Kelly: "Going to the Palace to hook up sounds just perfect, because I heard the Minuteman Motel has bedbugs."
First and foremost: I'm so sorry I didn't post yesterday. The damn day just got away from me! I looked up and it was midnight. I had to do double duty and watch yesterday's show this morning and then today's. So, here's what I'm gonna do: I'm gonna do a drive-by post of yesterday's show giving my compliments and complaints and then just do a full post for today. So...let's not waste anymore time.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
1.) Thank you, Tess for saving yesterday's somewhat boring episode. I.Love.You. Not to mention, I'm pretty sure she says what I'm thinking at times, literally. Like her saying the Jess's gown looked like wet tissue or some shit...ummm....where were you for my commentary last week, Tess? Great minds think alike...hehe, kidding (kinda). Glad you're back for a bit. Oooohhhh new Jessica bumper...very nice.
2.) Dear God...Natalie, Natalie, Natalie. While I'm glad she vomited the truth out to Vicki, my heart is still black as burnt toast when it comes to her...no sympathy.
3.) Vicki...OMG how much more does this woman have to take?! I know she was getting a lot of flack on the message boards for her reaction to Natalie's confession but I'm justifying the reaction. My personal take: This woman has not had time to process ANYTHING. Hello?! The wedding fiasco (which was a myriad of things), then the Charlie shit (being missing and knowing he ordered a vodka), now this Natalie shit. Then, they are interrupted because Brody is about to beat the ever living shit out of Ford at Llanfair. OMG...this place is like Grand Central Station! Do they ever lock the doors?! I mean, think about it: Allison Perkins constantly lurked there, as did Dorian when she spied on Echo and Charlie. Nora freakin' got kidnapped leaving there and then Ford just strolls in...WTF?! Anyway, I just don't think Vicki can process ALL of this right now. I apologize...I have said "shit" way too much so far in this column. I'll just have to use another curse word.
4.) I'm tired of OLTL and teen sex. Eff this whole thing.
5.) REALLY?! You have got to be effing kidding me, OLTL! OF COURSE! Tomas just magically appears at the end...again. Will this story EVER move forward?! He and Blair just end up staring at each other in every single scene and don't say a damn word. Infuriating! I have more entertaining dialogue with my dog...UGH!
6.) Say SOMETHING positive about Langston, Mary-Ella: ummmm....her shirt is super cute. And, she was right...the guy in the fugly hat was a gigantic walking douche and she was right to be mean. Who was that random dayplayer?! No need for him, OLTL, no need! That's all I got. Otherwise, I couldn't care less she is getting stood up. The sooner she leaves town cause of her movie deal (LOL) then the better. Bitch be gone already!
7.) I'll discuss Kelly and John for Wednesday's episode.
8.) Where the HELL are the other vets!
9.) This show was slow for the second day in a row...uh oh.
Ooooooookay! Whew! Let's quickly jump on Wednesday's episode, lovlies.
Well...I've just come to the conclusion that today is effed up. Why you ask? It's over 50 degrees in Chicago in the middle of February...I've gotten a lot of job interviews this week...AND I've paused OLTL 5 times today. 5 effing times. Normally, my friends know not to bother me from the hours of 1 to 2. However, I took every single phone call today and even paused it two more times to get water or a diet coke, etc. Why am I telling you all about these mundane activities of mine? All this means I'm BORED with the show today. That's right, I'm bored with it. And, I'm mad because this is the third day in a row I'm bored. Is the show losing steam? Maybe not. Maybe I feel the way I do because last week was soooo great? Maybe because I miss ALL the vet action we've been getting as of late? Maybe because I'm over all the teen sex? I don't know what it is but I need tomorrow to be good people...what about y'all? HOWEVER....even with all I just told y'all you know what the MOST effed up thing about today is (I can't believe I'm about to type this)? The John and Kelly scenes were the most entertaining to me today...GASP!
