris Day did this better...word yo!

Lord...poor Tea. She is pouring her little lawyerly heart out to Toad and hell...he ain't gonna be Todd. Poor baby.

I've never seen "Eat, Pray, Love" but I didn't know it was sad. Blair is making me think it is. Almost as sad as how stupid she is with men...

REALLY?!?! From now on every time I say that, it will be in my Nora voice. Dayt-en just pulled NQS to the side to talk to him OUT LOUD and Dan-YELLA didn't hear ANY of it!? PUH-LEEZE!!!! Oh really? You think it was your fault, NQS? Jackass.

It's a good thing Mestiny's phone rang. She cannot tell BN that she and Matthew effed...no thank you. Bo is so damn doting and fabulous. Everyone needs a Bo. And a kiss! Sweet lord a great day! They are THE SHIT!

I laughed during RH's last scene. He is like a baby in a high chair that is hungry or trying to cry for a parent. Total woof.

Whew! Okay...I'll see y'all soon. I'll check in soon. I'll respond to comments tomorrow!

Love you all and I MEAN IT! Thanks so much for all your praise and hilarious comments!


Saturday, May 28, 2011

It's a Pool Party, Bitches!

Marty: "I've got my beach towel ready, bitches! It's time for my Memorial Day party! I'd like to thank Toad Manning for helping me host. He's the most hospitable rapist in town."

Happy Saturday and Memorial Day weekend, lovelies! First and foremost: My most sincerest apologies for my MIAness. When I mean I had the DAY FROM HELL on Thursday, I mean Satan like took the wheel of my f*@king life. Woof! Anyway, I also forgot to mention that we are packing to move all weekend. Anywho....as of late I've taken great pride in my morning consistency but I got thrown a curve this week. Sorry! Thankfully all is well on this busy weekend. Ok, so I'm doing a drive-by of Thursday first. I'm then going to respond to the shit-ton of comments I have and THEN I'll do Friday's post either right after or this evening. How's that? Oh, and how I found a pic of Susan Haskell with a beach towel is beyond me but I did. Ok let's do this...

Thursday, May 26th--Marty's Playhouse Version of the Show(i.e. fast, all over the place commentary. borderline crazy)
1. This shit with Tomas/Blair and Starr/James is f*@king heinous and if Renee is mentioned again I will die from being insulted.
2. I tell you what that Christian works his ass off right? For his mom at Buenos Dias, Capricorn, LU and he does that boxing shit. This bastard never sleeps.
3. I forgot Roxy existed I haven't seen her in so damn long. I love how they make her look like she just got f*@ked in a truck stop bathroom. Nice.
4. Times! How come in the hallway of the LPD it looks like they are filming a reality show? The camera is more shaky than Marty's mental health!
5. OMG a Barry Manilow reference. I will now sing "Copacabana" for the rest of the evening. Dammit.
6. LOL!!!! Marty hid Liam behind the fence. Awesome town.
7. OMG...thank God I'm drinking wine to get through these Rama/Christian scenes. Yes, it is 3:30 on Saturday and I'm drinking. However, I'm moving which is effing sucky/atrocious/awful/migraine inducing. I get a free pass. Plus, it's a holiday weekend. Word.
9. Mushroom Thingies?! REALLY (In my best Nora voice)?! Starr, get a life.
10. Delphina put Rex and Gigi back together? Wait...did I miss this?
11. Aaaaand Marty just pulled out the gun. Score. Oh, and p.s., Marty will single handedly save this episode because it sucks major ass.
12. "Savory Mushroom Bites?" I figured the Palace could come up with a fancier name than that. What a shitty name for an appetizer. This is the Palace, not Chili's. Word.
13. Who gives a shit about Starr and James first time? If you do, that's fine. I can't deal with it and don't want to discuss it.
14. Blair will f*@k anything with an ounce of testosterone.
15. THIS EPISODE IS TERRIBLE!!!! However, the Marty/Toad scenes are quite enjoyable.
16. These John and Brody scenes are falling flat.
17. Aw hell...Delphina? Lord help us. MH suggested this: Delphina needs to make Bo and Nora move out of the garret so she can move back in...EXCELLENT idea! Then once Marty leaves her house because she either dies or is committed then B/N can move into Marty's. Everyone wins!
18. Ok, so these Palace hotel scenes are not funny or entertaining. I don't like them. Maybe because I need Blair/Tomas to not be boring (which I still can't see how these two are boring but they are...unbelieveable) and I just don't give two shits about Starr and James. Who needs Ambien when you have this shit? I'm passing out!
19. Marty.Is.The.Most.Awesome.Crazy.Person.Ever. Susan Haskell is such a show stopper!
20. If I could drop a bomb on the Palace right now, I would. However, I'd save Ted King so I could have my way with him. These scenes are insulting. I'm more offended by the Renee references though. I know I know...I cannot let it go! I'm sorry!
21. I'm so f*@king bored with this episode! I'm TRYING my damndest to post something borderline decent here! Bear with me!
22. Aaaaaand, I did just pee a little: Marty has been staying in Todd's poolhouse!!!!! AHHHHH!!!!! YES! I love it! So Mr. Navy Seal was right...Marty and baby Liam were there the whole time! Love that the peeping tom was Marty's Playhouse. Rockin'...
23. I'm not even really enjoying these Natty/Roxy/Delphina scenes...sorry! Richmond Chandler, I know you liked them right? :)
24. I'm so bored I'm just gonna randomly type comments for the last half. ATROSH!
25. I love that the Pennsylvania Astrological Society is also staying at the Palace. Even better: Tomas just made fun of Starr for saying mushroom thingies.
26. Blair and Tomas do LOOK good together. I just need them to be interesting and that has yet to happen.
27. I'm sorry but that sock Natalie is holding can't be Liam's!!! It's like a sock Ross would wear...I mean, come on!
28. Aaaaand when James said "It's just the beginning" in response to Starr saying "This is it" well I just wanted to f*@king slit my throat. After I puked of course...
29. I FLOVE that there is a Heimlich Maneuver poster in the Bueons Dias. hahahaha! I can think of a few people on this show who need to choke...on hot dogs. Hmmm.
30. I wonder if Delphina could tell me if the shitty characters on this show are leaving soon...
31. May I just say I'm starting to adore Brody.
32. "Oh don't worry...we'll be in the pool house. It's very private out there." Please Marty...don't ever leave this show. Aaaaaaaand, Marty just said Tomas Delgado in a hispanic accent! She.Is.The.Shit.

