I'm Here to Blog Not Give Happy Endings

Blair:  "Damn you, Todd, for not spitting out what you were trying to tell me the entire episode! All you had to do was spit it out! I'm not footing your bar tab you bastard!"

Happy Tuesday! I'm technically NOT finished filming due to weather issues yesterday but I promised a blog so I'm doing it. Hope this finds you all well!

Tuesday, June 11th

What?!  Nora has cooked two meals in like three weeks. Two meals is more than the woman has made in like ten years!  She all of a sudden can cook?! This is news.  LMAO...was Bo about to say "What the f*ck?" I think so. I do think nuMatthew is too presh...attitude aside. This is gonna be an awkward meal. Hopefully food will be thrown...kidding.

I can't believe Vicki doesn't think it's beneath her to eat at Shelter. I'll let it go.  As long as this restaurant doesn't turn into a club this episode then I am fine with it.  Ok so this Pellegrino thing has to work out because Queen V CANNOT be poor. Like, I'll think the world is coming to an end.

Coffee tastes like being on ecstasy? Come on, Natty, pick a better drug to make the coffee eurphoric preferably one that doesn't require a pacifier and a glowstick.  Ok so whatever the trouble is with McBam I blame Clint.  This whole ordeal is gonna be Clint's dealings. And, I have to admit I'm kinda ready for some soapy goodness. So let's have Clint be a little maniacal again. I'm totes down with that.

Ok wait just a damn minute...what is "break beat"?!  Can someone tell me. I feel it's not even worth of a Google search.  Yay! Todd surfaced. Just makeout with Blair already...

Matthew, please don't give parenting advice to Des. Get a life. Go call kooky Michelle or something. See these comments from you make me want to punch you.   Bo: "Should we hide the good china?" Is there even room in the garret for a china cabinet? Absurd!

STOP! I'm dying! David and all the sex talk and wanting to do moves he learned on the internet. I love it. I kinda love that Matthew called David and Dorian to come over to Pa and Step Nora's. It's perfect since Dorian is wearing her "Nora" wig.

Tea to the rescue as usual. Yes, right? It doesn't sound like John. So I think the whole GH thing is directly related to this and they are going to weave it in...lovely. I mean...why can't we just HEAR John's voice?!  Play the voicemail, Natty! For my sake!

Dan-YELLA isn't on this episode?!?!?!  If anyone would like to go iceskating in the 9th circle of hell, please let me know. Obviously it's totally ok for us to do that...Dan-YELLA's absence confirmed it.

So Bo knows Matthew's first word? What the what? Let's just assume Nora told Bo everything from birth until Bo found out he was Matt's father. Bo is all caught up and filled in and up to speed. Let's just all go with that. LMAO..."what is this a long face competition?"  OMG...the Dorian/Nora banter is FAAAABULOUS! From "rustic" chips and dip, to not dreaming of letting Nora take Dorian's coat, to the macaroons arriving from Paris quickly...I love it.  "Uh oh."  Cute...

Bless Jeffrey for correcting "ass" to "rear end".  I'm tired of all the harsh language in front of Queen V. Her ears are just too delicate for all of this nonsense.  I'm kinda confused with this whole Ezra thing. Granted, I am somewhat sleep deprived but...yes, I'm kinda confused. So he is a big blogger, huge on social media, and a genius that doesn't sleep? And we need to care about this because???? I think I missed a segment? Did I? Jeffrey is an eager to please little bastard...I'll give him that.

"You're so fly I need to wear bug spray for cologne."  See, now these are the kinda lines that make me want to hop in bed with someone in a hot minute. I don't know why everyone thought it was so funny.

SPIT IT OUT TODD FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY!!!!!! I mean we are going to DRAAAAAAG this shit out until the very end. Good grief, Charlie Brown.

I still can't get over all this Nora cooking foolishness. So Matt and Des laugh at some old stories and now they are smiling over a meal? I obviously have a heart, people, because I just felt sorry for Destiny. I think I just dropped my bowl from dinner. Yes, I felt sorry for Des. When is batshit crazy Michelle going to surface? If she is going to be crazy I want her to be all the way crazy like Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction sans a boiled bunny.

