Monday, March 14, 2011

Would You Like Fries With That?

Langston: "I wonder how many hamburgers I can buy with the money I'm gonna get from my new movie contract?"

Hello duckies! I'm JUST now sitting down to watch and post with a glass of wine in hand. My ass, legs and abs are so sore! I've amped up my working out and lowered my carb intake (ugh) because I have to return home in over a month for a wedding that I'm in. And, we can't have everyone saying "Oh, poor Mary-Ella went off to Chicago and now looks like shit. Bless her heart" I need to look more faboosh than ever! So...despite my soreness and increased workout sessions I'm making time to spout off some nonsense that some of you find humorous. Let's start. Good luck trying to follow my paragraphs since I'm posting/watching simultaneously!

You'll understand my title later...

F*$k me. We are starting off with the 3rd grade cops and robbers scene. That window is sooooooo fake!!!!! That glass was NOT real at all. I get that, but it doesn't even resemble glass. WTF? OMG...these scenes are more comical and unbelievable by the minute!

Yes Langston. Ford is staying married to Tess. But really, it's all for your benefit so you can pursue your movie career. Woof. Fact: I personally bought Langston's ticket to L.A. I did. Ross and I have the United Mileage Plus and we took it upon ourselves to go ahead and bite the bullet and use the frequent flyer miles on Langston Wilde. That's right, Lang. Christmas comes early this year. Much love, Mary-Ella and Ross. Hell.Yes. Tess just called Langston a hamburger or hamburger meat or some shit. Perfect. Just perfect. However, I happen to LOVE cheeseburgers (now with no bun...ugh) so I need to think of a shitty fast food burger joint to call Langston. I don't like Wendy's since their meat is square and frozen. Hence, Langston is now Wendy until her departure. Perf!!!

YES!!!!! Dorian/Vicki. I'm in heaven! Wait Dorian, "you ran into Charlie a few minutes ago?" You mean, you ran into him while you were in Llanfair? Of course, that's what you meant since everyone waltzes and tangos their way through Vicki's humble abode. Geez Louise. A simple security system could take care of this. Yet, it would provide less drama. Hmmm.

Whoa. This Echo/Charlie makeout session is like horny teenage lust! OH DEAR GOD!!!!!! I HATE these scenes!!!! I do! I feel like my mother or grandmother is getting cheated on right before my very eyes and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it!!! Lifetime movie, indeed!

I saw Dan-YELLA and got scared her 30 year old boyfriend would be there, too. Thank God, he's not. What?! Dan-YELLA just said "impor ent" instead of "important." Is Langston, ehr Wendy, rehearsing lines with her?! Ah!

That doctor with Brody and Natalie kinda reminded me of Spencer Truman...woof. Sometimes it's a beautiful thing that the mind forgets...ah! A lot of green going on...Brody's shirt, Natalie's purse AND jacket. Too much forest green. OMG how effing obvious is it that there is NO BABY in that blanket. Brody was so forceful touching the baby's "head."

LOL...Brody just said "Gigi is at the police station." hahaha! With who? Bo? Brody? John? The whole damn police squad is either awol, playing daddy, or drunk. What a force Llanview has! Protect and serve my ass!

NO...Vicki is blaming this Charlie thing on herself. God...I need the carriage house to just explode right now. All would be fixed. I could go off on a tangent about the character assassination of Charlie for days. But, I'm gonna wait and discuss the downfall of Charlie in a later post closer to his real departure.

Ah! Tomas surfaced after awhile. Hello handsome! seriously. Do Tomas, Tea and Dan-YELLA look like a real fam?! I believe so! I soooo wanted Tomas and Tea together. I hate they are siblings. And no, don't be getting any wild thoughts. Just because I am from the south doesn't mean that I'm into those kind of relationships between relatives. Tsk Tsk stereotypers. ;)

WAIT! What the f*@k just happened?! So, John tells them shots were fired and that Manning lost a LOT of blood and then Natalie says something like it could have been you. She then says that she has had enough scares for the day and goes and pouts. Your uncle could be dying! Act concerned!!!! You were more upset John fired Gigi from Rodi's...damn. WAIT...NOW she acts concerned all of a sudden with Vicki on the phone. I'm so confused.

