One (More) Life to Live

Clint Buchanan: Vicki, I am so thankful that Rex finally agreed to let me have GiGi's heart.

Victoria Lord: So am I, Clint. Hopefully Kim's forthcoming return doesn't ruin the plans for our long-awaited reunion. ME and MH will die if we don't get back together before OLTL ends, and they simply cannot die because they have not yet had drinks with Hillary Smith.

Good Evening My Lovelies,

I am thrilled to be back guest posting for the fabosh ME while she tries to keep up with her hectic life!

My most sincere sympathies to all whose local ABC stations interrupted OLTL to cover the Blago verdict yesterday. Don’t yall just hate it when the show is preempted for news that could have been delivered via a ticker at the bottom of the screen or on the evening news? Case in point: ABC decided to interrupt the highly anticipated bitch slapping of Inez by one Nora Hanen Gannon Buchanan for… Yea, I don’t remember what that breaking news was either. Note to ABC in the immortal words of Bon Qui Qui, “Don’t interrup… RUDE”!

Ok, so I am just going to go ahead and do a numbered drive by of random comments/observations because my brain is totally fried from grading essay exams, and this will be the easiest way. Please excuse any and all typos! K? Bon! Let’s get crackalackin, shall we?

Monday, June 27, 2011, Drive-Thru Summary of Events in Llanview. PA.

Brought to you by King Burger, “… where we can do it your way but don’t get crazy.”

1. Dorian looks fabu. That is all!
2. David and Dorian are sitting shiva because Clint is not dying?! David is Jewish maternally, though “Step-Nora”?! I am pretty sure I peed on myself!
3. Clint’s hair looks a bit dischevled. The hospital’s hair stylist was obviously too busy in GiGi’s room.
4. I flurve the look of handcuffs on nuJack, too bad that won’t last long.
5. OMG, RH spoke? Color me shocked.
6. This episode will be bearable because of the following: no member of the Ford family is on, no Day-en, and no Mestiny. YES!!!
7. Snap, Kelly mentioned Zane, and I almost passed out. She knows that child’s name? Really? Ten to one, the bitch couldn’t pick her own child out of a damn line-up.
8. Jess is kinda acting like Tess.
9. I will cry through these Clint scenes today – FACT! Ugh, Vicki is already getting chocked up? I need Kleenex, prontito! Times, I am kinda distracted by those red buttons on Vicki’s suit.
10. OMG, all this yelling at the LPD. My head hearts. Surely John needs an Advil, too.
11. HAHAHAHA!!! Vickers: “Maybe since we are sitting shiva, we should actually sit… Sitting shiva is hard.”
12. Kelly, I am also sorry that you and John decided that you are better off as friends. Boo!
13. Ooooo, Brody told you, Joey! Word!
14. Aaaaaaaand, I am a basket case. Thanks Clint and Vicki. Awe, Clint was his best self with Vicki. Well, just kill me. This one scene made the entire show. If these two don’t get back together before OLTL ends (Huge TEAR), I will be a very unhappy little girl.
15. GiGi’s nails are even manicured? Mylanta. I want to be a patient at Llanview Hospital. It is like going to the spa!
16. Baby Liam is absolutely presh, and I just want to squish his little chubby cheeks.
17. McBain is talking above a whisper? I guess that is what happens when you have to deal with the likes of ooc Rex and Tea.
18. May I just say that I flurve that Dorian still calls Joey “Joe.” Flurve it. I cannot even explain why. Aaaaaand David just said the following, and I had to go change my Depends, “How many times has that guy dumped you? He probably can’t count that high.” Lol, you’re right, David, I think counting past ten is learned in kindergarten, and Joey isn’t there yet… maybe in the fall. Snap, actually Dorian, the stupidest think Kelly ever did was pro-create because she sucks as a mother. There, I said it!
19. Thank you, Queen V, for getting all HBIC on your two daughters. Sick of their catfights, so you keep their asses in line. OMG, Vicki is now sobbing, and I cannot deal.
20. Random observation: The LPD and St. James’ Church obviously purchase their ice packs from the same company. Bo put the same kind of pack on his lip in January after he and Clint got into that scuffle. Come to think of it, I wonder if anyone ever found Bo’s ice pack in the fern that Nora put it in. Hhmmm. I know. No one but me gives a shit. Back to the show.
21. I mean, I am just assuming that RH is the real Todd Manning, especially now that it has been confirmed that Trevor St. John is leaving the show early. Just a guess.
22. Baby Liam is way to adorbs for words.
23. Oh, be still my heart, an Asa Buchanan reference. I miss that cowboy so much, it’s not funny.
24. Dammit, nuJack is going to talk now. Balls.
25. Dear Tea, You played a role in this nuJack situation, too. If you wanted his pathetic ass to face the consequences, you should not have defended him and had Toad hire an attorney. Please don’t make me start disliking you again. XO, MH.
26. Ok, this scene where Dorian told David that she doesn’t want Clint to die was just so fabu that I am beside myself. That was a glimpse (well, more like a flashback, I guess) of Dorian Lord, circa 1990s, and I flurve it.
27. Peeing! Kevin and Chord will be there as fast as they can? Really? Too bad we will never see them visit their father, much like we never saw Rachel come visit Matthew when everyone (well, everyone except for Nora) thought he would die. Egregious! Times, Clint, you are entrusting a preschooler with the well-being of your family? I thought you were smarter than that, handsome.
28. OMG, a Nat/Brody hug with baby Liam in the middle. Be still my heart. I am enjoying the hell out of these scenes while they last. Le sigh.
29. I cannot even comment on these Toad buying nuJack’s freedom so that he can “punish” nuJack himself. Really, Father of the Year award for you Toad. Woof.
30. Has anyone told Blair about this nuJack shit? FAIL.
31. Dear Nat, Still waiting to borrow that blouse.
32. Stop it!! A Dorian being a doctor reference? I am absolutely beside myself with Strasser’s performance in this episode. She is the shit, and I will cry like a baby when she leaves. Times, did I hear this correctly? Dorian, a character over the age of 15, had suggestive dialogue? Well, I just don’t even know what to say about that. Actually, I do. Can Bo and Nora have some, too? Pleeeeeeeease. I mean, who do I need to sleep with to make this happen?
33. Look at Joey being all head of the family. Yikes!
34. Awe, Brody took baby Liam to work. I cannot deal with this child’s cuteness. Just cannot. I hope my children (the ones I will have the day after never at this rate) are half as cute as he is!
35. I want to have RH’s job. I mean, the man shows up for work, says two words, if that, and gets paid thousands of dollars per episode. Lucky bastard!
36. Tea, please run away from this marriage. You can come stay at my house. I am a fabulous southern hostess!
37. Finally, ladies and gentlemen, the Silver Fox will get One (More) Life to Live. The end!!