Natalie's salad looks sad as hell. Like that is the most depressed salad I have ever seen. Zoloft, crushed as bac-o's...stat!  Ok so it's confirmed basically...Clint is behind all of this John restraining order hoopla. I kinda love it. No, I just flat out LOVE it.  I hope this causes a shit ton of backlash. We need it! NEED it! I want to see Vicki all fired up too!

That little microphone is cracking me up. Bo is so confident and excited for Nora. Too cute. He is almost as encouraging as Ross is before I go on an audition. ;)  "I'm giving advice...not happy endings."  My fav line of the day. I'm sure most men would prefer happy endings but let's keep it clean. I'm very curious as to how this whole Nightbird thing is gonna go...

Thank God! Vicki and Clint left before it turned into that trashtastic Jersey Shore club! Praise God!  And thank you Natty for changing that drink order. A cosmo? Please. Sex and the City ended awhile ago and so did that drink.  Cutter cannot take his eyes off of Natty! I mean is there going to be ANY follow up from their groping an episode or two ago? Any? Shouldn't there be something?

Todd to the rescue! OMG we had to wait all the way to the end and Todd still didn't spill his guts! DAMMIT! Oooh, Blair's head looks like it took a beating. Now, who in God's name is Mr. I Wear a Leather Glove and Shoot a Gun Man?

WAIT JUST A DAMN MINUTE! This show was 20 minutes?  Excuse me...19:59. What the hell?! And now I can't hear any dialogue in the previews?! Oh boo.

I actually loved this episode overall! Just wish it was getting continued tomorrow. Whannn. That's ok. Also, no Dan-YELLA. Again, iceskating in June...who knew?

Y'all have a lovely evening! I'm off to get into bed and watch Downton Abbey. I started season 1 and it's like crack...ugh!

xoxo,
Your long lost friend ME

Just Checking In...

Hi! Yes, this blog is still active and I'm alive etc. I just can't blog until next week because I'm filming intensely until next Monday and I just don't have time to blog. I'll meet y'all sometime next week. Until we meet again, dear friends!
Cheers!!
ME

Snoop Don't Lie

Nora:  "This will look perfet hanging up in the garret. It needs a little sprucing up."

Hi! I'm alive and yes this is still an active blog. I swear I blame this new schedule. I just completely forgot to blog last Thursday and I barely remembered to watch the show. Also, I can't tell you what happened on last Thursday's show. Thursday to Tuesday is a long wait. If they could even just make it a Monday, Wednesday, Friday deal I would be so happy but until then I'm gonna try and remember. If not, then I need to start setting alarms!  Hope y'all had a great holiday weekend! We had a housefull of people so it was fun!

Tuesday, May 28th

Alright OLTL, I have loved you since 1992. However, for the love of all things holy can we please just have ONE DAY away from the teens. JUST ONE! You are making me hate these kids by shoving them down our throats. Rant over...

I still don't understand why Shelter is a fine dining establishment and a druggie club. Again, where is The Palace?  Glad to see some Blair and Tea convo. Always makes me happy.

They love to have Des in short skirts. You would think Vicki would have a school uniform type length requirement at The Banner. Obvs not.  And OF COURSE Matthew effing left and isn't going to watch Drew! I'm sorry but I think all this is just ridiculous. There is no way in hell that based on the history of this character that Matthew would be pulling this shit. However, even if he DID pull this shit I just don't think Bo, Nora, Clint, or Asa's ghost would let him carry on this way. It is just absurd. All the vets do is talk about how Matthew is a slapdick and needs to be a parent to Drew but no one is doing anything about it. Granted it's probably hard in two episodes a week but still...y'all get my point.

Yes random girl I bet you don't do drugs with anyone else either. You only do them with people that look like your father because you could feel safer. Bitch please. And she looks like a trashy Jennifer Lawrence a little bit.  These people that work for Cutter are just eye candy and I'm fine with it. Dusky...great, more of her. She does nothing for me. However, if I decide to become a stripper I think I found my stage name "DUSKY".  I can see that name up in lights at a fine establishment off the interstate somewhere.  I could really make this work.  Wait no, that random chick does NOT look like a trashy JL. My bad. I am completely 100% creeped out by her old date. And now that I think about it why are we even watching this scene with two randoms?!

Yes!!! Natalie, Nigel and Vicki! This is what I'm talking about. And of course the scene is two f*cking seconds. Fantastic.  Like, I literally think it was 9 seconds or something...

