Saturday, April 30, 2011

Take A Chance On Me

Princess Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge: William, do you think that today's episode of "One Life to Live" will be preempted by coverage of our wedding?
Prince William, Duke of Cambridge: Kate, darling, I wouldn't worry about it. The show has been so dull for the past couple of weeks. I am certain that Americans would not mind watching our wedding instead.

Happy Weekend, Everyone!!

How adorable are the royal newlyweds?! Prince William is dashing, and Princess Catherine is absolutely stunning!

While One Life to Live was not preempted for royal wedding coverage here, I would not have minded if it had been, sadly. I know what you are all thinking already. “Brilliant, MH is back, and we will have to read yet another dissertation on a Friday episode.” Have no fear, my lovelies. Friday’s episode was so boring and crappy that I do not want to just bash the show ad nausium, so I am going to do a drive-by, ME style!! I am going to try REALLY hard not to be too negative throughout this post.

Let’s do this by the characters that are in scenes together, shall we. Ready? (In a British accent) Tally Ho!!

1. Tea and Danielle. I really do enjoy their mother/daughter bond. Further, I enjoy Danielle so much better when she is not joined at the hip to Nathaniel Q. Salinger. Dammit, I said his name. The consequences for doing that will not be good. More on that in a minute. I may very well have to invest in Rosetta Stone (That is for you, ME!!) so that I can understand Tea’s Spanish dialogue since I studied French in high school and college. I do always enjoy hearing a “mija,” though!! Oh, and I understand that Tea is upset that she is just now hearing about the syringe, but she and Danielle need to use their inside voices in the hospital. Ugh - What is with Danielle’s shirt? Sunglasses that frame her boobs? Uh, no. Just no! Woof. Paging Joan Rivers’ Fashion Police! Aaaannnddd, Toad is now awake. Word!

2. Shaun and Nathaniel Q. Salinger (and later Danielle). Of course Nate will be on, of course, because I said his name. F#@k me! Well, not much to say about those scenes. Good to see Shaun. Nate, not so much. Both are suspicious of Thomas. Big whoop! What the hell are they going to do about it? Danielle and Nate profess their love for the billionth time – gag me! This about sums up all of these characters’ pointless appearance on today’s episode.

3. Starr and Blair. I enjoy Starr and Blair’s mother/daughter relationship, too. I am, however, not a fan of mother/daughter wardrobe coordination. Don’t ask me why, but I just do not care for it. If my mother and I are going somewhere together, I always verify what she is wearing so that I don’t wear the same colors! Ridiculous? Perhaps, but that is how my OCD self rolls! Flove Blair’s all black outfit with gold jewelry. She is, in the words of ME, sex on a stick!! She really is! I guess Starr went back to Capricorn because La Boulaie was all out of milk? Way to be supportive of your mum, though, Starr!!

4. James and Deanna (and later Starr). Jesus, take the wheel. I cannot even comment on these effing scenes because they are THAT boring, crappy, and pointless. I am so sick of hearing these three recite the same damn lines of dialogue episode after episode. I am certain that I should feel sorry for Deanna, but I just do not give a rat’s ass about her character, or James’ for that matter. With nine months to go of OLTL (TEAR), these characters and others like them (no names, Nathaniel, Ford, Cutter, Aubs, etc. Need I continue?), should either disappear from the canvas or be placed far in the background so that we can enjoy our core characters (The Fab Five, Renee, in particular). Period!

5. Natalie, Rex, and Gigi. Gigi is back to sucking for the most part. You do not steal the tape of your child’s therapy session from the doctor’s office. Having Nat listen to the tape is not any better. Period! Go to group therapy when he is ready to let you in more, honey. Listen to the doctor! If you don’t trust that she knows what she is doing, switch doctors! In other news: I flove Natalie’s coat. It looks totally fabosh on her!! Her sibling relationship with Rex is wonderful, and I always enjoy seeing them support one another. Aside from Rex telling Nat about Shane’s suicide attempt, their scenes were pretty boring, too. Oh, and I was totally hoping for a “bronzed, fresh from vacay with Hillary Smith” Liam sighting. FAIL! Anyone else notice how that huge sofa pillow was “strategically” placed in front of Liam’s car seat? WTF was the point of that? Made me chuckle!!

6. Blair and Thomas. Well, all of their scenes can truly be summed up in the title of that well-known ABBA classic “Take A Chance on Me”. Come on, you two! Date. Don’t date. Make up your freaking minds already so that this story can progress. Like James and Deanna, Blair and Thomas have the same damn repetitive dialogue every time they are on! Over it!

7. Marty and John. Well, Marty was definitely the one bright spot in today’s show, but the scenes were so stinking short that if I blinked or took a sip of coffee, I missed them. Marty’s dress is absolutely faboosh, and it looks great on her!! This episode obviously had a black theme going on, much like the purple dress code of a couple of weeks ago. Marty remains koo koo for CoCo Puffs, and I continue to enjoy it!! John is catching on! Word!

Well, that is pretty much it for this episode. Not much of a Cliffhanger Friday.

Dammit!! The previews for Monday do not excite me in the slightest. Looks like more of the same craptasticly boring foolishness from Friday. Ugh – I hate it when I am not excited about Monday’s show.

According to spoilers for next week, Bo and Clint will be on by Wednesday. Thank goodness because those two rock their scenes together!! Also, I am glad to see in next week’s spoilers, that Nora and Matthew have finally finished their Hoda and Kathie Lee marathon and will be on by Thursday: Cinco de Drinko! Thank you, God! Bring on the margatitas!! I swear, the lack of follow-up in their story is really working my last nerve. Hopefully we see much more of their story during May Sweeps! I am starting a novena to that effect, STAT!

All righty, my dears, I am off to do a rain dance in hopes of ending the drought we are having here in my neck of the Texas woods, dog-sit for my vacationing aunt and uncle, and grade papers. ME is going to do a drive-by post for Thursday’s episode at some point, I believe. I would have done a drive-by for it myself, but I already deleted it from the DVR.

Anyway, I hope you all have a fantastic weekend!! If you woke up in the wee hours of the morning to watch the royal wedding on Friday, catch up on your sleep!!!

Thank you for putting up with my blabbering (and probably some typos) yet again!!

Until next time,


P. S. Shameless Plug: For those of you on Twitter, I highly recommend following Robin Strasser if you are not already. You will not regret it!! Her tweets are beyond fabulous!! She is hilarious and does not hold back!!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

"In That Respect I Suppose the Pet Has the Advantage"

Jean: "I will have you know that my pet's SAT score is worthy of a Harvard acceptance. I can get your pet to that level, too. Trust me. It's all about discipline."

AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jean effing all-time fav!!!!! So cold, calculating, and precise and everything is said so matter of factly that the shit is still my heart!!! Lauren, I know she is your favorite alter, too! Right?! I know you're probably in law school finals but hope you got to watch! ;)

This day has been one of the craziest of my life! Lord have mercy! My trip hasn't even started yet. Ironically enough, the most Zen thing about today was watching Erika Slezak entertain my ass for a solid hour with her two alters...AWESOMENESS! I NEEDED this today. MUCH MUCH MUCH deserved episode all about Vicki...fabooshness overload! She is THE Queen. Lurve her.

So, lemme go on and get going since we are leaving tomorrow and I still have more to pack before our 13 hour trek (if we go fast)...woof.

Well, hey Vicki...haven't seen you for a bit. That's right V, "oh no."

Flove Natty's coat. "I don't speak bimbo." Lurve it. OMG Joey is smart for two episodes in a row?! Believe that shit when I see it.

God Nikki gets trashier with each appearance...awesome sauce. I need Jean! I need Jean! Where is she?!

NOTE: I'm trying to recognize old OLTL furniture in these Vicki scenes but no luck so far...

FACT: Joey is being smarter than Natty. Dear God. Hell is getting sleet...not frozen over yet. Just a bit chilly...

"Nikki Smith is no welcher." I had to look up welcher...yes, I know...I'm an idiot. I had an idea but wanted an exact definition: someone who refuses to pay his or her own debt. OR...someone who swindles you by not paying their bet or wager. There ya go...

Come on Victoria! Break through! However, not before Jean returns. AHHHH!!!!!!!! The Gatekeeper's keys!!!

Ugh...Nora is Vicki's attorney and lemme guess she "won't be able to make it" or some shit. Kill me. Monday will be two weeks! Unacceptable! Where is she!?

YESSSSSSS!!!!! Like Vicki just said "Thank God!" Dear God, Jean...Mary-Ella's ass has missed you! "Really Victoria was all that caterwauling really necessary?" HAHAHA! Gatekeeper in full effect. I need to borrow some of Jean's calm demeanor...Lord.

No. Nikki. Dammit. I kinda liked that travel bag, so of course you will place it in the trash. Boo on you. HOLD THE PHONE...did Nikki just suggest Atlantic City?! WTF? Chuckles and Echo will galavant there together, no doubt. Dumb idea, Nicole.

LOL..."Jean, do you hear that? She is laughing at us!" I lurve this shit. Not everyday...that's for damn sure. But these alters are FABU!

I hate the way Llanview's favorite toddler dresses...ugh. are 30 feet taller than Ford and you let him intimidate you? FAIL.

Jean: "Tess would no doubt leave Ryder in a coat room if she could and Robert Ford's paternal qualifications are as yet untested." Where have you been, Jean?!?! "Oh pay attention, Victoria. I never said I won't let you out. I said I can't let you out." Sheer and utter perfection...

Joey...listen to Robert Ford. Just pretend he is the high school quarterback (aka your hero at this stage in your life), so everything he says is true. If you think of it in terms like this, you can succeed in life despite your disabilities. Lord...Nikki's "Vicki" is HILAR but you can soooo tell it ain't the real V.

Glad this was cleared up...was totally confused how Vicki could give up the key. Of course, precise and intelligent Jean explained the whole damn thing with such tact. God bless her. FLOVE "Nicole" and "Victoria." Too great!

OMG so how big of a joke is it when they say "completely integrated?!" Dear God! Dr. Levin effing blows major balls...sumo wrestler balls. As if he could totally fix this mother/daugther D.I.D. duo...bitch, please.

Hell, I need Jean to come and clean up a few aspects of my life...

DAMMIT!!!!!!!!! I LOATHE Ford and Tess' attorney...woof woof woof! Cheesedick bastard...ugh. Nikki's facial expressions...out of control! UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Natalie: "Mom, where is Nora isn't she representing you?" Nikki: "Yeah, she was. She had some sort of conflict so the judge removed her." Oh.Dear.God. I just can't catch a break this week. I Hillary Smith on vaycay?! Come back please. xx, ME

I FLOVE that Vicki looks to Jean for opposed to Nikki.

Nikki: "Charlie? haha...Charlie's in...disposed." Lord, let's play this game. In...sane? In...the Minuteman Motel. In...dulging in slaw from "The Swollen Sow." In....tryouts to join the circus as the lead ass-clown. OMG....the possibilities are endless. I was going to make a really vulgar joke regarding Echo but refrained. ;) YESSS! Nikki is out of control now. "Oh come on judge don't tell me you don't watch 'Access Llanview'?" ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME?!?! They are whoring this show out like those moms do on "Toddlers and Tiaras." OUT OF CONTROL!!!

Jean Randolph would make an excellent She is some looney, calm bitch you see on TruTv who held people hostage for years and thought what she was doing was for the greater good or to better the hostages as human beings. Seriously!

WOW!!! We are almost 30 minutes in and Joey has maintained his brain!!!! If he makes it through this episode then that is TWO IN A ROW!!! Sweet Lord. hahaha..."You know what...Joe...ey?!" Lurve. Now Nikki just unveiled herself to the judge. I can't handle all this fabulousness in one episode!!!

Unleash Jean...dammit!!! I'm so anxious!!! I need this cold bitch to do her work in the courtroom. Should be soon...