So, overall, a pretty good episode. Not much dialogue from nuJack, which was a gift, in and of itself. Nothing all that spectacular happened, but I enjoyed the show overall.

As always, it has been my pleasure to fill in for ME! She will post on today’s show either later tonight or in the morning. So, until next time, everyone:

Loving you all and meaning it!!

XO,
MH

Tricky Tricky

John McBain: "Dammit Bo. I need NuJack or Brad to confess already, because I really want to get to Llanview High's graduation. I never miss it. Looks like I'm gonna have to pull out all the stops and get tricky with these little bastards."

Good Evening, ladies and gents! Ok so I have to finish up wedding stuff this evening so I'm rushing around like Marty Saybrooke...plus Ross is still away. BOO!!! Everyone please say a quick prayer for him since his grandfather passed away. =( Thank you. I know I have a couple more comments to respond to so I'll do that from work tomorrow...or possibly tonight if time permits it.

Friday, June 24th--Marty's View of Llanview

Again, there is no security at LaBoulaie or Llanfair. Utterly ridic. OMG that little Sam is ADORBS, and I can't help but gush about his adorableness every time he comes on. Please come to Chicago and just be my friend. Please. This could work I'm telling you.

I still don't give a flying f*@k about Baz and the whole thing is stupid if you really think about it. Or...stupid if you don't think about it. Just stupid.

Ah...Bo. Hi there, darling. ha...I love that Bo is basically like "Matthew tell me everything you know right now please."

NuJack, I don't like you but you should have known that Brad is a little douche and would rat you out. God...these two characters are all ate up with rotting shit. I cannot handle them. CANNOT!

Awe...Clint and Vicki. Cuteness overload. Wait...Clint's hair looks different. Maybe a little disheveled.

Sam is the shit. Bottomline. Plus, that little man is thoughtful and brought Todd and apple. What a kid. Obviously Blair has not been raising him...someone else. I hate red apples...fyi.

Natalie looks stunning in that purple! Mercy! Snap...Clint wants a father to son convo. Let this be good please.

Does anyone else groan or become irritable when each year we have to be subjected to Llanview's graduation festivities? I mean...what a shit show.

Dayt-en's shirt is uber presh. Again, she bought this how? Exactly. I'm not acknowledging NQS, by the way. Can't. Won't. Not Allowed. I'll get sick.

I STILL cannot watch the scene where Matthew hits his head. Makes me cringe. Looks so painful! Gosh...now that I look at Matthew's head in that gauze I just realized that he AND his mom have had brain surgery. She has had it twice! NOT something I would want to be common in my family. Ugh...enter Dr. Smurf. YAY! Nora surfaces after the intro. Oh, and I'd like to thank the wardrobe dept. for getting Nora new clothes. This outfit is uber adorbs and her last two have been, too...and new! Thank you! I like those earrings for myself. Bo will figure this shit out. I hope he does and then I hope he beats the shit out of NQS. He won't, but I can dream.

Are you kidding me?! Now I have to discuss NQS quickly...he graduated with honors? My ass. I'm sorry that is not believable. God...if Inez surfaces I'll die. So, Dan-YELLA just said she is the president of his fan club...YUCK! just take me out now. I will have to die before I get married at this rate, because it looks like I'm gonna be subjected to these shitty teens all summer.

It just gets worse...Baz and Starr. These scenes are worse than Laffy Taffy jokes. Now she is just gonna be into Baz and over James just like that? Fail.

Toad just asked if they wanted to order pizza. Word...that is what I'm eating for dinner to reward myself for my dress fitting perfectly. ;) Again, these scenes could have been all kinds of fabu but they ain't.

Peeing! Rex just asked Clint if he would slap a cowboy hat on him...yes! He would! My posts from a few episodes ago was foreshadowing! I can tell the future. Madame Delphina who? OF COURSE...at some point in like every damn episode I say "poor Vicki." When Rex stormed out of Clint's room and Vicki said "Oh Clint" I could only think "poor Vicki." Poor baby.

These Natty/Rex scenes are pretty good. If anything Rex should change his mind to give Clint Gigi's heart when he looked over at Vicki and saw her standing in the doorway. She has the power to do anything so she can convince Rex. Yes, Vicki is THAT good.

OMG are we REALLY having a conversation about Starr and her singing?! This is such a f*@k you...at least it is to me. My frustration with this teen shit knows no bounds...NO BOUNDS!!!

Dammit to hell, my high school cap and gown was the same color...green with a gold tassel. Le woof. I now feel linked to NQS.

Omigod I love that Bo and Nora just cling to each other...even while walking. Too precious. I'm dying to know how they have her hair pulled back yet I see no bobby pins. Amazed by it, really. Awe...and a hug. I haven't really discussed anything they have said this episode cause they ain't sayin' much, so I'll just discuss their fabulousness.

I think I just peed on myself again. John McBain just offered Brad the Prune a tuna fish sandwich. Hilarious. I love tuna fish and am now dying to try the tuna at the LPD. No doubt awesome. No doubt. If I were Brad, I'd terrified of McBain.

Oh just f*@king perfect...ANOTHER new character, Brad's dad. My God. I can't deal with this shit.

These Todd/Sam scenes are about 10 shades of fabu. FABU. I'm also just thankful RH is talking. Work hard for that paycheck!!!

MH and I have discussed how the Vicki bumper makes us tear up. So sad. Whannn!

Smurf's wording is so poor. Matthew got a little...overloaded? Fail smurf. Total fail. Again, looks like B/N are just gonna be adorable and not talk much. Le sigh. Oh well...I'll take them when I can. I love how Bo lit up when Nora said she wanted to be there if Matthew says anything. Everyone needs a Bo Buchanan. All girls should be so lucky. Ah...and a kiss...I'm in heaven!

Nevermind...I'm back in hell. Starr, Baz and now James. UGH. This Baz guy is a bastard.

I FLURVE that McBain is tricking these dipshit kids.

