Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Blogging While I'm White Girl Wasted...

Victor:  "Todd, what's the matter?"
Todd:  "I don't have any Vans to wear to Shelter tonight for the concert. Logan's Dept. Store doesn't have any for me to buy either."

I'm not really white girl wasted but how funny would it be if I was?!  After the bebe is born I'll do it for y'all. It will be a trainwreck.  Anyway...Gooooooood morning!  I sure hope this post makes sense. We get up at 5:15 around here but since I'm pregs I can't have my normal dose of caffeine so even though it is 7:15 I'm not as coherent as I'd like to be.  Le sigh. It's a long way to November.  If God is on my side today our refill sleeves of Nespresso coffee will be delivered this morning. Fingers crossed.  I'll do some brief thoughts about yesterday's show and then I'll blog about today. Sound good?

May 14th and 15th Episodes

Thoughts about May 14th

From memory again...sorry.

JWOWW.  Lemme start with her. I cannot believe I'm going to say this:  But I did not mind her! I was expecting THE worst. After watching season 5 of Jersey Shore (yes, that happened. I'm embarrassed) I was like "NOOOO. Why is she gonna be on the show?!"  But, as long as she doesn't get too involved and basically serves as a bartender then I'm fine with it. I think she is pretty perfect for a bartender in that kinda club scene. However, she obviously needs to work on those recipes of hers because who in her right mind ruins good scotch by making it some Cutter Cocktail?  Just no.  And, I did keep looking at her face because if you saw season 1 of Jersey Shore then you can see ALL the work she has had done. She is like a quilt.  But overall, I'm pleasantly surprised.  Carry on.

Cutter's so cute and so is Natalie so just hook up already and make everyone happy. Even if just for a night.  You know that one night stand would be replayed a MILLION times like it was when Brody got it on with Natalie. I think they replayed that ONE part of the scene (y'all know what I'm talking about) like 10 or 11 times for real.  Poor Natty needs some ass. It's had to have been awhile at this point..

Redbull and Tequila? Is that what Dan-YELLA mixed? That had to taste like smashed ass. And like Mija stood a chance in that drinking game when it came to saying biological father.

In case OLTL was wondering:  Message received that Tea can cry and get upset with the best of them. Her scenes for he past two days with her have made me want Zoloft but I'm not I'm not allowed to take anything like that while pregnant because it causes birth defects. 

The Todd/Victor stuff. I just need this to move forward. I love both characters but between being annoyed about the poisoning thing and just overall being miffed about their sparring (I dunno why this is just my personal feelings) I just want to move this thing NOW. We all know Todd's not dead from the choking incident. Let's keep this going.

I was thrilled to see some Blair/Natalie interaction! That was the highlight of the damn show for me. Maybe they will strike up their relationship a little more since the characters are a bit limited. I sure hope so. I liked their scenes even though they were short.

Wait...the blonde chick? Jessie from Jessie Toy Boys? Anyway, I felt her pain about being under 21 and a female shot girl won't serve you a shot. All female bartenders are bitches to girls under 21. She should have had a fake ID and some guy getting her the shots. She lost her ID in Brooklyn...LOL.  Kim!  Return it to her! ;) That song..."Dancing in my vans getting white girl wasted."  A couple of things.  Until I listened to it a second time I thought this bitch said "Dancing in my VAN."  I'm like why would you dance in your van you weirdo? DUH! She means her shoes! Ugh. I'm telling you it's the lack of caffeine these days.  I didn't know Vans were still a thing. I never owned a pair but still.  Secondly, I'm pretty sure when I was in law school people started throwing around "white girl wasted" and I'm sure my stupid ass probably went along with it. I looked it up on Urban Dictionary:  To be extremely drunk, high or a mixture of both. The term is derived from the extreme inebriation most commonly experienced by white females between age 17 to 27.  In a sentence:  "Tonight is 50 cent shot night, we getting white girl wasted for sure!" 
I will say that I was touched that out of respect for me they covered the giraffe's head in the baby nursery. I'm surprised they left the thing there to rot.

NO NEED for Jack to show up for 2 seconds of the show. Just to infuriate me, obvs.

May 15th

An opening scene with David Vickers. I'm pleased already. And love that he calls "action" for himself. The way his show is filmed must make it HELL for the editing in post. There is no way he actually has legit footage.  "Step Nora" gets me every time. I die out laughing. And Nora can't talk because she has on a mud mask. Yikes those things make your face tight!

Oh no. Oh no. I sense a Matthew self photo shoot and I'm so embarrassed for him. OMIGOD what a douche. It IS a self photo shoot. I cannot. I simply cannot.

Todd looks pretty yummy for almost being strangled to death. Vicki is showing cleavage today! GASP! 

Look at Bo working the scene. That darling.  Where is the best CSU in Llanview? Why isn't she there?

These American Airlines commercials on Hulu Plus with Jon Hamm's voice. I do enjoy those. Just listening to him. Be still my heart...

Nice to see the beds at the Llanview hospital are still worse than cribs.

This Nora/David thing is my comedic relief today. David:  "Look I'm never gonna be able to sell this show unless I do something more than gorgeous chicks wearing scantily clad clothing and misbehaving in front of the camera."  Nora:  "Why not? Isn't that what the audience wants?"  Is OLTL trying to tell us something? HMMMM?  LMAO...warts and green faces! "Did you buy any of it at all? I was kinda running out of inertia."  I CANNOT. Too funny.

Mija, your self tanner is shit. You need to get the St. Tropez mousse self tanner. It doens't streak and it's amazing although pricey but WORTH IT. Matthew will have streaks now. Way to go, ho. JUST HOOK UP ALREADY, YOU TWO!!!!! Just screw and get it over with!