OMG!!!! Nikki: "What is he like 12 years old and he's already been married 3 times. Over there we have Looney Toons." Now Nikki just said "sweeeeet." I can't handle this overload of fabulousness in one episode and I can't keep quoting! My fingers are killing me from trying to write all this awesome Erika Slezak goodness down! Hot damn...Jean is about to emerge! I feel it...

Awesome.Sauce.Sweet.Lord. Vicki got a damn bumper! ABOUT TIME BITCHES! Talk about moving at a turtle's pace...finally! Lurve it. She should have been the FIRST one to get a bumper...geez louise.

AHHHH!!!!! The squinty eyes!!! It must be Jean!

Lord...Nikki's outfit. I had a teacher who wore shit like that. Teased hair and all...

Put the glassess on, Jean....aaaaaaaand, yes! Jean in full effect. Unleash please...kisses, ME. Joey and Natty's convos about the alters are so effing comical, I swear. "Rest assured, your honor. Nikki Smith has left the building." Best.News.Ever. Granted, I flove Nicole but I mean...this is Jean for heaven's sake. She rules. I love that Jean is quoting shit like she is a lawyer...fabu. Judge: "So, unlike Nikki Smith you are fond of children?" Jean: "Not in the least." (in the most matter of fact cold tone EVER). AWESOME.

My fav line of the day: "Children are messy, your honor. They smell. They're noisy and demanding and completely self-centered. However, it can't be much harder caring for one of them than caring for a household pet. They need feeding and cleaning...and clothes. In that respect, I suppose the pet has the advantage." My God. Welcome Back, Jean. Even if only for one day. LOL...omg the love/bonding/attachment thing is HILAR!!!! "I'm sure I can find a book on the subject." OF COURSE you can Jean! You little well educated thing.

Oh heavens...Vicki is gonna have to chase whorish little Nikki's ass around for those keys I bet. Awe...Vicki kinda teared up when Nikki made that mean comment about Douchebag Magee leaving Vicki for Echo. Poor baby. :( OMG I just realized that I haven't said "Poor Vicki" yet...WTF is goin' on?!

YESSSSS!!!!!! Jean is talking about a clinical study or some shit!!!! This bitch rules!!! LOL..."In fact, their SAT scores were 3.8% higher." Bless you. Now Jean will freak over people touching her.

Vicki get Nikki!!!! Don't let her out!

"I don't want to be touched. Don't touch me." hehe. Icey bitch...adorbs (at least to me).

Aaaaand, Vickster passed out. Nicole...Jean will blame this on you so don't even try.

Everyone just listen to Natalie!!!! She is a CSU for crying out loud and used to work at BE. If anyone can save's Natty!!!

"You sound like a robot with PMS." OMG...I have soooooo many people I could say that, too. There are so many bitchy peeps in this world for no reason...

Thank God, Tess got that damn bag out of the trash. Hated to see it dirty! Ford and Tess are attracted to one another...woof woof woof. And, might I add...BEYOND SHOCKING! Really it is!

I know so many people who need a Jean. Good God. She can clean f*@kin' house!!!! This bitch is for real!

2 episodes in a row that Joey has a brain. Nikki said he was twelve and I've said toddler...we can find an age in between. First sign of regression...BACK IN PRE-K 4, JOE! I mean it!

Vicki is about to be the head bitch in charge again. Oh dear God...I am tearing up!!!!!! All this talk of Vicki's failed marriages, death (husbands and daughter...whannn!), mother, father's betrayal...I'm upset!!!! I'm probably more upset than I would be because I know the show is ending...whannn! OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG: "I have only my ONE life and I intend to keep living it now." AWE!!!!!!! Superb quote from the character that is THE heart of the show. I HATE THAT THIS SHOW IS ENDING!

Let's all just say it or think it now: Erika Slezak is the queen of daytime and is Faboosh and such a dame. God Bless Her and Thank God We Are So Damn Lucky to Have Her On OUR Show!!! Much love to her!

Ooooookay. So, since I'm traveling tomorrow I don't know when I can post. I will at some point. MH is going to do my Friday's cute/adorable/darling is she?! I'll try and post either Thursday night or Friday. If not, then I'll be back Monday night to chat with all of you. I seems I'm all over the place as of late, but after Monday my life is pretty chill...for a bit. Well, at least in the blogging world.

See y'all soon!!!! Thanks for understanding my hectic schedule!


Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Nikki Is LOVING "The Swollen Sow" Because...Duh...They Use Marty's Marinade. It's Nikki Approved!!!!

Nikki: "Ah! All done! I love 'The Swollen Sow!' Their ribs are the best. My dessert was kicking Charlie's"

What the hell is up!? I've been running around like a Southern version of Marty effing Saybrooke...swear to God! OMG...I've had so much shit to do before we leave Thursday morning at 3 a.m. Woof! I'm barely here as I post this. I haven't gotten to see the show yet. So, let's do this shall we?

Wait...disclaimer: I had a person comment and ask me if I had DVR and if so why don't I rewind when I say in my post that I "missed a scene?" That's a good question. I think I need to explain this: It's just my smart-ass way of saying that I did indeed miss the scene but I couldn't give two shits about it so I'm not taking the time to rewind. For example, I did have to rewind and/or pause the Marty/Natty stuff yesterday since I genuinely cared about those. However, I may have missed a blank stare or two that Deanna gave James or something stupid that the strange French guy said to hell with it. I see it happening, but I just didn't take the time to take a quote from it, etc. I'm sorry. If all of you people could hear me read my posts aloud this wouldn't be a problem...syntax and text are the devil sometimes and skew emotion. Ok...enough of that. Hope I cleared up any confusion and I'm sorry if my apathy and strange wit are offensive and/or confusing at times. ;)

Just what I need Starr in the first scene. Lord. Wait...she is not "Done and Gone Deanna." Ugh. I think I'm just annoyed becasue I hate the way her now is pronounced compared to the spelling! Woof!

May I just say it is BEYOND EGREGIOUS AND OFFENSIVE that this James/Deanna shit has gone on for weeks and these people are getting more screen time than Matthew, Bo, and Nora!!!! Matthew just confessed to killing someone...dear God. There is no follow-up because??? Exactly. Stupid. They are gonna drag this confession shit from Deanna out for forever.

FACT: Clint will be more entertaining than half these clowns without saying one mother effing word. Joey/Aubs...this outta be good.

There is no way Tess is reading "Mom's Team." Exactly. She is looking at cars. doubt a cheesy ass car that men going through a mid-life crisis would get. "I need a fast car in a really bright color. I just got hair implants and left my wife that is my age so I can date a 23 year old." That kinda guy. Ugh. God forbid Nora be in the courtroom. UGH. If y'all could see me I am SEETHING!!!! Ugh. Where is she?

OMG OMG OMG. "The Swollen Sow?" WTF?! When did Llanview get this baby-backed establishment? I love a cute pink piggy as much as the next girl but I am curious. Hmm. The bag is cute. YESSSSSSS!!!!!!!! Nikki is in full effect!!!!! I needed this. Thank you God. Clint's gonna be mute the whole hour so I needed you Erika Slezak. Thanks a bunch. xx, ME

God, they need a new opening...'re being naive. Get your ass back over there.

Raise your hand if you don't give a flying f*@k about why Deanna jumped James?! ME ME ME!!!!! I'm like some kid in elementary school who is just DYING to answer the question for bonus points. OMG. No. A flashback to Dayt-en? Well, hello there JWS. I actually missed you.

OMG...I'm also beyond tired of this jealousy game that Aubs/Cutter play. He is creepily watching her and Joey...ugh. Over it. I must say...I FLOVE Natalie in green. Looks Fabu on her!!!! So gorgeous. God bless America. Eff Cutter/Aubs. I don't even want to discuss them.

I do want the Fords to be gone...that is no lie or secret. However, I do think that David Gregory is a good actor. He is. I have to give him credit. "I'll call my mom and check up on Ryder." Ok, so is Jessica Leccia still on this damn show or not? Will someone tell me?

OMG! Welcome back, Nikki! I love you today!!! (I've been spelling it wrong but I'm gonna continue to do so.) She is better today than she was in her scenes at Llanfair. May I just add that I LURVE BBQ ribs. OMG. I mean...the best. Ah! I wonder if Ford will swoop in and save the day with all of the alters running a muck?

hahahahaha! "Echo DiSavoy that's like the most made-up name I've ever heard of." OMG...preach it Nikki! That is THE truth! God, I have hated that name for forever...thanks for letting me know I am NOT alone! YESSSSS!!!!! These scenes are even better now that Nikki is threatening Echo with plastic cutlery...FABOOSH! Echo looks like she is about to shit a brick every time she looks at that plastic fork...LOL! Sidenote: They have Kim Zimmer back in blue. Shocking, really.

I'm assuming Christian isn't lurking in the background of the Blair/Starr scenes because he just zipped over to LU to teach art. Yes, I just convinced myself of that...

JWS is still intimidating as Eddie...give him that.

EWWWWWWWW!!!!! "It ain't my ego that needs fluffing sweetheart." Nice porn reference, Cutter. You are such a filty bastard. Ugh. God...a Kelly Cramer mention from Cutter. I WISH she were on today.

Joey dresses like a douche...

I have nothing to say about the Ford/Tess scenes...

OMG Natty! You and Joey need to expose Nikki...someone does!

LOL...I love how Tess calls Vicki, "Vickster."

Natalie, you KNOW she wasn't channeling Nikki. YOU KNOW!!!! OMG OMG OMG OMG...a Jean Randolph reference!!!! AHHHHH!!!!! Be still my heart!!!!!! I flove Jean. Oh, how I adore thee. WAIT JUST A DAMN MINUTE! Dare I say it? Is...JOEY the one being intelligent about all this?! WHAT?!

God, I hate when people say "It's not a threat it's a promise." Ugh. hahaha....Nikki is crackin' my ass up. YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!! Nikki just played Clint's tape that is adorably labeled "Echo." Wait, so does that little recorder kinda resemble a Talkboy? Y'all remember those???

Starr you're not paranoid. Any girl would think that Deanna is after James...totally normal! SNAP!!!!!! A Hannah O'Connor reference! God, I miss her crazy ass. Ross looooooooved her!!!! I did, too. Cannot lie.

Wait...what? The reason why Deanna broke up with James is because he knew her real birth mother???? Say what?!

I mean...hell has frozen over for a couple of minutes but I can't believe that Joe is being the sharp knife in the drawer and he is. I'll.Be.Damned.

These Tess/Ford scenes...they are boring me to tears.

Nikki is so badass!!! what is it with OLTL the past two days???!!! Everyone is saying "Give it to me!" and the other person is holding an object out of their reach. FLOVES THIS SHIT!!! It's like a schoolyard!

Starr's drinking milk? Yeah right. She's had a kid and is in college and can handle shit better than you, Blair...give her a bourbon.

God...I am taking a sip of wine during this James/Deanna shit. Woof Woof Woof. I will say that I didn't like the mean things Deanna said to James. That was ugly.

hahaha....that's right you STD-ridden whore! Kelly is onto you, Aubs. So is Cutter for that matter...

OMG, Joey is soaring all kinds of grade levels today! This bastard is clearly in 3rd grade!!!!! At least! Now, he needs to continue being smart and not be stupid...remember when he crushed the video of Aubs doing the horizontal mambo with Cutter? Yeah...dipshit.

I love this Nikki/Echo catfight shit... Aubs is genuinely developing feelings for Joey. What horseshit. It is what it is.

WHOA! Charlie is surfacing after 30 minutes into the show?! WTF???? Why can't Bo and Nora do that...AHHHH!!!! Anyway, this dumb bastard is only gonna make things more comical. Can't wait. Nikki's laugh is maniacal! Lurve it. Now...Nikki looks just fine sitting on that ugly ass, STD-ridden couch. The Vickster...not so much.

This f*@king auto body shop...eyesore! I will say that Deanna is a good actress...or pretty good. Who thinks James still kinda likes Deanna? I do.

Blair, give Starr liquor. ;) Just kidding...but listen to Blair! Go get answers.