Toad said the kids should be grounded for a month. Yeah...that will work. Awesome parenting. Just awesome.

I don't like how NuJack is talking to Tea. She could beat your ass with words alone, NuJack! Be nice!!!

I mean...Vicki is just unloading on us with all these secrets huh? First she tells us that she started a college fund for Shane with Gigi's rent money and now we find out that Gigi used to buy Vicki lottery tickets. God...what's the next tidbit V will share with us? Do tell us Vicki! Sold! I'm sold! Rex take Vicki's advice...she is all knowing and convincing.

OF COURSE...Bo is gonna run into Rex.

James...why are you being all territorial with new Llanview peeps?! This was you a year ago! Hypocrite!

Ugh...I can't watch Dan-YELLA and NQS kiss because I still am convinced he is 35.

Come on, Bo. You could have tried to talk some sense into Rex instead of just saying that whatever Rex decided wouldn't change your friendship. However, I guess saying that Gigi trusted him was his way of telling Rex to do that right thing. Hmmm. Oh and poor Rex...he looked so defeated at the end of that scene.

Look at Prune catching on to McBain's trick! Ugh...then Brad's dad storms the room. WOOF!!!! I want these kids locked up and off the show.

Oh God...Gutherie is gonna be the lawyer for Brad? Isn't that Tess and Ford's lawyer? Please say no. I forgot his name. I hate that bastard.

Ugh...no Nora this segment...FAIL. At least I had Bo...

Oooh now Bo again...with Clint! I FLURVE these two in scenes together. Hmmm so Clint doesn't want Matthew to confess to Eddie's murder. Well, now that we all know Clint is gonna live how is this going to work? I mean...if he lives then he could go to jail since he confessed. Hmmm. I wonder how they are gonna do that.

Thank God the graduation went on and started. I hope we don't have to see the damn thing like we did last year. If so, kill me...

NuJack will get off scott-free I'm sure.

Natty can cry crocodile tears when needed! That is awesome!

Hmmm I wonder what Rex is gonna do at the LPD? He will most def spaz out like he always does I'm sure. He really is so spastic.

PRESH!!!!!! Sam just fist bumped Todd! I just can't get enough (I like the Black Eyed Peas song with the same phrase...catchy)!!!

Ummmm no Nora AGAIN. This is just wrong. She was barely on.

Wait...the show is over. I thought I had another segment. I'm losing my damn mind.

Ok...see y'all tomorrow or Tuesday morning! Will be back to comment at some point!

Loving you all and meaning it!

xxoo,

Margaret Saybrooke (until this wedding is over with)

Can I Get a Doctor?

David Vickers Buchanan: "Now look, just because you had sex with my little bro does not mean you get to be terrible and even haunt the screen when you're not on the show. It's unfair to the viewers. The Mestiny Virus is spreading throughout town like hotcakes, and it's making the show boring."

Morning one, morning all! I'd like to thank MH again for posting Wednesday's episode...so sweet. So, I heard that I'd hate today's episode. Like...want to claw my damn blue eyes out of my head. Let's see.

Thursday, June 23rd--Hannah O'Connor's Version of the Show (Marty's on her honeymoon with Patrick...word. Oh, plus Hannah is bored and needs something to do.)

Dammit to hell...so now Todd is staying at the Herpes Hangout? REALLY?!?! (In the best Nora voice ever.) I mean...come on, y'all! Why there? Plus, isn't this place supposed to be located kinda out of the way? Why does everyone want to stay here? I don't understand. Omigod...is he wearing a collarless shirt? No!

Sweet Angels in Heaven! Tea is OUT her fall/winter dress. I appreciate small favors. Awesome town.

Rex...I will say one thing: Your girl is the BEST looking brain dead patient EVER! SUH-NAP! Echo DiSavoy! As I live and breathe! Where you been, girlfriend? Hopefully letting your hair grow out a bit since I can't stand it that damn short. Huge no-no.

AH!!!! Bo is on! Happiness! My heart is fluttering! Wait...enter David Vickers. Le sigh. Bo and Nora (where is she this episode? FAIL) cannot have one minute alone with Matthew. Woof Woof.

OMG...times the f*@k out. Ugh. Sooooo....Dayt-en (for my new readers who get my nicknames confused, Deanna) went and purchased that new outfit with what money? Exactly. You KNOW that bitch didn't schlepp that outfit from Dayt-en, Ohio. Let's ALL be real here. Oh, and can we all be in agreement that in his suit Nate looks like he is about the age of 32? Fine...31, but I am not going lower.

NO!!!! James just said his mom was going to save seats for him and Starr. Please God don't let Inez be on...begging. Wait...I think I'm going to be sick. Did James just tell Starr on that voicemail something abouther graduation last year? He f*@king did. Why am I upset? The Fords have been on our screen for a year! A YEAR!!!! F*@KED UP!

Well, I'd rather be stoned to death, paper cut my tongue, pour salt into my wounds after Marty Saybrooke stabs me, etc. than be interested and watch the Baz/Yaz/Tomas shit. Yes, Yvette is now Yaz. I just feel like it...

So NuJack only wears tees with obscure, random pics on them...

REALLY?! Those hot dog costumes again? To be frank (ha!), those costumes are ridic.

What a surprise...Kim Zimmer in some shade of blue! Do they dress her in ANY OTHER color?! Please...for the love of St. Ann's put the woman in a different color.

Again, can we somehow locate NuJack's acting school and then either force it to close or just burn it down? I have matches. Y'all know it is for the public good to take action?

People like NuJack should never be allowed to be actors and any school that sends them out in the world to hurt people like you and me is just pure EVIL!

I'm sure this Blair and Starr convo will just be FAAAAAAABULOUS. My ass...

Bo will be the only bright spot in this episode for me today. Wait...Nora's talking with specialists? AS IF they wouldn't talk to the specialists together. AS IF! I couldn't help but laugh when David pulled a Clint phrase and said "yellow bellied sapsucker."

NQS needs to be shot...like right now. Not discussing him. Awe...I hate that Ross isn't here to see Rick. =(

The scenes with the Mr. and Mrs. Manning, NuJack, and the Man in Black...ENTIRELY too damn short.

Ugh...I hate that I'm not interested in this Roger Howarth stuff. I mean...I'm serious. His return was just sooooo built up, and sadly it's been nothing but a shit show.