We haven't had enough Tea/Blair convos. I actually love them.  Tea, you really don't think that Dan-YELLA is out until 2 am?! Come on, girlfriend.  Also, what the hell is a gaming console? Lmao...I love the adjectives Blair spouted off to describe Jack.

I do love that Clint is super furious and fired up like all kinds of hell at the mention of John's name! This is fabulous. Why are these scenes two seconds?

GTFO...Snoop! I love it.  Bo is so damn excited to see Snoop! I love it. LMFAO....Nora: "Snoop Lion, honey."  Bo:  "Snoop don't lie, honey."  I cannot. I am laughing out loud at this adorable corny joke. This scene is a hot minute, too! What the hell?

Dan-YELLA is so wet she looks like she just took a shower! OH EM GEE.  She is really trying with Matthew with all this taking me out to dinner talk.  UGH...I got nothing waiting on me at home. Matthew I want to beat you!!!!

Man, Jeffrey REALLY likes wearing vests.  Intrigued about the British guy who saw Jeffrey as his protege. Nice way he related that to how BN want to help Destiny even though they aren't "family". She needs to hear that. I understand Des wants Matthew to help but honey if you are holding your breath then I suggest finding a snorkel soon because you ain't coming up for air anytime soon.

I wish I was "so excited" as Dusky is that her ass is gonna be on this show. It's better than Riff-Raff that's for sure.  Blair!!!!! This is supposed to be a nice restaurant that turns into a club after hours, right? Jesus Christ, don't let people straddle each other at the table!!! This place is a brothel, I swear. Renee should come manage it!!

Clint looks dapper. Duh. Yeah, I want some Liam interaction with V/C.  REALLY? John wants to see Liam and if Natalie stands in his way then she can talk to his lawyer? WHAT?!  As if John McBain would act like this. I was so confused. My friend Gail told me that on "General Hospital" Clint issued a restraining order against John or something and prevented him from seeing Liam. So maybe this is where all the animosity is coming from? Shot in the dark. It sounds like Natty and Vicki don't know about it.  Vicki is such a fabulous mother. If I have parenting questions, I wish I could just dial her up. BRING BACK JOHN! Sorry, I had to say it. Opportunity was there. Not really, but I just made an opportunity.  Anyway, Natalie go screw Cutter to take the edge off a bit. I hate to see Natalie just pining away for John especially if he isn't coming back to Llanview. Ugh. Listen to Vicki! You are so beautiful! She is right..."Life is short. Don't wait for the phone to ring." I like this new Vicki giving advice. I feel back in the day she didn't dish out such forward advice...

Really Bo? You have been to Jamaica?  Does Snoop's minion have super sonic hearing because how in God's name did he hear that little snap outside the door. His hear must have been up against the glass. Yes, that's it.  OMG...Nora holding up the Snoop poster is hysterical. This whole thing is so comical. I wonder if any of these people besides the young ones have REALLY listened to Snoop's music. I just can't see Bo, Nora, Clint or Vicki listening to "Gin & Juice" or "What's My Name?" Let alone have they seen his old music videos?! I'm LOL'ing just thinking about it.  LMFAOOOOOO.....Nora:  "Well good luck at the screening and break a...paw."  This snapping business?!  I love it. I need to find someone that comes running when I snap my fingers.

Everyone wants a piece of Cutter it seems. Even Dusty. Or Dusky...whatever the hell. And Rama.  And Natalie.  Personal heartbreaker? Who is Rama talking about? Certainly not Vimal.

WE GET IT, OLTL.  Des' has to keep her HuluPlus account so the neighbor will babysit. I'm not cancelling my HuluPlus subscription anytime soon. Don't fret.

So wait did Natalie actually call John? It said "calling". I'm confused. Did he just not answer or was there a voicemail and they didn't show it? WTH?

AH!!! David Vickers surfacing at over 20 minutes into the show! LOVE! May I just say that my heart does melt that Clint is over at the garret about to play poker. I feel all is right. What? No Buchanan Lodge set where they can play poker? I kid. I'm not being demanding. How presh. Nora came to play! Cigar, visor, the works.  Man's game my ass. I hope she f*cking takes all their money. And please! Where in God's name would she go if she were left out? Their small kitchen? Their bedroom?! Pretty sure there aren't any other rooms left in that matchbox! And why is everyone annoyed she wants to play anyway?

OMG Natalie looks drop dead gorgeous!!!! Let her in that club right now! Go and get you some, girlfriend!

