"In That Respect I Suppose the Pet Has the Advantage"

Jean: "I will have you know that my pet's SAT score is worthy of a Harvard acceptance. I can get your pet to that level, too. Trust me. It's all about discipline."

AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jean effing Randolph...my all-time fav!!!!! So cold, calculating, and precise and everything is said so matter of factly that the shit is comical...be still my heart!!! Lauren, I know she is your favorite alter, too! Right?! I know you're probably in law school finals but hope you got to watch! ;)

This day has been one of the craziest of my life! Lord have mercy! My trip hasn't even started yet. Ironically enough, the most Zen thing about today was watching Erika Slezak entertain my ass for a solid hour with her two alters...AWESOMENESS! I NEEDED this today. MUCH MUCH MUCH deserved episode all about Vicki...fabooshness overload! She is THE Queen. Lurve her.

So, lemme go on and get going since we are leaving tomorrow and I still have more to pack before our 13 hour trek (if we go fast)...woof.

Well, hey Vicki...haven't seen you for a bit. That's right V, "oh no."

Flove Natty's coat. "I don't speak bimbo." Lurve it. OMG Joey is smart for two episodes in a row?! Believe that shit when I see it.

God Nikki gets trashier with each appearance...awesome sauce. I need Jean! I need Jean! Where is she?!

NOTE: I'm trying to recognize old OLTL furniture in these Vicki scenes but no luck so far...

FACT: Joey is being smarter than Natty. Dear God. Hell is getting sleet...not frozen over yet. Just a bit chilly...

"Nikki Smith is no welcher." I had to look up welcher...yes, I know...I'm an idiot. I had an idea but wanted an exact definition: someone who refuses to pay his or her own debt. OR...someone who swindles you by not paying their bet or wager. There ya go...

Come on Victoria! Break through! However, not before Jean returns. AHHHH!!!!!!!! The Gatekeeper's keys!!!

Ugh...Nora is Vicki's attorney and lemme guess she "won't be able to make it" or some shit. Kill me. Monday will be two weeks! Unacceptable! Where is she!?

YESSSSSSS!!!!! Like Vicki just said "Thank God!" Dear God, Jean...Mary-Ella's ass has missed you! "Really Victoria was all that caterwauling really necessary?" HAHAHA! Gatekeeper in full effect. I need to borrow some of Jean's calm demeanor...Lord.

No. Nikki. Dammit. I kinda liked that travel bag, so of course you will place it in the trash. Boo on you. HOLD THE PHONE...did Nikki just suggest Atlantic City?! WTF? Chuckles and Echo will galavant there together, no doubt. Dumb idea, Nicole.

LOL..."Jean, do you hear that? She is laughing at us!" I lurve this shit. Not everyday...that's for damn sure. But these alters are FABU!

I hate the way Llanview's favorite toddler dresses...ugh. Joey...you are 30 feet taller than Ford and you let him intimidate you? FAIL.

Jean: "Tess would no doubt leave Ryder in a coat room if she could and Robert Ford's paternal qualifications are as yet untested." Where have you been, Jean?!?! "Oh pay attention, Victoria. I never said I won't let you out. I said I can't let you out." Sheer and utter perfection...

Joey...listen to Robert Ford. Just pretend he is the high school quarterback (aka your hero at this stage in your life), so everything he says is true. If you think of it in terms like this, you can succeed in life despite your disabilities. Lord...Nikki's "Vicki" is HILAR but you can soooo tell it ain't the real V.

Glad this was cleared up...was totally confused how Vicki could give up the key. Of course, precise and intelligent Jean explained the whole damn thing with such tact. God bless her. FLOVE "Nicole" and "Victoria." Too great!

OMG so how big of a joke is it when they say "completely integrated?!" Dear God! Dr. Levin effing blows major balls...sumo wrestler balls. As if he could totally fix this mother/daugther D.I.D. duo...bitch, please.

Hell, I need Jean to come and clean up a few aspects of my life...

DAMMIT!!!!!!!!! I LOATHE Ford and Tess' attorney...woof woof woof! Cheesedick bastard...ugh. Nikki's facial expressions...out of control! UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Natalie: "Mom, where is Nora isn't she representing you?" Nikki: "Yeah, she was. She had some sort of conflict so the judge removed her." Oh.Dear.God. I just can't catch a break this week. I mean...is Hillary Smith on vaycay?! Come back please. xx, ME

I FLOVE that Vicki looks to Jean for guidance...as opposed to Nikki.

Nikki: "Charlie? haha...Charlie's in...disposed." Lord, let's play this game. In...sane? In...the Minuteman Motel. In...dulging in slaw from "The Swollen Sow." In....tryouts to join the circus as the lead ass-clown. OMG....the possibilities are endless. I was going to make a really vulgar joke regarding Echo but refrained. ;) YESSS! Nikki is out of control now. "Oh come on judge don't tell me you don't watch 'Access Llanview'?" ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME?!?! They are whoring this show out like those moms do on "Toddlers and Tiaras." OUT OF CONTROL!!!