Aubs looks orange today. Ugh. WHAT!!!??? I'm so sure Cutter! There will be no killing of Clint so STFU!

Good Lord...enter Charlie the ass-hat. Dear God. hahahaha....Nikki is so badass. Echo is a nervous wreck!!!

OMG...Nora I need you to get to this courtroom. STAT. Tess, listen to Ford...he has good points.

I'm not sure if Natty and Joey can take Tess and Ford. Don't let Joey's height fool you...

Ok, last good please.

I will say: Starr good for you. Insecure peeps would do that, but all girls are a little crazy so if I were you I'd still go to James'. But...good for you.

NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "I finally got the guts to friend you on MyFace." F*@kin' kill me.

God, they are redeeming Aubrey daily. Ugh.

Echo just lie to Charlie. He will believe whatevs.

I still can't believe Joey has a 1/5 of a brain this episode.

That's right ass clown, it "doesn't sound like Vicki at all." UGH...did you even know your wife?!?!

Lord...the previews tomorrow. I must say they are kinda odd, but no doubt ES WILL deliver. She deserves to be in every scene...40 years of greatness.

OMG...exhausted and we still have so much to do and I have work tomorrow...ah! No sleep around this apartment tonight. Woof.

See you darlings tomorrow evening!

Mija (however, I don't date Nathaniel Q.

Monday, April 25, 2011

I'll Have Chicken Nuggets with Marty's Special Sauce. Oh, and I'll Have a Delhi Belly to Drink. K, Thanks!

Marty: "Well, I'm sorry you feel that way. I for one know that John LOVES my St. Anne's Marinade. You're just bitter that he is having dinner with me and you're breast feeding."

What's the word?!?! Hope y'all had a great Easter! Did y'all think I forgot about y'all?! hehe...never. Thanks for the concern, Krisi! I've just been CRAY CRAY busy preparing for our big trip, chatting with friends, and other things. Anyway, I watched Friday's episode late Friday evening (after Ross and I went and drank while our apartment was getting shown to potential renters). So, I was tipsy and attempted to watch the show. IT SUCKED! OMG. Then I saw the previews...lord. So, I knew that I did NOT want to bash the show to hell and back for two posts in a row. So, I am doing a drive by of Friday's show and going to watch and post for today's. I have a feeling I'm not gonna be the nicest. How sad. I'm in a fabulous mood (even after dropping a shit-ton of money on wedding gifts at Pottery Barn), so I hate that I'm gonna be like this.

Friday, April 22nd
1. Let's just all thank God right now that Marty was on. She was the ONE bright spot in the show. I think some of her crazy sauce dripped onto my hardwood floor. LURVE THIS BITCH! She is obviously NOT acting like Marty, but I couldn't care less. Continue your downward spiral and remember to invite me to your Memorial Day BBQ.
2. I enjoyed seeing the pic of Roger Howarth. Be still my rapidly beating heart!
3. Who died and made Nate Salinger the new Angela Lansbury?! This bastard isn't smart enough to put two and two together with the syringe. Please bitches...
4. Natalie will probably get a happy ending after months of lying. This better not be an easy road or I'll be pissed.
5. John singing to the baby was adorbs. Floved it.
6. Sooooooo.....did Rex hire the thugs? It's a shame if he did, because I wanted Clint to be a badass from his hospital bed. C'est la vie.
7. Overall, the show sucked donkey balls. Previews look dismal at best.

Okie we go with Monday!

F*@k a duck. You have to be kidding me. Shirtless James in the first scene. Lemme guess...Deanna is gonna come back and just give a blank stare and not say why she and James broke up?! Let's see. over. She's at the door with Starr. These scenes will rock my damn socks off I'm sure...woof!

Blair...come on, girlfriend. You HAVE to stay strong and continue to be suspicious of Tomas. I cannot have you with a weirdo or psychopath again. You're way to GORG and awesome for that.

Well, some things never change. Christian continues to have no purpose. As MH texted me earlier, "Christian needs a shave and haircut." Well, truer words have not been spoken. Hmmm...maybe he is looking unkempt on purpose. Like "Hey, maybe if I look like a homeless person then I'll stick out like a sore thumb. Then the writers will remember I exist and need to do something with me. Then, maybe they will say 'Hey, if you clean up we will write for you.'" I'm not sure if it's working. Rama taking an interest in him will not bring his character to life...sorry. Sidenote: FLOVE Rama's coat. She is so pretty!

Shane is doing a great job with playing the stressed out, bullied teenager. Kudos!

Awww hell. There is that mislabeled tape. Marty's tirade will come out soon, no doubt.

Again...John will seductively whisper his way to the truth as he is dressed in all black clothing. Ah, nice. Flashback to psycho hose beast Marty "don't be tardy for the party/I'm dripping in St. Anne's marinade" Saybrooke. Wonder if the doc will spill it...can she?

Oooooh Natty/Marty. Please deliver. Dear God...the show looks like it's gonna suck so I NEED these scenes to be good. Please!!!

Oh hell!!!! Back to James/Deanna/Starr. Thank God...looked down and missed it.

Lord today they are pimping the everliving shit out of "Access Llanview!" Oooookay. I've beaten this to death, but I'm gonna ask it again: WHEN DOES CHRISTIAN TEACH SCHOOL?!?! Jesus, Marty, and Joseph!!! ;) I mean this bastard has all kinds of jobs! I bet he delivers "The Sun" each morning on his 4:00 a.m. paper route.

Fact: Blair's hot shit. When I turn 50 may I look like that please?

OMG OMG OMG kill me!!!!! Deanna, if you don't tell James what the deal is with y'all's break-up then I'm gonna have to kick your ass! Oh, I think we get an Eddie flashback tomorrow? I think that provides more insight into all this mess. Let's hope so. I need this shit to be over with.

I liked Gigi during the week of Shane's near suicide. I'm back to not liking her. feels good, I must say. All is now right with the world.

Oh damn...missed the Rex/Brody/Shane scene.

Not that I am rooting for Natalie in all this mess, but RUN in the opposite direction! Marty is nuts and you have your bay-bay with you! I know she won't because she is gonna ask Marty repeatedly (just like a little kid on a car trip "are we there yet?") for probably weeks until Marty loses her shit (even more...if possible) and spills the truth in some cray cray fashion.

haha...released too early? REALLY JOHN?! You are chief of detective for a reason...fact. You are so tricky! can this doctor tell John? I mean, I know if Marty is a more than likely to cause harm to herself or others then she is legally bound to disclose stuff but I don't know if it's that far yet. Hmmm.

That's right, Rex. For a long time Shane thought Brody was his dad...yeah, you're about to marry Gigi. She's so awesome and you're about to spend the rest of your life with her. Poor Brody...two kids that are now about to be taken from him. Poor thing. He really is such a nice guy. I like him...I do. Shane Morasco you're doing an awesome job with all this!!!! Gigi gonna snatch that tape?

Missed John and the doctor...

Gigi's nails are lavender...hmmm. Must have been painted the same day they made EVERYONE on the show wear that color.

That's right, Natty. Don't buy Marty's story! I NEED these scenes to be AWESOME and they are just too flippin' short! REALLY?! They are the best thing on today and the show decides to make these scenes a snippet...eff that. BALLS!

I kinda wanna try a "Delhi Belly" and I'm not even into fruity shit.

I love the random window cleaner in the background of these Tomas/Blair/French stranger scenes. THESE SCENES ARE TOO SHORT TOO!!!!

Deanna...take the money and run! I'm so over you being here. Your blank stares are KILLING me! UGH!!!!!!!! I detest these scenes!

I blinked and missed the Rama/Christian scene...f*@k a duck.

Blair...what's your answer gonna be? You're gonna say no, huh? very scared Gigi! Marty's tape will freak you the eff out! She's gonna come for your ass if she knows you have it!!! hahahaha. I'd LOVE it! Marty would tear your mini ass up!

I admit...Manning deserved getting his ass almost beaten. I don't care if it's wrong or not. Oh lord...I cannot take Brody being like "if somebody did Liam like that" mess. This is gonna break my heart. :( Just boo. Wait...dammit did Rex hire the thugs or not? I think he did! Didn't I read that in a spoiler somewhere? Do y'all know?

God bless...all these Marty flashbacks!!!

YESSSSSS!!!!!!!!! Natty snatched the test!!!

Of course, Blair said she wasn't suspicious.

Again, I want to try that drink. Hmmm. hehe...Oh Rama, Christian isn't thinking you're terrible. EVERYONE in Llanview lies about having a baby or their baby's paternity. No biggie, girlfriend.

Missed the Tomas/Weird French Guy scene....'re so damn nice and understanding. Deanna is going to milk the sympathy card...BEWARE!

May I just say that today's episode sucks ass? Just wanted to kinda throw that out there. My post is shit.

Ok, so Marty/Natty reminds me of elementary school shit right now. "Give it to me!" hahaha.

REALLY JOHN?! Marty is delusional?! See, none of us thought that. My God, what in the hell would we do if you weren't running investigations for the LPD?! Well, we would all be knee deep in crazy shit. Thank God you came to town, you clever bastard!!!! Ok...these flashbacks of Marty are not needed.

As if Natty would unfold the piece of paper to see the true results...that would just be too easy. hahahahahaha! NO, Natty. Marty and her marinade don't know what reality is...duh.

I'm glad that James and Starr want to have sex. Now, can we please move along with these James and Deanna scenes?! Sad that these scenes are longer than the Marty/Natty scenes!!!!! I don't give a rat's ass about why Deanna broke up with James...woof woof woof.

Missed the Rama/Christian scene.

OMG...I am praying that this Tomas shit moves forward!!! I mean, I can only look at Ted King for so long. He is not Bo Buchanan, by any means. I could just watch him watch paint dry...I'd be happy. I need Ted King to actually do something for me. STAT!!!

Dammit...Brody is so fab.

YES!!! HOLD ONTO THAT SHIT, NATTY!!! I need Marty to go overboard! Y'all need a good fight!

Well, go ahead John McBain. You tell that doctor what's up.

NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean...I'm upset yet Ross and I both died out laughing when Natty ripped up the paternity results! OF COURSE!!!! the words of Dorian Lord "Natalie, karma's a bitch." So, serves you right I guess. Marty's cray cray laugh made that scene...

Good for you doctor. You told John all you could without breaking doctor/patient confidentiality. Good on ya. Brody just stumbled upon the the crazy funhouse that is Natalie/Marty. Awesometown.

That's right! Whisper your way to the truth, JMcB!!!!

Let's pray the last segment is good...

Rama's boobs are OUT OF CONTROL!!!! Love them! I think Ross would leave me for Rama...fact.

Blair...don't leave Jack at home. He is an effing terror. What happened to "I'm a terrible mother?!" Ugh. Starr...she didn't leave yet.

OMG OMG OMG!!!! Hurry this shit up. Oooooooookay. So, WTF I'm so damn shocked! It had to do with Eddie?! NO! Get out!? This show is so damn clever...

Lord...let's buckle up for the tape switch fiasco.

Congrats Gigi, I don't like you again. Happy Easter.

Dammit...I'm gonna love Brody to pieces by the time he leaves the show. Isn't he leaving?! I heard he was.

Ugh...Johnny McB is blowing off KC so he can get scoop. is John gonna cook for Marty at his disgusting ass roach apt. with the slot machines? Hmmm.

The last scenes were okay.

My God...where in the HELL are Bo and Nora?!?! Please God can these two come and save me!!!??? I mean...are they just hanging out? Where is Clint (besides the hospital bed)?! Vicki/Nikki??? Hell, Dorian please come out!!!! I have a feeling I'm not gonna see my adorbs B/N, so I AT LEAST need some combo of the fab five.

Wait, may I just say that Robin Strasser is the best tweeter in the world!!!! EVERYONE should follow her on twitter: @robinstrasser. I am smitten with her! She is so witty!

Dear God, please let tomorrow be good.

Ok gorgeous ones...see y'all tomorrow!!!


