Marty: "Well, I'm sorry you feel that way. I for one know that John LOVES my St. Anne's Marinade. You're just bitter that he is having dinner with me and you're breast feeding."
What's the word?!?! Hope y'all had a great Easter! Did y'all think I forgot about y'all?! hehe...never. Thanks for the concern, Krisi! I've just been CRAY CRAY busy preparing for our big trip, chatting with friends, and other things. Anyway, I watched Friday's episode late Friday evening (after Ross and I went and drank while our apartment was getting shown to potential renters). So, I was tipsy and attempted to watch the show. IT SUCKED! OMG. Then I saw the previews...lord. So, I knew that I did NOT want to bash the show to hell and back for two posts in a row. So, I am doing a drive by of Friday's show and going to watch and post for today's. I have a feeling I'm not gonna be the nicest. How sad. I'm in a fabulous mood (even after dropping a shit-ton of money on wedding gifts at Pottery Barn), so I hate that I'm gonna be like this.
Friday, April 22nd
1. Let's just all thank God right now that Marty was on. She was the ONE bright spot in the show. I think some of her crazy sauce dripped onto my hardwood floor. LURVE THIS BITCH! She is obviously NOT acting like Marty, but I couldn't care less. Continue your downward spiral and remember to invite me to your Memorial Day BBQ.
2. I enjoyed seeing the pic of Roger Howarth. Be still my rapidly beating heart!
3. Who died and made Nate Salinger the new Angela Lansbury?! This bastard isn't smart enough to put two and two together with the syringe. Please bitches...
4. Natalie will probably get a happy ending after months of lying. This better not be an easy road or I'll be pissed.
5. John singing to the baby was adorbs. Floved it.
6. Sooooooo.....did Rex hire the thugs? It's a shame if he did, because I wanted Clint to be a badass from his hospital bed. C'est la vie.
7. Overall, the show sucked donkey balls. Previews look dismal at best.
Okie dokie...here we go with Monday!
F*@k a duck. You have to be kidding me. Shirtless James in the first scene. Lemme guess...Deanna is gonna come back and just give a blank stare and not say why she and James broke up?! Let's see. Boom...game over. She's at the door with Starr. These scenes will rock my damn socks off I'm sure...woof!
Blair...come on, girlfriend. You HAVE to stay strong and continue to be suspicious of Tomas. I cannot have you with a weirdo or psychopath again. You're way to GORG and awesome for that.
Well, some things never change. Christian continues to have no purpose. As MH texted me earlier, "Christian needs a shave and haircut." Well, truer words have not been spoken. Hmmm...maybe he is looking unkempt on purpose. Like "Hey, maybe if I look like a homeless person then I'll stick out like a sore thumb. Then the writers will remember I exist and need to do something with me. Then, maybe they will say 'Hey, if you clean up we will write for you.'" I'm not sure if it's working. Rama taking an interest in him will not bring his character to life...sorry. Sidenote: FLOVE Rama's coat. She is so pretty!
Shane is doing a great job with playing the stressed out, bullied teenager. Kudos!
Awww hell. There is that mislabeled tape. Marty's tirade will come out soon, no doubt.
Again...John will seductively whisper his way to the truth as he is dressed in all black clothing. Ah, nice. Flashback to psycho hose beast Marty "don't be tardy for the party/I'm dripping in St. Anne's marinade" Saybrooke. Wonder if the doc will spill it...can she?
Oooooh Natty/Marty. Please deliver. Dear God...the show looks like it's gonna suck so I NEED these scenes to be good. Please!!!
Oh hell!!!! Back to James/Deanna/Starr. Thank God...looked down and missed it.
Lord today they are pimping the everliving shit out of "Access Llanview!" Oooookay. I've beaten this to death, but I'm gonna ask it again: WHEN DOES CHRISTIAN TEACH SCHOOL?!?! Jesus, Marty, and Joseph!!! ;) I mean this bastard has all kinds of jobs! I bet he delivers "The Sun" each morning on his 4:00 a.m. paper route.
Fact: Blair's hot shit. When I turn 50 may I look like that please?
OMG OMG OMG kill me!!!!! Deanna, if you don't tell James what the deal is with y'all's break-up then I'm gonna have to kick your ass! Oh, I think we get an Eddie flashback tomorrow? I think that provides more insight into all this mess. Let's hope so. I need this shit to be over with.
I liked Gigi during the week of Shane's near suicide. I'm back to not liking her. Wow...it feels good, I must say. All is now right with the world.
Oh damn...missed the Rex/Brody/Shane scene.
Not that I am rooting for Natalie in all this mess, but RUN in the opposite direction! Marty is nuts and you have your bay-bay with you! I know she won't because she is gonna ask Marty repeatedly (just like a little kid on a car trip "are we there yet?") for probably weeks until Marty loses her shit (even more...if possible) and spills the truth in some cray cray fashion.
haha...released too early? REALLY JOHN?! You are chief of detective for a reason...fact. You are so tricky! Wait...so can this doctor tell John? I mean, I know if Marty is a more than likely to cause harm to herself or others then she is legally bound to disclose stuff but I don't know if it's that far yet. Hmmm.
That's right, Rex. For a long time Shane thought Brody was his dad...yeah, you're about to marry Gigi. She's so awesome and you're about to spend the rest of your life with her. Poor Brody...two kids that are now about to be taken from him. Poor thing. He really is such a nice guy. I like him...I do. Shane Morasco you're doing an awesome job with all this!!!!