This episode was awful. Thank God for Marty's Playhouse/Pool House! Ok...responding to comments and packing more then I'll do Friday's episode.

Much love and again...so sorry for the delay!


Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Hit the Road Jack!

Cutter: "Mary-Ella...I'm leaving town! I'm also toting all those random dayplayers and other shitty characters with me since I know you want them out of your hair. Thanks for the favor, doll."

You read Cutter's quote right: I compromised my integrity and self-worth in exchange for all the awful people left on the show to leave. We will see if this works. I did it for all of you, too! Lord! Hell, you know I'm kidding but I can dream can't I? Anyway, this episode was not the best except for Clint/Vicki and even the Todd/Tea/Brody scenes. So...drive-by/maniac shopping post for Wednesday's show. Oh, and where are my manners: GOOD MORNING! It is Thursday! Yay! Again, since it is early excuse my myriad of errors I'm sure to have...

Wednesday, May 25th--Marty's Playhouse Abridged Version of Events (i.e. I'm just going to basically talk like a crazy person and do this drive-by. You know how Marty does nowadays. It's like a tribute to Marty since she is leaving the show.)

1. Well, I'm just beyond intrigued as to who this peeping tom is! I'm typing on the edge of the couch! WOOF!
2. No. OMG. NOOOOO! I cannot deal with this Starr and James shit. I can tell you right now I won't be discussing their scenes except to probably say Starr is a terrible mother. Oh, and I'm sure James spent money for this surprise date since he has it and all. My ass. Oh, and of course he answered the door shirtless since we needed to see that for the millionth time.
3. F*@king take me outside into the alley and take me out Goodfellas style...I swear. I mean...watching Ford tongue the random dayplayer nurse is hell...HELL!!!!
4. THANK YOU GOD!!!!! Please Clint and Vicki save this episode! I know you will since you're both THAT fabulous. Timeout...I love the way Vicki said "demands." She always gives some words a British feel. Faboosh.
5. Let me just say that I hate this episode already and the awesome up to date credits JUST came on...gonna be a long morning.
6. hahahaha...I'm peeing. Between Todd saying Bess is the librarian and Brody saying Bess was the gatekeeper I was laughing. However, the REAL gatekeeper in the mentally unstable world is still Jean Randolph. WORD.
7. And, Vicki is taking control like the head bitch in charge she is!!! Oh, but of course in an ever so graceful and sophisticated way.
8. Sexual technique of an amoeba huh Tess? Hmmm.
9. FACT: Starr is the SECOND worst mother on this show! Kelly gets the blue ribbon but Starr is second.
10. I've yawned twice during these Blair/Tomas scenes so far. WAIT JUST A DAMN MINUTE: Tomas just told Blair "I want a life with you." WHAT?! Y'all have rolled around in a booth and now...let's play house? Seriously? I mean...this story has moved along at a glacial pace (if that) and now he wants a life with her?! Oh, and of course Blair will fall for it since she will spread her legs for anyone and she is desperate for a man. Where is that Cramer Woman spirit?! Make him work for this Blair! Let's see if she will. I doubt it.
11. Did I mention I hated this episode so far? This post will be horrible and I'm sorry! I can only do so much with what I'm given so sorry you are wasting your time reading this mess!
12. Sweet Lord! There are too many damn flashbacks in this episode! Obviously they need to fill some time!
13. I must say that I love Tea lately since her sassiness is fabulous. Todd's smartass jokes are actually somewhat enjoyable. Aaaaaand, Tea's explanation of this Tess/Bess shit is hilar. I also FLOVE that Marty is getting talked about! I need Marty's Playhouse back! Dammit!!! Where is she?!
14. Oh, I haven't said it yet so let me do the gratuitous statement: Clint is the most handsome dying man ever...STILL. Even though it looks like he is sleeping in a child's bed...still FABU. Aw hell, Cutter actually sounds like guys did in college or high school: "Lucky for you Tess is back and she is a big Cutter fan." Heavens.
15. YESSSSSS!!!!! A "hiding Marty" reference...score. Tea to Todd: "No, you married me because I'm the only woman in town who will put up with you." Preach it sista! That is so true. haha! I'm peeing!!!! I love that Brody thinks Todd is hiding Marty in his house! HILAR!!! I wish I could keep a Marty in my attic...what fun! Oh, and I feel that Todd and Tea are always tied up somehow.
16. May I just say that Capricorn looks like the shittiest/cheesiest club of all time.
17. OH.HELL.NO! Cutter wants the house!? I mean...I hated it when Nora gave it back but at least it was to Clint but for Cutter to have those digs--moat and all--is a travesty. Plus, I need this bastard to flee Llanview like last year. Woof. TIMES! I FLOVE that Vickster is totally defending Clint. Be.Still.My.Heart. She is the shit. Again, Vicki and Clint are such a great team. Thank you Team Vicki and Clint for getting me through typing this blog this morning. xx, ME
18. I've been waiting for months for Starr and James to have sex and I'm just DYING for it to happen. They have so much history and love between one another and that is what I love best about their relationship. WOOF times 5,000!!!!! Jesus, Mary and Joseph!!!!! Kill me!!!!
19. I mean...granted I get it: Blair hasn't had any in awhile and Ted King is sex on a damn stick so she wants to get her freak on but....hello?! She and Eli were great in bed together, too. I just don't see how Blair can be so effing stupid. I mean...huge woof and I have nothing more to add. Again, this Cramer Woman spirit is where??? *crickets* Exactly. It must have gotten washed away with all the Delhi Bellies being consumed at Capricorn. Oh, and where is Christian Vega?! Still with Gigi at night class I'm assuming. Good God.
20. Blair and Starr are both horny and ready to go...my God!
21. I don't see how Tea puts up with Toad on a daily basis.
22. I'm dying for this episode to be over already. I mean...I need to watch Meredith Vieira on the "Today" show.
23. OMG...Vicki get out of Capricorn quickly!!!! You stand out like a sore thumb and you are too good to be there! YES! She is TOO GOOD to be there! Go kiss Clint or something...
24. Aaaaand AGAIN...there are too damn many flashbacks this episode. WTF?! Y'all I have nothing to work with today...NOTHING! I'm trying.
25. Please whisk Tess away...I can't mentally handle her being mean to Vicki. Snap! St. Anne's!!! Awesometown! Now the bomb ass Dr. Levin can work his magic...just like he did on Marty! hahaha!
26. Soooooo we can all assume that Starr is paying for a room at The Palace? Right? Or now since James has a damn job he can pay for it? I mean...he is smart with money huh? Future financial planner right there...dipshit.
27. I just wet my pants. Toad to Brody: "Wait a minute...where's Marty? Where's Liam? Did you check the dungeon? I take that as a no." hahahahaha!!!! I kinda wish Todd was indeed keeping Marty and Liam in the dungeon. Oh snap...Toad is right though: Marty is after John's ass! She will resurface again to set up her toys. OMG WAIT...Memorial Day is Monday! I wonder if Marty is still gonna have her BBQ. She is so crazed right now I bet she forgot.
28. I flove that Clint's pic popped up on Cutter's phone about the wire transfer. Oh, and can I say that my heart just broke when Vicki gave Cutter the deed to the house? Awe...and now Vicki just cried out of the blue! Hug her Ford! Someone please hug her!!!
29. EXCUSE ME?! EXCUSE ME?! Did I just hear that correctly? Please tell me it was a mistake!!!! Renee Divine will ONLY let James Ford work on her car?! SHE is the one who hooked James up with the room?! OMIGOD KILL ME!!!! Worst writing ever. I'm beyond upset and now my hatred for James and Starr knows no bounds. Huge woof. I love Renee and she is being used as a reference here. Egregious.
30. LOL...Todd to Tea: "Well be careful 'cause I don't want you to get shanked without me." ha!
31. I wanna hug Brody and just help him. I really do. Poor baby.
32. AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! Marty's Playhouse will obviously resume in Thursday's episode!!! THANK YOU GOD for ending with that scene!