Ok so the table below Dorian's portrait really looks like a fake fire place with clouds as the "fire".  Something has felt off about it since I have seen it.

Of course Jack has to surface and purposely give me the middle finger at about 22 minutes into this show. I was so close. Damn. I'll be serious for a second.  Thankfully Tea is talking to Jack. Maybe if he hears some of this from her he will stop being so...Jack.  I really want to see him make some progress with Todd, truly. Mainly because I like Todd and don't enjoy seeing him so sad after he deals with Jack but I still want the progress regardless!   Come on, Tea!!! The show is almost over! Please don't cry! DAMMIT! Have you cried every episode?! Have you?!

Ok, I'm off to email people back about showing us apartments.  WOOOOOF!  More later dears!

xoxo,
ME

Worst Surprise Ending...

If I could continue on after "or else" I think I would add "or else you will have to party with Riff-Raff every night at Shelter. And he says 'fettuccini's' on repeat." That is incentive enough to finish what one started. 

Hi y'all! Hope y'all had a great evening. Soooo sorry for just now posting.  A few things:  1.  I completely FORGOT I had to blog because of this new show schedule.  Grrr.  2. That being said, I will not complain about this new schedule. Obviously I hate it and wish they would have STARTED out this way instead of going from 4 episodes to 2 a week but that's neither here nor there. The reasons they gave for it just didn't make sense to me. Ummm why didn't you think about this beforehand?  BUT, I am just grateful to have the show and 2 days a week is better than nothing. So let's all be grateful! I just love my show.  3. I am blaming pregnancy hormones because I don't remember Thursday's episode AT ALL! Like zero! I vaguely remember Nora and Des talking but that is it! I don't have time to watch it so I'm just doing today's show.  Okie dokie...

Tuesday, May 21st

I'm sorry but if I were Vicki I'd still go to Paris.  Mainly because I'm a selfish little bitch and don't want to turn down a personal shopper. Yes! Thursday's episode is coming back to me! I remember the trip proposal!  However, why is Clint so damn eager? Something has to be up. I mean they have waited this long what's a little time to plan? And when Clint suggested Vegas the other day I about died. OMG can y'all see Vicki in a cheap ass wedding chapel in Vegas getting married by an Elvis impersonator?! Not atoll!!!

Topher tweeted that Dorian is sported a Nora wig and sure enough...it is! It looks just like Nora's hair. And may I say that Dorian has been rocking some snazzy outfits these days. Yes, I said snazzy. Jack's attitude. Typical for a kid his age going through shit. That was accurate. GASP! Yes, I said nothing mean about NuJack!! 

Who in the HELL is that douchebag behind Cutter with the lame ass purple and lime green hat on?!  Get out of that club immediately!  God, don't they pay those extras $115 a day (extra pay is a rip which is why I don't do it)?!  You would think they could find some people that didn't look (and wear) asshats.   I think Cutter has had one scene outside of Shelter...

Natty looks GORG! And now she is gonna be BFF's with NuDes because they are both single moms? Come on. A little more effort here...

Dan-YELLA is getting on my nerves with all this "let's get wasted" stuff. Also, I do LOVE these teens more than any set we have had but OMIGOD DEAR LORD PLEASE LET THEM HAVE ONE DAY OFF!!! JUST ONE! I think Matthew has been on EVERY DAMN EPISODE! Mija, too. Ugh.

Todd looks sharp as usual.  I'm also loving that we get another Bo/Todd scene. I feel this is old school! LOL...typical from back in the day. Bo ran out of creamer. LMAO....love that Todd said so I sprinkled arsenic all over myself before I strangled myself. I'm enjoying these scenes...

Shut the front door! Just shut it right now. Rama is David's biggest fan!!! LMFAO. And his royalty check was for a buck 89. I cannot handle this. David is my comic relief. No matter what.

I'm humming the intro...ugh.

STOP IT RIGHT NOW! My ass Uta Hagen was David's acting coach! LMAO. He prob read "Respect for Acting" or watched her awesome DVDs since she is the shiznit. This whole thing is hysterical. "A rodent? That's dumb. Why would you say that?" I could keep quoting this scene but...

