Tuesday, March 8, 2011

From Morocco with Love

Bo: "So, you can see why we are so concerned. I mean...he gets an air brush tan 4 times a month. He's missing all his modeling gigs. And, the worst part is that he can't go to the gym and they are just sucking the money out of his checking account each month. We have to find him."

Happy Mardi Gras!!! Ugh...this is when I wish I was back home. :( Sorry, I didn't post yesterday. Honestly, the show was not the best yesterday (it was pretty horrible actually) and I was exhausted from work. Oh, and I know another reason...how about because NO ONE voted in my last column!? Unless Blogger is lying to me about my statistics and hundreds of people really don't read this column but only 12 people or so do then that's understandable...but I don't think Blogger is lying. Thank you to those that did vote...much appreciated. ;) Lucky for you all I don't hold grudges so I'm still happy to post today. Plus, I received a few messages asking me why I haven't posted. Soooo...

Quick Observations of Monday's Episode
1. The writers have successfully made me loathe Toad Manning. Thanks.
2. Positive spin...the writers are somehow getting me to like Tea. Unbelievable.
3. I hate Todd and Tea's relationship. I do. He called her a bitch last week (among other things) and the whole damn thing is just too volatile for me. I'll watch Jerry Springer if I want to see this shit show.
4. I'm more thankful that Lang is leaving the show the more I see her on my screen. The more I see her the more I want to slit my wrists.
5. Tess and Ford have awesome chemistry and she rocks more each episode.
6. I think James could be gay...which I'm totally okay with.
7. I need Marty (and the voodoo doll killed at the hands of little Hope) out of St. Anne's and back out mingling with the good folks of Llanview. Also, I'm gonna be upset soon because it's gonna be Marty who changed the paternity results (after Vimal did, I think) and that's out of character for her. Despite her craziness, she is good and this will destroy that...at least in John's eyes. Then, I'll want to pull my hair out because then John will come to terms with Nat's months of lying. Everyone else in Llanview thinks what Natalie did was brilliant and understandable...ugh.
8. I think this episode kinda sucked which is fitting since it's Monday.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011
My God...today was great. I mean, I REALLY needed this goodness. I'm so thankful it was the All-Stars on today instead of me having to watch Amateur Hour while rolling my eyes and cursing the whole time.

I loved the Moroccan-like font that popped up on the screen when it said "Morocco." How cute. Wow...so when Nora brought that bag to Bo at the airport, she packed him that good lookin' suit AND all of David's toiletries AND packed more things for Bo AND that suit didn't have a wrinkle on it...again, ALL in that little bag?! Damn. And, she claims to not be good with housekeeping and what not. Obviously she's too modest. Note to self: learn how to pack correctly because obviously I'm doing it all wrong. Bo sure does look cool, calm, and sophisticated today. Too bad he doesn't wear shit like this all the time. Ok, so this prison setting is so comical. Balsom looks super douchey today. hahaha....where in the hell did Bo get that little wallet photo of Vickers?! Hopefully from Dorian. I can't imagine Bo packing that pic with him in his wallet 24/7. WHOA!!!! Bo NEVER pulls the "I'm rich" card but he sure as hell did today. I'm sure people forget he's a millionaire since he doesn't act like it. My God he's even more attractive in my eyes with all that cash, that suit, and that temper. And, OF COURSE, they just left the case of money in that room. Dipshits. Great...now that terrifying pic of Dorian made out of chalk is on my screen. She would be so embarrassed. YES! Bo is going crazy...more of this please. Oh snap...nice move slipping that guard the card. That rhymed...

Well, if they are going to continue to make Nora wear that brown dress that has the tie at the waist, I can say that I'm thankful they at least gave her new lovely jewelry. Ooooh trying to be slick, huh Clint? "Where was he flying, I forgot?" Ummmm....out of town. Good answer, Nora. I love watching these two together...a helluva lot more now than when they were together. Oh Nora darling, I don't think Matthew is on Team Bo and Nora yet so stop telling Clint that he is. It will just make him more smug later when it's proven he is NOT the killer! Clint's a dapper little bastard ain't he? That topcoat...very nice. Oh, and I love how Aubs, Cutter, and Joey get good food but Clint just HAD to have food from Buenos Dias. My ass.