Thursday, April 21, 2011

If Marty is Still Around to Throw a Memorial Day Cookout, I'd Love to Attend

Marty: "So John, you can come to the Memorial Day cookout that Hannah O'Connor and I are hosting? The marinade is great, and I will be roasting Kelly Cramer. De-lish."

Hello! Hello! Hello! It's almost bunny time! I am so thankful I get off work at 3 tomorrow, because I am dragging all kinds of ass! Oh, and also...I had ZERO comments from my last post. Not that I'm upset, but I sure hope I didn't offend anyone! Was the post that terrible? It was decent, I thought? Hmmm. Anyway, I'll leave it alone. Now if people don't comment for a week then maybe there are problems...just a tad. ;)

F*@k me. NuJack is in the FIRST scene. I hate today already. "You know it's April vacation?" You mean spring break, dipshit? Who says "April vacation?"

Lord have mercy. Here is the terrible doctor from the ER. I'm praying she is better in the office. Fingers crossed. OMG...this whole thing is kinda awkward.

I just can't handle NuJack. I want to give him an open wound and just pour the salt in it. YES!!! I know that is uber bitch of me. I don't care. fake "Toad" in the bed. Lord today. LOL...Tomas with a syringe. This show is all about syringes, I swear.

Ooooh YES!!! John McBain--all dark clothing, whispering, being cool...check. Yay! Aaaaand he and Kelly! YAY!!! They are being normal and cute. Let's hope it stays that way. Oh, I'm sorry...there is some St. Anne's marinade that just dripped on you, John. Lookout! Marty is on the scene! Boom. Unleash crazytown please.

Wow...Brody is beyond adorable with the baby and all the gear. The three of them look cute. Natalie's boobs look FABU, p.s. I need a pair like that! careful! She will attack! Don't let those cute golden ringlets fool you into thinking Madame Marty is demure and cute...just no.

OMG that baby is edible!!!! Those cheeks!!! Good God!

Be.Still.My.Heart. Thank you God! Bo Buchanan...welcome. I'm so happy to see you. I needed this. Wait...may I just say that it is egregious and absurd that there has been no follow-up with Matthew saying he was ready to confess. I'm assuming that Matt and Nora are just hanging out at home watching Kathie Lee and Hoda. Obviously...

F*@kkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nathaniel Q. Salinger (Quincy?). God Bless. It's almost Easter weekend for crying out loud. Of course, this bastard has to hop into my life before the bunny. OF COURSE. Woof Woof. where is that syringe? Sidenote: Tomas is quite tan.

OMG...all they are talking about is that damn Euro they found at the scene! For the love of muff! Can we PUH-LEEZE get off of the Euro business. The only reason it's absurd is because everyone's like "My God, don't you know there are a shit-ton of people with Euros in Llanview." Comical. Awe...Bo's shirt is cute. YESSSSSSS!!!!! Bo just said "Thomas." I flove him.

Ah! The syringe is by Nate's foot. Tomas you just can't win. just grates on my nerves that NuJack has an attitude with Blair. AHHHHH!!!! I just want to scream when I see children roll their eyes, act rudely, and flat out disrespect their parents. Damn. Blair doesn't deserve this. Granted, her choices in men have been piss-poor at best but still...

Let the child speak to the doctor alone Balsom-Morasco's. It is just more awkward if y'all are in there. How cute!!! I'm sorry. I like Natty and Brody more by the day, and I know it probably won't go anywhere.

Kelly darling, listen: Barefoot Contessa NEVER fails me, so she won't fail you. John will love it. I swear by the woman. She is like my best (imaginary) friend. Go get her latest one...fabu. xx, ME SNAP!!!! Marty's marinating all over town!!! AHHH!!!! Shallow note: lovely necklace, Kelly. I have one VERY similar. Anyway...LOL. John's only with you to hurt Natalie. Love it! Marty is STIRRING THE DAMN POT!!!!

I blinked and missed the Brody/Natalie scene.

Blair, I just want to take the time to thank you for getting out of that shiteous vest. I'll give you one of my Cadbury eggs. Like you'd eat it, but still. It's the thought that counts. Wow...Clint's men are going after NuJack...oh.hells.yes.

Gigi...let the boy talk to the doctor alone. F*@k. Listen to Rex!!! I will say...Rex is quite doting and understanding when he wants to be. I love a sweet guy/man.


This whole CIA thing is weird. I honestly don't have the first effing clue about who Tomas really is...seriously. I haven't read spoilers on this so I am just as in the dark as you are. Hmmm I wonder if Bo makes strong coffee like I do? Also, who are Bo's contacts at the agency?

Blair...he needed that. I'm sorry. I'm sure I'll catch hell for that, but I can't stand this kid. WOOF!

I must say that I TOTALLY see where Shane is coming from. He is probably like "I almost killed myself so my parents want to help and fix it and get married. They don't have to do that. Plus, I'm still a loser." This doctor does not make me feel comfortable...

Wait...why doesn't Tomas want Blair to call the police?? Hmmm.

I am thankful that Nate hasn't been on too much this episode. Ok, y'all fake "Toad" is so much bigger than regular "Toad." His tummy!!! Well, Tomas just caught another break...

I love Natalie's necklace, too. Awe...a little Brody/Natty hug. WOW! I can't believe they are giving Rex and Natalie a scene together! I feel like it's been ages!

Wow...not only is Marty acting crazy, but now she is acting crazy ABOUT John, too. Like obsessive, crazy, stalker girlfriend crazy. Wait...can I just say that I FLOVE these Kelly/Marty scenes! I mean...I really do.

WAIT...I have to say this. So, we DVR at our house and all but sometimes I'll watch the bumpers. OMG, when the Blair one is on Ross and I kinda sing in that high pitched voice like Blair does. We are such douches. Obviously, Blair sounds, not so much.

OMG I FLOVE these Kelly/Marty scenes.

Awe, Bo I feel like I have hardly seen you today...whannn! Of course, Bo remains selfless as ever and asks John how he is doing. Le sigh.

Marty (in crazy, assertive voice): "You will not win. I will not allow it." Sweet Lord! I can't even elaborate or say sassy things because they are THAT good! Ok, so Kelly genuinely looked scared. You should be girlfriend. OMG...Ross is totally insulted that "The Sun" has a handrawn (which he finds mindboggling and stupid) chart of the Euro against the dollar.

That's right, Bo. You know your guilt will overcome you and you'll go visit. Sidenote: he is STILL bronzed and glowing! Flove.

Ugh...the Rex/Natty scenes are too short! They are never together and now they are and NOTHING. So damn quick!

Gigi don't be stupid. I hate stupidity: mine or anyone else's. You know she can't repeat what Shane says. Hush. Game over.

You know Blair, I'm sure NuJack got beat up for wearing that t-shirt he has on. It's hideous. Is it just me or is Tomas totally CONSPICUOUS!? I mean, he tries to be cool, calm, and collected...and inconspicuous. However, he screams "I'm a suspect!" Woof.

NQS is using his brain. Good for him. I still don't like him. At all. Sean has hardly talked!!! WTF is up with that? Give him some lines.

Lord...Bo feels guilty. Yes, he won't go to the hospital now...but there is guilt.

I EFFING BLINKED and missed the Rex/Natty scene! WOOF! I understand Natalie's point, but I understand Rex's more. I understand why he doesn't want to see him. That's all I got.

Thank God, Gigi is acting normal again. I liked the doctor with Gigi. Hmmm. I dunno what's going on.

Jack!!!! Do NOT yell and say "What?! Why not?" to your mother like that. You.Need.Your.Ass.Beaten. I must say that Blair was slightly dense with leaving NuJack alone...dumb.

Kelly: "Marty just showed up at my office, and it was weird to say the least." LOL. Staking her claim. I FLOVE territorial, stalker Marty. Hmmm....Kelly will figure this out, maybe. John will have a lot going on.

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!!! "Yes something's wrong!" I cannot tell you how much I am enjoying cray cray sauce Marty. I want this bitch to wreck havoc!!! (selfish note: Not on Bo and Nora because they have enough going on. Ok, thanks) This bitch is a ticking time bomb!!! Tick tock...

LOL..."just when I thought my day couldn't get any weirder." Kelly and Marty have made the show today. WTF? Is there something in that envelope having to deal with the REAL TODD? Hmmm.

I am so tired of Tomas being suspicious...hurry this up dammit. We only have until January.

Where are these kids' parents?!?!?! Good God! Shane is terrified and NuJack is in much too good condition.

Bo is in deep thought...lord have mercy.

Awe...John seeing Natty and the bay-bay. That kinda tugged at my heart.

Wow...what a bombshell. Natalie had whose baby?! John's you say?! NOOOOOO!!!! It can't be! The show has not led us to believe that for a minute. I KNOW for a fact that piece of paper Marty has been throwing around has been a recipe for baby back ribs. You mean to tell me it was Natalie's paternity test results. Well...I'm just shocked.

Marty and Kelly made the show today. Plus, I adored seeing Bo even though he hardly said a damn thing.

Hope tomorrow is a GOOD FRIDAY! Get it? ;)

Oh, love you all! See you tomorrow or Saturday. Probably tomorrow.


Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Dorian Will Not Be Pleased With The Denim On Denim at Laboulaie

Deanna: "You're damn right. I'm gonna wear a denim skirt AND a denim jacket so I can drive Mary-Ella cray cray. That's how we wear our denim back in 'Dayt-en'."'s ten 'til eleven and I'm JUST now sitting down to watch the show and do this. This will not be my longest post. My life will be more organized tomorrow. I'd love to do it right after work tomorrow. Ah! Hope y'all had a great day. It is EFFING cold here...dear God! Not in the 50's or anything...gonna be 35 in the morning. WTF?! Anyway, I know there are a few comments from my previous post that I need to respond to. I'll do that from work tomorrow. xx

Yay...methodical Dorian in full effect! Hell, I bet Clint doesn't talk for the whole episode. "Held up in traffic?" How much traffic is there in Llanview?

Is that Langston's room? So, Deanna is replacing Lang. Lord have mercy.

God, I know I'm gonna not like this episode. Ford brothers in hardly nothing at their apartment...woof. Again, I MUST get a hold of a Hounds beer. Dear God it's all the range in Pennsylvania, huh? Good God...Ford is just all over this Tess thing.

Again, these alters all wear vibrant colors!!! haha! Yes, Natalie...Vicki/Nikki is wearing Bree's outfit from Limited Too! She totally fits in it!

Good lord...I don't give two shits about these Deanna/Starr scenes or Ford/James. I'm exhausted and this shit is like Ambien.

Wait...did James just mention something about a guy who went to live with grizzly bears and then they ate him? What the F*@k?!!?? REALLY?!

These alters are too smart Natalie. Be careful.

God, I blinked and the Cutter/Kelly scenes were over.

So, St. Anne's is #4 is on speed dial. LOL. Love it. And Natalie, Dr. Levin is no threat. He is such an effing terrible doctor.

God, now everyone is drinking Rama's drink. So, obviously Christian continues to have no purpose on the show.

Rama is ooc today. Lord...Clint, darling, you are now in the hands of a pre-schooler! Get Joey away from him. No doubt Joey will be held back another year. There is NO WAY he learned how to tie his shoes like all pre-schoolers do. It's okay...tons of kids repeat a grade.

OMG!!! Will someone...anyone...FORCE Deanna to tell the world why she broke up with James!!?? I don't give a damn why but I'm so tired of everyone asking her. I'd love to count how many times the phrase has been said.

Again, the writers are shoving the humanization of Robert Ford down our throats. He is all about helping Tess/Jess.

Oh need help, darling. You are no match for these alters. Wait...Nikki just said she borrowed Natalie's clothing. My ass. Those are not Natalie's duds...

Awe hell, Clint won't say one damn word this episode at all. FACT: Dorian will save this episode. I can always count on Clint but now he is mute. The Nikki stuff is good but is kinda disappointing me so far....sorry!