Of course Victoria is a softie and doesn't want to get rid of the people that have worked for her forever. Ugh...and all her reasons are valid since I'm a big dork, too. Hate Clint's tie. OMG. Vicki I think Clint is gonna need to invest since you are probs gonna lose your funds via Pellegrino. How ridiculous is the name of that fund?

Vinegar in place of vermouth? Oh my stars. Gag me with a spoon. Michelle is St. Anne's qualified and I haven't even laid eyes on this bitch.  Jeffrey is right...don't trust this ho! Matthew kinda needs to get f*cked over a little bit though.  And Mija is trying to be all Martha Stewart with the hors d' oeuvres.

Pent up energy, huh Cutter? Please. Y'all just have sex already.

WOO HOO!!!! Tea hasn't started crying yet!!! This is a record! And this browser history foolishness...sloppy sloppy. Lurve Todd is eavesdropping.  So, for some reason, when Tea said "tattoo" I couldn't help but think "God, the word tattoo is really getting thrown around this show and particularly on this episode."  Think about it...all this tattoo hoopla between dead guy, coffee shop guy then Victor having the tat. Then today all the evidence disucssion about it. Then David is going on and on with Rama about Chipmunk Tattoo. I've never discussed tattoos so much in my life. Bo, come on. Did you really just ask why Victor wanted to kill Todd. Come on, commish.

Just because Michelle has a Toronto area code doesn't mean she LIVES in Toronto. And Jeffrey's comment about Michelle saying "eh" was just fabulous.

Love the Cutter/Natalie flirting. I'm a dork so I'm enjoying some of these goofy lines but it's adorable.

Biz loan. If I were Vicki I'd prefer that too. Applause! Applause! Thank you Victoria for giving Todd some words of wisdom about Jack.  Todd's approach sure as hell ain't working so maybe QV talked some sense into him. Fingers crossed. Despite me LOATHING Jack, I want Todd to get some shit in order. He is too fab to have to have THIS much disorder...yes, even Todd needs a break from all chaos.

"Snookered." hehe. Nice, Clint.  And good point by Clint saying the deck is stacked against Jack since Todd and Victor are his parents. LMAO. And your hands are full trying to turn Matthew into a stand up guy, Clint? God, I need everyone to get involved in this. Intervention please.

Jeffrey is the voice of reason on this damn show, I swear. Matthew just go for Mija instead of St. Anne's.  And I'm kinda glad Dani fell with the gnocchi because I think gnocchi tastes like moldy ass.

I mean...David just did sound, speed, and action. This man can do it all!!!  I love David's quotes of himself.

OHHHHHH!!!! And this was my BIG thing from Thursday I remember. Ok so duh!!!!  We saw that the guy videoing everyone was gonna be Todd. They left ZERO to the imagination on Thursday so why in God's name it was supposed to be a big reveal today is beyond me. Worst. Surprise. Ever. I think my dog even knew what was going on! What the hell? BUT...since that little note says Victor is alive and to finish what he started I'm curious. Todd almost looked like he was about to go into the Twilight Zone, I swear. The look in his eyes!

Oh and Thursday's episode was leaked this morning. Get it together Hulu.  I only saw bits and pieces but it seemed good.

I'll be back on Thursday. Still not used to this schedule.

xx,
ME

Blogging While I'm White Girl Wasted...

Victor:  "Todd, what's the matter?"
Todd:  "I don't have any Vans to wear to Shelter tonight for the concert. Logan's Dept. Store doesn't have any for me to buy either."

I'm not really white girl wasted but how funny would it be if I was?!  After the bebe is born I'll do it for y'all. It will be a trainwreck.  Anyway...Gooooooood morning!  I sure hope this post makes sense. We get up at 5:15 around here but since I'm pregs I can't have my normal dose of caffeine so even though it is 7:15 I'm not as coherent as I'd like to be.  Le sigh. It's a long way to November.  If God is on my side today our refill sleeves of Nespresso coffee will be delivered this morning. Fingers crossed.  I'll do some brief thoughts about yesterday's show and then I'll blog about today. Sound good?

May 14th and 15th Episodes

Thoughts about May 14th

From memory again...sorry.

