Saturday, March 26, 2011

Hold the Pepperoni Because It Is a Friday During Lent

Rick: "What? You think because I make porn I'm not a sensitive guy? We are holding the pepperoni on this Friday shoot because it's Lent. Yes, I'm religious."

Helloooooo and Happy Sunday, Darlings!!! I've enjoyed a lovely weekend of reading at Barnes and Noble and a bunch of window shopping despite the cold weather...BRRR! I tried to post Friday afternoon since it was probably the best episode of the week, but nighttime fun, martinis, and good company were calling my name! Anyway, I'm still lounging in pajamas and drinking coffee (yes, it's the afternoon...don't judge. I get up with the chickens during the week) and am about to post/re-watch the show. Soooo, without further adieu...

God...that hot dog costume is a walking insult! I hate it. "False advertising." That's right, Tess, I'm sure it is! Wait...she is spending Ryder's trust fund money? That shouldn't be possible unless Pennsylvania has weird laws. Ok...I'm not going to play my attorney card. This is a soap opera so I'm accepting it. Yeah...I'm not buying for one damn minute that the Ford brothers don't have money. If they are trying to sell that to us, then total fail.

Whoa! These Joey/Brody scenes look like reality tv (or how Guiding Light used to look). What is going on? Ok, y'all it totally looks like a reality show!!! I can't get over it. Annnnd did Joey go in Rex Balsom's closet to borrow that leather, collarless military jacket? I'm afraid so. Hell, he lives in your mother's backyard so I'm sure obtaining it was easy. Please. Ditch. This. Look. Immediately.

I am soooooooooo EFFING TIRED OF THE MINUTEMAN!!! Ugh! This motel is crawling with STDs, bedbugs, adultery, murder and porn...over it! It's one thing to show it every now and then but it's on every damn day...enough! I'm also totally over Cutter/Aubs sleeping or trying to sleep with everyone and each other. Have they ever said I love you to each other? Maybe so but I can't recall a time when they have. OK...I am trying to be objective as hell here, but EVERYONE should be suspicious of Cutter/Aubs' relationship. This is the strangest "brother/sister" relationship EVER. Fact! Sidenote: I want Aubrey and Nora to have a scene. They are both sassy...would be good. "And the bad news is that Rex Balsom is now suspicious." Thanks Aubrey, because I think I just peed on myself!!! HILAR!!! God knows when Rex is suspicious you need to BEWARE! He is one helluva P.I. LOL. This is great. OMG...then she just said that Joey is suspicious. This show is a comedy today, I'm sure. Cutter and Tess? He and Aubs are so effing disgusting.

I like Austin Peck's character. He is a good actor. This porn thing is kinda hilarious., I thought the porn scenes were GREAT! No, I'm not some twisted freak of nature but it's funny! Especially, when that is probably how real porn shoots are. Plus, the title is dead-on! I literally laughed out loud a few times. Ok, so the girl from the porn looks like the call girl David got for Matthew. It's not her, but they look an awful lot alike. OMG...Balsom!? This is GREAT! That name could really be a porn name...nice. What? He just called her a fatass...ugh! OMG!!! I am peeing on myself with this pizza discussion. However, I think they need to change the background music. Sooooo I wonder if they are also holding the pepperoni because it is a Friday during Lent. Nice move if so, but I'm not giving OLTL that much credit.

Dorian is so over the top in that pink and I love it! I FLOVE a Vicki/Dorian scene...these broads are FAB! OMG...that pink is out of control! Like "Steel Magnolias" out of control! Have y'all seen that? If not, a must. Ohhhh, hey Clint darling. Kiss Kiss. Nice to see you three together. Annnnnd...Robin Strasser says "bitch" like no one else. I've never heard it sound better coming out of anyone else's mouth. FABOOSH! Yet...Clint just laughs in her face. He is such a BADASS! LOL...Clint just called Bo and Nora incompetent. Vicki is headed for a breakdown. An alter will come out and play soon...I feel it, bitches! Can y'all?!

YES! Matthew is on sans hair gel! No "American Psycho" look today...thank God! Eh...and Matthew's attitude is a wet blanket. He is being a douche to David! Dammit! I'm so tired of his lip. He needs his ass kicked! Dammit that background drives me up the effing wall! Anyway, I think Matthew believes what Nora told him but I think he is doubting Bo because he saw him kiss Inez. Hmmm. Ok, so Matthew "knows" Clint didn't kill Eddie? WHAT?! HOLD THE PHONE! This is absurd. So, Matthew is JUST NOW confronting Clint? My ass. What an effing delay! Yeah...Clint and Matthew are in cahoots, I think...or something. Ugh! I'm kinda confused and keep changing my mind! we go with Nora's memory. OMG...Bo is the second most understanding, patient and caring man on the planet (Ross is first because putting up with me is a full time job. I'm a workout, for sure.) Every girl needs a guy like that. Bo is beyond fabulous...words aren't enough! God...this is like an episode of "Criminal Minds" with all the closing the eyes to try to remember. Hmmm. Oh...and this is a spoiler, but I'm kinda disturbed. Granted, spoilers are not always accurate but Clint and Bo find Nora passed out next Friday? WTF is that all about? I hope she doesn't think she is pregnant. I have no idea what it would relate to...just goin' out on a limb there. God, Bo is the shit. Whoa! Ok, so I didn't expect her to reach for the door and it be locked! Nice. I thought surely she would go in and see something but she couldn't get in. Good! So...she didn't kill Eddie (thank you God!). We know who she and Rex saw is gonna be Clint "I'm a pimp and a badass" Buchanan. However...I think that Clint thinks he is covering for Matthew but in reality (or maybe I'm just hoping) that Matthew really didn't kill Eddie and it was some random Joe. Fingers crossed!