Cutter...don't drink that fruity drink. It makes you look like you are gay which is totally fine. But, don't pretend to be into Kelly and drink that. I mean...let's be serious...

Oh there about to be a Langston reference??? UGH...yes. Ford is still blabbing about Lang. Wait...he didn't know she was in Cali with Markko? Hmmmm

OMG OMG OMG OMG...somebody f*@king kill me!!!!! PLEASE just spill the beans, Deanna. Hell, I think my hunch may have been right awhile back. She probably had his kid. Hell, maybe she had an abortion?

Missed the Ford/James scene...damn. hehe

Natalie, that is Jim Daniels, aka John McBain's best friend. You know what it is...don't be silly. Nikki...there is a shit-ton of booze in the living room. Go after that shit! Ok...Nikki is becoming more hilarious. Her facial expressions are PRICELESS!!!! Ross loves Nikki...OMG he floves her.

Oh God...I flove when Dorian calls Joey "Joe." Where is David??? Just curious. TELL JOE, Dorian!!!!!

Kelly: "Incest is Best." Wow...haven't heard that since I moved above the Mason-Dixon line. Nice to hear it again. Kelly is being a badass...thank God. About damn time...

Eh...I'm not feeling Aubs' robe.

That drink looks like shit because there is so much foam. Ugh. Yeah...I think Cutter would have been a better Joey. Why did they do that switcheroo again???

"This is really awkward." Yes, Deanna, you summed it up perfectly. That living situation is cray cray!!!

I love Kelly's earrings. I LOATHE the background music they play at Capricorn...just sayin'.

Rama...just out Aubrey's ass. I want this to happen stat. Dear God. That was a cute pic of Clint and Joey. I must say it...

Dorian...Natalie just told you where Vicki is! Go and see Nikki in action!!!! So...that tape recorder thing had the name "Echo" handwritten on it? Kinda sloppy huh, Clint Buch???

I just missed the James/Ford scenes.

Dear Deanna, You have on a denim skirt. Therefore, you don't wear a denim jacket. If you were going line dancing then that would be one thing (and I hate it then). Please wear one or the other. If you don't fix this, I'm gonna lose my shit! xx, ME

That doctor DOES NOT look trustworthy!!! God, can you imagine if your dad's life was in his hands?! Stiff acting!!! Yes...Clint has been mute the entire episode. Sucky town.

God Aubs is always in sleeping attire or just nothing. Woof.

PLEASE writers...give Christian SOMETHING! He does NOTHING on this show. NOTHING! So embarrassing.

Lord...Nikki is out of control (just like the milk in Ford's fridge...all over the damn place)! Yay!!! Dorian! hahah...I love when Nikki is playing Vicki she is so overly dramatic!!! Lord Dorian...spilling the beans to Vicki when she's Nikki. Awesome f*@king timing.

I think I just fell asleep during the James/Ford/Starr/Deana scenes. Thank God Ross woke me up!!!

DOES CHRISTIAN EVER GO TO HIS "TEACHING" JOB?! How does he have time to be a renowned artist, work at Capricorn, and box at the gym?! Dear God.

I prefer Clint talking. I know I know. He had a heart attack. I'm just saying that I already miss his strong, commanding voice. Le' sigh. Awe damn...Aubrey really feels bad for Joey. They are going to continue to try and redeem her ass, too.

Missed the Tess/Ford scene...

I love Dorian/Vicki (Nikki). I can watch them do about Joey's new pre-school. That would be more interesting than the Ford/James shit. Word, yo!'re so sass and smart. FIGURE THIS OUT!!!

I'm ready for them to be in court already!!! Wait, will Nora still be Vicki's attorney? Hmmm.

Nikki's eye rolling is so awesome. Those earrings are OOC!!!

Tess just said: "When you get to court tomorr." Yeah...she never finished the word. I rewound that shit. God, no one pronounces shit correctly in this town.

God, I need Bo and Nora on tomorrow or I'll lose it. I'll take either at this rate.

I heard Renee beat Addie in the gin rummy game. They are now playing Texas Hold 'Em. My money is on Renee given her history with Texas.

Marty is still in the St. Anne's marinade.

We haven't seen "Toad" in the hospital lately. Probably just jinxed that...damn.

Thank God...Bo is on tomorrow. Also, John McBain will be whispering his way to the truth about Tomas. Word!!!

Exhausted and heading to bed!

kisses to all of you!

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

I'll Have a Bourbon Neat...with a Side of Cardiac Arrest

Bo: "Yep, I'm telling you big brother. When you see that tacky-ass vest Blair has on you are just gonna have a heart attack. It's THAT bad."

Hello Darlings! I've had quite the day off...been lovely. We are apartment hunting tomorrow...woof. I still have some things to do so lemme go on and start. Sorry...could NOT find a pic of Dorian and Clint. :(

Lord...picking up with the proposal. is STILL the same night!!! Cray Cray! Anyway, Deanna needs to COOL IT with the "remember James that place reminds me of such and such back in Dayton." Who gives a shit...not me. Starr needs to knock her out. I like Starr's cute shirt....

Hi Tomas...sup? Ah...I love to look at him. That's really it. I couldn't care less about this storyline right now. Oh, but I'd love to change the way he dresses. Also, John McBain your eyesight will go to hell in a handbasket if you're reading in the dark!!!!

OMG get Blair out of that effing vest immediately! Tea is still in lavender, too.

I'm assuming that Chuckles and Echo aren't hungry since they are just hanging out at the BD. Chuckles is still a disaster just like yesterday.

Of course...Ross sits down late to watch and he's like "Sooooo it's been four days and it's the same night. So, technically they can go for a week and half and it be the same day?" Good point, darling. I guess so.

Again...Nigel ain't comin', Clint. LOL...Dorian is so calm. Flove it.

The unleashing of Nikki Smith...again. God, these two alters in one room...

Dear God in Heaven...I EFFING DESPISE BLAIR'S VEST!!! OMG...will they cool it with this euro talk!? "Do you know how many foreign students go to LU?!" hahahahaha! I dunno, Tea, tell us. I'm actually dying to know. I will say I love Tea and Blair's friendship. They are great together...well, when Blair ain't wearin' that vest.

McBain!!!! Turn on another light...woof!

Gigi...demand a ring, immediately!!! Also, he is a Buch. Now, you should automatically expect extravagant gifts. hehehe. Kidding...a little

I'd like to thank RS and JVD for saving this episode for me (ES, too). I flove them. Dorian is cold! Best Ice Queen EVER!

I see "Andy's Deli" in the background, Chuckles and Echo. If you two are hungry, y'all should swing by there. Doubt they have "Access Llanview" showing. Just a thought. Ok...I HATE how they are feeling sorry for V. Ugh.

"Damn, I should have known. Vicki's got a bum ticker and her husband's a lush." YES!!!! Ok, so it literally is so strange seeing Nikki when Vicki is normally so cool, calm, and sophisticated. Lord. Uncanny.

Awe hell...Deanna is going to stay with Starr.

I am just NOT buying this Echo/Charlie thing. I can't get on this bandwagon. Cannot. Willnot. Refuse.

Ok, so Tess has "the look" of Jess right now. The facial expressions and all. Will someone please tell Nikki that Vicki and Chuckles (yes...the heart patient and AA member) keep a fully stocked bar in the living room. Totally available and fully stocked. Just go in there, Nikki. OMG...the men, pigs, bacon comment. I think I just peed myself.

I can't handle these Blair/Tea scenes nor pay attention carefully because I am THAT damn distracted by the black vest with the purple back and lavender flower. So...well, that's it.

A flash of Roger Howarth...cha ching! That is where Toad's paycheck is pay the REAL Todd Manning.

These Starr/James/Deanna scenes are falling kinda flat.

Dear God, as much as I want someone to rush to Clint's rescue...I'm TOTALLY okay with Dorian's maliciousness during all this. Flove it. And, hell I know Clint doesn't die so I can sit back and enjoy this. Aaaaand, Dorian just said "bitch." Katie...did you hear that? I know you love it. I love it, too! Dorian has been tossing around "Karma is a bitch. Payback is a bitch. Etc." Keep it up.

I know it is totally wrong, but I am totally finding these Rex and Gigi scenes boring. Granted, I think it is great they are getting married. About damn time! However, I'm kinda bored with this. It is totally a personal issue. I'm just not invested in these two...that's all. So for all the Rex and Gigi peeps...congrats! Ross just said (as he plays poker...lord help me) that "These scenes seems stupid." Hmmm

Again...distracted by the vest. Lemme try. LOL...Tea: "He has been painting and making music." Love it.

I wonder how often John uses his dartboard? Yeah...John McBain is no clown, Tomas. You won't fool this bastard. He will whisper his way to the truth while he wears all black clothing...fact.

Starr...stick with your plan!!! Deanna staying with James won't work! Ask your Aunt Vicki!!!

YESSSS!!!! Dorian is indeed the badass this episode not Clint the pimp Buchanan. She is so choice.

OMG...that pink cardigan with the flowers on Vicki!!!! I swear that's from the Limited Too!!! Maybe it's Bree's?! That child looks like a grown woman nowadays.

Lord have mercy. God knows I miss Hannah (aka Marty 2.0) however I do NOT miss the way Starr pronounces it...HAUNNAH. Ugh!!! Starr: "And, I have a kid..." REALLY?!?! Wait just a damn minute!!!! NO ONE told me this!!! Where is this kid?! You're always out doing shit. Never seen him or her...

Wow, Tomas. Could you show me how to pose for a passport photo? Mine is horrendous. Yours is fabu. John McBain WILL solve this shit. I love him. Nadia?! What the hell?

LOL...I had to laugh when Tea said "ninja assasain." I love ninjas, p.s.

Disaster, Hurricane, Mudslide, Tornado...that's Charlie.

"I don't need a ring...yet." GIGI YOU ARE SO DUMB!!!!!! If there was ever a time to be a bitch, it's now. Demand it. If not, then Rex will let it go by the wayside...yes, despite the fact he said she will get a big one.

These alters together are HILAR! All these alters dress in such bold clothing.

"Is that anyway to greet the calvalry?" I.Love.Dorian. Aaaaand, they are redeeming Clint EVEN as he is having a heart attack...."I promised I wouldn't." Even trying to keep Echo's secret during a heart attack. Wow. SHOVING IT DOWN OUR THROATS! That's okay though...just pointing it out. Clint has everything recorded, yo. LOL..."that sleazy, lying slut." Dorian, Please continue to be awesome. xx, ME

Dear God...NO ONE pronounces Gigi's name the same!!!!!!

Eh...not into a Gigi and Rex love scene. This is largely in part to their similar haircuts. I simply cannot tell who is who when they are rolling around. Woof.

I'd love for Tomas and Tea to not be siblings and do it. Just telling you in case I haven't said it 50,000 times.

Well...Nadia sure is wearing a vibrant shade of green. All I got.

I can't really write about the Dorian/Clint scenes because they are just THAT flippin' fantastic! Did anyone forget Dorian is a doctor? Lord knows I forget half the time...

Yeah...Tess "looks" like Jess right now. Man, I was hoping these Nikki scenes would be longer. Woof.

Please God, don't let Blair get into another disasterous relationship. PUH-LEEZE!!!

John McBain WILL figure shit out.

I have GOT to try this "Hounds" beer. It is obviously all the rage in town.

Nikki...just go into the living room and take a shot of vodka or something! FLOVE her imitation of Vicki!!!

It is bothering me that Chuckles and Echo haven't eaten. Echo about Vicki: "She's an amazing woman." OMG...Charlie to Echo: "I really appreciate you sayin' that because I know how hard it has been for you." I CANNOT handle this shit.

Fierce phone call, Dorian. Clint needs to be sweating a bit more at this point...I think.

Here is hoping tomorrow is fabu!


Monday, April 18, 2011

Just in Time for Passover: It's Nikki Smith

Vicki: "Yeah, if you were married to this dumb bastard you'd turn into Nikki, too. Trust me."