And...jealousy consumed me when I saw Matthew with his iPad at school. Grrrr. Ok so WTF? Did Destiny and Matthew almost do it or not? I know she said "kiss" but they are being weird about all this. Matthew isn't AS douchey today as he was when he had that convo with his mom in his American Psycho get-up that he wears when at B.E. but he is still kinda sucking in my opinion. I need the writers to either put Matt and Des together or just let them be GREAT friends. Either or...but do it now. This in-limbo shit is lame and awkward and I don't effing like it. The end.

Is that JIM DANIELS I see John McBain drinking?! haha! I love the manipulated font. John McBain is out of control!!!! Oh Good God...Gigi has entered the building. F*$k me. Yeah, just like Melissa Archer was probably wearing her own Juicy Couture hoodie the other day....pretty sure that's Farah Fath's green cardigan. Surely. The wardrobe dept. only buys Gigi plaid shit from Forever and H&M. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sonofabitch!!!!!! I'm so effing tired of EVERYONE and their mom (literally) defending Natalie! This is so messed up and I can't wrap my mind around the fact that the writers are okay with doing this. I just want to bitch slap Gigi right now at this very moment! Thank you John McBain for firing Gigi. And, for now becoming an awesome character that delivers GREAT lines. I'm now thrilled every time I see you on my screen. Thumbs up. Well...thank God Gigi is an art teacher so she still has some income. I mean...she's Christian's (ummm is he still on the show?) teaching assistant. I'm sure this gig will catapult her into the art world elite one day. This is insulting on so many levels. GRRR.

And, Kelly's skirt is ugly and what a surprise...she is wearing a shirt with some graphic print on it! DAMMIT...put her in solids from time to time OLTL! It's like Kim Zimmer in all the blue...mix it up a bit! I love that Dorian called out Kelly on effing John McBain.

Dammit...this Cutter/Dorian mess. I swear. Oh hi Helen....sup? Anyway, I know Cutter is supposed to make a few rounds with the ladies in Llanview so I hope this little makeout session with Dorian doesn't just hurt her later. That's right Dorian...he's after your money! At least keep thinking that because this little girl in Chicago doesn't want you with Cutter!!!! Please hear my cries!!! You're too fierce and sassy for him...and too fabulous!

If Aubs and Cutter are supposed to be bro and ho...I mean, sis....then I think they are failing. They seem to have an odd relationship. Oh, and dear old Aubs...DON'T BASH NIGEL!!!! UGH! He can't defend himself since the writers won't let him. Leave him alone you gold-digging hamster!

Clint/Aubs...sex is in their future. I just know it. I LOVE these two together. I want Clint with a younger chick. We know Kim ain't comin' back. So, let's replace her with Aubs. Done deal. And...hello? Clint needs to get laid...like last year. He needs action and Aubs needs to give it to him.

The background at the Buchanan mansion is probably the worst background ever. I'm sure a low budget porn could provide a better back drop than this shit on my screen. Hell, my dog and I could make a better backdrop with construction paper, scissors and glue. I still have basic elementary art skills...surely the set directors do too...or should.

My God...by George, he's got it! I swear...Joey is LEARNING how to think. And, think for himself at that. What a little independent move to go see Aunt Nora. I'm all about Joey getting his shit together and going after Clint. I think the Buchs are about to be divided soon and I'd love Joey on some Team Bo/Nora. Plus, I have always loved Joey and Nora's relationship...and with Kevin for that matter. Nora and the girls...not so much. Take that back...Jessica when Erin Torpey still portrayed her. That's right Nora...Joey is blinded by lust...or just effing blind. Good God if you only knew. THANK YOU!!! I NEED this Eddie Ford thing to move forward. The wheels are turning in Nora's head now...and Joey's.

LOL!!!!!!!!! Ok, so Kelly said "Access Llanview" TONIGHT! So, this show runs live ALL DAMN DAY LONG AND ALL NIGHT?! It was bad enough they made it look like it's on all day but now night. Wow. So, Phyllis Rose reports on Llanview's elite 24/7...lurve it. I'm TOTALLY fine with John and Kelly to continue their sexcapades. Keep it up! They are GREAT for each other in my eyes.

So that jump drive is in the safe? Therefore, both Clint and Aubs are safe by Clint catching Joey. Convenient.

