Friday, July 29, 2011

I Heard You Were Failing Sex Ed

Dan-YELLA: "Nate you said you were circumcised! How could you do this to me?!"

Morning and's flippin' Friday! I am pressed for time (again) because Ross hogged the computer to check the stock market we have been watching CNBC. Woofy. So, I believe we get some porn action on Thursday's show? Yes? No? Let's see. Probably going to do a Marty Saybrooke-esque drive-by post this morning since I'm running uber late. Sorry...Friday's will be a full one, darlings.

Thursday, July 28th--Marty's Thoughts (she got a private screening of "Hold the Diploma" so she can discuss the show today)
1. F*@K...Blanca in the first scene. She is so obnoxious. Peeing...she just said "Dorian Cramer Lord Vickers Buchanan." LOVE.THIS. LOVE IT!
2. OMIGOD...make it go away! Starr's dress is all ate up with ATROSH! That dress looks cheap and throw that choker in there and it looks like something I wore in my elementary days in the '90's. Just.No. Aaaaaand of course James isn't going to the premiere. I'm so sick of this Baz/Starr shit. Whoa...Markko (sp?) looks 1,000 times better than when he left Llanivew.
3. Tea and Dan-YELLA are cute together. Their little banter about Tea getting her hair-did was pretty presh. They are totally believable as mother and daughter. Oh snap..."mijita?" I love this even more than "mija!" Fun fact of the day--"mijita" translates to "sweetheart." I've done my job for this morning in the new knowledge department. I'm going by "mijita" now...
4. Is anyone else peeing on themselves with RH's McBain impression...HILAR.
5. PEEING....Todd: "What are you doing in my office?" McBain: "Does there have to be a reason? I just missed you." I don't know which writer is doing all the lines for McBain but I want to buy them a drink. Thank you for these small bursts of joy you have given me this week...thank you...whoever you are.
6. Can't effing deal with Rex at the Buch Mansion. I flippin' need the Silver Fox there like right now. He doesn't look right.
7. Ah...I hate that Ross is missing Rick! Dammit to hell.
8. This movie premiere would be so much better if Pa and Step-Nora were there...whann. Wait...where is Vickster? Hmmm...oh, and I like Blanca's dress. My one compliment.
9. Dorian said she is wearing "Gammie." Clever...that is the name of the head of the OLTL wardrobe department.
10. Just perfect...NuJack. At least today is Friday so hopefully I can deal with this douche and his awkward acting skills.
11. Sonofabitch...cannot deal with Starr's necklace and dress. I mean...I am taking this very personally.
12. Dorian said "bitch" and "ass" in one scene. Le sigh. I am content at the moment.
13. That baby bump on words. No time to discuss that foolishness...
14. Damn...I can't lie I'd do Blair. I'd say she looks angelic in white, but I can't since I think she is the queen of leg-spreading. However, she does look like sex on a stick.
15. I just want to go to McBain's and hang out with this duo and drink Hounds. I can only imagine how awesome it would be. I think I'd whisper the whole time so I could fit in...
16. How is it 10 after 7?! UGH....I have to hurry. So just random snippets...
17. Blair and Tomas do look rather dashing together. Can't lie. Starr and Baz look like smashed ass...word.
18. Rex continues to piss me off.
19. Tea and Dan-YELLA look uber presh. Blanca asked Dan-YELLA about her conception? Ugh...awkward. LOL...Toad called her Blank-ah. I love it.
20. Toad doesn't recognize the earrings that "Todd" gave her. Red flag...
21. Langston's a hot commodity, Starr? REALLY? You idiot. Explode. It's not like Hope even knows who you are either. Addie will just be her mother from here on out...
22. "These weiners are getting cold." Ah...I lurve Dorian. Don't will be seeing a hot weiner in a few minutes. Don't fret.
23. LOVE that Blair's being portrayed by an Asian-American actress. Homage to old school OLTL...
24. Thank God for small favors. At least that pic of Gigi is off the mantle. That was such a middle finger to us all.
25. Aaaaand, RH remembers the earrings. Soooo is he the real Todd? I still don't flippin' know.
26. I miss Nigel and need him back at the Buch Mansion when Clint takes over again. Aaaand, Rex has a gun.
27. I'm sorry but I did pee a bit when Dan-YELLA told Nate "Someday that's gonna be you up there."
28. I love that Harrison Ford is playing Bo Buchanan. OMG...Mel Gibson as Clint. This is so silly but I love it.
29. PEEING!!!! I hate NQS and Co. but I am laughing at this porn stuff. The music is spot on. When he walked in and said "I heard you were failing sex ed." words. I was DYING! This is BEYOND awkward!!! BEYOND!

Ah...must run quickly! My stylist is here. Ciao bellas!

Love y'all and mean it,


  1. So loved "Mia Korf as Blair Cramer" in the movie credits. They took that joke all the way, didn't they!

    Just found your blog the other day, and I having a blast reading our comments while I watch. You crack me up. :)


  2. *Oops, meant to say "your comments"!

  3. I noticed this a few days ago. John's apartment used to have a pinball machine where the slot machine is now. Did anyone notice when that was changed???

    ME, I am SO TOTALLY with you with these stupid, assinine teen scenes. Totally atrosh!