Ah...did y'all miss me?! I feel "off" not having done this in a while (really since last Wednesday because Thursday was just beyond depressing and I forgot that day happened). I talk to y'all everyday so today at work I was like "Gosh, I need to talk to my readers! Miss them and their comments!" Anyway, I had THE BEST time at the beach. How could I not? My friends reign supreme. Actually, I'm just glad to be amongst the living and posting tonight. I survived the plane ride from hell from Atlanta to Mobile....lord! I just KNEW I was about to meet my demise somewhere over central Alabama sitting next to a woman from Kansas City...oy! Damn torrential weather! Anyway, I'm now back and bronzed to absolute perfection. Eat your heart out Hillary Smith. Bonus, today is really a Friday for me since I have the first two days of Passover off...yay! fabulous was MH?! She was such a doll to post for me, and she might have to do it again for me very soon since I will be out of town AGAIN at the end of next week for a big Southern wedding...exciting! Sidenote: How FREAKISHLY similar are our opinions huh?! Cray Cray!!!! She and I had talked about the cancellation stuff in detail. She was so eloquent and spot on with her feelings about it that I really don't have too much more to add. However, I will add just some personal thoughts. I'll do that in a post script. So...we can just be happy and discuss the show right now. Let's do this.

Minuteman Motel Style Drive-By of Friday's Show
1. Bo and Nora are sheer perfection and so realisitc. Not being on in a week...ridic.
2. Rama and Nigel...more please.
3. Rama shooshing Dorian was FABU.
4. Did anyone think it was strange to see Christian in the kitchen at Llanfair? I did.
5. I'm ready for Marty to get out of the crazy marinade and start cooking. She has been soaking long enough. UNLEASH!!!
6. Also, I'm so tired of seeing that piece of paper with the DNA results.
7. I caught myself singing the "Access Llanview" song. #Lame
8. How great were the Rex/Clint scenes? Exactly...perf.
9. Loved Dorian at Bo and Nora's. She ever been there?
10. Overall...great episode!

Lemme try and not write a novel here...

99% of my stories are 100% accurate...nice.

KEEP the glasses on 'em! heart is anxious with anticipation for these Bo/Clint scenes. Get it? Heart is anxious...hehe. Whoa. RSW just returned from vaycay. He is a bronzed little biscuit.

Dorian's coat is the shit and soooo Dorian.

Oh lord. I'm about to get worked up with Charlie's stupidity...feel it. I'm drinking wine, so hopefully I'll be calm. I doubt it. Aaaaaand, I'm NOT feeling these Charlie/Echo scenes. Sorry...

Ewww Vicki keeps her coffee in that jar next to the sugar? Ummm just no. Put it in the freezer. Echo the Wrecko?! FLOVE IT!!!!! Lord...Vicki will probably cry again. We going on two weeks now?

Aaaaaand Ford has three cartons of milk in the fridge. Oh Lord...Tess is getting serious with the pimping out reference...yikes!

Missed the Vicki/Natty scene when I took a sip of wine. It happens...

Aaaand the same with the Charlie/Echo scene. I slow after a weekend of fun?

Dorian is so fab. WAIT...why in the hell is she at the Buenos Dias to begin with? Why did she go there? Hmmm.

Man, I can't stand the clothes Gigi wears. Lord today.

Be still my heart! These Clint/Bo scenes are fab. Gosh, I need to stop with the cardiology references...sorry.

FACT: That is Hillary Smith's own shirt. As if they would buy Nora a cute, lavendar open neck button-up to wear around...AS IF the wardrobe department is that cool.

Flove the candid JVD/RSW pic on "Access Llanview." Presh!

I detest the drapes in the garret...ATROCIOUS! Thank God! Nora is FINALLY giving Matthew some grief...especially about Nate Salinger. Normal Matthew would have NEVER let Nate take the fall for all this...whether he hated him or not!

Lord have mercy! They are SHOVING this Clint redemption thing down our throats. The worst part: I'm buying it!!!! Dammit, OLTL! I'm buying it. I'm sympathizing with him...I am. This is bananas. Granted, he IS INDEED the one who put all this in motion. However, JVD is so damn charming and such a good actor that I'm okay with it. Sonofabitch. I expected to be so much more of a hardass about this. How I still sympathize with him a bit yet still want Bo and Nora to make him pay is beyond me. However, I want both. I'm greedy and don't give a shit. Oh, and I truly believe Clint does now care for Matthew like his own...oy!

Can I live at the carriage house? We are looking for a new apartment and I've decided that I'd like the carriage house. Rent free of course. June 1st move in date. xx, ME. I keep missing the Rex/Gigi

I'm still not into Chuckles and Echo. Nor am I buying that Dorian is hanging out at the Buenos Dias.

Copper teapot? Who is cleaning that? That is a tough job! That's what I want to know. I haven't seen Vicki's housekeeper. How despondent does Vicki look??? Ford will sympathize with Tess since she spilled the Nikki Smith beans. Just great...juuuuuuuust great. Oh sweet lord...a Nash Brennan reference!!!! Miss him. Sadville. :(

You know...I flove Natalie when she isn't walking around saying "John, this is your baby." I really do. She is so sass.

LOL! She-wolf! Flove it! Dorian.Is.The.Shit. SKANKY PANKY?! She is so damn hilarious. I could sit here and try and think of something really clever to call Charlie. However, I'm not. It is just so simple...why complicate things? He is simply a dunce with a phonetics problem. That is as true as it gets...word.

Yeah...not into the television reporter girl. AT ALL.

OMG...I flippin' love these Nora/Matthew scenes. That's right...Matthew why didn't you say something earlier?!?! Lord have mercy!!! Jesus, Mary, and Joseph I'd be so damn frustrated if I were Bo and Nora. Oh dammit...Nora. UGH!!!! I HATE going against you and now you're making me. "Do you know your father and I could lose our jobs over how badly we botched this investigation?" Dear God. Who gives a shit?! I know you and Bo LOVE what you do but this situation with your son is more important. Also, y'all do NOT need the money!!!! Bo is a millionaire and you are by no means broke. Your son is more important. Whoever wrote that line for her should be shot! That's it...I'm blaming the writer for that. I can always justify. Anyway, otherwise she is on point. A bunch of innocent people had to suffer because of Matthew, etc.

That background in the room next to the Buchanan study look soooooo much better than the one in the living room. Hmmm. "Isn't this the time you should forget about your frickin' job?!" Dear God...I'm even going against Bo today, too! What is going on?! Hello? Clint has a point!!! Worry about Matthew, Bo. I know you are trying to do the right thing, but you need to be a bit more protective. Woof.

If I were a Rex and Gigi fan I'd be so annoyed with this slow lead up to the proposal...good thing I'm not a die hard Rex and Gigi fan.

Aaaaaand, Nikki will make her debut shortly.

"You and Echo in love. I don't know whether to laugh, cry, or throw up." Flove it. She is smarter than all these f*@kin clowns. YEP!!! Go after her Dorian! Get the dirt! Echo knew and you know it too!

Aaaaand, here comes the profuse sweating. OMG...Bo is so bronze! Bo...I hope you take some of Clint's advice. Lord have mercy.

I kinda don't think Matthew did it??? I mean, I do think he did but I don't. Something is totally missing here. A huge piece. Plus, Nora still doesn't remember everything. Matthew now doesn't remember picking up the gun. Hmmm.

Blanca? Was that it? She is too stiff.

EA and HBS are soo faboosh today. we go. Now Ford is gonna be all defensive of Tess. Ugh.

I love that Tess calls Vicki "Victoria." The unleashing of Nikki Smith has begun...

Slowest lead-up to a proposal EVER...ugh

OMG...Chuckles just said "Dooooooooor-ian." HE IS A F*@KING DISASTER!!!!!! DISASTER!!!!

Wow...when Bo gives off the litany of Clint's sins they are pretty damn bad. I could watch these scenes ALL DAMN DAY!

Well, Nora is really crying...mascara all under that right eye. Also, I'm assuming she isn't celebrating Passover? Hmmm.

BLANCA?! Grrr.

My heart is breaking during these Matthew/Nora scenes...lord have mercy.

"Your victims will get justice, Clint. Whether you like it or not." Dear Bo, You know, before Clint gets justice could you force Clint to change the background of the Buchanan Mansion?Please use your threats of prison as leverage to achieve this simple request. Oh, and get Renee and Nigel more screen time. xx, your girlfriend.

Niiiiiikki! Niiiiiiikki! Niiiiiiiiikki!!!!!!! I feel it coming....y'all?!?!?! Ah!

I love sass Natalie minus the John drama...

YES!!!!!!! A flashback! I will say: That haircut was AWFUL! Please don't ever have that again!!! Clint! Everyone is falling apart on this show! Oh Clint, honey. Don't bother calling for Nigel. His ass is never around when you need him.

Gigi...demand a ring. Mean, vain, rude, unromantic of me? Sure. Do I give a shit? No. She needs a ring. She has raised that damn kid for years without his help. Put a rock on her finger, P.I. Your fee from Kelly Cramer alone should pay for that shit.

So...Chuckles and Echo never ate dinner. They must be hungry. Talk about a wasted trip to get dinner...lord.

I have a feeling Nora and Bo are gonna come up with some plan to help Matthew and fix this shit. Oh, come on. There could have been a little Bo and Nora affection. Woof on that.

Nigel ain't comin' Clint. Just lie down. Better yet...get an aspirin!!!!

OMG OMG's coming I feel it!!!! "Oh, and it's Nikki Smith to you bitch!" YAY!!! My day/week/month...made. Thanks V.

Great episode!!!!

Will someone tell me the Addie/Renee gin rummy score?

Any guess on how long Marty has been marinating in St. Anne's sauce?

Glad to be back!

Ok...I'm not going to give an elaborate disseratation on this cancellation business, because I will talk about it from time to time until the last episode. I will say that I am BEYOND devastated. Also, I don't think I truly have let this news sink in since I have been so busy. I do know that Brian Frons is the antichrist. FACT. I'm still holding on to the inkling of hope that somehow they will give in and sell the right to the show and let another network pick it up. There is a chance this could happen with OLTL but not with AMC. Ross is like "Lifetime should pick up that shit." LOL...good point. I'm not banking on it, but let's all hope. There is a chance since...did y'all see the damn ratings?!!??!! The week of the Bo/Nora/Matthew fallout and Vicki/Echo/Charlie drama...OLTL was #3 overall and in ALL key demos! Talk about the irony!

Positive news: Hoover pulled all their ads from ABC. DAYUM! Talk about a statement! Oh, and...Robin Strasser is now on Twitter. I swear to God I have never read funnier shit in my life! Y'all need to follow her!

Also, I'm gonna do this blog until the very last day of the show. There is a chance the show can be saved; however, regardless of the outcome I'm doing this until January 2012. I have a feeling things will be really good on our show. Let's hope they ditch the newbies immediately. Focus on the core families/characters.

I'm getting too sad so I'll stop. Thankfully, MH did a good job so I don't have to keep talking. Last Thursday was just sad for us all. However, I do think there is some hope. Regardless, let's enjoy it until the end!!!!

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Mixed Emotions

This is not the most recent cast photo, FACT, but it is still a great photo and appropriate for today's post!

Happy Weekend, my fellow One Life to Live fans!

You may be asking yourselves, “Why ‘Mixed Emotions’ for today’s title, Mary Heather?” Stay tuned!!

Friday’s episode was flipping fantastic! A drastic improvement of last Friday’s episode and, let’s be honest, of this week’s episodes in general. I am so excited to be posting in Mary Ella’s absence. We all envy her mini vacay to the beach, FACT, but girlfriend deserves it!!

Before I discuss all things OLTL, let me just express my appreciation to ME for maintaining this wonderfully entertaining blog on a daily basis. It takes such dedication to post every day with her hectic schedule, so major props to ME for her efforts!! Love you to Della Reeses Pieces, ME!!!! Kisses, MH!!

