Christian: "Brody, I can't talk right now dude. I need to hear Baz's last jam and then I need to go and find a new teaching assistant for my art class. I'm a little busy."
Oooookay. Second glass of wine poured and Lola is being worthless on the couch next to me...looks like I'm ready for post #2 of the evening!
Wednesday, June 29th--Christian Vega's Magical Adventure (do NOT ask me where that came from. I just thought I'd throw Christian in the mix since I give him a hard time so this can be his adventure through Llanview.)
1. OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!! No! No! No! No! No! Is this an effing nightmare?! Yes, it is. Satan himself has dragged my ass to hell! I am so certain! Am I REALLY going to have to be subjected to Baz being the mother f*@king dj at Capricorn?! See if Christian were narrating this he would say the same thing! Word.
2. F*@k. See MH and I thought we reserved our seats in hell together, row 2 seats 6 and 7 respectively. Now, I know things are screwed up because now I have to sit and watch Mes' ass talk to Matthew while I am all alone! Things are not going as planned. I mean...she pulled out the effing test!? REALLY?! Just keep that shit in your purse! I want Matthew to wake up and slap the test out of her hand and be like "Bitch, have you lost your damn mind?! My parents could walk in!" Probably not, because God forbid Bo and Nora be on together being cool. Another tangent. Anyway...You are so stupid, Mes. I'm about to gulp this wine, I swear. This episode has to improve or I'll LOSE WHAT LITTLE OF MY SANITY I HAVE LEFT!
3. Awe...Gigi's belongings. Now that really is sad...seriously. OH SNAP. The tape recorder. I'm so glad that Brody will finally play it since everyone else just carried it around like a damn wallet. Fail.
4. Dear God. Now Ford?
5. I mean...I don't like Jessica either but I was sick of the Tess shit so I don't know what to think about this broad. I know that she has no business getting custory of her children but that's neither here nor there.
6. Poor Shane and Rex. I'll probably be upset this episode. No doubt.
7. What did you say Starr? The only reason Baz came to Llanview is because Blair said he could work on his music at Capricorn? PUH-LEEZE! God...Blair and Starr are just stupid. I'm not in a good mood for this episode and I'm upset that I'm not happy. Woof. Aaaand now I have to listen to Dayt-en and NQS discuss their porn?! I would effing pay to be Kelly Cramer in John McBain's roach motel bathroom right now...bleeding out from my multiple stab wounds. Seriously. Much better at this rate.
8. No. I can't deal with this Mes/Matt shit. Won't discuss. I'm in John McBain's bathroom bleeding out having one helluva good time so I'll just let y'all imagine would I would say about Mes talking to Matt...hot pink preg test in hand. Balls!
9. AHHHH!!!!!!!!!! Bo! My hero! Seriously. He WILL be my hero this episode. Please save me from this shit show! I will do whatever you want me to...seriously!
10. Wait...I thought that was a smurf card in the background behind Mes but it's not. It is some blue animal though. How ironic if it would have been a smurf? I cannot handle Bo Buchanan's adorableness. Oh wait...nevermind. Bo just told Destiny they were lucky to have her. Say it ain't so, Bo! Please take it back!
11. OMG I can't deal with Shane talking to Gigi...so sad. WAIT JUST A DAMN MINUTE...I need to find out who the hell in Llanview does Gigi's nails! Pristine! Just perfect! When I die, I pray that I look like Gigi. Wait...I think I saw Farah Fath have water come out of her eye...just a little bit.
12. Ok...so I kinds like it when Jessica popped off to Natalie. But wait...a Bo and Natty scene coming up?! I'm excited about this.
13. When is the last time we saw the evidence room? I can't think when.
14. Awe lawd...come on Vicki. Yes, you ARE defending Natalie and Brody. Eh...eff. I guess I agree with Vicki. They didn't really mean to hurt Jessica. Woof. She is right. As usual.
15. I mean...have we had a Natty/Bo scene since the Eli Clarke warehouse fiasco? Oh well...nevermind. That scene was 2 seconds. Probably longer than Matthew Buchanan lasted with Mes...yes, I went there.