EVERYONE is throwing around "Access Llanview" as if this show is THE show to watch. Hilarious.

WHAT?! Was Matthew being somewhat civil to Nora? And...I had to rewind it but yep, they left the Buenos Dias arm in arm. Not the sweet Matt I adore, but an improvement...I'll take it.

I'm assuming the reason we don't see Renee is because she is working on the new background of the Buchanan mansion...that's it!!!! Good for her! Someone on that set has art skills...of course it's Renee! She is FAB at EVERYTHING!

No teens today?! What the hell is going on?

I need Rex to change shirts...immediately. The one he has on now ain't workin'. On a different note, I need Bo to always wear this outfit. Loves it.

I think Gigi gets shot this week or next week. So, they are gonna have to find a substitute teacher...I mean, art teaching assistant, to replace Gigi for a bit. Let's pray the sub has SUPERB knowledge of watercolors. If not, those poor kids at LU are screwed. It's common knowledge throughout Llanview...and the art world...that Gigi's watercolor knowledge and teaching skills are irreplaceable.

Eh...tomorrow looks mediocre at best. Let's pray it's not.

Hope y'all have a GREAT night!


  1. I want to backtrack to yesterday and discuss Starr teaching James how to change a diaper. Shouldn't Addie be doing that since she is the one raising Hope and not Starr?!? Then today when Gigi comes in with her hair in all it's glory it made me wonder how come she has the "I shouldn't have had that last bottle of Jack" bed head and John is over there with his locks a flowin. Confusing!

  2. Gigi is the biggest hypocrite in the world. "Oh, John, you should raise Liam because he's still you're son." Really, Gigi? Brody raised Shane, yet you never let him see him, and Shane calls Rex "Dad" now instead. Ugh! I'm glad she was fired. I really wish the writers weren't trying to shove "Natalie and John belong together" down our throats. It makes me want to throw up.

    I didn't know they were going to SORAS Matthew. That sucks. How much older will he get? He seems a little old to SORAS now. Because then they will need to SORAS Destiny and Dani (unless they want to pin statutory on him) and Nate or else the story lines won't make sense. What they should do? SORAS Joey.

  3. Hello,Mary-Ella!Ive been reading your blog for a while now,I love it and agree with practically every word you say.
    I am SO on board for a Clint-Aubrey angry sexcapade its not even funny.They are truly the only couple(or would be couple)that really have me on the edge of my seat(allthough I am enjoying John-Kelly quite alot too,I have to admit)I just hope the writers are not too afraid to go "there"
    As far as Todd-Tea,I am ALL for dysfunctional couples having sex(I did just state I wanted Clint and Aubs together),however,when kids are involved,as it was in their case I just find it icky and just not cool.Anyway,Im a diehard RH fan,so I just cant get into anything would-be Todd is involved in(allthough ive tried,I really have)
    I LOL´ed at the background of the Buchanan Mansion comment because I thought the exact same thing.A fifth grade school play would have a better background image.
    Im not a fan of Cutter-Dorian at all,luckily from what I read in spoilers,well,I wont spoil ot for anyone here,but lets just say that Dorian will soon become involved with the real love of her life.
    Again,I love the blog,and the screenshots and captions are hilarious.Keep it all coming!

  4. sorry for the double post, but I was thinking about how David is doing without his Have A Seat in that Moroccan prison. Doubt he is getting his one swipe with the wipe!

  5. Well Mija,

    First off, I think I read in one of the comments (which I also love; everyone is so insightful), that you have a new job? If so congratulations! If not... ignore me.

    I am only going to focus in on Bo and his immediate circle, because he was a soap opera rocks star today. I loved how hardcore he got (while maintaining a dapper appearance). Do you think that they had Rex dressed like a tourist who lost their luggage for a few days in order to make Bo look just that much better? I can not WAIT for Bo to reunite with David, and for David to get revenge on Clint and Rex!

    After today, I don't think Matthew is the killer. I also noticed that Matthew was more toned down with his mom and Destiny; both of whom have exercised the patience of a saint with Matt.

    Since Bo is John McBain's only friend... I can include him in this post. Love him! I am also sick of everyone overlooking the real reason John is mad. Natalie didn't trust him enough to tell him the truth and tried to control the situation to suit her wants. Why would he want to be with her if he can't trust her?

