Monday, February 14, 2011

Cheatin' Hearts

Charlie: "I can't believe Echo didn't tell me that the Minuteman Motel had bedbugs. I feel so betrayed."

Gosh, I feel as if I haven't done a post in forever! Hope everyone had a lovely weekend and is having an even better Valentine's Day. I personally despise Valentine's Day (just like Superbowl Sunday), but to each his own. Anyway, without further adieu let's get this ball rollin' shall we?

It's Valentine's Day in Llanview?! You could have fooled the hell out of me. Everyone looks like they either want to shoot someone or be shot...not give out hugs and roses. You know, OLTL used to do Valentine's Day sooooo right. Not so much anymore. Today just seemed like any other episode. I would have never known it was a special day...ugh. They used to do holidays right by showing big parties or different couples celebrating but not so much anymore. To be perfectly candid, I miss it. There is enough drama going on this month that I think showing some love would have been quite refreshing. Oh well. Basically, everyone was miserable today except for the newlyweds...ugh.

If I could just beat the hell out of someone no questions asked and with no chances of them slugging me back (and I mean anyone, including famous criminals or people in my real life that I loathe), I'm pretty damn sure that I'd pick Charlie Banks. Actually, I'm 100% sure. I've said before that I hate stupidity--mine or anyone else's. And, well I just can't take this shit anymore because his stupidity is dripping from my tv screen and onto my lovely hardwood floors of my apartment. This man makes me want to bash my head repeatedly against a brick wall!!! My God! I'd rather have a bunch of fresh paper cuts on my hand and then have orange juice poured all over my hand (have you ever had a paper cut then have a little orange juice get on it...omg, painful) than watch his dumbass galavant around Llanview. As Charlie's phone rings he's all like "It's just Vicki and I don't think I can deal with her right now." WHAT?!?! You can't DEAL WITH HER right now?! Kill me please...someone. What is this man talking about? The nerve he has. Between calling Llanfair HIS house and then saying Vicki is ungenerous and now saying he can't deal with Vicki...well, I'm done with Charlie. Which sucks that I don't like him because I now have my mother watching the show and she calls me up and is like "I like Charlie" and I'm like OMG his douchiness knows no bounds, mother...please. It doesn't help she watches the show sporadically...oh well. Back to my tirade on's one thing to say he can't deal with Queen V but then he kisses Echo. Oy vey! Oh, and obviously the wardrobe department will only dress Kim Zimmer in shades of blue. She has only worn sea-like colors since the day she strolled into town on October 1st. Bottomline: The only way I can find peace with this story is if it ends with Vicki and Charlie divorcing. I'm sorry. I don't like people divorcing either but Vicki deserves better. I don't care how great a guy Charlie is she needs to kick his ass to the curb. There is only so much stupidity a woman can take. Charlie is about has intelligent as a Smurf (more like Smurfette. She's so stupid that she doesn't realize the whole Smurf village is using her for sex. Just like Charlie doesn't realize Echo is using him. Weird comparison but essentially the same).

I'm pretty sure I've said "poor Vicki" about 50 times within the last month. Poor little regal thing she is in all her golden-coiffed glory! OMG, I just realized: She is spending her Valentine's Day with Rex, Gigi, Gigi's dress and Gigi's raccoon/muskrat/nutria rat (aka her hair. God knows it has a life of it's own). I wouldn't wish that upon my worst enemy. All Vicki did was run around town trying to find Chuckles...le' sigh. I'm just at a loss of words, really. Thank God, Rex Balsom is the best P.I. in town...surely he can find Chuckles. Fear not, Vicki, fear not. Rex will save the day. OMG...Vicki and those babies! Adorbs. I want her to hold me like that after I've had a hard day.

Oooohhhhh....the Jess/Brody/Nat/John scenes were nothing short of stellar! And, I should have all these warm feelings since it is Valentine's Day and all. This meaning that I should show random acts of kindness and goodness on this day...which I am all about, really. However, I just can't find it in my heart to find a single ounce of sympathy for Natalie today. I mentally told myself before the show that I should try and feel sorry for, but no. Maybe last night at mass, I should have asked God for the strength to let me feel sorry for Natalie Banks? That could've worked, no? Ya know, I'm pretty sure that Jessica could have forgiven Natalie for just sleeping with Brody but now, obviously, all bets are off that little Liam is Brody's (ummm but probably not really Brody's...this is all getting confusing). Well, John and Brody didn't say much but I absolutely loved Jess yanking the necklace off of Natalie's neck and basically saying she hates her...YES!!!! Cry Natalie...CRY! For months! The same amount of time you lied to everyone...ugh! You and your nasty hamster-like ways have finally caught up with you and I'm pumped. You're nothing but a LYING, SELFISH WHORE! Very nice, Jessica!

The one positive thing about Ford being Ryder's father: He stands Langston up for their Valentine's Day date. Evil thought? Absolutely. Do I care that it's evil? Absolutely not. Oh, and FYI: Ford both of those shirts are effing ugly. Wear neither, please. God, I hate the Ford brothers apartment...and Nate. I just want to beat his ass, too. I know I've sounded bitter during this post so far. No, I'm not a bitter shrew on Valentine's Day. My guy is just delicious and wonderful and today will be wonderful I'm sure. But, I'm only human and can only take so much matter what holiday, even if it's Christmas and someone gave me a new car...this awfulness would still bother me. Grrr. Anyway, I'm gonna wait and discuss Ford and the baby thing once I see more. I'm still sticking by my "Ford is the father to tie him to the canvas theory." Regardless, I'm gonna feel sorry for Brody (maybe because I think he is on his way out of this show...not sure).