I LOVE a good Vicki and Vickers scene! Oh Vicki/Nicki/Jean, Dorian betrayed you and you will find out soon!

That random cop who told Brody about Tess was awful.

Sweet Lord, Tess! What an outfit! I'd love to do something like that one day but it sure as hell is NOT going to be at the Minuteman. Dear God! This place is crawling with cooties!!!!!

WAIT! Who in the hell called David and what is that all about?!?! I really don't have a clue! Very nice.

Joey may have graduated to kindergarten ONLY because I think he is on to Aubs and kinda giving her the cold shoulder. Kindergarten it is!

I don't care how cute Ford is as a dad he raped Jessica, people! Dammit! These writers are trying like hell to sell adorable Ford to us. I'm not drinking this Kool-Aid!

Wait...Jessica is back?! Y'all ok how crazy is it that Jessica's face looks completely different than Tess'?! I think it's nuts! Bizarre really! Bree Williamson does such a good job with that.

Yeah...Matthew and Clint have something going on... Bo is just gonna be like "Ok Nora, you walked away from the room..." and that's it? How in the hell did she get back to the accident site? Keep going, dammit!

So Nora and Rex are gonna see Clint, I'm convinced.

If Marty effing Saybrooke doesn't come out to play soon, then I'm going to lose my damn mind! This bitch is awesome and NEVER utilized.

I'm assuming Charlie and Echo are doing the wild thing as we speak. Yucky town.

Good God...the Kourtney Kardashian thing looks dumb as hell. Her "oh snap" sounded effing terrible.

See you gorgeous readers tomorrow! Have a great Sunday!


  1. Hi Mary-Ella,
    I have a good guess David Vickers is either in charge of or acting in the porn production. Think back to last week when Rex found him in bed with the two girls on the island.

    He answers the cell phone with some long jargon also concerning some productions. Keep up the posts I absolutely love them.

  2. @Anonymous OMG...I'm such an idiot! You are sooo right, I'm sure! God, I'm so glad intelligent people like you comment so I will gain knowledge. I don't know how I missed it...thank you!!!! Good for you! Thanks for the compliment! Tickled you enjoy it. :)

  3. I think Clint is covering for Matthew too. But in reality it will be a Ford or someone from Eddie's past. They had better not destroy my Matthew!

  4. @Anonymous Yes...I think that I am coming up with EVERY possible scenario for it to NOT be Matthew! I cannot have both of Nora's kids be killers...NOT acceptable! Fingers crossed. ;)

  5. I am excited, but very frightened about Nora remembering and the story coming up for them. I just hope Matthew isn't the true killer. I don't know if I can handle Matthew being a killer. At least we got some alone time for Bo and Nora, now if only we could get some good making out scenes!
    I do know this, no matter what; EA, HBS, and RSW will do an amazing job with this story.

  6. @MojoMiller Agreed! I'm a bit nervous, too. HBS said on her twitter that the story is exciting, sad, and good, etc. and will keep you watching. Also, she said today that there was some sad stuff coming up for the three of them. Who knows! I'm just gonna try and enjoy it and hope for the best. Oh, and you're right...they will be FABU, as usual. ;)

  7. Wow, I fell behind on your posts and the show because last week was spring break,( it was awesome, thanks for asking )...anyways, i could not stop laughing at your angry rants, they were awesome! Always makes me smile! And i totally agree with the Tess/Jess transformation, if you took a picture of both of them, you can totally tell the difference, its completely crazy...and Tess in that va voom! Anyways, keep postin' and I will keep readin'!

  8. @YoSammity HIIII!!!! glad your break was awesome. I've been wondering where your ass has been! You have become a staple around here...was missing you! Glad you enjoyed my rants. Hopefully this week I exude positivity! yes...Tess is sex on a stick. And, the transformation is it! glad you're back!

  9. @Mary-Ella, I do not have much more to add to what has already been discussed. I will, however, ask this: Was Dorian's dress blush or bashful? Haha!!

  10. @heather hahaha! Thank God for you! SOMEONE made a "Steel Magnolias" reference. Thank you! "Her colors are pink and pink." "My colahs are blush and bashful, mama."

    I was wondering about her fingernail polish, too. Didn't know if it would look like "a stuffed pig bled all over her hands." God, I could go on for days...

  11. @mary-ella Come on, I cannot be from the south and not make one!! It would be... wait for it... unsouthern!! LOL!! Just be thankful that the courtroom did not look like it had been hosed down with Pepto Bismol!!