I'd like to thank Clint and Vicki and Todd, Tea, and Brody for getting me through this grueling post. Oh, and total fail with no follow up with the Matthew stuff. I mean REALLY?! REALLY?!
See y'all tonight or tomorrow morning. Oh, and I'll respond to all my comments from work at some point. Thanks so much!

Have a great day!


Talk About The Year From Hell!!!

Bo: "Yeah Red, we haven't enjoyed ourselves since last June."
Nora: "I know. I'm gonna have to sue the writers and everyone else involved for making us miserable. Whatever I have to do!"

Top o' the mornin' to ya! That was done in my best Deborah Kerr impersonation from an "Affair to Remember." God knows I didn't live up to her classy voice, but I did indeed try. Anyway...show was fabulous! Must hurry and do this before I head out. Again, excuse all my typos since I know I will have them! Will try and correct later!

Tuesday, May 24th

NO!!!!! PLEASE STOP THIS MADNESS! KDP has a FABU voice! I know. I know. I also know she was singing the old Peabo Bryson OLTL theme song. She even made a reference to the song being too sad and all. But...just no.

Now Ted King has the jacket on over his incredibly white shirt (incredible since he has had it on for a month)...lord. I just want to jump him...can't help it!

Sooo...Todd has been in a catatonic state for 8 years yet his beard is trimmed ever so nicely and he looks clean. Impressive. Oh, and let's move this along a couple of inches today...k, thanks.

OMG OMG OMG I cannot deal!!! These food costumes are atrosh and by NO MEANS funny! He looks ridiculous.

I'm so effing tired of these alters. Huge woof.

OMG...I think Clint's bed got smaller! How is that possible?! He's still the most handsome heart patient, but he looks uncomfortable. Get this poor man a damn bed! Oooooh Queen V just walked in...score. Looking all regal and chic in her red...thumbs up.

Lord...we have to watch Matthew collapse. Again. Poor baby.

OMG and obviously my wish for a new opening will not happen since the show is ending. Don't even get me started on that opening with pics from like...1994. Woof.

Aw hell! UGH. That damn lawyer for Tess! I hate him! He is beyond ass-clown status at this point. Wait, did he always have glasses? Wait...who cares? I need to stop...

F*@K. REALLY? Ford is picking up this nurse in the hospital in that outfit? I mean...I could be watching Bo/Nora/Matthew or Clint/Vicki right now. Egregious!!! OMG and the hot dog jokes are beyond dumb.

Please God don't let Blair sing anymore...please. Aaaand that scene was over in 2 seconds.

All this secret shit! OUT WITH IT!!! I don't want to see Tomas and Todd say the same shit to each other over and over. I'll go on a merry-go-round if I want to go in circles!!!

Vickster knows Clint like the back of her hand. She will get Clint to crack...for shizzle. And, p.s., how adorable are they? I mean...really. They scream chic and sophisticated just looking at them.

God...these Bo/Nora/Matthew scenes have me nervous and we aren't even to the hospital yet! Sweet Lord! OMG.Hillary Smith has the prettiest legs I've ever seen...word! Snap! I wanted them to show Bo actually picking Matthew up and carrying him because I was interested to see if he could do it. Damn. Omigod these scenes are too damn short for my liking.