Oh no...Charlie don't say it. UGH...don't say you have anything with Echo. Woof...he said connection. Fail. I also think these two have no chemsitry. Like zero. WAIT...the night at the Minuteman was the best night of your life Echo?! Did you just say that?! Lemme rewind...yup, she did. That's nasty and now it's obvious that your standards are low and you probably have an STD. That's all I got for that.

Yeah...I'm sooooo not into this shooting thing with Todd and his fight for life. Just like I wasn't into the shooting thing with...wait for it...Bo. Yes, believe it or not, I didn't like Bo getting shot. Maybe because, oh I dunno, he had JUST renewed his contract?! I mean you knew he wasn't going to die. Granted I enjoyed the Bo and Nora airtime since it had been FOREVER since they had been on but I would have preferred it be in some other awesome way. I didn't like that story and I don't like this one because the spoilers for this Todd thing are all over the place. I think I may have just ruined this story for some of you who don't follow bad. that the parking lot at Rodi's?! Why am I just now looking at this in detail. What a shithole! It seems that everyone would back into each other if they tried to move. FAIL!

WHOA! Ok so Ross just offered some profound wisdom (rarely happens, people). He was like "I think the Ford and Langston scenes were pretty decent today." Dammit...I agree!!!! Whannnnnnnnn!!!!! They were okay. =( I hate saying that. But, in all seriousness, they were pretty good. BOTH, yes both, characters did a pretty good job. I don't loathe Brittany Underwood, just Langston. She did a good job today. My compliment for the week!!!!!

Love it....Natalie is like I need to get Liam home. Then Vicki's like but Natalie you don't have your car? Ummmmm....More like Natalie doesn't even have the damn baby with her!!! It's stuffed!

Another profound statement from Ross: "Man, Vicki is having like the worst year ever." Well said, darling. That's why I keep this man around. He is so astute. I would have never known that Vicki was having a bad year unless he would have pointed it out tonight.

What the hell?! Is this some grassy knoll conspiracy theory?! What is all this John and Brody going to the window and doing forensics? Oh snap...they had to do the work since their CSU, Natalie, can'd do the job since she is out toting around a fake baby to a hospital with a no-name skin rash diagnosed by Spencer Truman's clone. Nice. is Tomas the shooter? I dunno? It would be very obvious if he was. I haven't formulated a theory on this because I haven't read any spoilers on it. Is he talking to Austin Peck's new character on the phone?

Damn...and Langston's crying scenes were good. Well done. Damn...I am supposed to be calling her Wendy! This is gonna be tough.

WHAT?! "I told Dorian I'd never see you again. So....I guess....I lied." TERRIBLE TERRIBLE TERRIBLE!!!! These scenes are agonizing! What?! I won't stay away from you?! I need another glass of wine...stat.

AH!!!! Alex tomorrow!!!! I cannot wait!!!

See y'all late tomorrow night!
Hugs and kisses,


  1. The one thing I truly don't understand is Echo and Charlie at all. Charlie you have spent all this time trying to get Vicki, literally this entire time, and you finally get her and because some guy you thought was your son for a couple months isn't, you go crazy and say you have "feelings" for Echo! You are so....grrr..... I'm not saying that old people can't have feelings like that, but old people can't have feelings like that. There it's said. You are 190 years old! Act like it!

    Yeah and the Tomas shooter thing seemed way too obvious...I wonder whats up with that...

  2. Mija,
    Your southern roots came out when you said, "Bless her heart!"
    The only worse thing a southern girl can here is someone calling them "precious." It means wow, poor thing looks like shit the end must be near. Gigi and Langston wouldn't last a second in Florabama or Louisiana!!