I will delve into Friday’s fabulous show in just a few, but I would be remiss if I did not discuss the absolutely heartbreaking cancellation news of Thursday. Here is where today’s title comes into play! While I am totally pumped up about Friday’s episode and about the upcoming fallout of certain storylines, I am sick to my stomach that these will be the final storylines for my favorite characters and actors. “Mixed Emotions” – FACT!! I will TRY and be brief with my thoughts because I know that ME will discuss this when she returns. In my humble opinion, talking about our feelings in the face of tragedy can be therapeutic, so here are a few of mine. Sidenote: ME and I are creepily similar in our whit and irreverence and in our thoughts on the show! Just something for you to keep in mind while reading!!

First of all, I grew up on soaps – I am now 29 years old, so I started watching at a rather young age. Did you hear that, Brian Frons and ABC? I am a member of your most important target demographic, and I would most emphatically rather watch a soap opera than watch yet another talk or reality show. Where the hell was my survey? By the way, thanks for the fabulous 30th birthday gift you will be giving me in January! Oh, and newsflash: talk and reality shows are neither new nor groundbreaking. Woof… just woof!

Woah, I got off task already! Sorry for that outburst! Where was I? Ah yes! My grandmother and my aunts on my mother’s side are responsible for my love of the soaps in general. They were avid As the World Turns and Guiding Light fans, and I picked up on Guiding Light. One Life to Live was added to our afternoon line-up somewhere along the line, and the rest, as they say, is history. I was a complete basket case when GL ended, and I am certain I will be worse when OLTL leaves us in January. Thankfully, I was home when the cancellation news broke, and I did, indeed, shed a few tears. While I honestly saw this coming, I am still in shock and have not yet fully processed the news. I could write a dissertation (which I might if I ever take the plunge into grad school again to get a doctorate degree) on why I think this is all happening, I will refrain because I don’t want to bore you all to tears… well, any more than I already am!

Another thought that I will share with you all on this cancellation travesty is the manner in which it is being handled by ABC Daytime and Brian Frons in particular. My background and master’s degree is in Communication, specifically public relations. Like any of you give a rat’s ass; however, I tell you this for the following reason. One of the most, if not THE most important, thing to remember in public relations practice is that in crisis situations our first and foremost concern should be on those directly affected by the crisis. Yes, I am calling these soap cancellations crisis situations because, let’s face it, that is exactly what this is for our beloved genre of television. Brian Frons obviously has never taken a communication class in his life (or failed the class if he did… or better yet, took a communication course on the art and practice of lying and bull shitting) because his handling of this news has been, quite frankly, abominable. I know this sounds mean, but it my honest opinion.

Among other public relations violations, Mr. Frons showed no concern for the actors who have dedicated their careers to these shows, the behind the scenes workers who will lose their jobs and livelihoods, and the fans who have supported these shows through think and thin throughout the years. In his official press release, his mention of the shows was basically an afterthought (much like Bo and Nora’s second first love scene… but I digress – that was a reference for ME!!). Rather than follow the above-mentioned PR guideline, he notified a handful of the parties affected via a pre-taped video message and is now running amuck making idiotic remarks like, “I pre-joined the witness protection program.” Not funny, Mr. Frons, not funny at all. Period! End of sentence! If you have not seen his full statement, I encourage you to check it out via any one of the soap sites, but I warn you, have your barf bag handy!

Finally, I extend my most heartfelt appreciation to and commend the actors of OLTL for their reactions to the cancellation news. As the news broke, many actors took to Facebook and Twitter to express their appreciation to the fans for their dedication, loyalty, and support to and for them and for the show. I know this is true of the All My Children actors as well. While I am sure each of them was devastated, they showed incredible composure, professionalism, and strength in taking the time to reach out to their fans, and that just speaks volumes of not only their personal characters but also of the soap genre in general, in my opinion. Ok, I am getting emotional again, and you all have probably tuned this all out, so I am stopping now!

All righty, now that you all are bored out of your minds with my mindless blabbering and are, as we speak, writing ME messages asking that she never let me write this blog for her again, let me go refill my mimosa, and we will get to the happy side of this post: Let’s get this One Life to Live Friday, April 15, 2011 episode posting party started. Sidenote: Just so you know, I do have a life, but I am just having a low-key weekend at home in Texas in anticipation of the chaos that will be next weekend’s Easter festivities back in Louisiana with my family!

Aaaaand we are off to a rolling start, ladies (and perhaps gentleman) – bad ass Clint has decided to pay a visit to his son that he refuses to claim to check on his grandson Shane! Snap, Rex tries to slam the door in his face! Word!

SAY WHAT? Rewind!! Is that my Bo Buchanan? Holler!! What is up, Bo? Haven’t seen your ass (or Nora’s or Matthew’s, for that matter) in over a week! Whatcha been up to all day, the day after Matthew’s murder confession? I could speculate, but I will spare you all!! Snap, Nora is typical hysterical Nora! YES!!! Matthew has disappeared, and she cannot find him. Uh, really, Nora? Like there were a shit –ton of places to look. Like that god-forsaken garret is that big. I mean really, how many effing rooms are there to look through in that place? Matthew’s room, their room, the kitchen, the living room, the balcony, and hell, the three of them probably share a damn bathroom. Sheesh!

Lord have mercy, Wendy Williams is back with this Access Llanview foolishness. Oh, hey, Destiny! Girlfriend is having a whole Karaoke party in the Buenos Dias CafĂ© to the theme song of this show. I wonder if she is singing from the “Closed Captioned” subtitles on the television screen or if she has the theme memorized! I think the latter! “Phyllis knows, Phyllis knows, the secret that you’re hiding”… Well, I have no words! Let’s just say, that this song will not be added to my Karaoke line-up any time soon! Oh, and, hey Matthew! Join Destiny in her Karaoke party!! It will take your mind off of your committing murder.

OMG – Rama is now having a Karaoke party in the study of the Buch manze to this Access Llanview theme song! This girl cracks my ass up! Stop it, so Nigel is going to watch it with her! She yells for him to hurry up, and he comes running in there with a bowl of popcorn!! I am peeing on myself already!! TIMES, so ya’ll know that the furniture in the study HAS to come from somewhere totally chic and faboosh, right?! Why the eff are those two sitting on the coffee table? This enquiring mind wants to know!

How YOU doing, Wendy Williams? Thanks for the Joey Tribianni quote!! Lordy, and thanks, Des, for repeating it. Matthew looks uncomfortable – granted, he should be given the circumstances, but his expressions at Destiny’s quips are cracking me up! Yo, WW/PR, I am not a “duck”. Where the eff did they come up with this “ducks” shit? Just wondering! Oh, and next time I go to a restaurant bar, or regular bar, for that matter, I WISH they would leave the damn remote control lying around for me to use!!

SNAP – Nora is in typical hysterical Nora mode!!! YES, girlfriend is ready to tear up Llanview to find Matthew. Ha – Bo let Matthew go to the diner to meet Des!! Flove Bo – let Matthew go hang out with his friend in the midst of such mayhem! Aaww – he is so Nora’s voice of reason!! I cannot deal with the adorableness that is Bo and Nora – we even get contact, to boot. This bitch is in hog heaven!! Please do figure out what you will do about Matthew, you two! Apparently, you have been otherwise occupied all damn day – Wink, wink!

Mercy – I feel like I will now need to be diagnosed with ADD with all of this back and forth business. Back to Rama and Nigel watching “Access Llanview” in the study. Sidenote: Perhaps Rene’ has been totally overhauling that backyard that we can see from the living room of the manze because we haven’t been in that room in over a week! Maybe she took a break from that gin rummy game with Addie to handle this – perhaps Addie is assisting her. Hmmm. One can only dream!

Oh YES, Dorian has arrived – I swear, like Llanfair, the Buch manze must not lock its doors either. PS, I flove that Dorian still refers to Joey as “Joe”! Flove it! And I flove Dorian’s outfit – so chic, so Dorian!! Oh hell no, Rama just shushed Dorian. This will not be good for her ass. HAAAA – Dorian: “Shush THIS! What are you doing watching that dreadful woman?” My question, precisely, Dorian!! Why are we all having to watch this woman? I am peeing on myself!!

Woah, Natalie is washing dishes (bottles). Snap! Is it the maid’s night off? OF COURSE she is watching Phyllis, too. Double woah, Christian is at the door? I guess this is his night off from Capricorn AND teaching classes as a professor at LU? Perhaps? Aaww – he brought Nat a baby gift! I did like these two as a couple back in the day, so how sweet of him to bring her a gift! Still, writers have no clue where to go with Christian – hopefully they get a clue before November! Uh oh, he came with the gift just to give her a heads-up on Marty! Mercy!

Hey, Marty!! You are still Koo Koo for CoCo Puffs, but I love you anyway!! Obviously this is all leading up to Natalie’s baby being John’s. I could go off on this topic, too, but I will spare you all!! And, word, John!! What is Marty doing? One guess, big boy!!

What is Marty up to now, you ask, Nat? Yes, it has something to do with you! This whole thing is so effing obvious, it annoys me!

That is right, John, that piece of paper is serious! Go enjoy your sexcapades with Kelly, cause you’ll be back with Nat in a hot minute once the reveal occurs – Gag me!! Ya’ll guessed it – I am not the biggest John and Nat fan, but I would imagine that they are end game come January, and that makes me happy for John and Nat fans!

No idea why Marty would still be carrying around DNA results, Nat? And you work for the LPD! Hell, you were all over Greg Evans, questioning his ass in the aftermath of the Tea Delgado fake brain tumor/death train wreck like you had been promoted to detective from forensics! Figure it out! Good God, Nat, you ruined your relationship with John by not telling his ass what you did with Brody and that there was the possibility that the baby could be Brody’s! Sick of this – take some responsibility for your actions, girlfriend!! Jesus take the wheel! I am sorry, I deal with my adult students’ lack of personal responsibility every damn day, and it annoys the hell out of me! And, John, wait till you find out that that baby really is yours. Your troubles are just beginning, honey!

HAHAHA – Destiny!! Phyllis was reporting good news? For realizes? Bo and Nora may have dropped the charges, and Clint may be innocent of murder, all right, but his ass is still to blame for plenty of other things. YES, I want a milkshake, too, Matthew! Order me one, please! Sonic Happy Hour doesn’t begin for a while! Thanks!! Yo, waitress! Who muted the TV? A wise person, that’s who!

“C-Daddy,” Phyllis Rose?!?! HAHAHAHA!!!! From here on out, I am referring to Clint as C-Daddy!! That is too funny for words! Sidenote: I flove the photos of Bo and Nora that Phyllis is using on her show! Fab! Oh, snap, PR just called Dorian’s ass out. Well, PR, if Dorian has been asleep at the wheel in the bliss of her new marriage to Vickers-Buchanan, she just woke the hell up. Great, she is going to march her happy self over to Bo and Nora’s and interrupt their angsty cuteness. Woof! It is no laughing matter, Rama, so stop the snickering!

Just stick a fork in me, cause I am done. I just cannot deal with the angsty cuteness that is Bo and Nora during the fallout of this whole Matthew is the killer story. Aagghh – contact for days!! Bo in Bo mode with hysterical Nora! I cannot deal!! That is right, Bo, everything is ok for the moment; however, Dorian is about to interrupt the cuteness of this moment! Eff that!! Holler – alone time!! I flove Bo and Nora alone time! Too bad they are not making the most of their alone time in true Bo and Nora style! Wait - they probably did, but it was off-screen as usual! Shoot me! Uh, I have a suggestion on how to make the most of the alone time, Nora!! Everyone take a guess as to where I am going with this!! Sidenote: I flove Bo and Nora’s casual, dressed down fashions!! Hillary B. Smith has to have on her own damn clothes – FACT!!! That blouse is totally circa 1990s Nora! Hell, the whole outfit is! Fab! And, yes, Nora, C-Daddy did set this all in motion! Thank you! Too bad you will start blaming yourself in a hot minute! Bo, I am counting on you to reassure her, in classic Bo mode, that C-Daddy’s actions are not her fault!!!