It's official: I'm totally bored with ALL of these Todd scenes. I'm also beyond upset that he is still in those white Keds. I mean...this story lost my interest like last year. These scenes and the Tomas/Toad scenes (hell, and any Blair/Tomas scene) are as exciting as C-Span. I know this crew will be on all summer and I'm gonna be upset if it doesn't get interesting like now. This is ridic. Like MojoMiller pointed out (if I quote this right): "RH is way too cool to be strapped to a chair." That couldn't have been said more perfectly. He is being wasted. HUGE WOOF!!! Barf barf woof!

My God I want to fast-forward through all this Capricorn shit! Times! Where is Christian Vega?! He's not tending bar? Oh nevermind...he's teaching his night class. I'm assuming Gigi is helping him? Riiiiiiiiight. Since Gigi is obviously still enrolled in school. That bitch never goes! As if! Saying Gigi is a student and teaching assistant is like saying Starr goes to school AND is an excellent mother to...wait what is her kid's name again?

I'm yawning through these alter scenes.

OMG...so is it like deja vu all over again with this doctor examining Matthew's reflexes?! F*@k these scenes are too damn short! They promoted the hell out of this last week and if you blink you miss these scenes.

OF COURSE V asks Silver Fox if she killed Clint as soon as Tea walks in...OF COURSE.

Dammit...all this "There is just something NOT right about Tomas" shit is annoying. I need Blair to NOT be involved with another guy who is crazy or a criminal. Huge woof. I don't even care for Blair's character that much in general (don't dislike just...not invested) but I don't want her hooking up even with a watered-down version of Eli.

I'm so distracted in all of Tomas' scenes because my mind is in the gutter!

Hell, who am I kidding? My mind is in the gutter in all of Clint's scenes...and Bo's. Ross will puke when he reads this...whatevs.

If I am gonna be forced to watch alters, please give me some Jean mother f*@king Randolph!!! Lord have mercy!!! I want to eat glass shards right now...over this. Aaaaaand there is Bess. Somebody f*@king shoot me before this shit invades my living room. Granted I love the cold, calculating, and precise alters much better than the wild trashy ones (I know...I'm probably in the minority with that). However, I don't care now. I would have preferred Bess months ago.

Those were the quickest tests run on Matthew EVER! LOL. He is back already? Cray Cray! Well, Bo and Nora def look sick with worry. Aaaaand, they should be. God, a Cole reference...oy. Lord! Matt doesn't even know who Eddie Ford is! I knew all this brain injury stuff happened but I didn't know he was gonna think he couldn't walk still. Damn.

Oh, and the writers are doing an excellent job (in my eyes) with this redemption of Clint. I am a weak target since I floved him since I was little but JVD is so attractive and charming that I'm buying it immediately. Yes...I suck. Total FAIL. I mean...he tried to ruin the lives of my two favorites! But...I dunno. Just like with the sympathy for Aubs yesterday...I can't help it. I just want to hug Clint and it pains me to see him kinda gasping for breath. I'm sorry for my weakness!

Sooooo obviously this is the Bree Williamson show? I mean...she is on CONSTANTLY!!! She is involved in practically every damn story. So, they want to show us this Bess/Wess/Tess/Jess nonsense multiple times this episode but not Matthew's nearly fatal brain injury? Ah yes...that makes total sense.

OMG I AM SO INTRIGUED TO SEE WHO IS SPYING ON TODD AND TOMAS!!!!!! Do y'all think I'm being serious or sarcastic? Please guess.

Trichotillomania. I swear. I can't beat this problem. Not that these Ford scenes are the worst ever, but they are indeed the straw that broke the camel's back this morning since I'm tired of this and the Bree Williamson Show plus Dayt-en and Co. See...I just don't give 2 shits that this nurse got all mushy when she saw Ford sing or do whatever the hell he does to the kiddies. I don't care that this triggered something and now she wants to take him on a date and let him pour his heart out to her. We don't have too much time left for our show! Who gives a f*@k about the feelings of a random day player for a hot dog?! I mean...REALLY?! ("Really" being said in my best Nora voice.)

I will say this: Starr's shirt is cute. Dayt-en...THIS is how you need to dress. Don't give me the "I don't have money" excuse. You have a lot of clothes. Go buy something like this from H&M or Forever. Hell, go with Gigi one day. She is always there buying plaid shit.

I'm so damn engrossed in these Bo/Nora/Matthew scenes! Hooked! Times! I mean...Bo and Nora have got to be like WTF. They just left Matthew at home for a few hours and the next thing you know....BOOM! He collapses, slurring speech and talking about his accident and oh, p.s., he has a subdural hematoma from a major head injury he sustained. I mean...What the f*@k. DAMMIT...these scenes are entirely too short!!!!

I don't care about this Bess shit. Ridic!!! I'm FUMING right now.

Snap...it's 5 'til 7. I need to hurry up. This always happens unless I do a drive-by.

Again, I'm on the edge of this f*@king couch right now from suspense with this peeping tom at Todd's. I was more intrigued by the peeping tom in "That Darn Cat!" Woof.

Hell Starr, I'm sure Blair was glowing the night she was going to see Tomas. She hasn't gotten in any action in awhile and Tomas is the golden ticket!

Aaaaand, I'm sorry. I have to go slam my head against the granite counter top quickly thanks to these Ford scenes. Not discussing this cold, calculating Bess. Only if this were Jean would I entertain such nonsense.

Wow...these RH scenes are riveting. God, what a waste.

LOL..."What the hell is going on?!" Tea is super sassy. I'm kinda loving her lately.

Not discussing mini Jean Randolph. Take that back...NO ONE is as cool as Jean. I mean...no one. I still laugh when I think about her telling the judge that pets have the advantage over children...ha!

Well, I don't know about y'all but I'm offended that Christian isn't the bartender at Capricorn. I mean...it's downright insulting. I can't believe such a pertinent and vital character is absent. hehe.

"The TRUTH. Anyone? Anyone?" Tea has me peeing with her sassiness.