    @Desi Thanks for calling Gigi out!

    I am going to need for OLTL to have Dr. Phil or Dr. Drew or whoever on as the next celebrity guest (after the Kardashian girl). I would love to see a group intervention or one on one sessions with any combination of the following:
    Natalie, who is a pathological LIAR, Gigi (perhaps because of the hair), has selective memory disorder. I "heart" Tess, but she is *technically* the wrong personality, Vicki is one Echo and Chuckle away from Nikki, and company, Nate is dating teenage girls, Jack, who is a step away from being a sociopath, Joey..... you get the idea...

    Take Care All.,,

  6. Ok, Joey needs to get away from Aubrey, he seems to be a little brighter when he is away from her. Plus he and Nora were super cute together, Aunt Nora and Joey always great. Oh, totally agreement about Nora and ET's Jessica, loved them together! Especially during the whole both being pregnant at the same time period.

    Clint and Aubrey totally need to have sex!

    Bo was super awesome today, I find Bo really hot when he gets pissed. Rex is an idiot, I hope Bo never forgives him, but I know it won't happen.

    Nora and Matthew, I do love these two and I am glad Matthew wasn't an ass to her. I am pretty sure he isn't the killer. He seemed like he was trying to convince himself that Clint wasn't guilty. I really really hope they don't SORAS him.

    I am with you on Nora's outfit, time for that thing to go bye bye, on the positive overall her clothing has gotten MUCH better since the beginning of the year.

  7. im really thinking it was nora that killed eddie ford is anyone else on board with me here she still has hours unaccounted for that no one is talking bout makes sense to me the were not far from the motel and after being almost raped and the gun being at the scene when/if she went there its deff possible but i really dont think clint did it

  8. Quickly responding to everyone. Sickness is overtaking my ass tonight!

    @Katie Dear God...yes, Addie should most def being doing the teaching since she does ALL the work. Starr is a terrible mother (I've beaten that horse to death on here). I'd love it if someone found Addie. Miss her! And you can double or triple or post 50 times. Never apologize for that! Ah! David and the Have a Seat! LOL he is lucky if he gets some hay.

    @Desi OMG you are soooo right about Gigi! Hey at least on today's episode John called that out...about damn time SOMEBODY did! UGH! Oh, and I don't know for sure if they are going to SORAS Matt but it's a rumor, for sure. I hope not. Supposedly they are looking for a hunkier Buchanan...who knows.

    @Georgi Awe...thanks so much for the sweet compliment and thanks for posting! YAY! You are on the Clint/Aubs sex train?! I'm so glad I'm not the only one. And, I'm ALL about RH's return...BRING IT! My heart is skipping a beat. Yeah...Cutter/Dorian...ugh. I'm pretty sure *SPOILER* they have sex next week or the week after and David catches them. So...looks like my nightmare just came true...woof. =(

    @Akesha Thanks! Yes, I have a new job! LOVE it! Oh, I love talking about Bo and his immediate circle. Talk away! Bo was an effing rock star yesterday and I can't believe it: I want Bo and David to unite and be a team, too. What is wrong with me?! Yes...thank God Matt toned down. I pray he ain't the killer. I want to know about him running Nora and Rex off the round. I think the show forgot about it. Your idea about the talk show is FABULOUS!!!! God knows people in Llanview need some effing help!

    @MojoMiller Ok, so like OMG how many times has Nora worn that dress?! Too damn many! You're right though...her wardrobe has been SOOO much better as of late though. Much needed. I swear the wardrobe department needs out help sometimes, though. Love Joey and Nora together, too. Wonder if we will get some Nora/Aubs scenes soon. Nora would be onto her ass quickly, I feel. I'm all about Bo being a bad ass in a foreign land and I'm convinced he can do anything in that suit! yes! Oh, and glad you're on the Clint/Aubs sex bandwagon too!

    @Anonymous I pray to God it isn't Nora but if it is then I'll just deal with it (and somehow totally justify her actions because I'm incredibly biased). I agree with you that I don't think Clint did it. And, those hours she was unaccounted for WILL DEF be a factor!

    Goodnight everyone!

  9. @Desi Oh, and I saw your Starbucks post on your blog. Too funny!!!! Loved it!