Thursday, February 17, 2011

Ford Focus

Tess: "That's right, bitches. You know Ford would rather be with my tight little ass than that Langston chick. Hello, look at my aweome new dress. He can't resist."

As promised, I'm posting! I am dedicated to you people, because I'm worn slap damn out! I had to take so many verbal and math tests today at this interview...UGH! Anyway, better late than never! Let's get started...

Granted, today's episode didn't rock my socks off but it was pretty good. I'll discuss Tess in a bit. I've been so bored the last 3 days that I automatically knew I'd be a little more entertained since Bo, Nora, and Clint were on. Speaking of them...

It's pretty much a fact that the only way a character goes to jail for good is if they are leaving the show (i.e., beloved Lindsay Rappaport, disgusting Daniel Colson, poor delicious Troy get the drift). So, it's obvious that poor Bo and Nora are never going to put Clint away. If they did, he would get a short lived visit to jail and it would probably just be the Sallinger suite where cookie-toting Inez and her 40 year old son, Nate, were held behind bars. I haven't read too many spoilers on how all this goes down, but I heard Clint fakes an illness or some shit and then the Buch family has to deal with the fallout. Lord, I haven't a clue about how all this will play out. I do have a bone to pick: God Nora, I love you more than life and have ever since the day you strolled into Llanview from Chicago...HOWEVER, dammit I want to shake you!!! You told Clint like 2 weeks ago that you were DONE apologizing to him for you and Bo getting back together. Therefore, I cannot mentally handle (especially after a day of test taking like I've had) you telling Bo all this "he didn't start acting like this until we got back together crap." AHHHHHH!!!!! Stop! I still adore you but please, I beg of you, please stop this. xoxo, your biggest fan. UGH...ok enough of that but I had to get that out. Regardless, I'm just thrilled they are back on my screen. I know there is more to come of all this with them and Vimal tomorrow so I'll wait to discuss it then. OMG...I still can't get over they are still in the wedding attire! Good God!

Clint and Natalie scenes were solid...especially after John told Natalie the other day that she was practically being like Clint and "playing God." When Natalie told Clint that the baby was Brody's he just had a look on his face like "awe f**k, Natalie." I don't blame ya, old man. This plan just got all shot to hell, didn't it? *Sigh* of least Natalie has changed clothes. I love that when Natalie noticed the baby monitor was turned off she turned it back on and heard the baby crying and didn't do a damn thing there for a few minutes. Solid parenting skills. Oh, and I am sure Jess had a key but HELLO?! The back door at Llanfair is used entirely too often as the origin for breaking and entering. Granted it's Tess' house but ANYONE safe at this damn house?! I'm afraid, not!

Tess is just so effing hysterical! Oh, Tess reminds me of one of those CRAZY bitches on a Lifetime movie that goes to bars and gets a guy to take home and screw and then she kills him during the middle of it with an ice pick or some shit. I think a little pee came out today because I was laughing so hard at her. Between calling Brody "Captain America" and saying her plan to get the trust fund cash was "Ford proof" well I was just in stiches. This is a crafty little bitch, huh? She is just going all out with Ford! She is on his ass like glue...damn. I think the writers are trying to get us to like Ford and Tess...don't y'all? Maybe they are trying to make us forget about Ford basically raping Jessica and making it okay by saying..."oh but Ford and Tess are great together." Who the hell knows! But, I do know that Brody is gonna have a mental breakdown when he finds out that.....*spoiler alert*.....Liam is indeed NOT his baby. Sonofabitch...Captain America can't catch a break, yo? heart is effing charcoal. I don't feel sorry for Langston in the slightest. The ONLY time I felt any pang of sorrow was when Blair mentioned Ray Montez! Ah! I was like OMG bring him back for a few! Otherwise, I just didn't care she was having a pity party. And, I'm not even bitter about her scenes today because there were enough people on today that I liked and she also had Blair and Tomas to save her. Oh snap...

Can y'all believe this shit?! I had to rub my eyes and then pinch myself. Blair and Tomas had a mother effing conversation that was longer than 30 seconds each. Bad news is that Langston was like a damn leech and was just sucking on Blair the whole time so not tooo much got said. However, it was progress. I like them together I think. Now, if they start all this singin' and dancin' shit then I am gonna have to change my mind. When they discussed that Tomas played the piano, I was like "oh dear Please not today." Anyway, I want them to make out or something and I'm also ready for this Tomas/Todd thing to get underway...asap!

Ewwwwwww....speaking of music. I was watching soapnet while I was on the elliptical trainer tonight and I saw a commercial for the CHEESY ASS CD that OLTL came out with that has V-Day tunes on it or some mushy shit like that...what is this nightmare!!!!???? How embarassing. You don't see people from Y&R doing that. God, I JUST stopped seeing a therapist about the shiteous high school musical episodes and how to cope with the mess it left me in. Now this CD?! I'm gonna have to go back and have another session...ewwww. All this money I'm spending on a doctor because of this show...ah!