Is it sad I want Vickster to kiss Clint? Lord...yes it is.

My God...my poor Bo and Nora. I mean...Nora didn't say ONE DAMN WORD and she was PERFECT!!! PERF! Her reactions are THE best! Bo's reactions are fab. Why I love these two. I mean...I felt like she was genuinely shocked and in disbelief. So fab. I'm gonna try and control my gushing over these two if I can but I doubt I'll be able to...

Wait just a damn minute! Starr: "James got off work early." What the hell? When did this car stealing bastard get a job?! Did I miss this?! I'm assuming yes?

Ummmm Matthew is doing really well playing the disoriented patient...really well. OMG....aaaand my heart just broke. When Matthew said he loved them so much and Bo and Nora sadly put their heads together...OMG. I can't deal with this and the worst hasn't even happened yet.

Aw lawd...Cutter surfaces to threaten Llanview's king and queen. I need this schemer to get a deal and hit the f*@kin' road...WORD!

OF COURSE Ford is making out with the nurse. OF COURSE.

Aaaaand kill me now. Tomas and Blair just almost had eye sex from across the room. That means they will be on today's episode and be effing boring. Woof to the max. Especially since I'm sure there will be no follow-up from this Matthew stuff...but, of course we need to see Starr and James and Blair and Tomas instead. God Bless.

Poor little Brody trying to find Liam. =(

This Todd shit is WEIRD AND ATROSH!!!!!!! I mean...come on!

OMG OMG OMG...I cannot deal! My heart melted when Matthew told Nora it was going to be okay. Tear. WHAT?! "See you on the other side." Ummmm scary! Nora's reaction was PERFECT...again. She looked like she was about 10 shades disturbed and spooked by that comment. She is so fabulous! My poor babies! Oh, and Bo's last shot was perf, too! Those gorgeous blue eyes of his look so sad! AH!

OMG I need to haul ass to get ready! It's 7:15 for heaven's sake! I'll respond to some comments from work since I see I have a few. Hope this makes sense...at least about 75% of it! I'm typing like a mad woman on speed! AH! Or, as you said Leigh Ann..."a maniac on a shopping spree." ha!

Ok have to run!


Tuesday, May 24, 2011

It's That Time of Year: Pre-School Graduation

Clint and Vicki: "We are so proud of our Joey! He FINALLY graduated from pre-school, and we couldn't be happier."

In my BEST Clairee Belcher voice (God, does ANYONE know who that is?) I'm saying "Good Mornin' Good Mornin!" Ugh...I have to be at work early today. Drive-by of today and then FULL post today since all this Matthew shit is about to go down...lord!

Timeout...I know some people are like WTF, ME? Why this pic? I wanted a pic of Joey when he was little (think the age of pre-k or kindgergarten) and this is all I could find. Soooo....in honor of Joey graduating from pre-k today (he grew a pair and stood up to Aubs so he deserves a grand affair) I thought the pic was fitting. ;) Oh, and please excuse all the errors I'm going to have...HURRIDLY typing here so I can crank this post out for y'all to read this morning!

Monday, May 23rd--Herpes Hotel Version of Events
1. My GOD! EVERYONE has been in the same clothes for week I swear. Observation #1. I mean Tomas' shirt is clean and starched yet he has had it on for four months. My ass.
2. I'd love for these Bo and Nora scenes to be longer than 2 seconds. Ugh. Nora's still being a hardass about Clint...awesome town.
3. Every damn time they show Matthew in pain with his head I feel the need to take Advil.
4. NO!!!!!!!! Can't/Won't discuss this ATROSH Dayt-en and NQS horseshit. In case I was uncertain, I can now verify that I was indeed left behind after the Rapture and am being forced to watch these scenes as punishment. Woof!
5. Well, I honestly just don't know what in the hell to think about these RH scenes. Besides the fact that those white keds look like something I wore in first grade, I got nothin'. I mean...this shit is confusing. At least RH can wear his shoes to Joey's pre-k festivities...
7. YES! I flove that Nora just said that Matthew confessing is not an option. I'd probably say the same thing. I know her saying that is why some people think she and Bo are self-righteous and judgmental hypocrites, but this is one of the many reasons why I love her!
8. Sean to Todd: "Yeah right. If that guy [Tomas] is innocent, I'm Hannah Montana." OF COURSE this show would have a Slutty Cyrus reference...OF COURSE! Next thing you know they are gonna be singing "Party in the USA." I'm telling you!
9. OMIGOD...I feel like a proud mother and I need to take pics. Joey has made such progress within the past few weeks. I couldn't be more proud of him standing up to Aubs. I'm getting teary as I type this....whannn!!!!
10. Yeah...this Toad/Todd shit is gonna take a looooooong time to come out. Like, how long it takes to go to the DMV long.
11. Well, I am not a violent person but I want to fly through the tv and pull a wrestling move on Mes. I mean...she is such a blabber mouth. Yes Matthew...she told Dan-YELLA like 2 seconds after you told her. She is uber trustworthy lemme tell ya. You cashed in your v-card to a motormouth! Boo!
12. "Like hell!" Flove it, Bo! Keep this up.
13. Sean doesn't beat around the bush with this sex shit. This whole conversation is hilar!
14. I just peed when Toad was informed Tomas had been staying there: "Yeah! Yeah! Sonofabitch!" His temper is off the handle, yo?
15. How incredibly sad/pathetic/ridic is it that I am feeling kinda sorry for Aubs? I know. I want to even beat the shit out of myself, but...well dammit it's the way I feel for now. I still want her gone, but...well, just sayin'.
16. Sonofabitch...I flove John and Kelly and it's ending today. Woof of monumental proportions but I knew this was coming. Plus, why would they stay together? I liked them so that means they will break up.
17. Times! All these Marty references...where in the HELL is Marty's Playhouse?! I need it back in my life STAT!!!!
18. I flove that Nora and Bo were like NOT prepared for this Tomas shit! ha! OMG BO IS ADORBS: "This is my town. I don't like trouble here." Cutie pie...you tell 'em! Wow..."It burns me when I have to let someone get away with a crime." Heavens!
19. Sweet lord! I CANNOT watch when Matthew's head hits the table. NO MORE FLASHBACKS! Dammit I cannot deal!
20. MH and I discussed this yesterday, but we need Gina Tognoni to dye her hair back blonde. Thank you OL hair and make-up department for considering our simple request. xx, ME & MH
21. Joey...it's your big graduation day so I need you to stand strong and not cave when it comes to Aubs. You've come so far! Keep your eye on the prize--kindgergarten!!!! Stay strong!
22. Sweet lord...how many times did Mes interupt Matthew when he was trying to tell her that Nate knew? Interrupting is RUDE!!!!
23. Toad's little 'tude with Sean is comical. Sean could sneeze and beat Toad's ass. Times...Tea is so sass! Flove it! So fiery!
24. Aaaaaand these interrogations of RH are already boring me. Move this shit along!!! Choo! Choo!!!! Let's leave this station shall we? Woof!
25. No Bo and Nora in the 4th segment...FAIL! Obviously I DEF got left behind. There is just no other explanation.
26. OMG...guess who else is a FAIL? ME! Yes, yours truly. I suck because I felt sorry for Aubs this episode. Omigod, if I were blogging about me I'd badmouth the hell out of me. Jesus.
27. FLOVE that Tea kicked out Tomas.
28. I need Inez's apartment to blow up right now. That could take care of so many issues right there...seriously.
29. I feel like Nora when she rolled her eyes and threw her purse down...OF COURSE Destiny beat y'all to the punch and told Matthew about Clint. She won't shut the f*@k up!!!
30. Tea's ring is lovely, too. Oh, and so tired of this Tomas/Toad secretive bullshit. Out with it!!!
31. Aaaand Kelly and John's relationship is over...just like that. Well...Happy Tuesday morning to me.
32. Please!!!!!!!! Please someone have explosives planted at Inez's apartment. I need this place to go up in smoke now...WORD!
33. AHHHHH!!!!!! I knew it was coming and I'm still upset when Matthew collapsed! Whann! Poor B/N. I'm sure today's episode will be dramatic and I'll be all upset...woof.
34. OMG...these RH scenes have just gone around in circles. It's like the movie "Groundhog Day." It's the SAME MOTHER F*@KING thing everyday! Please move this convo along already! Dammit!!!!

