Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Nikki Is LOVING "The Swollen Sow" Because...Duh...They Use Marty's Marinade. It's Nikki Approved!!!!

Nikki: "Ah! All done! I love 'The Swollen Sow!' Their ribs are the best. My dessert was kicking Charlie's ass...de-lish."

What the hell is up!? I've been running around like a Southern version of Marty effing Saybrooke...swear to God! OMG...I've had so much shit to do before we leave Thursday morning at 3 a.m. Woof! I'm barely here as I post this. I haven't gotten to see the show yet. So, let's do this shall we?

Wait...disclaimer: I had a person comment and ask me if I had DVR and if so why don't I rewind when I say in my post that I "missed a scene?" That's a good question. I think I need to explain this: It's just my smart-ass way of saying that I did indeed miss the scene but I couldn't give two shits about it so I'm not taking the time to rewind. For example, I did have to rewind and/or pause the Marty/Natty stuff yesterday since I genuinely cared about those. However, I may have missed a blank stare or two that Deanna gave James or something stupid that the strange French guy said to Tomas...to hell with it. I see it happening, but I just didn't take the time to take a quote from it, etc. I'm sorry. If all of you people could hear me read my posts aloud this wouldn't be a problem...syntax and text are the devil sometimes and skew emotion. Ok...enough of that. Hope I cleared up any confusion and I'm sorry if my apathy and strange wit are offensive and/or confusing at times. ;)

Just what I need Starr in the first scene. Lord. Wait...she is not "Done and Gone Deanna." Ugh. I think I'm just annoyed becasue I hate the way her now is pronounced compared to the spelling! Woof!

May I just say it is BEYOND EGREGIOUS AND OFFENSIVE that this James/Deanna shit has gone on for weeks and these people are getting more screen time than Matthew, Bo, and Nora!!!! Matthew just confessed to killing someone...dear God. There is no follow-up because??? Exactly. Stupid. They are gonna drag this confession shit from Deanna out for forever.

FACT: Clint will be more entertaining than half these clowns without saying one mother effing word. Joey/Aubs...this outta be good.

There is no way Tess is reading "Mom's Team." Exactly. She is looking at cars. Ugh...no doubt a cheesy ass car that men going through a mid-life crisis would get. "I need a fast car in a really bright color. I just got hair implants and left my wife that is my age so I can date a 23 year old." That kinda guy. Ugh. God forbid Nora be in the courtroom. UGH. If y'all could see me I am SEETHING!!!! Ugh. Where is she?

OMG OMG OMG. "The Swollen Sow?" WTF?! When did Llanview get this baby-backed establishment? I love a cute pink piggy as much as the next girl but I am curious. Hmm. The bag is cute. YESSSSSSS!!!!!!!! Nikki is in full effect!!!!! I needed this. Thank you God. Clint's gonna be mute the whole hour so I needed you Erika Slezak. Thanks a bunch. xx, ME

God, they need a new opening...

Starr...you're being naive. Get your ass back over there.

Raise your hand if you don't give a flying f*@k about why Deanna jumped James?! ME ME ME!!!!! I'm like some kid in elementary school who is just DYING to answer the question for bonus points. OMG. No. A flashback to Dayt-en? Well, hello there JWS. I actually missed you.

OMG...I'm also beyond tired of this jealousy game that Aubs/Cutter play. He is creepily watching her and Joey...ugh. Over it. I must say...I FLOVE Natalie in green. Looks Fabu on her!!!! So gorgeous. God bless America. Eff Cutter/Aubs. I don't even want to discuss them.

I do want the Fords to be gone...that is no lie or secret. However, I do think that David Gregory is a good actor. He is. I have to give him credit. "I'll call my mom and check up on Ryder." Ok, so is Jessica Leccia still on this damn show or not? Will someone tell me?

OMG! Welcome back, Nikki! I love you today!!! (I've been spelling it wrong but I'm gonna continue to do so.) She is better today than she was in her scenes at Llanfair. May I just add that I LURVE BBQ ribs. OMG. I mean...the best. Ah!