Jean Randolph would make an excellent torturer....fyi. She is some looney, calm bitch you see on TruTv who held people hostage for years and thought what she was doing was for the greater good or to better the hostages as human beings. Seriously!

WOW!!! We are almost 30 minutes in and Joey has maintained his brain!!!! If he makes it through this episode then that is TWO IN A ROW!!! Sweet Lord. hahaha..."You know what...Joe...ey?!" Lurve. Now Nikki just unveiled herself to the judge. I can't handle all this fabulousness in one episode!!!

Unleash Jean...dammit!!! I'm so anxious!!! I need this cold bitch to do her work in the courtroom. Should be soon...

OMG!!!! Nikki: "What is he like 12 years old and he's already been married 3 times. Over there we have Looney Toons." Now Nikki just said "sweeeeet." I can't handle this overload of fabulousness in one episode and I can't keep quoting! My fingers are killing me from trying to write all this awesome Erika Slezak goodness down! Hot damn...Jean is about to emerge! I feel it...

Awesome.Sauce.Sweet.Lord. Vicki got a damn bumper! ABOUT TIME BITCHES! Talk about moving at a turtle's pace...finally! Lurve it. She should have been the FIRST one to get a bumper...geez louise.

AHHHH!!!!! The squinty eyes!!! It must be Jean!

Lord...Nikki's outfit. I had a teacher who wore shit like that. Teased hair and all...

Put the glassess on, Jean....aaaaaaaand, yes! Jean in full effect. Unleash please...kisses, ME. Joey and Natty's convos about the alters are so effing comical, I swear. "Rest assured, your honor. Nikki Smith has left the building." Best.News.Ever. Granted, I flove Nicole but I mean...this is Jean for heaven's sake. She rules. I love that Jean is quoting shit like she is a lawyer...fabu. Judge: "So, unlike Nikki Smith you are fond of children?" Jean: "Not in the least." (in the most matter of fact cold tone EVER). AWESOME.

My fav line of the day: "Children are messy, your honor. They smell. They're noisy and demanding and completely self-centered. However, it can't be much harder caring for one of them than caring for a household pet. They need feeding and cleaning...and clothes. In that respect, I suppose the pet has the advantage." My God. Welcome Back, Jean. Even if only for one day. LOL...omg the love/bonding/attachment thing is HILAR!!!! "I'm sure I can find a book on the subject." OF COURSE you can Jean! You little well educated thing.

Oh heavens...Vicki is gonna have to chase whorish little Nikki's ass around for those keys I bet. Awe...Vicki kinda teared up when Nikki made that mean comment about Douchebag Magee leaving Vicki for Echo. Poor baby. :( OMG I just realized that I haven't said "Poor Vicki" yet...WTF is goin' on?!

YESSSSS!!!!!! Jean is talking about a clinical study or some shit!!!! This bitch rules!!! LOL..."In fact, their SAT scores were 3.8% higher." Bless you. Now Jean will freak over people touching her.

Vicki get Nikki!!!! Don't let her out!

"I don't want to be touched. Don't touch me." hehe. Icey bitch...adorbs (at least to me).

Aaaaand, Vickster passed out. Nicole...Jean will blame this on you so don't even try.

Everyone just listen to Natalie!!!! She is a CSU for crying out loud and used to work at BE. If anyone can save Vicki...it's Natty!!!

"You sound like a robot with PMS." OMG...I have soooooo many people I could say that, too. There are so many bitchy peeps in this world for no reason...

Thank God, Tess got that damn bag out of the trash. Hated to see it dirty! Ford and Tess are attracted to one another...woof woof woof. And, might I add...BEYOND SHOCKING! Really it is!

I know so many people who need a Jean. Good God. She can clean f*@kin' house!!!! This bitch is for real!

2 episodes in a row that Joey has a brain. Nikki said he was twelve and I've said toddler...we can find an age in between. First sign of regression...BACK IN PRE-K 4, JOE! I mean it!

Vicki is about to be the head bitch in charge again. Oh dear God...I am tearing up!!!!!! All this talk of Vicki's failed marriages, death (husbands and daughter...whannn!), mother, father's betrayal...I'm upset!!!! I'm probably more upset than I would be because I know the show is ending...whannn! OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG: "I have only my ONE life and I intend to keep living it now." AWE!!!!!!! Superb quote from the character that is THE heart of the show. I HATE THAT THIS SHOW IS ENDING!

Let's all just say it or think it now: Erika Slezak is the queen of daytime and is Faboosh and such a dame. God Bless Her and Thank God We Are So Damn Lucky to Have Her On OUR Show!!! Much love to her!

Ooooookay. So, since I'm traveling tomorrow I don't know when I can post. I will at some point. MH is going to do my Friday's post...how cute/adorable/darling is she?! I'll try and post either Thursday night or Friday. If not, then I'll be back Monday night to chat with all of you. I know...it seems I'm all over the place as of late, but after Monday my life is pretty chill...for a bit. Well, at least in the blogging world.

See y'all soon!!!! Thanks for understanding my hectic schedule!

xx,

Mija