Wait...I'm only 13 minutes into the show. It sucks such ass so far. The ONLY reason I'm not losing my shit is because Bo is on. Otherwise...le puke. I BLAME MESTINY! I will blame her for everything from here on out...woof woof.

Ok I'm sorry and I know I will be crucified for this but I am over Vickers. OVER him. I hate that his appearances are so sporadic! Times! Speaking of sporadic...y'all know Kimberly Andrews is coming back right? Whatch y'all think? I needed her to not leave when she did, but now I just don't give a shit. We will see her in August I believe. Back to Vickers...anyway, I have always hated that he is Bo's son but whatevs. However, his appearances are not as funny as they used to be and I'm kinda over it. I know that is probably a minority opinion, but I'm just saying. Sidenote: Bo is so fabulous.

See...these Dayt-en and Rick scenes just infuriate me since I keep thinking we only have until January. Disgusting.

Wait...y'all this episode is HORRIBLE!!!!! I cannot keep going in detail like this. My wedding is more important than discussing some of these newbie characters! Mother F*@ker! I'm now just going to sporadicaly comment! MESTINY VIRUS! Infecting the show today!

May I just say that Blair looks like sex on a stick and so does Starr today. God, Starr and Blair's relationship is horrible. The writers have never made Blair look so stupid, I swear.

Yeah...don't care about the Tomas/WVNB/Dan-YELLA shit.

Wow...so Echo just spouted off a lot of legal shit about that power of attorney stuff. I mean...I couldn't be that succinct and I went through 3 years of law school. Good on ya, Echo.

OMG I am DYING to fast forward through this Ford/James stuff.

WAIT!!!! Did Starr jus say she TAKES CARE of Hope?!?! How dare she! You stupid whore! You are NEVER with your child!!!! I assure you that you DO have time to entertain WVNB since you don't do anything else! God, you're such a failure. My patience is growing thin. Can y'all tell?

I've missed Kim Zimmer...have y'all? Echo may not be my fav, but she is just so good. Times! Echo's jewelry reminds me of that shit jewelry in that store in New Mexico...remember when Gigi did that whole Rick and Lily thing?! God...that was AWFUL!!!

I am so bored.

Oh look, Todd is sitting against an armoire. I STILL cannot wrap my mind around that shit. What a joke. The Minuteman is so weird.

Wow...so Echo just forged Gigi's signature? Don't lie to Bo, Rex!

Oh...so David is bringing up the escorts he hired for them when Bo and Nora were on their honeymoon?! Ummmm there was ZERO follow-up with that! Whatever happened to that hooker that got left at their house? Exactly. OH.HELL.NO. HELLLLL NO! Sooo let me get this straight: Matthew opened his eyes for Mes and NOW he is going to say his first words to David Vickers?!?! I mean...seriously?! Take me out like Jen Rappaport! RIGHT NOW! I'm furious.

These John/Toad/Tea/NuJack scenes could be excellent but they are too damn short!

I have nothing to say and am not even commenting on the Rick and the future porn star. No words.

No words for Starr and Blair either.

Ok...so WVNB reminds me of some young, famous singer but I don't know who! Dammit! Does anybody think the same thing?

God, I can't stand Blair and Starr's mother/daughter talks. Also, the more I think about it this whole thing with Tomas and her is just beyond stupid and I swear I've never seen Blair be so foolish in all my life. I mean...she is just coming off of the Eli fiasco yet she is now being more stupid yet thinks she is being smart about the way she is going about this. Grade: F.

At least Bo is awesome as usual...otherwise I'm yawning.

NuJack is like the worst kid on all of daytime television.

Wait...Bo, run! Go see Matthew! Why are you just standing there!?

All these new cops at the LPD. Whatever happened to Detective Price???

I'm curious to know if Llanview High School has won another basketball state championship since 2004? That is the only banner I see. They are obviously not that good...

Tear. I kinda teared up when Matthew said "Dad." Can't lie.

Again, I just want to look as good as Gigi does when I'm on my deathbed. Word.

I mean...Bo, go run and get Nora! This is egregious. Wait...I think Matthew is going to wake up and something will be off...memory loss? I dunno. Something is going to be awry I just know it.

AH! HOW COOL?! WVNB and Starr ran into one another at LHS! They are meant to be together...such a strong connection already. Ugh. PLEASE BITCHES! Atrosh.

Awe...nice Echo/Rex moment.

Ugh...Tea, I need you to not defend NuJack. I know he is your stepson and all, but I don't like this. AT ALL.

Sonofabitch...this RH return is dragging fat ass and just will not move forward! Lord have mercy. I'm so NOT interested in this story anymore and I'm sad about it. Seriously, I'm sad. This could have been so mother effing awesome. Yet, it's not. I get to see WVNB and Starr interact and discuss songs on her mp3. Intense stuff. Just Boo. Woof. Barf.

I thought this episode was pretty boring. =( Obviously, the show has come down with the Mestiny Virus and just can't seem to get rid of it. I totally blame Mes. I need a doctor (OUTSIDE of Llanview since all those doctors are shit) to come in and cure what is ailing the show today.

Ok, I have to run! About to respond to comments quickly!

Loving you all and meaning it! Have a fabulous Friday!

xoxoxoxo,

Mija

Camelot?

Dear Mayor Dorian Lord-Vickers-Buchanan, I am monumentally sorry that the OLTL writers are doing this to you in your final days/weeks/months on the show. If there is anything I can do to help you recover from this embarrassment, please, pleeeeeeeease let me know. I will help in any way I can. I will watch whatever new show you end up on. "Castle," are you listening to me?

Much love and appreciation, MH

(In my best Snoop Dogg voice) Whatitdo?

Good evening my lovelies!! Yes, it is me, MH, again. Poor ME has had it rough the past couple of days/weeks and is about at her wit’s end, so I am helping a sista out so we do not get too far behind on episodes. I am fabu like that! Word!

Disclaimer: I should be over the moon because after over sixty damn days, it FINALLY rained in “The W;” however, I am just a tad pissy for various reasons that ya’ll probably couldn’t give two shits about. Just wanted to warn you all before I got the party started.

I am apologizing for any and all typos right now!!

All righty. Ready? Here we go!!

