Charlie: "I can't believe Echo didn't tell me that the Minuteman Motel had bedbugs. I feel so betrayed."
Gosh, I feel as if I haven't done a post in forever! Hope everyone had a lovely weekend and is having an even better Valentine's Day. I personally despise Valentine's Day (just like Superbowl Sunday), but to each his own. Anyway, without further adieu let's get this ball rollin' shall we?
It's Valentine's Day in Llanview?! You could have fooled the hell out of me. Everyone looks like they either want to shoot someone or be shot...not give out hugs and roses. You know, OLTL used to do Valentine's Day sooooo right. Not so much anymore. Today just seemed like any other episode. I would have never known it was a special day...ugh. They used to do holidays right by showing big parties or different couples celebrating but not so much anymore. To be perfectly candid, I miss it. There is enough drama going on this month that I think showing some love would have been quite refreshing. Oh well. Basically, everyone was miserable today except for the newlyweds...ugh.
If I could just beat the hell out of someone no questions asked and with no chances of them slugging me back (and I mean anyone, including famous criminals or people in my real life that I loathe), I'm pretty damn sure that I'd pick Charlie Banks. Actually, I'm 100% sure. I've said before that I hate stupidity--mine or anyone else's. And, well I just can't take this shit anymore because his stupidity is dripping from my tv screen and onto my lovely hardwood floors of my apartment. This man makes me want to bash my head repeatedly against a brick wall!!! My God! I'd rather have a bunch of fresh paper cuts on my hand and then have orange juice poured all over my hand (have you ever had a paper cut then have a little orange juice get on it...omg, painful) than watch his dumbass galavant around Llanview. As Charlie's phone rings he's all like "It's just Vicki and I don't think I can deal with her right now." WHAT?!?! You can't DEAL WITH HER right now?! Kill me please...someone. What is this man talking about? The nerve he has. Between calling Llanfair HIS house and then saying Vicki is ungenerous and now saying he can't deal with Vicki...well, I'm done with Charlie. Which sucks that I don't like him because I now have my mother watching the show and she calls me up and is like "I like Charlie" and I'm like OMG his douchiness knows no bounds, mother...please. It doesn't help she watches the show sporadically...oh well. Back to my tirade on Chuckles...it's one thing to say he can't deal with Queen V but then he kisses Echo. Oy vey! Oh, and obviously the wardrobe department will only dress Kim Zimmer in shades of blue. She has only worn sea-like colors since the day she strolled into town on October 1st. Bottomline: The only way I can find peace with this story is if it ends with Vicki and Charlie divorcing. I'm sorry. I don't like people divorcing either but Vicki deserves better. I don't care how great a guy Charlie is she needs to kick his ass to the curb. There is only so much stupidity a woman can take. Charlie is about has intelligent as a Smurf (more like Smurfette. She's so stupid that she doesn't realize the whole Smurf village is using her for sex. Just like Charlie doesn't realize Echo is using him. Weird comparison but essentially the same).
I'm pretty sure I've said "poor Vicki" about 50 times within the last month. Poor little regal thing she is in all her golden-coiffed glory! OMG, I just realized: She is spending her Valentine's Day with Rex, Gigi, Gigi's dress and Gigi's raccoon/muskrat/nutria rat (aka her hair. God knows it has a life of it's own). I wouldn't wish that upon my worst enemy. All Vicki did was run around town trying to find Chuckles...le' sigh. I'm just at a loss of words, really. Thank God, Rex Balsom is the best P.I. in town...surely he can find Chuckles. Fear not, Vicki, fear not. Rex will save the day. OMG...Vicki and those babies! Adorbs. I want her to hold me like that after I've had a hard day.