Hmmm...so I wonder if Ford will swoop in and save the day with all of the alters running a muck?

hahahahaha! "Echo DiSavoy that's like the most made-up name I've ever heard of." OMG...preach it Nikki! That is THE truth! God, I have hated that name for forever...thanks for letting me know I am NOT alone! YESSSSS!!!!! These scenes are even better now that Nikki is threatening Echo with plastic cutlery...FABOOSH! Echo looks like she is about to shit a brick every time she looks at that plastic fork...LOL! Sidenote: They have Kim Zimmer back in blue. Shocking, really.

I'm assuming Christian isn't lurking in the background of the Blair/Starr scenes because he just zipped over to LU to teach art. Yes, I just convinced myself of that...

JWS is still intimidating as Eddie...give him that.

EWWWWWWWW!!!!! "It ain't my ego that needs fluffing sweetheart." Nice porn reference, Cutter. You are such a filty bastard. Ugh. God...a Kelly Cramer mention from Cutter. I WISH she were on today.

Joey dresses like a douche...

I have nothing to say about the Ford/Tess scenes...

OMG Natty! You and Joey need to expose Nikki...someone does!

LOL...I love how Tess calls Vicki, "Vickster."

Natalie, you KNOW she wasn't channeling Nikki. YOU KNOW!!!! OMG OMG OMG OMG...a Jean Randolph reference!!!! AHHHHH!!!!! Be still my heart!!!!!! I flove Jean. Oh, how I adore thee. WAIT JUST A DAMN MINUTE! Dare I say it? Is...JOEY the one being intelligent about all this?! WHAT?!

God, I hate when people say "It's not a threat it's a promise." Ugh. hahaha....Nikki is crackin' my ass up. YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!! Nikki just played Clint's tape that is adorably labeled "Echo." Wait, so does that little recorder kinda resemble a Talkboy? Y'all remember those???

Starr you're not paranoid. Any girl would think that Deanna is after James...totally normal! SNAP!!!!!! A Hannah O'Connor reference! God, I miss her crazy ass. Ross looooooooved her!!!! I did, too. Cannot lie.

Wait...what? The reason why Deanna broke up with James is because he knew her real birth mother???? Say what?!

I mean...hell has frozen over for a couple of minutes but I can't believe that Joe is being the sharp knife in the drawer and he is. I'll.Be.Damned.

These Tess/Ford scenes...they are boring me to tears.

Nikki is so badass!!! OMG...so what is it with OLTL the past two days???!!! Everyone is saying "Give it to me!" and the other person is holding an object out of their reach. FLOVES THIS SHIT!!! It's like a schoolyard!

Starr's drinking milk? Yeah right. She's had a kid and is in college and can handle shit better than you, Blair...give her a bourbon.

God...I am taking a sip of wine during this James/Deanna shit. Woof Woof Woof. I will say that I didn't like the mean things Deanna said to James. That was ugly.

hahaha....that's right you STD-ridden whore! Kelly is onto you, Aubs. So is Cutter for that matter...

OMG, Joey is soaring all kinds of grade levels today! This bastard is clearly in 3rd grade!!!!! At least! Now, he needs to continue being smart and not be stupid...remember when he crushed the video of Aubs doing the horizontal mambo with Cutter? Yeah...dipshit.

I love this Nikki/Echo catfight shit...

Ugh...so Aubs is genuinely developing feelings for Joey. What horseshit. It is what it is.

WHOA! Charlie is surfacing after 30 minutes into the show?! WTF???? Why can't Bo and Nora do that...AHHHH!!!! Anyway, this dumb bastard is only gonna make things more comical. Can't wait. Nikki's laugh is maniacal! Lurve it. Now...Nikki looks just fine sitting on that ugly ass, STD-ridden couch. The Vickster...not so much.