Wednesday, June 22, 2011: Snoop Doggie Fizzle Televizzle Channel Summary of Events in Llanview, PA (AKA, MH surely is now in Purgatory):

Aaaaaaaah, OMG, is this Dorian (AKA: Robin “The Shit on Twitter” Strasser) Lord-Vickers-Buchanan that I see first up on my tv screen??!!! Surely I hallucinated this. Lemme contain my excitement before it gets out of hand. Snap, and Vickers is here, too. Eh. But word, overall! Times, I would not be caught dead in that bra, FYI! Peeing that Dorian is holding it up with a rubber glove. Did she find it at the Chlamydia Motel?! This bitch thinks yes!!

Well, please just effing take my ass out Gabby Medina style. If I have to endure one more episode of Starr and James discussing how Hope does not like James, I will just… well, I don’t exactly know what I will do, but it will be drastic. James has no damn manners. Knock on the door, please, before you enter a person’s home. Manners much?

Time out, is this a new day? Blair and Thomas look way to damn good for having been out all night. Seriously. I have stayed out practically all night in NYC, and I assure ya’ll, my ass was looking all kinds of disheveled. Somebody please remind me again why the eff I should care about Thomas/Blair. They bore me to tears, and I don’t know how that is possible.

Back to Starr and James. I just broke a beer bottle over the counter top then slit my wrists.

UUUUUGGGGGHHH, please kill me. nuJack. (In my best Jack McFarland voice) Peter, Paul, and Mary!

Not gonna lie, this Rex/GiGi stuff is killing me, like in a sad/devastating way.

I am rather uninterested in Brody/John

Aaaaaaaand, yet another confrontation with the sisters Buchanan. Just no comment. Bored.

I have a feeling nothing, not even Dorian, will save this, so far, shittastic episode.

Again, bored to tears by Blair and Thomas, especially since they are discussing a new character that I could give two shits about with less than eight months to go of this show. OMG, aaaaaand, he makes a cameo. Again, please kill me.

Starr and James discussing the newbie’s ass – cannot and will not discuss this foolishness.

How many bitch fights between Nat and Jess are we going to have to endure? Sick of this foolishness, too.

Took a sip of my martito and missed the Brody/John scene. I will get over this one day.

I wish Toad would beat the ever-loving shit out of nuJack. I would pay big bucks to see someone do that!

GiGi is the best looking brain-dead patient I have ever seen. If I am ever brain-dead, I hope to look this fabu. Word!

Dear David Vickers Buchanan, Dorian’s glasses are nowhere near big enough to compete with the likes of Jackie O’s. Please don’t let Dorian be holding up this damn bra the entire episode. Sidenote: I need the OLTL writers to come up with something better than the whole “bridge to sell ya” phrase. I mean, let’s get some variety in our dialogue, there, writers. Kisses, MH! Oh, but thank the good Lawd we did not have to endure the filming of the damn David Vickers movie. Times, why the eff is Vickers’ wedding ring on his middle finger? Um, FAIL!

I refuse to comment/get invested in these scenes revolving this effing newbie character. What is his damn name? Spaz? Baz? Yea, I don’t care either.

Rex, from your lips to God’s ears! Suh-nap, Echo is in the house, people!!! This may save the episode for me. Sidenote: No, I don’t necessarily like the Echo character, per se, but I have to divulge that Kim Zimmer is one of my favs of all-time, and I got to meet her fabu self in April when she came to do a musical in Houston. Word!! ME will attest to the fact that I was beside my damn self at midnight on April 1, 2011. Word!

Toad, please stop wasting my time, and beat the ever-loving shit out of nuJack. You know you want to. I swear, will not call OCS on your ass! I saw nothing!!

Again, the Brody/John scenes are boring my ass to tears. Enough of this already. Same goes for the millionth confrontation bewteen the Sisters Buch! So sick of this never ending storyline.

I cannot deal with this show any longer. I will, from now on, only comment on noteworthy moments. OMG, now newbie French lady is on?! I am in hell for bad-mouthing Mestiny. VIP section, for sure.

TIMES, so ME and I are being the biggest douches on the face of the earth on Twitter right now while imbibing, and Crystal Chapell just tweeted me. Aaaaaaand, this shitty day (and OLTL viewing) has been salvaged. Word!

Have David and Starr ever had a scene together?

I LOVE Robin Strasser, and her ass is totally being wasted on this show – FACT! That is all.

Comment on this Nat/Jess stuff?!? I like the color of Nat’s shirt?! Yea, that’s all I got.

Thank God, Echo’s hair looks better (and is longer) than the last time she was on!! God, KZ can cry on cue like no other. Aaaaaand, she’s in blue yet again.

Idiot friends is right, Toad! Too bad you will not allow nuJack to pay for any of his douchtastic behavior. FAIL in the parenting department for you and Blair. I mean, let’s be serious, nuJack needs to be sent to JUVI like yesterday. SNAP, too bad Tea interrupted this fight, we could have been rid of nuJack. UGH, Tea, I am not pleased with you, but I guess I will give you a pass this time since you changed out of that inappropriate for work/daytime/summer purple dress. Muchos Gracias! Actually, times, this wool-looking suit is not really summer-appropriate either. UGH, fail, OLTL wardrobe!

Tea, nuJack is not your child, and sometimes discipline is necessary. Please let Toad parent/discipline his own child since Blair is more concerned with her libido in NYC. I know, ya’ll can send me hate mail for this comment! Btw, Toad, I cannot handle nuJack either!

Aaaaaand Echo pronounces GiGi just like Bo does. I think they are the only two that pronounce her name like that. I peed on myself!!

Ok, are David and Dorian going to break up yet again? Strasser deserves a better story than this.

Not even dignifying these Thomas and Co scenes with comments. Thank God I am having a martito.

Ok, I kinda like that Nat is telling Jess off. So sick of her (Jess’) whiney ass. Not saying that Nat is my fav, but I am all right with this.

Was that John/Brody scene even a full second? Yea, I don’t really care either.

Anybody think that Echo is the one who had this pic sent to Dorian? That is my guess! I mean, seriously, this shit is an insult to Robin Strasser, and I am, frankly, outraged for her.

I am throwing up in my mouth with these Starr/James scenes, and that is a perfectly good waste of Titos Vodka.

Same goes for Thomas/Blair/Spaz/Baz scenes.

I flurve Kim Zimmer!!! That is all. I really do cry through these GiGi/Rex scenes. Damn, Echo left. WHAN!!!!! I cannot even imagine being in Rex’s position. Cannot deal.

