Monday, February 28, 2011

I Laid More Than a Finger on Her

John: "I'm the only one in town who knows Joey really isn't a man. He's been pretending to be a man but he's a toddler. I'm chief of detectives for a reason: I figure shit out."

It's official. Hell has frozen over and little piggies are flying outside my window right now because I'm pretty much in love with John McBain. He had the best quotes of the damn show. Between the entitled quote and "Joey, I don't think you got a clue what a man is" well McBain just outdid himself. I Laid More Than a Finger on Her is some awesome line that "The Office" would use...or something Ross (my fiance) would say to me about a girl when he is trying to be funny. This man is my hero!! I'd drop Ross right now and go run off to Llanview right now with John McBain if he promised to continue to spout off the flippin' fantastic lines. Of course, he would have to still talk in in whisper-like seductive tone. I'm so there.

We can also say that John McBain is the ONLY one with any sense on this show! He seems to be the only one in Llanview that knows Joey is not a man and is indeed a toddler in a 6'4" disguise. Obviously he is on stilts or something. Oh, and I yanked small chunks of my hair out when Joey was telling John he wasn't a man. OMG...horrendous. So, thanks Joey, I now suffer from effing trichotillomania because of YOUR NONSENSE! Oh, and that's another educational thing today for those of you who don't now what trichotillomania means. Simply it's the urge to pull out your hair and a compulsive disorder...caused by Joey Buchanan's stupidity. ;) "Are you kidding me?! I mean, really in my own house?!" Oh. Hell. Yes. Natalie. That's right! In your own damn house, deserve it! I love that John accepts Kelly's help over Natalie's. The Natalie and Kelly bitch fest is awesome and is a great substitute for all the sorely missed Nat/Marty the Martyr cat fighting. I could get used to some Kelly/Natalie goodness. Oh, and nice Joey. Kelly is automatically sincere about her apology because she brought a damn lemon meringue pie! STFU!!!!!! Another tangent I can go on is about how everyone thinks Natalie's lying to John is okay. I'm gonna reserve that rant for a later date.

You're leaving your husband. Hell Tomas, I agree with you at this rate. Todd is getting on my last nerve. Oh, and too damn bad Tomas and Tea are bro and sis on the show because I could be down with some Tomas and Tea lovin'. They have chemistry. Hell, more chemistry than Blair and Tomas...maybe because, oh I dunno, Tomas and Tea have dialogue and do more than just say "oh, this is good-bye" and bat their eyelashes!!!!!!! Ugh! Sidenote: I love the throwing around of all the espanol. I'm gonna start doing that in my house. I will now only answer to "mija." And it's not just for daughters...I checked. So, that's my new name bitches. Thanks for the inspiration Delgados. I love that Tea asked Blair how many good-byes there have been...OMG, Tea it's been like 50! Believe it or not! Tea has sense on this show, too...just like John.

Who is this Todd Manning??? I hate that he thinks every guy is out to rape his daughter. Dear God...maybe if, you didn't rape Marty Saybrooke twice then you wouldn't be so insecure! AND...he is calling Tea his two-faced wife!?!? God, I'm starting to genuinely like Tea (obviously this is not the 1990's anymore when I couldn't stomach her). How dare Todd bash her like BLAIR! AH! I know they have a close relationship but he is treating Tea like shit with his actions recently. Of course, Tea is saying how Todd is the best thing that ever happened to her...ugh.

This wedding is so effed up, yet hysterical at the same time. Like Tess, I'm so glad Jess didn't bust out during the wedding because Tess needs to stay for a bit. heart is not hurting for the least. I'm an icy bitch. As far as the wedding being legal, I'm not about to pull my law degree card and get all technical. This is a soap opera and I'm just taking this shit for what it's worth...a hot mess. I love that Tess called Brody "li'l man." haha...getting arrested for kidnapping her fiance...lurve it. Jessica's happy in the cage...LOL! That Tess is too much!

I have dreaded to write about Starr and James. I don't find them interesting in the least. I'm sure I'll get crucified for this, but I have to strive for honesty here. Maybe because I'm bitter with the teen scene in general because the only two teens I genuinely care about are Matthew and Destiny. Obviously, the writers are trying to get me to hate Matthew (it's working) and Destiny is never shown. Hell, Matthew isn't shown either and when he is I'm screaming at the tv that he is such an effing douche! AH! I think I could have gotten into Starr and James maybe...oh, I dunno...MONTHS AGO! They should have gotten together when they were on the run. Her relationship to Cole was already falling apart and it was time for them to end. What am I talking about? Cole and Starr were awful from the beginning and their relationship ruined the character of Starr in my eyes. The sassy, bad-ass eight year old Starr was awesome...this one not so much. Anyway, I think James is sappy as shit. He is adorable and all but just no. Maybe I feel this way because I'm against the Ford brothers. But...the spark for James and Starr ended with me when they had the same conversations for months on end. I actually wanted to give them a chance and prayed that Starr would be redeemed. For me, the time has passed. The dewey decimal system is much more interesting. That's all I got.