This f*@king auto body shop...eyesore! I will say that Deanna is a good actress...or pretty good. Who thinks James still kinda likes Deanna? I do.

Blair, give Starr liquor. ;) Just kidding...but listen to Blair! Go get answers.

Aubs looks orange today. Ugh. WHAT!!!??? I'm so sure Cutter! There will be no killing of Clint so STFU!

Good Lord...enter Charlie the ass-hat. Dear God. hahahaha....Nikki is so badass. Echo is a nervous wreck!!!

OMG...Nora I need you to get to this courtroom. STAT. Tess, listen to Ford...he has good points.

I'm not sure if Natty and Joey can take Tess and Ford. Don't let Joey's height fool you...

Ok, last segment...be good please.

I will say: Starr good for you. Insecure peeps would do that, but all girls are a little crazy so if I were you I'd still go to James'. But...good for you.

NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "I finally got the guts to friend you on MyFace." F*@kin' kill me.

God, they are redeeming Aubrey daily. Ugh.

Echo just lie to Charlie. He will believe whatevs.

I still can't believe Joey has a 1/5 of a brain this episode.

That's right ass clown, it "doesn't sound like Vicki at all." UGH...did you even know your wife?!?!

Lord...the previews tomorrow. I must say they are kinda odd, but no doubt ES WILL deliver. She deserves to be in every scene...40 years of greatness.

OMG...exhausted and we still have so much to do and I have work tomorrow...ah! No sleep around this apartment tonight. Woof.

See you darlings tomorrow evening!

Mija (however, I don't date Nathaniel Q. Salinger...fyi)


  1. First, of all I read your all of your blog posts in a sassy black woman's voice. It just makes your hilarious commentary even more hilarious.

    On an unrelated note, I had to point out your typo, where Deanna "jumped" James! I was like, whoa I totally missed that scene! But she was pretty brutal to James, way more than I thought she had to be...I'm so over them though...I do not like how James is reacting, I wish he would be like I'm with Star and get them off screen!

    I'm not sure if I'm a big fan of Joey's newfound intelligence. It makes me mad that he can't figure out other simple things, like the fact that his wife has sex with her "brother" every other day! At least, before he was just dumb and that was a reason, don't get smart out of nowhere!

  2. @YoSammity Firstly, I am indeed a sassy black woman so you don't need to imagine too much! It's your dream come true! ;) Wait...did I say Deanna "jumped" James? Ugh. I probably did. I'm so out of it (OMG we are washing clothes as I type this...dammit!). I'm so over it, too ONLY because it has taken about ten damn years for Deanna to spit this shit out! Oh...Joey's intelligence will probably be short lived. I know that he will be smart for an episode or two and then he will do something dumb. Missed you commenting, stranger! ;)

  3. AH! I am so frustrated with the show! Nora, Bo, and Matthew are MIA after the biggest revelation in their lives, WTF? Then Clint is stuck in a hospital bed.
    James/Deanna, don't deserved to even be talked about. Talk about wasting a JWS day!
    Anyways, thank goodness for you blog, I can keep up without actually having to watch everyday!
    I am going to watch tomorrow because of it is ES's 40th, but until Bo, Nora, or Matthew show up I am refusing to watch!

  4. Ok, so google changed the way my name appears, WTF? This is mojomiller2003.

  5. OK, when Charlie fussed at Echo cause he thought she forgot the slaw! Holy hell! I was thinking somebody give this clown a giant lollipop, a yo-yo and a beanie with a propeller on top. I can't handle this simpleton anymore!

  6. You are too funny, Mary-Ella! I love reading these. Say,wasn't Joey a blond priest? When did he change that?

    Anyway,I think the best part of yesterday's episode was when Nikki grabbed Echo's food and left, only to drop it in the trash can right outside their room. Classic Nikki. Had to laugh too when Tess told Ford "What you don't like powerful cars? You're named after one." As for some of the other writing, well...