16. Ok...so normally I'm beyond offended with all the Rex/Bo stuff but today I'm kinda not. Is it absurd that Nora isn't on with Bo? Of course it is. But Bo is being the good guy that he is and that is why I like him to begin with...so I'm ok with this stuff so far. I was expecting worse from what I heard. Grandpa Bo? Hmmm.
17. These Ford/Brody scenes are about as exciting as a colonoscopy. Wait...why is Ford dressed so nice?
18. "I can forgive him for maybe sleeping with her once and having a child with her...maybe..but he slept with her again!" That was like straight out of a Maury Povich show. Ridic.
19. Wait...I'm not enjoying this episode very much. Like...at all.
20. Oh snap! Oh snap! (Wait...that just made me think of Fergie's "London Bridge" song. Lame, Mary-Ella. Really lame.) Natty just saw the tape and then Brody is looking at it...shit gonna go down soon. Like an EXPERIENCED prostitute. Word!
21. Hells yes you should have gotten Gigi a ring, Rex! A big one! ;) Well...I just can't handle Rex doing wedding vows to Gigi. I mean...weepyville USA. SAD! Wait...Olympia's ring is AWFUL!!!! If anything Gigi should wake up for THIS and demand it be taken off her finger! That dress does look good on her. I'm tearing up. Sonofabitch.
22. I mean...Mes pregnancy test box is huge and I swear it got bigger with each segment.
23. Sooo...these Capricorn scenes need to be long yet the Echo/Vicki scenes yesterday were for all of a hot minute. Just awesome.
24. I love the collar of Vicki's suit...p.s. The color...eh. But the neckline is superb.
25. JPL is doing fabulously. I'll give him that. Oh no...they are gonna dance? Oh now I could do without this. All my praising may go out the window soon. Dear God...I'm upset during all this. I did NOT expect this!
26. Look! There's Ross Rayburn on the Cymbalta commercial!
27. OMG...RIGHT NOW would be the PUUUUURRRRRFECT time for Marty Saybrooke to come and take out everyone at Capricorn. All of the shit characters are there under one roof! Marty! Marty! Marty!
28. I mean...Natalie, just be honest with Vickster. You love John, yet you get horny and like to do Brody. Bonus...y'all look adorbs as a little family but we all know that ain't happening. So just tell Vicki that he is your f*@k buddy until John comes back in your world. You need to start telling the truth, girlfriend. I mean...now that I think about it Vicki is just totally ok with all this sex going on at Llanfair. Hmmm.
29. I forgot how weak, self-righteous, and puppy-like Jessica is...
30. Well, I just can't handle this Rex and Gigi stuff...sadness overload.
31. Ugh...is Tess gonna come back out? Woof.
32. This party at Capricorn is LAME AS HELL! Wait...so why do Starr and James get to have a main dance at this party. It's not even their effing graduation. I do like Dayt-en's top. Can't lie. UGH!!!!!!! I'm so tired of seeing that hot pink preg test! MES YOU ARE INFECTING MY LIFE!!!! Seriously!
33. Awe...I at least get to see my Bo again. You don't even have to say anything...it's ok I understand.
34. I mean REALLY?! I mean...how many disguises has Ford had? Or costumes? A hot dog? A habit? A St. Anne's guard? Now he is taking a page from the Eli Clark playbook and being a doctor? This is just a shit show.
35. Poor Rex and Shane. At least Gigi had a good exit. However, I think we are gonna be seeing more of her supposedly.
36. Oh, and I'm not gonna discuss this now but I got so damn excited when I saw that Erin effing Torpey was coming back to OLTL but to NOT play Jessica. Ugh. I need to read more into this. Le sigh.
Eh...I would love for tomorrow's episode to be better. The teens were just effing heinous and I can't deal with them or their foolishness!!!!
Ok I'm headed for bed. So glad to be back! See y'all tomorrow night! I plan to blog in the evening!
Loving you all and meaning it!
Christian Vega's muse, Mija.