Whew! I've never typed so damn fast in my life! Pretty sure nothing made sense but oh well! I'll probably go on and post about Tuesday's show tonight. Word! K...gotta run and be at work early! If there are comments I'll respond from work.

Have a FABOOSH day!


Monday, May 23, 2011

The Most Handsome Sinner

Clint: "I felt compelled to tell the world that I'm the most handsome heart patient ever. Plus, I wanted all of you to see for yourselves. I mean...look at me. I'm the shit."

UGH....Blogger flaked out again on me! So thank God I saved my draft to my email. I'm posting this from work ever so sneakily. So...all this Sunday/yesterday talk is from when I typed this yesterday. I'm gonna get Ross to help me switch to wordpress. Ok...I'm pasting my post below.

Evening all! Well, the plan was to post yesterday. However, after leaving Barnes and Noble we went and had lunch...and margaritas. Then we had the grand idea to have drinks on our rooftop since we are moving. Lord help me. That turned into an all night thing. So...I'm relaxed, refreshed and now rejuvenated after working out and ready to post about Friday's awesome show.

Friday, May 20th

OMIGOD...CB still looking fabu in that robe. Whether he is confessing to murder, effing with DNA tests, or hiring Eddie...I don't care. He is hot stuff. Le sigh.

Hell, everyone is at the damn hospital. The whole damn town. I flove Dorian in the pink, by the way! Oh...and Gina Tognoni is gorgeous and all but they def made Kelly look like she lost four units of blood. Girlfriend lookin the part...word.

I need someone (preferably Marty...or Jean Randolph or Nikki Smith) to commit arson...STAT! The Herpes Hotel (yes I know it's a motel...just go with it) must turn into ashes and dust soon or I'm gonna fly to Llanview and do it myself. Huge woof.

I'm upset Cutter woke up.

I'm even more upset we are having to deal with Wes' antics still. Le barf.

LOL...agent/minion: "He's ex bureau but there is no way he could decrypt that file." Good to know John McBain is not a computer whiz/hacker. Thank God. Oh, and these white Keds on RH need to go like yesterday. Oh, and this shit needs to pick up soon. I hate that this RH storyline is gonna take awhile and be dragged out. I'm getting uber greedy since we don't have much time left for our precious show.

I want to beat the shit out of Blanco. LOL...Rama is all about Llanview news. Flove it.

Joey does seem to genuinely feel for Kelly but I still want her with Kevin. However, I don't want Joey with Aubs.

Sorry...I am not a Cutter fan but I kinda peed on myself when he said: "Yep. You just got knocked out by your wife who thinks she's a dude who thinks you're gay. Llanview's really workin' out for ya." HA!

Not discussing the Wes shit because this sucks big time...like porn actress style. Majorly sucks!!! REFUSE to talk about them. Word.

If I were Natalie I'd need to be sedated. Lord have mercy. I could not just sit there and sob that my child was missing. I'm pretty sure I'd go after anything within a 5 mile radius.

God...are Bo and Nora going to have dialogue?! Jesus! Oh wow...Nora just mumbled something to Bo. Finally. Then...nothing. Woof. At least these 3 all look wonderful. Oh, I'm talking about Bo/Nora/Clint...not Blanca or the awkward/mute cameraman. I'm still bitter Blanca wasn't Rachel Gannon.

I want to shove Blanco's microphone up her ass...ugh! I loathe her more each episode.

Times! So did Marty try and strangle Kelly? She has those marks all over her neck. WTF???