I can't believe it! I found them quite engaging today. WAIT JUST A DAMN MINUTE...two MORE random day players!? And they are bikers?! WTF show? By no means did anything stellar happen in their scenes today but I just found myself enjoying them. They kind of have chemistry....yes?
I can't stomach the Dan-YELLA and Nate scenes. All I have to say is that "when did they start making condoms in those tall boxes???" Maybe I'm out of the loop? That is the most effed up looking box of condoms I've ever seen which tells me they may not be very reliable. Good thing Todd Manning seems to be better birth control than the condoms in that box. Thank God he interrupted them, huh? Ok, that's all I got for them. I'm nauseous.
Starr and James...until this moves forward I'm not saying an effing thing about them. I loved merry go-rounds as a child, but this is too much. MOVE IT ALONG! This is like an effing traffic jam that you have been stuck in for hours...you're so irritated and pissed and there is nothing you can do about it. Ugh.
Oh.Dear.God. The Blair/Tomas scenes...just no. I am DYING for these two to have awesome scenes together. They are both incredibly attractive people and great actors, but something is...missing? Wait just a damn minute...Oh.Hell.No. So, Tomas just saunters into Capricorn and talks to Blair for 2.5 seconds. THEN he just hops behind the piano and starts playing like Tony Bennett or some shit while Blair belts out a tune!?!? WTF is wrong with this?! Don't get me wrong...Kassie Depaiva has a beautiful voice but I don't give a flying flip about this song. I need these mother effers to have some dialogue...like now. Next thing you know they are gonna be dancing like Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers. No, OLTL, no. I will watch Turner Classic Movies, gladly, but I watch OLTL for different reasons completely. Fix this immediately. Dear God. I know it's too early for a cocktail but I just might do it...I just might. The show is infuriating me today. I just don't believe all this mystery mess. They start talking in the last two segments...finally. ugh.
Tess is by far soooooo much better than Jess and this bitch is saucy and hilarious...welcome, Tess. That's right, Ford...you are a dead-beat pedophile! Damn, Tess speaks my mind!!! Lurve her! These scenes are right behind the John and Kelly scenes. Jessica's boobs are AMAZING. Just flippin' great. Speaking of boobs...thank you, Ford for pointing out Tess' drinking and the breast feeding issue. Good point...
Oh, I'm sorry about your date, Lang. Peace out. Langston to Ford on the phone: "Are you coming or not?" LOL...ummmm apparently neither one of you will be this evening. So much for y'all's big night...sucker!
Please Todd Manning, just kill Nate. I'd be fine with it. Oh, and rumor is that Trevor St. John isn't renewing his contract in April. That kinda sucks. So, it looks like they are bringing back Roger Howarth. Hmmm. So, Todd if you are leaving...please go down in a blaze of glory and eradicate the Fords from this show. I haven't felt so much disgust for a new family since the Rappaports were shoved down our throat all those years ago. Good God. Make them go away.
Natalie...dirty hamster (thanks Jersey Shore for making me say this constantly). You and Brody are just in a mess...face it. I didn't care too much for these scenes today. This is weird because I usually find Natalie incredibly entertaining but they fell flat for me today. OMG...that baby is flippin' adorable but HUGE!!!
OMG...I loathe the KY Intense commercials. Ugh. They find the most AWKWARD human beings on the planet to discuss their products...ewww.
Where are Bo, Nora, and Clint?! I need them in my life, please. Thanks!
Half the cast has had the same outfits on for over a week...stinky cheese.
Jess' dress looks sooooo much better destroyed. Like, oh so much better.
Wait....THANK YOU GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nora and Bo tomorrow...yay! And, he is mad about something! yes! Wait, are you kidding me?! They are in the SAME CLOTHES still?! How in the hell is it still V-day!?!?
Sorry for the negativity today. I know I'll find tomorrow interesting just because my beloved B/N will be on but also that Rama will be on and Kelly and John do it...whoop whoop!
Again, sorry for the delayed post! See y'all late tomorrow evening. I have a late job interview tomorrow.