Jeffrey is obvs Des' knight and shining armor. He is smitten with this chick AND the kid! Pretty cute.

Look at Bo being authoritative!!!! I love a good Bo/Todd sparring. Bo even snapped at Victoria. Damn!  I love the extra police officers in the background. Hehe.

I just. I have no words for this photo shoot. I don't care how crazy this Michelle chick is but when she gets photos like this from Matthew on FB she should be like "OMG this kid is a flaming douche!"  I unfriend people that do this shit. OMG Matthew is spanking the pillow!!!!!!!!!!!???????  I want to crawl under this couch. Right now.

Oh Victoria. You did not put that much money into the Pellegrino fund? Even I know not to do that. So wait...if she has all this money to invest in Pellegrino then how is she struggling to get money for The Banner? Couldn't she have pumped this money into the paper? Clint's right....Matthew is hardly working for BE. He is working really hard on being the biggest dipshit in Llanview and I'm pretty sure he has that title secured at the moment.

Oh hey Blair. What's up?  Hmmm do I sense some chemistry between Blair and Cutter? Yes, it's def there. Actually Blair, Todd is the most full of shit person you have ever met in your life based on your attitude towards him. So you need to say that Cutter is the SECOND most full of shit person.  Hehe...just correcting.

I love a good Bo/Natty scene, too. I wonder how Bo got his job back and all that foolishness but I guess we will never know.

I'm crying laughing so hard. When I want to be sexy I go for a jar of peanut butter and seductively eat it with 2 fingers!!! Ha! How do y'all think I got pregnant? Duh! It's the way I eat creamy Jif! It's an effing turn on! OMG.  This is so horribly bad that I literally am dying out this apartment with the dog and no one else is here to laugh with me. Damn.

OMG, so David has convinced Nora to act like she is happy to see him for the show. LOL. "Oh yes, the life of a lawyer is very stressful but I love it."  How fake! haha! She can't play along with this because it is killing her. When is David gonna have a scene with his Pa?! That is due!  David's spiritual journeys...Vickeroshi! God that was a weird/funny time.

Bo Buchanan has cursed more than anyone in a single episode since this whole reboot started, I swear! And now Bo almost said "Mother F*cker!"  Oh my. You know, for me personally, it doesn't sound right. It's like if Ross said "Mother f*cker."  It just doesn't sound right and I expect him to be a gentleman.  The other curse words or fine. Or even if he was about to say just "f*ck" but "Mother F*cker" is going for the gold medal ya know? Yeah...Natalie needs to get laid pronto. She is so mopey and sad about John (rightfully so) but I want her to get her happy life going.

Todd and Blair. This ought to be good. "Psych ward." LOL.  I wonder what Blair is gonna think when she finds out the truth?  "You look tired."  This banter is too funny.  And "being here night after night is kind of a young woman's game."  Blair should kick him in the balls but she likes the flirting too much!

Now Mija is straddling Matthew. Oh no! Shield Baby Drew's sweet eyes!!!!  That was the fakest "Hi Drew" from Matthew I have ever heard in my life.

I like it! Natalie found arsenic on the stopper! Praise God let's move this investigation along!!!!

Okie dokie. I like today's episode.  I swear I'm gonna get to the last or today's comments at some point!

I'm off to head to Crate & Barrel because out of sympathy Ross told me they sell Nespresso there so I can get a sleeve of it. I'm thrilled.  Maybe I'll find the Jessie Toy Boys song on itunes and play it in the car...woo hoo!!!! ;)

More later.


  1. OMG PEEING ALL THE WAY THROUGH THIS BLOG!!! Loved it, on point as usual. The Mija line gets me all the freakin time lmaooooooo Thanks for the "shout out" you ROCK xoxoxo Bklyn's in da house ;)

  2. Love your recaps! Aww by the promo's I was hoping Matthew was taking pics for a SugarMomma ad. A little disappointed :)

  3. I totally heard DANCING IN MY VAN GETTING WHITE GIRL WASTED TOO! Thank you for clarifying that ME. I was really confused.

    I think the casting of Drew is making it hard for me to fully engage in that part of the Three's Company plus Destiny crowd's story. If Matthew had added "and by the way I want a paternity test" to his abortion line, I would have been understanding.

    Stepnora, you're a very important part of my life and times. And then Nora delivering the lawyer line. I am DEAD. I agree we need David/Pa scenes. I also want David/Matthew because David must little brother's life has a lot of material for The Life and Times of Vickerman.

    I also loved that the giraffe was respectfully handled. Can't wait for the white girl wasted blog post-baby. XO favorite blogger!

  4. @Kim OF COURSE I had to give you a shout out! ;) I KNOW you are still holding on to that chick's ID in hopes she can never be allowed into Shelter again. LOL. Glad you enjoyed it! xx

    @Anonymous Awe thanks. Glad you enjoy. LOL...a sugar mama ad? Love it. I still can't stop laughing about his poses or that peanut butter!xx

    @Lauren OMG I was totally confused about the Van vs. Vans! OMG could not agree with you more! My husband came in while I was watching and was like "THAT is the baby of Matthew and Des?" He just does not resemble anything REMOTELY CLOSE to being the bebe of Des and Matt. Just zero. Like let's all be serious and just call this what it is. I, too, want Matt and David scenes. Maybe he can try and convince Matthew to stop being such a slapdick. LOL...the giraffe! Poor thing. I'm sure it will now just be thrown in the trash and forgotten. The post baby white girl wasted blog...I'll be drunk after ONE drink. I already told my husband where I want to go for my first night out and after one cocktail it's OVER. Glad your back on here and hope studying for the bar goes well! xx