I'll assign a "Line of the Day" but of course I am excluding McBain's awesome lines. Ford: "Langston what are you doing here?" Tess: "Oh, Van Helsing needed an assistant. Thank God you guys are here!" Of course, her dry sarcasm made it great but I loved it. I want to go have drinks with Tess as soon as possible.

I'm down with John and Kelly having sex...minority opinion but I'm perfectly okay with it.

So, between the quick previews, the sneak peek online, and the spoilers...well, tomorrow's show should be delicious! I cannot wait! Dorian/Echo, Clint/Vicki, Bo/Nora/Rex...yay!

Goodnight you fine people! See you tomorrow evening! It'll be around this time or a little earlier.



  1. Mary-Ella, you are hallarious I loved reading the Ledger. Everything you said I have felt for one long time. I will return some of the best reading OMG I laughed my socks off.
    Karen in Denver, CO

  2. Mija,

    Can I be the first to say it por favor?
    I am in love with "Jolly" or "Ken". Obviously, no one on the e-board of ABC was anticipating that a Kelly/John combination might be hot... but I have to say, I was looking forward to John and Kelly connecting at Llandfair.

    and Si! John was on point with Joey. Who is writing these days? He was hilarious... The only thing I hated about the scenes at Llandfair was that Joey got away with hitting John. It would have been cool if John caught his punch and said something sarcastically witty.

    Starr and James are boring (YAWN)! But I can tolerate them ... in VERY small doses. I can't deal with Nate and DanYELLA at all. The only thing that would make them interesting is if Nate's ex wife is going to show up and ask for child support or something.

    Oh well... looking forward to your next post, and did you update us on the job search? or is there anything to update?

  3. P.S. The other obvious combination for Kelly and John is JoKe... and I am not going to entertain that.

  4. I died laughing when John said the "laid more than a finger" line and then again when I saw it as your title. I am totally in agreement about hell freezing over because I am enjoying John- I have been wishing death on him for years and now he is funny? Craziness.

    Even though, I liked and still want to like Starr/James, they were way too syrupy sweet. Ugh Starr had so much potential when she was like 7 to be one of the best OLTL characters ever and instead we get Prom Night the Musical, the baby she never takes care of but talks about endlessly, and now this dialogue that I feel like was copied from some 13 yr old's fanfiction.

    Did you notice that when Blair mentioned Tea's brother Del from original T&T days, Todd kind of seemed like he didnt know what she was talking about. Or maybe I've just gone crazy and have started making up Roger Howarth anvils in my head.

  5. Hey mija!

    Dang, Akesha beat me to it! i totally agree with you, the "laid more than a finger" line had me laughing so hard, I could barely stop! I am so going to use that line, just to make someone mad!

    And I am completely baffled that people keep trying to justify what Natalie did! "Yeah, I know that you completely lied about your baby's paternity, but John he slept with Kelly!" Come on, you're not really together! So I am a "Jolly" fan as of this moment!

  6. Okay, okay - yes John is now spouting AWESOME one-liners that cause me to choke on my Cab Franc and start me up a-howling. (Ad-libbing perhaps? I am trying to account for it – why hasn’t this been allowed before?) I am so happy - a snarky sense of humor looks great on him. Always thought he was a hottie, he just never had anything interesting to say. Or anything much to say at all ever.

    God, do you remember how ONE SINGLE KISS between RH and KP would send you REELING ? I NEVER see this kind of care taken with make out scenes anymore. *sigh* A Martinez and Marcy Walker had that stuff down pat as well. No one takes the time to make romantic scenes that compelling these days, or so it seems to me. Complexity. Layers. Intimacy so potent that it burns through the screen right into the viewers’ entire nervous system.

    After just re-watching old Starr Manning clips very recently from the olden golden days - I still have hope that they will take a turn with her character so that she can go back to being "Oh Great One" again. What an incredible kid she was. I am sure she still has it in her and can break free out of this sappy ingénue crap eventually. Something just really needs to reach in and piss her off good.

    Not sure how I feel about the whole Jess Tess Mess. The whole DID thing has become so bleeding predictable - they could just decide to make integrated Jessica more interesting rather than relying on an alter to keep her from dying of boredom.

    Sadly for us original Todd fanatics - it looks like nothing is going to happen with Howarth any time soon (as in this calendar year.) If he is concentrating on getting picked up for a pilot, then he really SHOULD get picked up - that much talent and charisma cannot go un-noted. Did you see him on "Prey?" I don’t' think I have ever seen such a menacing portrayal of anybody in my entire life! I am otally getting the creeps just thinking about it.

    I agree - I like Tea with Tomas and am just thrilled he is on OLTL at all. Too bad it won't be an imposter Todd / real Todd story line as I hoped and fantasized about, but now that the suspense is over I can just relax and watch for now, and HOPE they make great use of Ted King. Oh my is he yummy.