  4. @Laura Oh, not problem! I knew you meant "your comments" so no biggie. Hilarious about Mia Korf...loved it! I'm so glad you found the blog and that you are enjoying it. Feel free to comment anytime and thanks for the praise! ;)

    @anonymous Oh snap!!!! You are so right about John's pinball machine. You are astute! I didn't even notice. Very good call...very good. Oh woof on these effing teens. Insulting and just shoved down our throats daily. Huge woof!

  5. I don't know why it made me laugh so hard at the beginning when Tea and DanYELLA were bantering but I rewound and played like 10 times laughing...Oh Tea is so hot...

    And I'm glad, I thought it was just me who didn't know fashion at all, but I was like Starr's dress is terrible, that flair collar thingymabob was dreadful!

    OMG it's getting so good, I can't even believe this was a Thursday! Can't wait til todays!

  6. A MELADOR production?!! Blair's old cosmetic company is the production company?? ROTFLMAO

    Now THIS is why I love soaps!! For their inherent soapiness!! Being simultaneously hilarious and suspenseful, incredulous and compelling. I LOVE CAMP!!!!!!

    And I greatly appreciated the avalanche of inside jokes - an especially rich reward for us old-timers.

    This almost made up for the porno crapfest we have been forced to contend with. ALMOST. Will get back to you later on that one.

    As long as I live I will never enjoy watching anyone more than RH when he is being all badass and funny as hell. And yes, he and ME have the manfriend thing really going on. Again - it seems easy to tell when ME is actually enjoying who he is working with.

    I was SO confounded by Starr's completely lame dress (huh?)and just stunned by Blair's gorgeous white one - she looked incredible - so much so I might forget what a dip she has been as of late. Come on Blair! It really hasn't been that long since you lost your mojo! Please get your sassy trouble-making self back to Llanview ASAP!!

    The Vickerman movie poster was . . . was . . . words really do fail here. Yep - total failure - I got nothing. Toad's face when looking at it was priceless. Actually Toad's facial expressions have been pretty priceless all around - I am seriously going to miss him. Had no desire for him to be a sacrificial lamb to RH's return and do feel for his fans - but we just can't help who we love. And I do love me some RH Todd Manning served up on a bed of . . bed of . . well, I think I am not finishing that thought here.

    OK, eagerly awaiting fallout . . . how delicious!


  7. Holy hell Starr's dress was ugly. Easter dress from the 80's? Ripped off upholstery from a floral couch graveyard? Clearance rack at Grandma's Five and Dime? Just awful.

  8. Ha! Am glad you like my porn moniker - cheated only slightly - but Boots Young just didn't sound as good as Young Boots, so poetic license was in order.


  9. haha my daughter said the exact tsame thing about starrs dress and the 90's.

    I really enjoyed all the comic relief this week--but where was kelly for the premier, and I kind of expected a few more of the Buchs--since Vickerman is their cousin after all ;) I think it would have made things more interesting

    Ok and I haven't seen spoilers does Rex really kill anyone that would such a bad way to end this.

    And I would LOVE a crawfish bread recipe!

  10. Ok I am so late to all of this but trying to play catch up while Ross is at the grocery store!

    @YoSammity Ummm I am still HUNGOVER from Starr's dress! Dammit to hell that thing was awful. I cannot deal. Like you said, I agree...GETTING GOOD. Praise God!

    @Young Boots (aka cri* cri) LMAO at Blair's old company. Between that and Mia...too funny! Oh, and I agree...the soap was quite "soapy" on Friday. Oh agree about being able to tell when ME enjoys who he is working with. He and RH have the best damn banter! Lord have mercy! New supercouple indeed. ;) Now that I watched Monday's episode, I'm back to liking Blair. Just hope it stays that way. She looked like sex on a flippin' stick in that dress and Starr looked like an unpopular 3rd grader that was trying to be cool. Awful. LOL...yes, no words can describe that damn "Vickerman" poster. you, I will miss Toad, too. I really started to like him. I wish that he and RH could co-exist on the show but I need RH to be the REAL Todd. Le sigh. No such luck for both. RH has quite the rockin' bod...serve him on whatever!

    @Katie Your comments are always short, sweet, on-point and HILAR. Jesus! AGREED!!!! Atrosh! Easter from the 80's is a good one! UGH. I just couldn't believe my eyes. Whoever put that together should be shot. That's that.

    @Young Boots AH...for a moment I thought "YB" was a new commenter! Joke is on me! Seriously...LOVE LOVE LOVE "Young Boots." You should make everyone call you that. No other name is better. For realzies. So clever.

    @rac Yes, I mean I can't believe Kristen Alderson didn't even put up a fight about the dress. I mean...did anyone at that damn studio? It was ATROSH! Def something I could have had in my closet circa 1992. Ugh there were quite a few glaringly absent characters at the premiere which kinda bothered me. But, it I did the shennanigans were funny...thanks to the porn music, NQS' douchey lines, and Dorian being poised. ha! Ooooh okay email me ( or facebook me and I will send it to you. Or, I will scan it and send in an email if you want. If there is another southern recipe you want let me know and I'll send it too since that cookbook has everything!