Dear Nat, May I please borrow your shirt? I lurve the color!! Kisses, MH!! You are right, also, the last thing we need is Tess; therefore, I encourage you to make sure Jess is not seeing Dr. Levin cause he sucks major ass.

Who else thinks that nuJack will get off scott-free? Yall will hear my ass scream all the way from “The W” if he does not have to pay for what happened to GiGi. Snap, John is here to arrest nuJack. Am I hallucinating this?

There is not enough Titos in the world for this episode.

OMG, Dorian has the bra and the glove on yet again?? (In my best Nora voice) REALLY? Again, insulted for Strasser. But, thank goodness somebody noticed the wedding ring gaffe, and Vickers now is wearing it on the correct finger. Jesus H!! BTW, raise your hand if you care about this damn Vickers movie? Please note that mine is NOT raised.

Aaaaaaaaaand, I surely was correct in suspecting that Echo was responsible for those photos. I should apply for a job with the LPD. Surely my handsome, precious Bo Buchanan would hire my adorbs self?! Anyone want to write me a letter of recommendation? Well, yea, I didn’t think so. It was worth a try.

Why in the name of all that is holy have I been subjected to an entire episode of James and Starr discussing a new character that I could give two shits about? Times, Nathaniel Q. Salinger is a Senior and is graduatig?? Please tell me I will not have to be subjected to an LU graduation ceremony just for his ass. I mean, seriously. I will say it again, OLTL: less than 8 months. Please get your shit together and rid this canvas of pointless newbies (Fords and especially Mes included). Mucho appreciation, MH! God, I am writing a lot of letters today.

Spaz/Baz’s hat is annoying my ass. I mean, that is all I have to say about this.

YES!!!!!!! nuJack under arrest!!! Pleeeeeeeeeeease, let him get life in prison/JUVI. Nora Buchanan, did your fabu self hear my plea? Please make this happen now that Matthew in on the road to recovery (hopefully)!!! Lurve you!!!

UGH, I do not need to cry again today, Rex. Maaaaary (in my best Jackee voice).

Word!! See ya nuJack!

Is Jess going to take on some of Tess’ personality traits? Yea, I don’t give a rat’s ass either. Times, this is how the show will end? LAME!!!

OMG, I will surely die at 5:15am – thank God tomorrow is my Friday, and that is all I have to say!!! It’s been real recapping this shitfest of a show for you all! As always, I enjoy every second of writing these reactions, and hope that they aren’t too torturous for you all!!! So, until next time:

(In my best Hillary Smith voice) Loving you all and meaning it,
MH

P.S. Mary-Ella's Tuesday post is below mine. ;)

Heart Times for Clint and Rex...

Rex: Soooo...do I look good being a Buchanan? I'll go on and answer that for you...no. I look atrosh in this cowboy hat. However, I'd like my Pa to be nicer to me. Oh, and I want a pony. K, thanks.

Goooooooood Evening! I feel I've been away from all of you for so long. Ok, so as y'all know I have a lot going on at the moment. Between daily stuff here, Ross' family situation, and my wedding that is less than 2 months away, and every little thing between...I'm a tad stressed. The past few days have been hectic, and OLTL watching has suffered! Thankfully, I am somehow friends with amazing people and MH's fabulous ass offered to help me today. What a doll! She is beyond wonderful and I'm forever thankful.

Soooooo, I am going to blog about Tuesday's show now. MH is typing about Wednesday's show. Our posts will be posted at the same time in the correct order...as 2 separate posts. So...first mine then MH's. Got it?

Thank y'all for being so understanding! Y'all are wonderful.

Tuesday, June 21st--Stressed and Crazed Mary-Ella's Incoherent Thoughts

Again...that coat needs to be in my closet, Jessica! Not on you! It really would look better on me with my eyes, hair, and skin tone. ;) Kidding, but not really. I just want the damn coat.

I LOATHE this guy in the white shirt!!!! He SUCKS GIANT FAT WIDE ASS!

Ummm yeah Blair...you just got shut down by Tomas' wife. Word yo.

Who wants to throw NuJack into oncoming traffic besides me?

I mean...Vicki has had so much heartache! I know I will not be able to deal with her fabulousness today.

Sonofabitch...look...y'all know I LURVE Clint Buchanan with all my heart but he is being a cold hearted bastard to Rex. I'll still like Clint regardless, but I would just prefer it if he softened a bit. Aaaand Clint is right I think about Rex not having a say in what happens to Gigi's heart. Rex isn't married to Gigi, so he really probably has no say in what happens. I think. Clint is being cold and heartless like J.R. Ewing! Does ANYONE watch "Dallas?" No...take it back. Has anyone ever seen it? Clint is so reminding me of him right now!

I don't care about the Ford/Jess scenes.

Dear OLTL...please get rid of all these f*@king new characters!!! Is this "The Exorcist" because y'all are making my head spin!!! There is a new character everywhere I turn. MONUMENTAL FAIL.

Also...who gives a damn that Starr's music got taken off her ipod...excuse me, mp3 player? Exactly. These scenes make me want to break my wine glass Marty Saybrooke style and slit my throat. Thank God I am drinking tonight!

God...is it just me or are the days and nights in Llanview longer than they used to be?! It's crazy really. I mean...these people are in the same clothes for weeks...months! ;)

God more Ben Davidson references. Victoria: I'm still a tad upset with you for letting Natty do whatevs.

LOL...Clint is telling Rex to learn the legal system? Come on. Nora didn't teach you that much about law when y'all were together. Please. LOL. FACT: Clint's bed got smaller from the previous episode!

Wait...so I'm guessing Ford just walked into Llanfair? Vicki ain't there...neither is Nat. Aubs let him in maybe?

Oh God...I will NOT be able to deal with this Vicki/Gigi shit. Omigod...Erika Slezak is FABULOUS! I cannot deal with her speech to Gigi. God Bless.

Wait...I shouldn't laugh but I'm laughing about Rex trying to smother Clint. I think Clint could swat Rex once to get him off. Awesome...first thing you've done right all week, Natty. Thankfully you walked in...must be those CSU instincts! You just KNEW something was wrong, right?

Oh...for the love of St. Ann's, Tea. GET OUT OF THAT DRESS YOU SHOULD BE WEARING IN LIKE...I DUNNO...NOVEMBER.