Lord...Aubs just surfaced. Another time-out...Clint's hospital bed is the size of a matchbox! OMG a toddler would have trouble sleeping on that shit! Anyway, I like Aubrey's pink sweater thing. Just sayin'.

Nora just uttered actual words. I'm hoping they all have a real convo soon. Lord!

Natty's bed is a matchbox, too! Budget issues THAT bad OLTL...really?! Both Natalie and Kelly also still have beautiful hair to be in the hospital. Word.

Hmmm....the blinds in Marty's Herpes Hotel room are now closed. Who did that? When?

OMG Bess come and get rid of Wess!!!!!! STAT!!! This alter will be the death of me. Seriously...I think I got left behind from the Rapture yesterday. I'll be forced to watch this Wess shit as punishment. #WOOF

I peed on myself again when Rex talked about Roxy having Barry Manilow tickets for months...hahaha! WHERE IN THE HELL HAS SHE BEEN?! I know she hasn't been hanging with Renee Divine. Maybe she and Nigel are back on? hehe. They have been hanging out. Aaaaaand, I'm sorry but Ross and I both burst out laughing to Rex's reaction to poor Dr. Buhari's death. The way he said it and his facial expressions were hilarious. Then it got even more hysterical when Natty said "Yeah I know. I feel sorry for Shane and all of her patients." LOL...what about poor Dr. Buhari?! Her family?! Geez Louise. UGH!!!! ANOTHER Brody/Natty make-out flashback.

How long has John McBain been in that outfit? Stinky cheese...

Well, are B/N gonna talk this episode or what? Just standing there and looking awesome is fine but I'd prefer words if I had it my way.

I missed the Aubs/Rama scenes. Woof.

God...Joey. Poor, unintelligent, Teletubby loving Joey. His explanation to Kelly was hilarious, I'm sorry. I laughed when he said Aubs and Cutter said he was an easy mark...

Timeout! So obviously the room where Todd is being held also doubles as the Llanview airport!!!! LOL!!!!! That damn bubbled window wall...haha! Seriously...take a close look and if you have to look at an airport scene. I love this. Oh, and I don't understand this inquiring to Todd about John McBain. What???

I'm not even gonna get excited about Natalie liking Brody because she WILL be with John. Huge woof of monumental proportions but whatevs. Whatcha gonna do?

Aubs...how are you not STALKING Joey's ass at the hospital?! Seriously. I mean...I'd be so effing paranoid at this point if I were you.

Yeah...it looks like Kelly almost got choked by an actor on Marty's Playhouse.

Good God...please speak, Bo and Nora! Either of you! Thank God for Bo! UGH!!!! "I want an exclusive when you haul him up to Statesville." MY GOD! EXPLODE, BLANCO!!!!!!! She sucks donkey balls! Huge timeout: I can't stand the fact that Bo didn't tell Nora beforehand that Clint is dying. I mean...WTF is that about? Seriously. Also, Ross always says "Man, Bo knows how to play that 'shit just hit the fan look'." That's true. He really does. Anyway, he should have told her. I mean as if Nora didn't ask Bo what he and Clint talked about the other day at the hospital. Woof.

DAYUM...Rama set Aubs staight, yo?

Joey...it's nap time. You can have applesauce and milk after. You need to leave the hospital. You are talking too much. Awe...Dorian and Joe. I do flove them, though.

For a moment I thought Nora was holding Clint's hand...lawd. LOL..."So you decided to come clean and lie at the same time." Score! I flove that Nora isn't being sweet to Clint just because he is dying. I do think if Matthew wasn't in the equation she would forgive him...even for the Eddie mess...and she would be more sympathetic. But...not now. That ship sailed when Matthew got involved. Lord...they are redeeming Clint's ass like no other. He is playing the sympathetic card beautifully! Granted, I'm not buying this rapid turnaround but I never stopped liking this dapper Texan. So there you go...

Aw hell...John and Natty. All Jolie fans can rejoice! Seriously they can.

Yeah...Todd knows EXACTLY what this guy is talking about since he knows John McBain. They were best buds and used to shoot the shit. Yeah right...

Rama is so beautiful! Sorry I had to say that. Also, I think Aubs needs a stiff drink. She needs to calm down and think about shit carefully.

God, I look at these 3 and still can't believe Nora and Clint were married. God, what a mess that was. Yeah...I can see myself letting Clint take the fall for all this if Matthew were my kid. Awful, but he has the rest of his life and Clint is "dying." I can see myself being desperate and doing that if put in the situation. Just sayin'.

Just what we need...another Joe Blow reporter. Sonofabitch. I wonder if Rex is gonna go see Clint? Hmmm.

Dorian looks fabu! They color coordinate on this show. Aubs has on the same pink that Dorian does. Remember that day last month when EVERYONE was dressed in lavender? Woof.

Who misses Marty's Playhouse?! This girl!

Natalie!!! Don't hug John he has to be stinky cheese!!! He has been in the same outfit for like 3 months. Awe...a hug. That really was sweet.

Back at the Llanview airport...I don't understand what all this Todd mess is about. This will probably mindf*@k me like the movie "Inception." Lord have mercy.

Whew! Going to bed! See y'all tomorrow evening or Tuesday morning.

Love all of you and your hilarious comments! Thanks for reading! Much appreciated. ;)


Friday, May 20, 2011

Cheap Shots

NQS' MyFace Profile: "I enjoy playing with waterguns in my mom's apartment, hanging out with my shirtless brothers, and punching 16 year old kids. I'm also really looking forward to my 36th birthday."

Good Mornin'! Good Mornin'! Happy Friday! No time for small talk if I want to be able to post before my stylist and hair and make-up artist arrive to get me ready for work! I'm doing a drive-by of Thursday's. I'll do a full post of Friday's episode either this evening or tomorrow. I'll respond to comments from work...saw I had a few! :) Please excuse any and all errors! I'll try and correct the ones I have later. Thanks!