Rama and Vimal...hello, you two! I adore them. Vimal is such a pansy ass though, but Rama is a badass. I did love the comments he said to Tea. I get the feeling that Todd and Tea are about to be in for a whole slew of problems with their marriage. I have no basis for this but it's just a feeling. Especially if Trevor St. John MAY not renew his contract....hmmmm. I know there is more of all this tomorrow so I'll discuss it then.

Joey is the dumbest beaver in the world. OMG OMG OMG. Words can't describe my anger with this character right now. Joey: "Mi familia es su familia." Dear God, someone just take me out back and beat the shit out of me if I have to continue to hear this mess. AH!!!! Wait...did I just hear correctly?! RENEE opened up the jewelry store for Aubrey?? Yes, I heard right. Good God PLEASE show Patricia Elliot...PLEASE!!!! She opened up the jewelry store but she missed the wedding?! My ass, OLTL, my ass. Infuriating...just plain infuriating.

Ok...I know you people are probably gonna want to track me down and beat my ass for saying this but....I kinda like John and Kelly together?!?! I do. I think they kinda had chemsitry? Maybe I'm just THAT desperate for her to have chemistry with someone because she is a legacy character and I want to make this work but I dunno. Oh snap, did y'all know that Michael Easton (John McBain) does stand-up comedy in real life?! No shit...this is fact. I'd love to see it, because I'd have to see it to believe it. Sweet Lord...they had to go to the Minuteman....knew it. LOL alert...the same exact room where Eddie got killed. Ewwww! How can you have sex in that bed?! God, the germs. I'm telling you there are bedbugs there. Oh, and I stand by what I said the other day that John McBain says NOTHING before, during, or after sex.

Line of the Day... starts with Kelly to John: "I think I had too much to drink tonight." John to Kelly: "Too much or just enough?" WHAT KIND OF CHEESY ASS LINE IS THAT, JOHN McBAIN?! Fail! That is something that Vince Vaughn said to all those girls on Wedding Crashers...eww. fiance' (Ross...I'm tired of typing fiance') was peeing on himself with laughter and said that is the best quote he has ever heard. UGH! Of course, the quote works and Kelly proceeds to drop her panties...just no.

OMG...NO!!!!!!!!!! People are in the SAME clothes tomorrow, too! STINKY CHEESE!!!!

Yes!!! Tomorrow looks awesome! We get Bo, Clint, Nora, Dorian, and Rama...nice.

I am toasting to Marty Saybrooke with my glass of wine. I miss ya homie. Please come back.

Matthew Buchanan? Are you in Llanview still? Are you even still on planet Earth??

See you kids tomorrow...


  1. Matthew Buchanan is resting up for all the screen time he is going to get on this summer from what ridiculous storyline they come up with for the kids...

    I thought the bar "brawl" was pretty funny, especially with the Obamacare crack... I sometimes forget that this place isn't set in some alternate reality with absolutely no references to pop culture....

    I also still questioning how good Bo and Nora they are at their job, I think it would be pretty obvious to know that Clint is not just going to roll over like that, they are going to actually do some detective work, or more like John will...

    Rama, please stay forever and ever...

  2. Although I have to disagree. Langston's the one with the "tight, little ass" Tess is curvy. I love Tess making Ford look like even more of an idiot and reminding us all that he likes high school girls. Rapist pig.

  3. I am addicted to your blogs. I agree with every word! I liked Kelly and John in their scenes together. I especially loved the bar fight. The scenes at the minuteman hotel were good, I saw the same chemistry that you did. I'll just be sad in a few months when they are busted up for the inevitable Jolie reunion.

    Speaking of the minuteman hotel... it is obviously the spot because weren't Charlie and Echo next door?

    BTW in respect to the wedding that never happened, John had NO family at the wedding... they could have sprung for one of his family members...maybe his mom, since that is her ring Natalie is wearing.

  4. @YoSammity LOL about Matthew. That is probably the most accurate observation I've heard. No doubt. OMG...I LOVED the Obamacare joke. I forgot to discuss that last night. I was so exhausted and bleary eyed that I KNEW I forgot something. That was too funny. Oh, and Bo and Nora are just so damn desperate. However, she should be a defense attorney again...without a doubt. I liked them going at it on opposite sides of a case.

    @Annie You're right, Langston's ass is indeed tighter. I just threw that quote out there since it seemed like some sassy comment that Tess might make. And, I think the writers are trying to brainwash us with Ford and just make us forget he raped Jess...ugh! Insane!

    @Akesha I'm glad I'm not alone in the John/Kelly department. Sadly, I doubt it will go much further after this. =( OMG...I just made a post about how everyone and their mom is at the Minuteman...LOL. Happenin' place! And with John, God he had NO ONE're right. There wasn't even a mention of Michael or Marcie or his Mom (except in reference to the ring). That was kinda poorly written. Oh, and I'm so glad you enjoy my blog!!! Thanks for the compliment! =)