  3. After a disagreeable meal, a frog can vomit its entire stomach, ridding it of the offensive intake with its own two front feet. This is what I wish I could do for my offended psyche every time I have to see Echo and Charlie together. EEEEWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!

    Vicki + Dorian = super couple.

    My fantasy of the day: Roger Howarth has arrived back in Llanview to take revenge on the character assassination committed by TOAD.

    I promise that I and many others are fully capable of suspending disbelief (well, we are soap fans after all) and can accept whatever ridiculous far-fetched BS it would take to get RH back in there as Todd. I will bite the bullet and be the one with a case of amnesia myself. Whatever. Really. I even would sign something that states that I would not FF through commercials, dreadful teen scenes and whiny piny Natalie in exchange for a little, (well, maybe a LOT) of RH.

    Thanks for the links to the Alex and Nora vids- they may also be a sort of super couple. What fabulous banter! Alex truly is the Teflon QUEEN!!

  4. Can't wait for the fabulous Alex!!!

  5. Not a long-term watcher, but from what I understand you can't really fault Natalie for not showing a ton of concern for Todd. He has never cared about her - and even helped Tess when she had Nat locked up. Natalie showed appropriate concern by informing her mom. Beyond that, she doesn't owe Todd anything.

  6. Love you sort of praising Ford/Langston. They were good and I wish Brittany was getting a better exit than this stupid movie crap- i.e. death- OLTL is good at death. All of the sudden I am thinking of how good Luna's death was. I digress- anyway, I will take Lang as Starr's BFF any day over YELLA and I fear that's what we will be stuck with. Ugh Dani/Nate & James/Starr as sibling couple friends is going to be horrible. I really hope that is not what we have to endure all summer because I really hope Nate does not last much longer.

    I usually watch OLTL while I eat dinner but I can no longer do that b/c Charlie/Echo makeout sessions make my stomach turn. Ugh if we are going to see lust/love in the older age group- what about Bo/Nora, Dorian/David, Clint/anyone. Just please no more of this- I can't handle it. Thank God he is leaving and this is giving us some Dorian/Viki scenes consistently. They are truly the greatest OLTL supercouple.

    So excited to hear your thoughts on Alex!

  7. OMGosh Mary-Ella you just brighten my day with every blog you type. My sentiments exactly concerning the fake baby. Gee's the writers need to give the viewers credit. I will throw up in my mouth if I have to view Echo/Charlie kissing again.SOOOOO over nasty Natalie,Star and boring Daniela ok dani YELLA. Keep em coming I just love all you write.


  8. @YoSammity Echo and Charlie make me want to bury myself alive. Terrible.

    @Katie did you just say Florabama?! I don't know if you are talking about the region or the bar...but the bar is one of my FAVORITE places on this earth!!!! Love to go there and act like I'm 21!!!

    @cri*cri Again...Charlie/Echo WOOF! Vicki looks so much better with Dorian. FABOOSH! Oh, and I'm DYING for RH to make his comeback against Toady. Dying! God..miss the Alex/Nora frenemy thing. glad you liked the vids!

    @mojomiller Alex is the shit!

    @anonymous True...but Natalie has outraged me so much lately. I just miss the girl she was when she came on OLTL. :( She just brushed it off so easily and so quickly...bothered me.

    @Lauren Ford/Lang deserved the praise...good job! I was impressed and surprised...had to credit them! LOL about your dinner comment!!! ha! can you suggest your older age group lust/love hook ups to OLTL? I think they forget who the people want to see getting together...ugh!!! Oh...Alex is Faboosh!!! LURVE her!

    @Karen Awe...thank you so much! You just made my day! OMG...vomit in the mouth for me, too, if I have to continue to see Echo/Charlie...UGH! Infuriating huh?! Glad you like it! Comment all you like! ;)