I'm Your Nasty Dancer

Lesson of the Day: When you are crunched for time in Llanview and need a stripper in a pinch, it will for sure turn out to be the worst stripper EVER.

LOL...a male stripper at Llanfair! OMG. And, this stripper is AWFUL! His moves are so awkward! FACT: Susan Boyle has better moves than this stripper. Ah....ok, it all makes sense now...of course this stripper is going to suck: Gigi recruited him and God knows she breeds all things sucky. He is that dumbass nude model from Christian's "art class." #fail I mean...this was such a bad awkward kind of porno stripper. AH! Sweet lord...Roxy. She goes hand and hand with strippers.

Wow...John's bach party was at his own bar. That's shitty. As if Bo wouldn't be there?! REALLY show? Lame. I mean, what a terrible send off! Seriously. This is probably the worst bachelor party of all time. OMG...THE BEST bach party is for Antonio Vega and Andy Harrison in 1997. Y'all should like that shit up on youtube if you have time. Flippin' great. It's under "antonio's bachelor party" or something. John and Brody had shots and beer and drove home...hmmm.

The guys stripping for the girls is so comical. But it's like comical because it is THAT bad! These joint parties are just awkwardness overload!!! I personally think Roxy should have stripped...just sayin'.

Joey and Sean know each other? Wait...Kelly knows Vivian?! When were these friendships formed??? Ummm exactly...a quarter to never. These peeps don't know each other unless I missed, like I dunno, a year's worth of episodes. Don't do that OLTL. I'm perfectly fine with these friendships but you can't just pull these relationships out of your ass like that!! There was no build up to this friendship...zero. AND...Viv and Sean are being used as props for Joey and Kelly...boo on that. Give them a decent story. Fact: The shirt Kelly is wearing today is the shirt she wears in the intro.

Vicki grew a pair...ABOUT DAMN TIME. I've been dying for this moment. Too bad Charlie acts like a dipshit soon and messes everything up. Ass clown. In all seriousness, this Echo living with Vicki shit has gone on for wayyyyyyyy toooooooo damn long. Seriously. Any woman with an ounce of decency would have never even allowed Echo to crash there. However, this being generous Vicki (I STILL can't believe ass clown told Vicki the other day she was ungenerous...UGH) I can see how she would let her stay for a bit. However, after all of Echo's shenanigans her ass needs to go stay at the roach motel where John lives...or even the one where Eddie bit the dust. She must go.

Oh, and as much as I love Vicki and Dorian having scenes together I need them hating each other again. BUT...not off camera. They need to be going at it head to head like the good ole days. Robin Strasser hasn't had a front burner story since.....*crickets* EXACTLY. I can't remember. The writers need to give her and Vicki something juicy because God knows they can deliver.

I'm not going to discuss Dorian's outburst about Rex's paternity or what I think about Rex and the paternity thing until I feel I know more. I will say this Echo to Dorian and Vicki: "The labs make mistakes all the time." SERIOUSLY...no paternity test in Llanview is EVER done correctly. People in this town know better than to trust a lab...hello? Lindsay Rappaport? (Sidenote: please release her so she can team up with Clint...AWESOME TOWN. Then she and Nora can pull each other's hair out...good times.) However, we can all conclude...Dorian will get Echo. I Lurve it.

Rama.Is.Awesome...take that to the bank. I love this woman. Her balls are MUCH larger than Vimal's and I love that she is going after Aubrey "Wentworth." Love the use of air quotes by Rama when she said her last name. Oooohhhh I wonder what this little newcomer knows about Aubs?!?! I'm actually becoming intrigued with Aubrey. OH....rumor Aubs and Clint might hook up. Maybe my dream is coming true??? That would be so scandalous since it's now a fact that Aubs and Joe do indeed get married...hmmm.

Todd hugging Vimal was just sheer delight. And...I enjoyed Tea today which is incredibly rare. OMG...she is so flirtatious and sass today...go Tea! She and Todd have been mushy lately so we all know what that means people...shit will hit the fan with them SOON. I personally think it will have to do with Tomas and dun dun dun...the return of the REAL TODD MANNING! Supposedly it's all but official that Roger Howarth is returning. This is nothing short of fantastic...

Thank you God...no wild sex with Cutter and Aubs. I was so scared for a moment when I saw them kissing and what not. Bullet dodged...sweet.

Joey and Kelly getting locked in the storage closet by their "best friends" ah hem. This is kinda weird since they will confess they love each other yet Kelly *spoiler* is going to sleep with John after John leaves Natalie next week. I personally CANNOT wait.

Confirmed: Matthew and Destiny are indeed STILL KISSING inside the doorway at the garret. I've never kissed anyone for days on end like that and I'm pretty impressed. My God...if they kiss for that long can you imagine how long they will stay in bed together? Geez...

Joey=slapdick

Fail...Nora hasn't been on since last Monday. #DepressionCentral

Fail #2...Marty is not shown talking to the voo doo doll #INeedMoreCrazy

Fail#3...Kevin won't be at the wedding and probably not Renee. #ThisIsHorseShit

Besides my fail comments, it was a good show today. I was thoroughly entertained. I'm ready for this wedding for 1,000 reasons...hurry up Friday...hurry up!