  7. Aubrey is fast becoming a waste of space to me. I might have been on board had she gone after Clint (guess she still could - maybe play nursemaid when he gets out of the hospital and Joey has left her for Kelly?)

    Deanna's big reveal was...meh. So what? Ten bucks says her mother is Vivian the ObGyn (because you KNOW long lost family members always move to Llanview) and then Viv and Shaun will marry and adopt her and send her away to college.

  8. I have missed JWS. He is so perfectly creepy. Would love it if they could keep him around for a few more flashbacks.

    I am an original ATWT and GL soap fan from way back and a much more recent OLTL convert. So I have great appreciation for all of Kim Zimmer's talent and have loved watching her. Yet, when she is in a scene with ES she is overshadowed. The excellence of ES just glares at you.

  9. ME,

    So, I have to agree with you Tuesday's show would have been a good time to show Matthew...to juxtapose how horrible Eddie Ford was...

    I can't believe the big reveal was that Deanna (I hate the way it's pronounced vs. the way it's spelled, too) broke up with James to find her mother. I'm taking bets that she's Destiny's sister.

    I'm tired of ALL of Clint's kids (except Jess/Tess). I really wish one of them had killed Eddie Ford. Anyway, the best thing about OLTL right now is your blogs.

  10. Ah...ok so I'm about to do a QUICK response to your comments before I pass the hell out! ;) By the way, these comments make my day and always make me chuckle...lurve them!

    @Mojomiller OMG we could discuss the Bo/Nora/Matthew abscene for days on end!!!! Dear God don't get me started! Plus, on Monday that's 2 effing weeks since Nora has been on!!!??? I flove JWS...agreed TOTAL WASTE that he had to share the screen with them. And, no doubt that these James/Deanna scenes are so riveting...captivating, really. :( hahaha...someone else who had a google account had that happen to them, too! So weird! Glad my blog keeps you up to date. Let's hope we get our fam on soon! ;)

    @Katie you make me pee on myself! You're hilar! What a description of Charlie--SO PERF!!!! haha! Too funny! God, Ross loved the slaw comment, too. I mentioned slaw in my post for today.

    @RichmondChandler What profession hasn't Joey done?! Yes, he was indeed a priest. When Joey returned to Llanview in 2003 he was a pastor...became one in his absence from the show. Obviously that holy job went to hell in a handbasket. hahaha...I must have missed the quote from Tess! Thanks for telling me. That is HILAR! Oh, and those ribs Nikki noshed on looked delish...hate to see food wasted!

    @anonymous OMG I agree with Aubs: boring me to death and I'm over her but if she beds Clint I'm okay with it. I hope she plays Florence Nightengale to him soon. UGH...Deanna/James...don't get me started. NOT the reveal I expected...kinda lame. Actually...just lame. hahahaha! Her mother is Vivian...NICE CALL! I love that idea. That needs to get pitched...stat!

    @christie Oh, JWS is beyond creepy with this character but I floved his ass, too! Whannn! Hated he was around for only a short period of time. You're a GL fan!? I was, too!!!! That was my other soap! I watched for 18 years and sobbed like a damn baby when it ended. As long as Beth and Phillip got together I was ok. Anyway, I flove KZ too but I wasn't the biggest Reva fan (don't kill me please). I DVR'd the last 6 months of ATWT...sad. I could talk about this shit for days so I must stop. Anyway, I love seeing ES and KZ, but yes ES is THE Queen. KZ is FABU though...most def! So sass!

    @Kendall God...we ain't seein' Matthew's ass again! Lord today! Where is he?! OMG...the Deanna reveal blew major balls and don't even get me started on that pronunciation hogwash! Lord have mercy!!! I, too, think one of Clint's herd should have been the one to kill Eddie instead of Bo and Nora's ONLY child. UGH! I'm still hoping something changes with all that...fingers crossed! Awe...thanks for the compliment! I try to do well despite limited time. When the show is not the best, it makes it hard to post! Thanks again! ;)