I mean...so y'all really mean to tell me that Starr Manning has an mp3 and NOT an ipod? REALLY?! With all that Cramer and Manning money? What a joke. Another joke: WVNB...no, not a news station. That stands for "white v-neck boy." Or..."bastard" instead of "boy."

I mean...I lost interest in this Tomas/Blair stuff like last month. Totally sad on multiple levels because there was so much potential. This storyline has gone down horribly...like an inexperienced hooker.

I'm not even watching Starr or WVNB...I'm more interested in the "Party Munch" in the vending machine.

I mean...Blair is dumb as a box of rocks. This show makes her look so effing stupid in the testosterone department.

I mean...NuJack is also getting paid to say practically nothing, too. Only John is talking...

Rex...you can't heart block, Clint. OMG...an effing Jared reference! I LOVED Jared! I'm sorry. I'm like Renee Divine...LURVED him! Couldn't help my damn self!

Aaaaaand, Gigi was paying rent? Glad I'm finding that out now. Good God Almighty! Vicki is some angel on earth...right? She put Gigi's tips from Rodi's in a college fund? Mercy! Oh, I would like a pendant with Saint Victoria on the front with some cool phrase. I'd wear that shit everyday. She is the shit. Vicki would protect me every damn day! St. Christopher who?

Wait...is that new fish shit on the wall in the nursery? Awe...Jess just said "My Uncle Bo and Aunt Nora." How cute. Where are they? Depressed without them. God...Jessica is such a mess. I don't know what else to say.

God...I don't know what to say about Natalie and to be honest I don't know how I feel about what she spouted off to Clint about how he can't end Gigi's life. I need to think about this...

Ugh...I don't like these Gigi scenes I think because I think all these hospital scenes are just hitting a bit too close to home nowadays. Just boo.

I want to know if John plays darts and if he shots hoops...that mini b-ball goal above the dartboard is calling my name.

My God! These Starr/WVNB scenes are all ate up with shit! It's like a virus! The Mestiny Epidemic!

Blair...don't act shocked Yvette (sp?) cheated on Tomas and had another man's baby. That is like a fav pasttime in Llanview. Word.

I'd lke to just say that I am so thankful I'm drinking. Otherwise I couldn't mentally handle the show today. Omigod...this episode is dripping in a Mestiny virus! God bless...I'll need to go to the ER after watching!

Ugh...so WVNB is gonna be Tomas' son? KILL ME! I'll have the filet o' woof with shit sauce and I'd like Mes to be my server...all while I watch the Starr/WVNB scenes. A typical day in hell...cue the visual

Where is Dorian? She is leaving the show soon and she ain't on...FAIL.

There is no way NuJack went to acting school and if he did then the school needs to shut down.

Can Vicki be my mother please? I just want her to love on me. K, thanks.

I can't believe I'm saying this but good for Natalie for telling Clint what's up. I strive for objectivity about 75% of the time!!!! Dammit! She deserved the credit!

Jesus, Mary, and St. Ann's....Vicki is the most selfless woman on the planet. OF COURSE you will be there for Rex...you're fabulous.

I still can't get over the fingernail polish shit with Jessica. Sooooo she just ran in the bathroom the other day and removed the black polish and then painted them green to match the jacket. Gotta give her props...

Tea...I'm starting to like you a LOT. The day FINALLY came. Soooo...I need you to NOT ardently defend NuJack. That would suck. Can't deal, darling. Cannot deal.

The security at Llanfair and at Mayor Vickers' (Akesha! Thank you!!! Love that name!) house is effing nonexistent. Mayor Vickers...lurve it.

Ugh. FAIL. I mean REALLY?!?! WVNB is gonna be Tomas and Yvette's kid and he OF COURSE is gonna befriend Starr at LU? This is embarassing. Like falling on your ass in front of a lot of people embarassing...

Baz. ATROSH name! I'd rather be called "truck stop whore" than "Baz."

Wait...Rex just called Tea "Mrs. Manning" and I swear I can't remember her ever being called that. Good for Rex, though. He is being protective of Gigi. So proud.

I like need Vickster and Silver Fox together now. I don't want to see Baz and Yaz (whatever her name is...Yvette? I like Yaz better. Like the birth control.), because I need some vet time.

Awe...Rex wants to go on and marry Gigi. Tear.

Lordy! Ok...again, thanks for understanding my crazy schedule! My blog probably makes about 60% sense...mercy!

Loving you all and meaning it! Thanks so much!

infinite xo,

Mija (for now...Marty might be taking over my body at this rate! Crazy week!)

You...Me...Date This Evening?

Hi there! Ok so yes I'm up early, but I'm not up early enough. I can't start blogging at 6:15. Ugh. So I'll meet y'all back here this afternoon? Sorry but finalizing wedding plans took priority last night!

I heard my blood pressure will rise after watching the show yesterday. Can't wait to see if that's true.

Have a FABOOSH day and see y'all later tonight!

xxxxoooo,

Mija

Oh Natalie, It's Okay. I'm Perfectly Fine with You Sleeping with Brody. Jessica Will Understand, Darling. Don't Worry.

Victoria Lord: "Natalie darling, I'm not upset about you sleeping with Brody. However, if I give you one more free pass Mary-Ella will pull her hair out. So this is it."

Morning all you gorgeous readers! First of all, I have to apologize. I am BEYOND sorry I have not responded to comments! I have read them and peed on myself as usual...Akesha, MojoMiller, YoSammity, Cri*Cri*, Rac...FLOVE THE COMMENTS! I owe y'all responses I know! Things have just been hectic and now Ross doesn't know if he is coming back this week, etc. Just huge woof. =( So, I'm gonna try and be sneaky at work and respond to comments. Will do my damndest I promise! Oh, and thanks again for all the sweet thoughts! Things are looking grim for poor Ross and his fam, but the well wishes and concern are MUCH appreciated! xx

Oh...did y'all watch the Emmys? What a shit show huh? I mean...30 minutes of the show was for an award for Oprah and that bitch wasn't even there! That ho! All the attention was on ANYTHING but the soaps. Huge fail yet no surprise. I could talk about this for days but this blog is supposed to make you laugh! No negativity here (when I can help it)! So...in positive Emmy news: Hillary Smith looked all kinds of faboosh and sex on a stick. Best look ever! Those legs! That dress! Melissa Archer's red carpet dress...fabulous! Her eyes and boobs...no words. FABU. She looks great in blue, too! Kassie DePaiva's dress fit her PERFECTLY...no surprise! She has such a rockin' bod, and I'm envious. Those were my compliments from the show about the OLTL cast. The rest...eh.

