I'm Here to Blog Not Give Happy Endings

Blair:  "Damn you, Todd, for not spitting out what you were trying to tell me the entire episode! All you had to do was spit it out! I'm not footing your bar tab you bastard!"

Happy Tuesday! I'm technically NOT finished filming due to weather issues yesterday but I promised a blog so I'm doing it. Hope this finds you all well!

Tuesday, June 11th

What?!  Nora has cooked two meals in like three weeks. Two meals is more than the woman has made in like ten years!  She all of a sudden can cook?! This is news.  LMAO...was Bo about to say "What the f*ck?" I think so. I do think nuMatthew is too presh...attitude aside. This is gonna be an awkward meal. Hopefully food will be thrown...kidding.

I can't believe Vicki doesn't think it's beneath her to eat at Shelter. I'll let it go.  As long as this restaurant doesn't turn into a club this episode then I am fine with it.  Ok so this Pellegrino thing has to work out because Queen V CANNOT be poor. Like, I'll think the world is coming to an end.

Coffee tastes like being on ecstasy? Come on, Natty, pick a better drug to make the coffee eurphoric preferably one that doesn't require a pacifier and a glowstick.  Ok so whatever the trouble is with McBam I blame Clint.  This whole ordeal is gonna be Clint's dealings. And, I have to admit I'm kinda ready for some soapy goodness. So let's have Clint be a little maniacal again. I'm totes down with that.

Ok wait just a damn minute...what is "break beat"?!  Can someone tell me. I feel it's not even worth of a Google search.  Yay! Todd surfaced. Just makeout with Blair already...

Matthew, please don't give parenting advice to Des. Get a life. Go call kooky Michelle or something. See these comments from you make me want to punch you.   Bo: "Should we hide the good china?" Is there even room in the garret for a china cabinet? Absurd!

STOP! I'm dying! David and all the sex talk and wanting to do moves he learned on the internet. I love it. I kinda love that Matthew called David and Dorian to come over to Pa and Step Nora's. It's perfect since Dorian is wearing her "Nora" wig.

Tea to the rescue as usual. Yes, right? It doesn't sound like John. So I think the whole GH thing is directly related to this and they are going to weave it in...lovely. I mean...why can't we just HEAR John's voice?!  Play the voicemail, Natty! For my sake!

Dan-YELLA isn't on this episode?!?!?!  If anyone would like to go iceskating in the 9th circle of hell, please let me know. Obviously it's totally ok for us to do that...Dan-YELLA's absence confirmed it.

So Bo knows Matthew's first word? What the what? Let's just assume Nora told Bo everything from birth until Bo found out he was Matt's father. Bo is all caught up and filled in and up to speed. Let's just all go with that. LMAO..."what is this a long face competition?"  OMG...the Dorian/Nora banter is FAAAABULOUS! From "rustic" chips and dip, to not dreaming of letting Nora take Dorian's coat, to the macaroons arriving from Paris quickly...I love it.  "Uh oh."  Cute...

Bless Jeffrey for correcting "ass" to "rear end".  I'm tired of all the harsh language in front of Queen V. Her ears are just too delicate for all of this nonsense.  I'm kinda confused with this whole Ezra thing. Granted, I am somewhat sleep deprived but...yes, I'm kinda confused. So he is a big blogger, huge on social media, and a genius that doesn't sleep? And we need to care about this because???? I think I missed a segment? Did I? Jeffrey is an eager to please little bastard...I'll give him that.

"You're so fly I need to wear bug spray for cologne."  See, now these are the kinda lines that make me want to hop in bed with someone in a hot minute. I don't know why everyone thought it was so funny.

SPIT IT OUT TODD FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY!!!!!! I mean we are going to DRAAAAAAG this shit out until the very end. Good grief, Charlie Brown.

I still can't get over all this Nora cooking foolishness. So Matt and Des laugh at some old stories and now they are smiling over a meal? I obviously have a heart, people, because I just felt sorry for Destiny. I think I just dropped my bowl from dinner. Yes, I felt sorry for Des. When is batshit crazy Michelle going to surface? If she is going to be crazy I want her to be all the way crazy like Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction sans a boiled bunny.

Natalie's salad looks sad as hell. Like that is the most depressed salad I have ever seen. Zoloft, crushed as bac-o's...stat!  Ok so it's confirmed basically...Clint is behind all of this John restraining order hoopla. I kinda love it. No, I just flat out LOVE it.  I hope this causes a shit ton of backlash. We need it! NEED it! I want to see Vicki all fired up too!

That little microphone is cracking me up. Bo is so confident and excited for Nora. Too cute. He is almost as encouraging as Ross is before I go on an audition. ;)  "I'm giving advice...not happy endings."  My fav line of the day. I'm sure most men would prefer happy endings but let's keep it clean. I'm very curious as to how this whole Nightbird thing is gonna go...

Thank God! Vicki and Clint left before it turned into that trashtastic Jersey Shore club! Praise God!  And thank you Natty for changing that drink order. A cosmo? Please. Sex and the City ended awhile ago and so did that drink.  Cutter cannot take his eyes off of Natty! I mean is there going to be ANY follow up from their groping an episode or two ago? Any? Shouldn't there be something?

Todd to the rescue! OMG we had to wait all the way to the end and Todd still didn't spill his guts! DAMMIT! Oooh, Blair's head looks like it took a beating. Now, who in God's name is Mr. I Wear a Leather Glove and Shoot a Gun Man?

WAIT JUST A DAMN MINUTE! This show was 20 minutes?  Excuse me...19:59. What the hell?! And now I can't hear any dialogue in the previews?! Oh boo.

I actually loved this episode overall! Just wish it was getting continued tomorrow. Whannn. That's ok. Also, no Dan-YELLA. Again, iceskating in June...who knew?

Y'all have a lovely evening! I'm off to get into bed and watch Downton Abbey. I started season 1 and it's like crack...ugh!

xoxo,
Your long lost friend ME