Oooohhhhh....the Jess/Brody/Nat/John scenes were nothing short of stellar! And, I should have all these warm feelings since it is Valentine's Day and all. This meaning that I should show random acts of kindness and goodness on this day...which I am all about, really. However, I just can't find it in my heart to find a single ounce of sympathy for Natalie today. I mentally told myself before the show that I should try and feel sorry for her...um, but no. Maybe last night at mass, I should have asked God for the strength to let me feel sorry for Natalie Banks? That could've worked, no? Ya know, I'm pretty sure that Jessica could have forgiven Natalie for just sleeping with Brody but now, obviously, all bets are off that little Liam is Brody's (ummm but probably not really Brody's...this is all getting confusing). Well, John and Brody didn't say much but I absolutely loved Jess yanking the necklace off of Natalie's neck and basically saying she hates her...YES!!!! Cry Natalie...CRY! For months! The same amount of time you lied to everyone...ugh! You and your nasty hamster-like ways have finally caught up with you and I'm pumped. You're nothing but a LYING, SELFISH WHORE! Very nice, Jessica!
The one positive thing about Ford being Ryder's father: He stands Langston up for their Valentine's Day date. Evil thought? Absolutely. Do I care that it's evil? Absolutely not. Oh, and FYI: Ford both of those shirts are effing ugly. Wear neither, please. God, I hate the Ford brothers apartment...and Nate. I just want to beat his ass, too. I know I've sounded bitter during this post so far. No, I'm not a bitter shrew on Valentine's Day. My guy is just delicious and wonderful and today will be wonderful I'm sure. But, I'm only human and can only take so much terribleness...no matter what holiday, even if it's Christmas and someone gave me a new car...this awfulness would still bother me. Grrr. Anyway, I'm gonna wait and discuss Ford and the baby thing once I see more. I'm still sticking by my "Ford is the father to tie him to the canvas theory." Regardless, I'm gonna feel sorry for Brody (maybe because I think he is on his way out of this show...not sure).
I'm also not discussing Nate and Dan-YELLA until tomorrow because I know Todd walks in on them tomorrow during sex or almost sex or whatever...I don't effing care. Maybe God will spare me from seeing those scenes tomorrow somehow...divine intervention at its best if this happens.
Oh.My.God. This Aubrey/Joey wedding is nothing short of terrible...like Godfather Part III terrible. This is just awful. I can't believe I'm watching it. I'm disgusted and insulted. Yucky. I STILL have a feeling that Alex Olanov is gonna be Aubs' mother. They are both blonde, Buchanan chasing, manipulative gold diggers. This could work...it really could.
At this rate, I'm ok with knowing John and Kelly are gonna have sex. Maybe because I just want Kelly to get some action and I want John to hurt Natalie. God, I bet John McBain says NOTHING before, during, or after sex. I'm not talking about having a conversation about British literature or evolution during sex...just talking in general. If anything, he would just whisper a word or two in his FBI investigator-like voice...like "thanks" or "I'm sorry." That's all he'd say. How boring. I would not want to sleep with him, but oh well. YUCKY.
Today's show was ok. I'm betting on Wednesday being the best since last week's Wednesday show was great. Oh, and tomorrow will suck a bit because it will be Starr/James and Dan-YELLA/Nate and all their V-Day escapades. I'll make sure to go throw soap in my eyes during those scenes.
Oh, and did anyone watch the '95 episode from Friday. God, I thought it was awesome but THEY EDITED THE SHOW....what?! Yes, they did! I wanted to see the Tina and Susannah discussion and it was edited out...whannn. How young did everyone look?! Bo Buchanan looked like a baby...too cute.
I miss Marty the Martyr...anyone else? I also wanted one of the elder Buchanan men on today...whannn!
Where the hell is Dorian?! Hopefully being the mayor somewhere because God knows they never show her performing her mayoral duties.
Where is Inez? Who the hell cares...not me. I'm guessing she is baking cookies. Or is she in jail? We don't know what happened after she got carried out of Clint "I'll slap you with my pimp hand" Buchanan's office.
OH....and question of the day: who in the HELL let Ford just wander into Llanfair?!?! He just appeared out of nowhere like a baby snatcher...eww.
Glad to be back, peeps! See you darlings tomorrow!