HAAAA – I dare Rex to call the police on C-Daddy for trespassing! He ain’t going anywhere, Rex, so you just as well let him say what he has to say! I have to say, as much as I enjoy bad-ass Clint, I am with Rex on this one!! LOL – “Gramps”!! I still like C-Daddy better!!

I am pretty sure C-Daddy is not to blame for this whole Shane bullying thing, but Rex, is right, there is plenty more to blame Clint for! Word!

Gosh – swoon- more Bo and Nora contact! Sheesh, too bad Dorian is about to interrupt their cuteness! Bo is right, C-Daddy is to blame, but he didn’t pull the trigger, Matthew did! I still think there is something off with this whole thing, but I am just going to trust the actors on this one and see how it plays out! OMG – Bo wants to hire a hot-shot lawyer to HELP Nora with a defense for Matthew?! For real? Does this mean that Nora can be a defense attorney again before the show ends? PLEEEEEEEAAAASE?!?!?!? Gosh, this is just totally old school Bo and Nora discussion and cuteness, and I just cannot deal – no words!! We even get a “Red” to boot!! End of story!! Snap, speaking of judges, Nora, can you PLEASE call the Honorable Judge Babs Fitzwater, and ask her awesome self to come back to town? Pretty please. I am begging you. I will write a letter to her myself so that we could see her one more time before the show ends!!

Damn, Destiny, you could take Nat’s place on the LPD solving crimes! You are correct, Bo and Nora would not have just let C-Daddy’s ass go without a good reason! Wait til you hear what the reason is!

I hope Phyllis Rose paid David Vickers-Buchanan for using that “All Buchs, All the Time” phrase. Ya’ll remember when Vickers-Buchanan showed up at the manze in ’09 to film his reality show and said that they were going to get their own reality channel, “All Buchs, All the Time,” or am I the only loser who does? It is probably just me, and I am just fine with that!! Sidenote: Brian Frons could have just spun this off of OLTL if he wants reality television that badly. Great balls of fire! Let me stop there before my blood pressure gets out of control!! PS, Phyllis Rose, that is “baby daddy,” not “baby’s daddy.” Let’s get it straight, girlfriend!!

Well, I blinked and the two Marty and John scene was over! Now Nat and Chris are having some Hounds Beer! My mimosa is better than that, guys, no offense!

Des, let me give you an example of what a basket case is, sweetheart! Come to my house in January, 2012, and I will demonstrate. Matthew is not acting like a basket case. Anxious, yes! Basket case, no! Again, Des, apply for a job with the LPD cause you are one perceptive teenager!!!

YES – Nora is talking like a defense attorney again!!!! Holler for a dollar!!! And Dorian has still not arrived to interrupt their cuteness?!?! I am not complaining, but if Bo and Nora can get from Seattle to Llanview in two segments, surely Dorian can get to Bo and Nora’s crib in one. Is her mayoral motorcade comprised of horse and buggies rather than cars? Did one of the cars have a flat tire? Just asking. “How would we live with ourselves if we sent our son to prison?” Sweet Jesus, Nora is bordering on hysteria again, and I flove it for the sole reason that it is so true to her character, and it forces Bo to get in Bo mode with her!!!!

Again, I blinked and the John and Marty scene was over!! Yes, John, she is playing shrink, but she will soon lose her license for tampering with DNA results.

Duh, Nat! John is pushing your ass away because you effing lied to him. Uh oh, Phyllis Rose is talking about Christian. Sidenote: Where the hell did Christian get his degree? What sort of degree (bachelors, masters, doctorate, etc.) does he have? I can tell you, there is no way his ass has tenure at a university with less than a masters degree, at the very least! FACT!!!

Vimal = DNA Demon!! HAHAHA!! Christian does have nice arms, Phyllis!!

Thanks for the foreshadowing, Marty!!

Again, Nora is her hysterical self, and I flove it because Bo is her voice of reason!! Hello, “Imagine that Matthew is your client”! THANK YOU, Bo!!! Another defense attorney reference!! Good God, resign already Nora, and start your private defense practice up again. PLEEEEEEEAAAAASE!!!! Sidenote: Dorian STILL has not made it to their place yet. Lord, the Buchanan manze must be in BFE!!! Oh, hell, do we have to have a Ford boys reference? Sheesh, Bo! I cannot deal with their adorbs, true to character selves!! No words!! Nora to Bo: “Can you actually see turning in your own son?” Kill me now!! That day will be must see TV, people!!! Those three (Robert S. Woods, Hillary B. Smith, and Eddie Alderson) will rock that shit – FACT! Ah – and Dorian finally makes her cameo!! “Mayor Dorian Lord, here.” Yo, Dorian! You are married to David now; your name is now Mayor Dorian Lord Vickers-Buchanan! Get it straight!!

Uh, yea, Des, Matt knows who the killer is! Come on, send your resume to the LPD hiring department. You can use me as a reference!

Word – Rex and C-Daddy are back! Rex is still blaming C-Daddy for Shane’s state of mind! Snap, C-Daddy now blames Rex for Shane’s lack of self-esteem and offers to spend less than an hour with Shane to whip him into iron-man shape! Geez, C-Daddy, just let Mr. Black and Blue be his bodyguards, and no one will mess with him again. Sidenote: I am not trying to make light of the bullying situation, I assure you! Again, I am with Rex on this one.

Halftime: Bathroom Break!!

C-Daddy is genuinely concerned for Shane – I am still with Rex! And, yes, I do believe that people can change!!

Why the hell does Nat care if Christian drove Rama to see Vimal at Statesville?

I am still peeing on myself with this Rama and Nigel interaction! Duh, Rama, you hurt Vimal! You made his ass go to prison because of Aubs’ blackmail, and you lied to him and said you were preggers. Anyone else predicting a Christian-Rama hook-up so she gets preggers? This gal is!!!

Again, Nat, why so concerned for Christian when you like never see his ass – EVER!! Haha – Christian asks her if she is really giving him relationship advice!!!

Back to John and Marty – Yes, John will take Nat back once he finds out that that baby is his!

Yes, Des, Matt knows who the real murder is and so do Bo and Nora!! LOL!! Another qualification for Des to work for the LPD – she watches “Castle” every week!!! Nice shout out to an alum, OLTL!!!

And Dorian will now read Bo and Nora riot act!!! Aaaaand, I peed on myself when Dorian said “… fueled, in large part, by that biatch, Phyllis Rose”!!! I did, really!!! Hilar!! AND, now she has taken on a Texas twang to refer to the charges being dropped against C-Daddy!! I am hysterically laughing at this!!! Uh oh, Bo says that Dorian deserves to know why they dropped the charges against C-Daddy! Nora’s expression = “Bo, have you completely lost your natural damn mind?” I could seriously watch an entire episode of nothing but Hillary B. Smith’s facial expressions!! She is THAT good - FACT!!

Yea, John, starting to “get there” in terms of being friends with Marty again!! Wait til you find out that she is still dripping in crazy sauce!!

I am sure Christian appreciates you advice, Nat!! Thanks!! “E” for effort!!

Still loving these Rama and Nigel scenes!

Lord, Rex and Gigi need to learn to lock their door, too!! C-Daddy just busted the hell into that house to give Rex more pieces of his mind! The only people who seem to know how to lock their door are Bo and Nora at this point! Sidenote: Rex and Nora shop at the same store – I swear, Nora’s striped shirts look exactly like the one Rex has on! I never want to see Nora in one of those effing striped shirts ever again! Sheesh, show, just let Hillary B. Smith wear her own damn clothes! She wears far better looking clothes than the clothes that OLTL has been putting Nora in for the past year. Period! Anywho, buh-bye C-Daddy!!

Back to Bo and Nora’s crib! Love this interaction with three vets with tons of history on this show!! LOL at Nora’s line to Dorian, “Ok, Dorian, we talked about this. You can’t fire me. I’m an elected official.” Earth to Dorian, learn the law, girlfriend, you are the mayor!! District Attorneys are elected, not appointed!! Thanks!!! Great, Bo is going to see C-Daddy!! What? Rewind!! Did I just see a kiss? I must be hallucinating!! That was faboosh!! WHAT? Two kisses?!?! The world will end tomorrow, I am certain of this now!! Yes, Bo, please hurry back!!

Matthew, don’t tell Des, she has a big mouth. Ok, I take back my Destiny is better than Nat working for the LPD comment. No, Des, the killer is NOT Nora! … or is it?!?! Again, something remains fishy to me about this whole thing. Now, Phyllis Rose is saying she will reveal the real killer after the break – LOL, Des, welcome to the world of soap opera viewers!! The reveal is always “after the break,” or in today’s case, after the effing weekend break!! Aaaaand, Matthew is out of the Buenos Dias like his ass is on fire! He and John exchange looks – Lordy, now John is curious about his behavior! Heavens!!

Rex plays C-Daddy’s words back in his head! Wonder where this is leading! If you have seen the promo for the week, you already know!!

LOL – C-Daddy walks in on Nigel and Rama watching “Access Llanview”!!! Hialr!! Nigel will now have to clean up all of that damn popcorn Rama just spilled all over the floor. C-Daddy is now grabbing his chest! Anyone who has read the spoilers for next week knows where this shit it going!

Thank you Cristian!! Rama is not really preggers! Hopefully you heed Nat’s warning to stay away from her! And, btw, Christian, you are not hired by the LPD. Marty has cleaned out her purse, and those DNA results will say that John is Liam’s father, mark my word!! Stick to art, mijo!! Adios!! See you for the finale in January!

Aaww, crazy Marty!! Still scheming!! I will be sad to see her go before the finale, but I flove her craziness!!

Snap, C-Daddy is back – who is he talking to on the phone? Mr. Black and Blue? Or, does he also have the principal of LHS on speed dial, as he does the dean of LU? Aaaand, Bo is here!! YES!!! Cannot wait for their next confrontation on Monday!! Jerry ver Dorn and Robert S. Woods are stellar in their scenes together!! Sidenote: Why the eff is C-Daddy’s tie ALWAYS crooked? Paging wardrobe! I am not joking, people! Notice this! It is always crooked!! I guess since Nora left him, he has no one to see that his ties are straight?! Rene’ is too engrossed in redoing the back yard of the manse or in her attic gin rummy game with Addie to help a brother out, I guess, and Nigel is too engrossed in Access Llanview. Goodness – good help is hard to find these days!! Ha!

Ok, I spoke way too soon on Bo and Nora locking their door. Matthew just came running through there like a bat out of hell, to borrow a phrase from the waitress at the Buenos Dias PS, Did Matthew leave without paying? Like he needs any more offenses to add to his wrap-sheet. On second thought, Bo and Nora probably just have a charge account there anyway. Lord have mercy, Nora! You are a woman home alone, in an apartment complex. Lock the damn door! And, apparently, the Bo Buchanan family got a new television (or a new remote) since we last saw it on New Year’s Eve because that remote is completely different than the last one we saw at their place!! Am I the only loser that notices these things?

UGH – Phyllis Rose is seriously going to be the way everyone in Llanview finds out about Matthew?! Well, Destiny, looks like we are waiting way longer than a commercial break now!! Sidenote: I flove Nora’s glasses!! She looks so official perusing over those files wearing them!! Damn, Eddie Alderson is taller than Hillary B. Smith now!! Wow – he really is all grown up!! How bittersweet!!

Previews for Monday look faboosh!! Get ready everyone because Nikki Smith is about to make a final cameo before OLTL rides off into the sunset! This bitch is pumped up!!!

Well, that is all for this episode, everyone!! I am sure by now you are more than ready for ME to return from the beach on Sunday (or Monday)!! I hope I did not bore you to death and that there are not too many typos! I tried so hard not to be too long-winded!! It is easier said than done!! Regardless, I have enjoyed giving you my thoughts on OLTL in general and on Friday’s show, and I hope you have enjoyed reading them!!

Until next time, have a great weekend, my fellow bloggers!

Much love,
Mary Heather (“MH,” or just “Heather”)