JWOWW.  Lemme start with her. I cannot believe I'm going to say this:  But I did not mind her! I was expecting THE worst. After watching season 5 of Jersey Shore (yes, that happened. I'm embarrassed) I was like "NOOOO. Why is she gonna be on the show?!"  But, as long as she doesn't get too involved and basically serves as a bartender then I'm fine with it. I think she is pretty perfect for a bartender in that kinda club scene. However, she obviously needs to work on those recipes of hers because who in her right mind ruins good scotch by making it some Cutter Cocktail?  Just no.  And, I did keep looking at her face because if you saw season 1 of Jersey Shore then you can see ALL the work she has had done. She is like a quilt.  But overall, I'm pleasantly surprised.  Carry on.

Cutter's so cute and so is Natalie so just hook up already and make everyone happy. Even if just for a night.  You know that one night stand would be replayed a MILLION times like it was when Brody got it on with Natalie. I think they replayed that ONE part of the scene (y'all know what I'm talking about) like 10 or 11 times for real.  Poor Natty needs some ass. It's had to have been awhile at this point..

Redbull and Tequila? Is that what Dan-YELLA mixed? That had to taste like smashed ass. And like Mija stood a chance in that drinking game when it came to saying biological father.

In case OLTL was wondering:  Message received that Tea can cry and get upset with the best of them. Her scenes for he past two days with her have made me want Zoloft but I'm not I'm not allowed to take anything like that while pregnant because it causes birth defects. 

The Todd/Victor stuff. I just need this to move forward. I love both characters but between being annoyed about the poisoning thing and just overall being miffed about their sparring (I dunno why this is just my personal feelings) I just want to move this thing NOW. We all know Todd's not dead from the choking incident. Let's keep this going.

I was thrilled to see some Blair/Natalie interaction! That was the highlight of the damn show for me. Maybe they will strike up their relationship a little more since the characters are a bit limited. I sure hope so. I liked their scenes even though they were short.

Wait...the blonde chick? Jessie from Jessie Toy Boys? Anyway, I felt her pain about being under 21 and a female shot girl won't serve you a shot. All female bartenders are bitches to girls under 21. She should have had a fake ID and some guy getting her the shots. She lost her ID in Brooklyn...LOL.  Kim!  Return it to her! ;) That song..."Dancing in my vans getting white girl wasted."  A couple of things.  Until I listened to it a second time I thought this bitch said "Dancing in my VAN."  I'm like why would you dance in your van you weirdo? DUH! She means her shoes! Ugh. I'm telling you it's the lack of caffeine these days.  I didn't know Vans were still a thing. I never owned a pair but still.  Secondly, I'm pretty sure when I was in law school people started throwing around "white girl wasted" and I'm sure my stupid ass probably went along with it. I looked it up on Urban Dictionary:  To be extremely drunk, high or a mixture of both. The term is derived from the extreme inebriation most commonly experienced by white females between age 17 to 27.  In a sentence:  "Tonight is 50 cent shot night, we getting white girl wasted for sure!" 
   
I will say that I was touched that out of respect for me they covered the giraffe's head in the baby nursery. I'm surprised they left the thing there to rot.

NO NEED for Jack to show up for 2 seconds of the show. Just to infuriate me, obvs.

May 15th

An opening scene with David Vickers. I'm pleased already. And love that he calls "action" for himself. The way his show is filmed must make it HELL for the editing in post. There is no way he actually has legit footage.  "Step Nora" gets me every time. I die out laughing. And Nora can't talk because she has on a mud mask. Yikes those things make your face tight!

Oh no. Oh no. I sense a Matthew self photo shoot and I'm so embarrassed for him. OMIGOD what a douche. It IS a self photo shoot. I cannot. I simply cannot.

Todd looks pretty yummy for almost being strangled to death. Vicki is showing cleavage today! GASP! 

Look at Bo working the scene. That darling.  Where is the best CSU in Llanview? Why isn't she there?

These American Airlines commercials on Hulu Plus with Jon Hamm's voice. I do enjoy those. Just listening to him. Be still my heart...

Nice to see the beds at the Llanview hospital are still worse than cribs.

This Nora/David thing is my comedic relief today. David:  "Look I'm never gonna be able to sell this show unless I do something more than gorgeous chicks wearing scantily clad clothing and misbehaving in front of the camera."  Nora:  "Why not? Isn't that what the audience wants?"  Is OLTL trying to tell us something? HMMMM?  LMAO...warts and green faces! "Did you buy any of it at all? I was kinda running out of inertia."  I CANNOT. Too funny.