Hmmmm....is Gigi gonna snatch that tape?
Missed John and the doctor...
Gigi's nails are lavender...hmmm. Must have been painted the same day they made EVERYONE on the show wear that color.
That's right, Natty. Don't buy Marty's story! I NEED these scenes to be AWESOME and they are just too flippin' short! REALLY?! They are the best thing on today and the show decides to make these scenes a snippet...eff that. BALLS!
I kinda wanna try a "Delhi Belly" and I'm not even into fruity shit.
I love the random window cleaner in the background of these Tomas/Blair/French stranger scenes. THESE SCENES ARE TOO SHORT TOO!!!!
Deanna...take the money and run! I'm so over you being here. Your blank stares are KILLING me! UGH!!!!!!!! I detest these scenes!
I blinked and missed the Rama/Christian scene...f*@k a duck.
Blair...what's your answer gonna be? You're gonna say no, huh?
LOL...be very scared Gigi! Marty's tape will freak you the eff out! She's gonna come for your ass if she knows you have it!!! hahahaha. I'd LOVE it! Marty would tear your mini ass up!
I admit...Manning deserved getting his ass almost beaten. I don't care if it's wrong or not. Oh lord...I cannot take Brody being like "if somebody did Liam like that" mess. This is gonna break my heart. :( Just boo. Wait...dammit did Rex hire the thugs or not? I think he did! Didn't I read that in a spoiler somewhere? Do y'all know?
God bless...all these Marty flashbacks!!!
YESSSSSS!!!!!!!!! Natty snatched the test!!!
Of course, Blair said she wasn't suspicious.
Again, I want to try that drink. Hmmm. hehe...Oh Rama, Christian isn't thinking you're terrible. EVERYONE in Llanview lies about having a baby or their baby's paternity. No biggie, girlfriend.
Missed the Tomas/Weird French Guy scene....
Starr...you're so damn nice and understanding. Deanna is going to milk the sympathy card...BEWARE!
May I just say that today's episode sucks ass? Just wanted to kinda throw that out there. My post is shit.
Ok, so Marty/Natty reminds me of elementary school shit right now. "Give it to me!" hahaha.
REALLY JOHN?! Marty is delusional?! See, none of us thought that. My God, what in the hell would we do if you weren't running investigations for the LPD?! Well, we would all be knee deep in crazy shit. Thank God you came to town, you clever bastard!!!! Ok...these flashbacks of Marty are not needed.
As if Natty would unfold the piece of paper to see the true results...that would just be too easy. hahahahahaha! NO, Natty. Marty and her marinade don't know what reality is...duh.
I'm glad that James and Starr want to have sex. Now, can we please move along with these James and Deanna scenes?! Sad that these scenes are longer than the Marty/Natty scenes!!!!! I don't give a rat's ass about why Deanna broke up with James...woof woof woof.
Missed the Rama/Christian scene.
OMG...I am praying that this Tomas shit moves forward!!! I mean, I can only look at Ted King for so long. He is not Bo Buchanan, by any means. I could just watch him watch paint dry...I'd be happy. I need Ted King to actually do something for me. STAT!!!
Dammit...Brody is so fab.
YES!!! HOLD ONTO THAT SHIT, NATTY!!! I need Marty to go overboard! Y'all need a good fight!
Well, go ahead John McBain. You tell that doctor what's up.
NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean...I'm upset yet Ross and I both died out laughing when Natty ripped up the paternity results! OF COURSE!!!! Technically...in the words of Dorian Lord "Natalie, karma's a bitch." So, serves you right I guess. Marty's cray cray laugh made that scene...
Good for you doctor. You told John all you could without breaking doctor/patient confidentiality. Good on ya.
LOL...now Brody just stumbled upon the the crazy funhouse that is Natalie/Marty. Awesometown.
That's right! Whisper your way to the truth, JMcB!!!!
Let's pray the last segment is good...
Rama's boobs are OUT OF CONTROL!!!! Love them! I think Ross would leave me for Rama...fact.
Blair...don't leave Jack at home. He is an effing terror. What happened to "I'm a terrible mother?!" Ugh. Starr...she didn't leave yet.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! Hurry this shit up. Oooooooookay. So, WTF I'm so damn shocked! It had to do with Eddie?! NO! Get out!? This show is so damn clever...
Lord...let's buckle up for the tape switch fiasco.
Congrats Gigi, I don't like you again. Happy Easter.
Dammit...I'm gonna love Brody to pieces by the time he leaves the show. Isn't he leaving?! I heard he was.
Ugh...Johnny McB is blowing off KC so he can get scoop. Wait...so is John gonna cook for Marty at his disgusting ass roach apt. with the slot machines? Hmmm.
The last scenes were okay. Otherwise...eh.
My God...where in the HELL are Bo and Nora?!?! Please God can these two come and save me!!!??? I mean...are they just hanging out? Where is Clint (besides the hospital bed)?! Vicki/Nikki??? Hell, Dorian please come out!!!! I have a feeling I'm not gonna see my adorbs B/N, so I AT LEAST need some combo of the fab five.
Wait, may I just say that Robin Strasser is the best tweeter in the world!!!! EVERYONE should follow her on twitter: @robinstrasser. I am smitten with her! She is so witty!
Dear God, please let tomorrow be good.
Ok gorgeous ones...see y'all tomorrow!!!