Aaaaand, let me start watching this show. I don't even know what is supposed to happen this episode since I have read no spoilers. Hmmm.

Monday, June 20th--I Miss Marty's Playhouse. Just sayin'

1. Amazing...RH STILL didn't say anything even when asked a question by the bad guy. Unreal. He is getting paid to say nothing.

2. I can assure you right now that I will not give a flying f*@k about these Blair/Tomas/French man scenes.

3. Sweet Jesus...as if the Blair/Tomas stuff isn't bad enough I have to be subjected to Starr and James at LU. I'm in Purgatory I just know it. I got left behind and now I'm forced to watch the James/Starr saga. I think hell would have been better. Times! That guy in the white shirt was creepily checking Starr out. He stared constantly.

4. Omigod I NEED that coat on me!!! Wait....PEEING!!!!! Snippy Ass Aubrey: "Calm down, Jessica! You're scaring him!" Yes, pee def came out when I heard that. Hilar. The evil bitch in me loves that Jess is getting the cold shoulder from everyone...including Aubs.

5. Score!!!! Silver Fox appearance. Darling, please make up for the Tomas/Blair and Starr/James shit. It's up to you today. Snap...now V! She will most def help you, Clint.

6. OMIGOD! Natalie, STFU!!!! I love your hair, but I'm tempted to pull all of it out on this fine morning.

7. ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME?! Am I REALLY having to watch James and Starr discuss the fact that Hope hates James?!?! Is this show now strictly a comedy? Or is this a horror movie? The latter. I'm horrified...so horror movie. I'm disgusted. Starr, you don't f*@king know what Hope likes! You don't even know the juice the little girl likes to sip on because you are a monumental failure as a parent. Explode.

8. Good on the writers for giving us a Rex/Natalie scene. I do like their relationship. =)

9. Oh no...I feel that Vicki is about to start crying. Jesus...she is. I cannot handle this. Whoa...these scenes are fabu. Entirely too short. Of course. By all means cut the damn Clint/Vicki stuff short but let's watch Blair galavant around a hotel and spy on Tomas...that works. My ass.

10. HE SPEAKS!!!! Lord have mercy! Work hard for that money, RH! Work hard!

11. OMG so the only way to get any Dorian action is her phone call to Blair?! Puh-leeze, bitches! We need to see her!!!!

12. AH! Going by Victoria Lord now? I like it, V. Way to go. I felt the same way when Nora started going by Hanen again. I again just peed on myself thanks to Vicki and Clint. I need to start wearing Depends, I swear. Between Vicki's reaction to Tess escaping and Clint saying "Can that place do anything right?!" well I have just wet myself. OMG in total agreement, Clint! I've been saying the same phrase forever!!!

13. Jessica...Bree is more beautiful than you remember? God, you're an awful mother! If she gets back full custody of those kids, then family court in Pennsylvania is shit. SHIT!

14. Gigi's doctor is awkward. I bet he and smurf are doing it in the supply closet on their break.

15. I am so NOT interested in the Ford brothers scenes at the Chlamydia Shack.

16. Yes Natalie, we ALL know that Gigi is the organ match for Clint. You are working my nerves today, hot mama. Seriously. Oh, and Jessica is whiney and I don't like her.

17. Sooooooo is it like midnight at LU? They are registering for classes awfully late.

18. To add insult to injury, Starr scenes involve talking to Langston. Unbelievable. Oh no...THIS is the new guy?! White shirt guy is the new character? Slit my wrists.

19. I'm not even typing the Blair stuff.

20. Sam Manning!!!!!! Yay!!!!!!!! Make my day!

21. Yes James, Ford wants you to sneak into a mental hospital. It's not difficult, I assure you. How effing ABSURD is it that now James is going to be dressed as a nun?! God, St. Ann's is a circus...

22. My God!!!! Jessica somehow already made an appointment with Dr. Levin in the morning? Please for the love of Victoria Lord find a new doctor!!!! Jesus, Mary, and Joseph...

23. Poor Clint...I'm sorry but I feel for him.

24. Lordy...I cannot deal with this Gigi/Rex sadness so early in the morning. However I think Gigi would let Clint have her heart, Rex. She would have done the right thing. At the end of the day, Gigi was sweet...despite how she worked my nerves up until about a month ago.

25. Oh God...Vicki please react the way I need you to when Natalie tells you about Brody. I need shock from you, at least. LORD...Vicki is totally okay with all this. Of course. Jesus...Vicki, come on! Yes, I wanted Natty and Brody to sleep together, but the way I need Vicki to react to all this is completely different. I must say...I'm disappointed. Natalie always gets a free pass. Always. Vicki you are better than this. I'll let it slide. So, now I am a hypocrite since I am giving Vicki a free pass...damn.

26. Look at Joey standing his ground!!! He must be in summer school. There is no other explanation for this type of improvement. Word!

27. I'd rather listen to Kassie DePaiva sing at this rate then watch these scenes. ATROSH!!!!!!! This is like the worst storyline ever. No, I take it back. I'd rather watch these scenes than watch her sing on the piano at Capricorn or something but I might change my mind...big deal if I do!

28. Sooooo ALL out of town hotels--Vegas, Seattle, and NYC--ALL look alike. The similarities are amazing.

29. WHAT?! Who is this new woman in Tomas' hotel room!? AS IF this f*@king show needs more people!!!!! I need blood pressure medication.

30. I'd love to know how Langston's doing on the set of her movie. I'm genuinely concerned. Please...fill us in Starr. By all means. That guy in the white shirt is a punk and I want to beat the shit out of him already.

31. Oh no...Vicki in Gigi's room. I won't be able to deal.

32. Ugh...Rex is back into spaz mode in these Clint scenes.

33. I know the reveal of Tomas having a wife should have been riveting but I was bored as hell.

34. Sam is edible. OMG. I'm sorry...RH's return is NOT working for me. NOT!

35. Again, the security at Dorian's is just nonexistent.

36. I'd like to thank Vicki and Clint for being awesome as usual. Where is Dorian, p.s.? I mean...Robin Strasser is leaving the show VERY early and we aren't getting to see her? Just boo.

Ok...must run and get ready for work!!! Loving you all...meaning it!

xx,

Mija