I'm also not discussing Nate and Dan-YELLA until tomorrow because I know Todd walks in on them tomorrow during sex or almost sex or whatever...I don't effing care. Maybe God will spare me from seeing those scenes tomorrow somehow...divine intervention at its best if this happens.

Oh.My.God. This Aubrey/Joey wedding is nothing short of Godfather Part III terrible. This is just awful. I can't believe I'm watching it. I'm disgusted and insulted. Yucky. I STILL have a feeling that Alex Olanov is gonna be Aubs' mother. They are both blonde, Buchanan chasing, manipulative gold diggers. This could really could.

At this rate, I'm ok with knowing John and Kelly are gonna have sex. Maybe because I just want Kelly to get some action and I want John to hurt Natalie. God, I bet John McBain says NOTHING before, during, or after sex. I'm not talking about having a conversation about British literature or evolution during sex...just talking in general. If anything, he would just whisper a word or two in his FBI investigator-like "thanks" or "I'm sorry." That's all he'd say. How boring. I would not want to sleep with him, but oh well. YUCKY.

Today's show was ok. I'm betting on Wednesday being the best since last week's Wednesday show was great. Oh, and tomorrow will suck a bit because it will be Starr/James and Dan-YELLA/Nate and all their V-Day escapades. I'll make sure to go throw soap in my eyes during those scenes.

Oh, and did anyone watch the '95 episode from Friday. God, I thought it was awesome but THEY EDITED THE SHOW....what?! Yes, they did! I wanted to see the Tina and Susannah discussion and it was edited out...whannn. How young did everyone look?! Bo Buchanan looked like a baby...too cute.

I miss Marty the Martyr...anyone else? I also wanted one of the elder Buchanan men on today...whannn!

Where the hell is Dorian?! Hopefully being the mayor somewhere because God knows they never show her performing her mayoral duties.

Where is Inez? Who the hell cares...not me. I'm guessing she is baking cookies. Or is she in jail? We don't know what happened after she got carried out of Clint "I'll slap you with my pimp hand" Buchanan's office.

OH....and question of the day: who in the HELL let Ford just wander into Llanfair?!?! He just appeared out of nowhere like a baby snatcher...eww.

Glad to be back, peeps! See you darlings tomorrow!


  1. I am loving your blog post more and more, because you are literally just reading my mind about the show! (except the Natalie/hamster I don't see it)
    But the whole show, I was just going back and forth shouting, "Charlie, I want to punch you in the face so hard" and "Geez, quit stalling Natalie!" but I did enjoy that whole scene between Natalie and Jessica. And even though I hate Echo and hate Charlie even more, I liked how Echo reacted, because it seemed like a real reaction. She felt guilty that she did know about the paternity and she wanted to turn it on herself but she still had feelings for Charlie and didn't want to mess up this chance. I can actually see that happening. But Charlie, you're done. Done.
    And I was saying that same thing about Ford, too! Because even though they don't show it really, they kind of give the impression that Llanfair and La Boulet(??) have security and Ford just waltzes right in...definitely creepy.
    And Dan-YELLA ( ha, i like that ) had a weird reaction: "Oh hey Ford, you are having a baby, just thought you should know. Oh hey Nate, you want to help me lose my virginity? Nothing can go wrong with this!"

    I have a bad feeling that the shows aren't going to be good for awhile and that saddens me.
    Sam out.

  2. hahahaha! The hamster reference...LOL. I had to double check with my fiance' but I got the phrase "dirty little hamster" from the show Jersey Shore. Snookie or one of those terrible people said it. I thought it was hilarious and for some reason I've been throwing out "dirty little hamster" constantly. God knows Natalie doesn't look like a hamster because she is gorgeous. I'm so embarassed that I'm even using Jersey Shore term on this blog...shameful really.

    Dan-YELLA just feels right so I'm sticking with it.

    I'm still seething over the whole Charlie thing and I've had a glass of wine on this fine evening and just can't calm down. Like you...I'm DONE with him.

    I agree with you about the next few shows. =( I kinda feel like it's losing a bit of momentum this week but I'm hoping it will pick back up by the end of the week. Fingers crossed. I just pray we don't get vomited on tomorrow with a bunch of Starr/Cole and Dan-YELLA/Nate V-day scenes...puke.

    Sam it. Man, Destiny used to say that...why doesn't she anymore?!?! Grrr...

  3. You know in the old version of Willy Wonka when Charlie's mom sings that stupid song "Cheer up Charlie?" Every time Charlie "the simpleton" Banks comes on I always think of that stupid song! Ahhh!

  4. Charlie "the Simpleton" Banks...veryyyyyy nice! Spot on Wonka reference. I am gonna have to watch it on YouTube tomorrow just for fun.

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  6. The show on Friday made me a bit sad. I miss the old Joey. He was so great! And apparently he hasn't aged a single day, but Kelly has? Why did they get such a young actor to play Joey, and why did they make him so dumb? Todd and Blair together were great. Not sure how they could bring back the "real" Todd Manning, considering he slept with Tea on the island before he got the new face, but she had a DNA test that said that this new-face Todd is Dan-YELLA's father? I suppose they could say new-face Todd knew she was going to do that and switched the DNA results (because, after all, that seems pretty easy to do in this town).

  7. @Akesha...I was going to respond to your post but I see you removed it. I still have it on my email. Sorry I'm late to respond!

    @Desi OMG...I was sad as hell on Friday. I totally miss old Joey!!! I sporadically watch the show "Castle" just to see him from time to time.
    I don't know how in the hell they are gonna do this whole bringing back Todd thing either, but if they are gonna go there then it better be good and relatively seamless. So much could go wrong! Like I said in today's post, I heard Trevor St. John may not renew his contract so who knows what they are gonna do with Todd. Not to mention, he is tied to all this Tomas business...confused.