Thursday, May 19th Chlamydia Motel Version of Events

1. Lord. John briefing the troops at Llaview Hospital.
2. I STILL can't wrap my mind around the damn armoire...sorry.
3. Another thing I can't wrap my mind around? How f*@king delish Clint looks to be dying! I know I've beaten this to death but every damn time they show him in the "CB" robe and those pajamas well I just can't help it.
4. I need someone someone to drop a house on Wess/Wes "Wizard of Oz" style STAT! Sooooo over it! Absurd...this alter! ABSURD! Two cows short of a shit show!
5. Matthew just listen to your parents...word.
6. I CANNOT handle these Mestiny/Dan-YELLA scenes and can't/won't discuss them. I'm enjoying my coffee and this whole morning so far and there is just no need to ruin it. I know: Mes blabs to Dan-YELLA and NQS overhears and leaves to go lash out at Matthew. Boom...that's all we need to know. No need for OLTL to make these Mes scenes that long. NO NEED! I'm insulted and not discussing it...
7. Bo and Nora are so damn believable that I am stressed out watching these scenes...all these tough decisions to make! Aaaaaand, I peed on myself when Matthew said that Cole is dealing with life in prison and both Bo and Nora groaned "Oh God." LOL. I'd groan, too, if my son was aspiring to be like Cole right now. Hell, if anything be like Cole's mom...ha!!!! MH, you're right! Matthew says "Blanco" instead of "Blanca." AS IF we need them name of Louisiana's atrosh former governor being discussed on our fav show...HUGE WOOF! Superficial/Vain Note: Nora's ring is beautiful. They rarely show it up close but they did today. Gorg.
8. My hatred for Blanco Morales knows no bounds. She and Destiny have worked my nerves this week. They are making me have Marty Saybrooke like side effects...
9. Vickster and Natty are fabu today. Does anyone else want Vicki to tuck them in and then just read them a bedtime story? I get that kinda vibe...
10. "Well in the future I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't stick your psychopathic ex-girlfriends on my family." HA!!! No shit, huh Clint? However, if anyone DOES appreciate Marty's Playhouse as much as I do then we should all send John McBain handwritten thank-you notes to tell him how much we appreciate him and his awful decision-making skills. It's the proper thing to do.
11. I AM PEEING ON MYSELF!!!! I mean...that pic Rick took of Marty is HILAR! Also, I MUST get that phone because never in my life have I seen a camera phone take such a clear picture! Lord have mercy! It was damn near perfect if you ask me! Best action shot of her entering the room with the baby...ha! Oh, and I don't know if Ross can handle Rick being on for two days in a row. His favorite porn director!
12. God, I hope that when I have a baby it's half as cute as Liam...damn! I mean...if that baby only knew what was going on. I swear...
13. Vicki is so damn comforting...sweet lord! She is such a wonderful mother.
14. I love how Natalie said that Moroney was the slowest lab tech on the planet. HAHAHA! I forgot Natalie's THE BEST CSI with like zippo training. Aaaaand, I'm sorry but I laughed at Vicki's reaction to the news of Dr. Buhari's death. So dramatic. Vickster/Natty don't be so upset! Marty got her permission slip signed first...THEN she killed Dr. Buhari. She at least did everything in the right order. ;)
15. These Clint/John scenes are EXCELLENT and comical. We don't get them together enough. F*@K!!!!!! I don't want to see Blanco!!! Also, Clint is the wittiest heart patient EVER.
16. OMG...Bo looks edible. I don't see how Hillary Smith works with him without being distracted...Jesus! YES! "I swear I'll get cease and assit papers if I have to." I flove it when Nora threatens to do legal shit. I laugh every time. Also, I mean does Blanco find it necessary to carry her f*@king microphone everywhere?! I mean in her purse for crying out loud. Just no.
17. Oh my heart...a Drew Buchanan reference! WHANNNNN! Terrible period of time for the show...AWFUL! Random note: Nora always tells Matthew she loves him and dotes on him but Bo hasn't said it once since all this shit went down. I'm not upset. It's just an observation. OMG I was soooo right about the picture yesterday. How sad. Just put "douche" on my forehead.
18. Oh.My.God. I hate it when people don't follow directions. Jesus H. Christ! Matthew...your mom JUST left and asked you NOT to open the door! What is the first thing you do? Run to the damn door as soon as you hear someone. Fail! Aaaaand, the back of my head is now hurting. Nate...you are 35 years old and that was such a cheap shot. SUCH a cheap shot. That looked painful!
19. YES!!!! I flove that Rick is judging Natty's future in the porn industry while she is in the hospital bed! I flove a man that works hard! ha! Get it? Hard? Porn Director? hehe. I've been making a lot of sexual comments in these morning posts...hmmm.
20. How long has John been in that outfit?
21. OF COURSE they are going to show a flashback of Brody and Natty making out...OF COURSE.
22. I need Destiny to explode on the count of three. She is f*@king up my world.
23. Poor Matthew!!!! My head is hurting as I type this! Yikes!
24. I hope Marty's Playhouse snatches Blanco and beats her with her microphone.
25. I also want Marty's Playhouse to snatch NQS and beat the shit out of him with that stupid ass watergun he had the other day. Woof!!!! He is HORRIBLE!
26. I flove that Bo and Nora hold hands everywhere they go. Adorbs.
27. Aw hell...is Jess coming out again? I'm so effing tired of this crap.
28. Dammit! Bo and Nora get home and check on Matthew! Whannnnn! The frame broke. =(
29. Vicki...I'd like you to read "Goonight, Moon" to me right now. May I have some warm milk, too? Thanks.
30. I honestly have no idea what John and Brody just stumbled upon since I haven't read any spoilers about it. Hmmm.

Besides Mestiny's shit and Blanco toting around her microphone like a small child and NQS being his typical 35 year old douche self...GREAT episode! Oh, and I can't handle this damn promo! AH!

See y'all tonight or tomorrow! My stylist just arrived...perf timing!