Monday, July 4, 2011

Turtle Time

John: "You're right, Natalie. When this paternity storyline first started, I believe that little Mary-Ella was in pre-k. Been going on quite awhile."

Happy 4th of July, y'all!!! And, thank you to all those who serve our country! God bless you! I have recovered of a weekend of fun and am taking a break from housecleaning to watch. I am thrilled to say that I have Ross watching it with me...word! My title and pic are a testament of how I feel: This Brody/John/Natty shit needs to wrap up like last year...literally. I mean...snail's pace!!! Or, a turtle's pace...Anyway, lemme start...

Friday, July 1st--Independence Day Edition...Live from Marty's BBQ (in case you're wondering...yes, the sauce is that good.)
1. Timeout...that is the fugliest shirt that Ford has on! Le woof.
2. UGH!!!! EVERYONE is going to be at the Herpes Hangout on this episode?! DAMMIT! So, Aubs and Rama will be there plus this Tess/Ford shit. Strangle me!!! At least Aubs had sense enough to get the room with the armoire...word. She can store her expensive European designer duds in it...what a joke.
3. Eh...for the second day in a row I'm not into these Toad/Vimal scenes. I'm more interested to in the array of liquor Capricorn keeps...keep looking at the bottles in the background.
4. 1,2,3...poor Brody. Ugh. I hate this. I really do. I am ready for him to find out and this shit all be resolved quickly, because this story is in turtle mode!!!!! Jesus H. Christ move on with it already!
5. Ugh...Nora and Bo aren't on this episode and I can't even get them in the opening credits! I will hate this episode I just know it.
6. Rama's hair is a mess! Did she just get f*@ked on the side of the road somewhere? Hey, at least she could have made a quick buck. Word. May I just say that Aubs looks mighty fresh and pristine this episode...
7. The other day I saw a scene of Kelly and Nathan Fillion's Joey and its sad how much I miss him. Le sigh. Pass the Zoloft, please.
8. Well, I don't give a rat's ass about this Ford loving Tess shit so I'm passing on it...
9. It's amazing how uninterested I am in these Natty/John scenes. I'd much rather watch John dressed in black and whispering his way to the truth about some crime. Or with Kelly Cramer...or drinking Jim Daniels...anything but this shit. Again, minority opinion...I know.
10. Brody's in a trance...awesome. AHHHH!!!!! Marty's voice!!! Then I peed on myself when I heard Marty say "I found it and I'm rippin' it out!" PEEING! I really do feel awful for Brody right now...seriously.
11. OMG...the pic of Natty, Brody and Liam is just too adorbs for words. Cuteness overload. Ugh...poor Brody can NEVER get a happy ending. Ever! He is such a great guy and always gets the shit end of the stick. Also, people in Llanview should have learned years ago to NEVER have a paternity test done in Llantano County. I mean...shit always gets messed up.
12. Look at John being all selfless and asking about how Jessica feels. Ugh...on another note, who cares about Jessica because she sucks. Word yo.
13. on the shelf above the booze at Capricorn there are tambourines and shit. REALLY?! Ugh. I don't like that. I'm sure Blair and her poor taste chose to put them there. That was mean...sorry. I'm just not a fan of Blair these days. I have no patience for stupidity: mine or anyone else's!
14. I'm watching Ross play on his iPhone during these John/Natty scenes...
15. It seems patently obvious that the writers just don't give a shit about Joey and Kelly. There scenes aren't that great and now it feels like they are being forced together and now they are going to just leave the show soon. Hmmm.
16. Scenes like this with Rama and Aubs just infuriate me because I just don't have time for these useless characters at this stage in the game. I know I keep making snide comments like this but I have to voice my feelings!
17. What Natalie? You don't want the shit that has happened between you and Brody to eff up the progress you and John made? Explode. You are so stupid nowadays. You and Blair need to hole up at the Minuteman together and be bosom buddies. Seriously!
18. Again, I don't believe all this Kelly/Joey the kindergartener foolishness...too thrown together...
19. Ugh...are Toad and Vimal shooting cheap vodka. Woofy. WAIT....I just peed when Toad said "Aw Buddy. You're my best friend." PEEING!!!!!
20. I lurve dresses with pockets...good on ya, Aubs.
21. Liam is like the cutest baby of all time. Seriously. He will break hearts...
22. These John and Natty scenes are uber awkward. Poor John...yes, I said it. How many readers did I just lose?
23. OMG I'M SO DAMN BORED THIS EPISODE!!!! Not even ONE of the fab five on!!!! Jesus, Mary and Joseph!
24. These Robert Ford scenes are beyond Ross isn't here to defend him...putting clothes in the dryer. hehe
25. Ross just surfaced and asked if Joey was drinking "Pabst Blue Ribbon." REALLY? I mean...REALLY? What kind of question is that?
26. Jess gonna like Ford now. Papercut me to death right now if so...please.
27. That's right John McBain..."damn damn damn damn damn." I have felt the same way watching this entire episode.
28. Y'all I need Tuesday to bring it!!!! For my own personal reasons, I need Nora to be on since she wasn't all week. I also need this John/Natty story to wrap up and for all the shit characters to leave. K, thanks. xxoo, ME
29. Bright stop: Monday's repeat featured Jean Randolph. My love for that alter knows NO BOUNDS I tell you! She is so fabu!!!!

Off to go run off all the junk I've eaten all weekend and to sweat out alcohol!! No one likes a fat bride! I know I still have comments to reply to so I'll do that tonight or tommorrow...promise!

See y'all tomorrow! Loving you and meaning it!

Marty (the tired and crazy hostess with the mostest)


  1. The only things I noticed this episode were A. Joey kinda looks like Bob Saget and B. I liked Kelly's necklace.

  2. This was one of the most boring Friday episodes ever. Nothing exciting happened at all, and they just dragged on the same storyline forever. Say what you want about General Hospital, and I'm no big fan, but that show moves quickly through storylines, a little quick, but we would not be draggin through this ish!

  3. ugh ugh ugh Friday sucked and guess what Tuesday episode was even worse--and right in the middle we got the Casy Anthony verdict--which I had already heard but OLTL is always on DVR sooo I don't have to watch the Ford's, Joey and Kelly, Aubs with anybody but Clint, Jessica or John--Friday and Tuesday together i think i watche 7.5 minutes (including the verdict)

  4. if John's bar is closed, why doesn't he lock the door!

  5. You know what? I think Toad was totally serious when he said that Vimal was his best friend. I mean, it's not like Tea's his best friend right now. He hasn't told her about John being Liam's father or anything about Marty. I think Toad and Vimal should get those matching necklaces that are two halves of a heart, and one can say "BEST" and the other can say "FRIENDS." Or did I just stretch that too far? I guess that's just because that was the best part of that entire episode.

    I hate that the writers are shoving "John and Natalie belong together" down our throats. When she was with John and then they found out that Liam was Brody's son, John cast him aside like old garbage, and everyone said that because John made that mix tape that he was Liam's father in every way that counts and that he and Natalie and Liam should stay a family. Well, where are those people now? Brody has done way more than make a mix tape, AND he still wants to be Liam's father after he found out that Liam isn't his. I wish that they would just leave Natalie and Brody together. Let them raise Liam and still acknowledge John as the biological father. They can have joint custody. But I just really, REALLY don't like Natalie and John together.