John: "I'm the only one in town who knows Joey really isn't a man. He's been pretending to be a man but he's a toddler. I'm chief of detectives for a reason: I figure shit out."
It's official. Hell has frozen over and little piggies are flying outside my window right now because I'm pretty much in love with John McBain. He had the best quotes of the damn show. Between the entitled quote and "Joey, I don't think you got a clue what a man is" well McBain just outdid himself. I Laid More Than a Finger on Her is some awesome line that "The Office" would use...or something Ross (my fiance) would say to me about a girl when he is trying to be funny. This man is my hero!! I'd drop Ross right now and go run off to Llanview right now with John McBain if he promised to continue to spout off the flippin' fantastic lines. Of course, he would have to still talk in in whisper-like seductive tone. I'm so there.
We can also say that John McBain is the ONLY one with any sense on this show! He seems to be the only one in Llanview that knows Joey is not a man and is indeed a toddler in a 6'4" disguise. Obviously he is on stilts or something. Oh, and I yanked small chunks of my hair out when Joey was telling John he wasn't a man. OMG...horrendous. So, thanks Joey, I now suffer from effing trichotillomania because of YOUR NONSENSE! Oh, and that's another educational thing today for those of you who don't now what trichotillomania means. Simply it's the urge to pull out your hair and a compulsive disorder...caused by Joey Buchanan's stupidity. ;) "Are you kidding me?! I mean, really in my own house?!" Oh. Hell. Yes. Natalie. That's right! In your own damn house, Natalie...you deserve it! I love that John accepts Kelly's help over Natalie's. The Natalie and Kelly bitch fest is awesome and is a great substitute for all the sorely missed Nat/Marty the Martyr cat fighting. I could get used to some Kelly/Natalie goodness. Oh, and nice Joey. Kelly is automatically sincere about her apology because she brought a damn lemon meringue pie! STFU!!!!!! Another tangent I can go on is about how everyone thinks Natalie's lying to John is okay. I'm gonna reserve that rant for a later date.
You're leaving your husband. Hell Tomas, I agree with you at this rate. Todd is getting on my last nerve. Oh, and too damn bad Tomas and Tea are bro and sis on the show because I could be down with some Tomas and Tea lovin'. They have chemistry. Hell, more chemistry than Blair and Tomas...maybe because, oh I dunno, Tomas and Tea have dialogue and do more than just say "oh, this is good-bye" and bat their eyelashes!!!!!!! Ugh! Sidenote: I love the throwing around of all the espanol. I'm gonna start doing that in my house. I will now only answer to "mija." And it's not just for daughters...I checked. So, that's my new name bitches. Thanks for the inspiration Delgados. I love that Tea asked Blair how many good-byes there have been...OMG, Tea it's been like 50! Believe it or not! Tea has sense on this show, too...just like John.
Who is this Todd Manning??? I hate that he thinks every guy is out to rape his daughter. Dear God...maybe if, you didn't rape Marty Saybrooke twice then you wouldn't be so insecure! AND...he is calling Tea his two-faced wife!?!? God, I'm starting to genuinely like Tea (obviously this is not the 1990's anymore when I couldn't stomach her). How dare Todd bash her like this...to BLAIR! AH! I know they have a close relationship but he is treating Tea like shit with his actions recently. Of course, Tea is saying how Todd is the best thing that ever happened to her...ugh.
This wedding is so effed up, yet hysterical at the same time. Like Tess, I'm so glad Jess didn't bust out during the wedding because Tess needs to stay for a bit. And...my heart is not hurting for Langston...in the least. I'm an icy bitch. As far as the wedding being legal, I'm not about to pull my law degree card and get all technical. This is a soap opera and I'm just taking this shit for what it's worth...a hot mess. I love that Tess called Brody "li'l man." haha...getting arrested for kidnapping her fiance...lurve it. Jessica's happy in the cage...LOL! That Tess is too much!
I have dreaded to write about Starr and James. I don't find them interesting in the least. I'm sure I'll get crucified for this, but I have to strive for honesty here. Maybe because I'm bitter with the teen scene in general because the only two teens I genuinely care about are Matthew and Destiny. Obviously, the writers are trying to get me to hate Matthew (it's working) and Destiny is never shown. Hell, Matthew isn't shown either and when he is I'm screaming at the tv that he is such an effing douche! AH! I think I could have gotten into Starr and James maybe...oh, I dunno...MONTHS AGO! They should have gotten together when they were on the run. Her relationship to Cole was already falling apart and it was time for them to end. What am I talking about? Cole and Starr were awful from the beginning and their relationship ruined the character of Starr in my eyes. The sassy, bad-ass eight year old Starr was awesome...this one not so much. Anyway, I think James is sappy as shit. He is adorable and all but just no. Maybe I feel this way because I'm against the Ford brothers. But...the spark for James and Starr ended with me when they had the same conversations for months on end. I actually wanted to give them a chance and prayed that Starr would be redeemed. For me, the time has passed. The dewey decimal system is much more interesting. That's all I got.
I'll assign a "Line of the Day" but of course I am excluding McBain's awesome lines. Ford: "Langston what are you doing here?" Tess: "Oh, Van Helsing needed an assistant. Thank God you guys are here!" Of course, her dry sarcasm made it great but I loved it. I want to go have drinks with Tess as soon as possible.
I'm down with John and Kelly having sex...minority opinion but I'm perfectly okay with it.
So, between the quick previews, the sneak peek online, and the spoilers...well, tomorrow's show should be delicious! I cannot wait! Dorian/Echo, Clint/Vicki, Bo/Nora/Rex...yay!
Goodnight you fine people! See you tomorrow evening! It'll be around this time or a little earlier.