Mija, your self tanner is shit. You need to get the St. Tropez mousse self tanner. It doens't streak and it's amazing although pricey but WORTH IT. Matthew will have streaks now. Way to go, ho. JUST HOOK UP ALREADY, YOU TWO!!!!! Just screw and get it over with!

Jeffrey is obvs Des' knight and shining armor. He is smitten with this chick AND the kid! Pretty cute.

Look at Bo being authoritative!!!! I love a good Bo/Todd sparring. Bo even snapped at Victoria. Damn!  I love the extra police officers in the background. Hehe.

I just. I have no words for this photo shoot. I don't care how crazy this Michelle chick is but when she gets photos like this from Matthew on FB she should be like "OMG this kid is a flaming douche!"  I unfriend people that do this shit. OMG Matthew is spanking the pillow!!!!!!!!!!!???????  I want to crawl under this couch. Right now.

Oh Victoria. You did not put that much money into the Pellegrino fund? Even I know not to do that. So wait...if she has all this money to invest in Pellegrino then how is she struggling to get money for The Banner? Couldn't she have pumped this money into the paper? Clint's right....Matthew is hardly working for BE. He is working really hard on being the biggest dipshit in Llanview and I'm pretty sure he has that title secured at the moment.

Oh hey Blair. What's up?  Hmmm do I sense some chemistry between Blair and Cutter? Yes, it's def there. Actually Blair, Todd is the most full of shit person you have ever met in your life based on your attitude towards him. So you need to say that Cutter is the SECOND most full of shit person.  Hehe...just correcting.

I love a good Bo/Natty scene, too. I wonder how Bo got his job back and all that foolishness but I guess we will never know.

I'm crying laughing so hard. When I want to be sexy I go for a jar of peanut butter and seductively eat it with 2 fingers!!! Ha! How do y'all think I got pregnant? Duh! It's the way I eat creamy Jif! It's an effing turn on! OMG.  This is so horribly bad that I literally am dying out laughing...alone...in this apartment with the dog and no one else is here to laugh with me. Damn.

OMG, so David has convinced Nora to act like she is happy to see him for the show. LOL. "Oh yes, the life of a lawyer is very stressful but I love it."  How fake! haha! She can't play along with this because it is killing her. When is David gonna have a scene with his Pa?! That is due!  David's spiritual journeys...Vickeroshi! God that was a weird/funny time.

Bo Buchanan has cursed more than anyone in a single episode since this whole reboot started, I swear! And now Bo almost said "Mother F*cker!"  Oh my. You know, for me personally, it doesn't sound right. It's like if Ross said "Mother f*cker."  It just doesn't sound right and I expect him to be a gentleman.  The other curse words or fine. Or even if he was about to say just "f*ck" but "Mother F*cker" is going for the gold medal ya know? Yeah...Natalie needs to get laid pronto. She is so mopey and sad about John (rightfully so) but I want her to get her happy life going.

Todd and Blair. This ought to be good. "Psych ward." LOL.  I wonder what Blair is gonna think when she finds out the truth?  "You look tired."  This banter is too funny.  And "being here night after night is kind of a young woman's game."  Blair should kick him in the balls but she likes the flirting too much!

Now Mija is straddling Matthew. Oh no! Shield Baby Drew's sweet eyes!!!!  That was the fakest "Hi Drew" from Matthew I have ever heard in my life.

I like it! Natalie found arsenic on the stopper! Praise God let's move this investigation along!!!!

Okie dokie. I like today's episode.  I swear I'm gonna get to the last or today's comments at some point!

I'm off to head to Crate & Barrel because out of sympathy Ross told me they sell Nespresso there so I can get a sleeve of it. I'm thrilled.  Maybe I'll find the Jessie Toy Boys song on itunes and play it in the car...woo hoo!!!! ;)

More later.
xo,
ME

Todd's Tolerance for Poison Is Spectacular!

Tea:  "Victor, could you please let me and the viewers know what is going on with this whole poisoning Todd thing. We are so confused and I just can't take it anymore."

Hello all! Hope everyone had a lovely Mother's Day weekend! I'm kinda pressed for time this shouldn't be too long unless I type REALLY fast.  I'll do last Thursday's show and today's episode in this post.

Episodes for May 9th and May 13th

Quick recap of May 9th

This is my memory typing...

Love that Dorian now has a plan to get Vicki!  And the scenes between Vicki and Dorian were so fabulous. Vicki was NOT having it and I believe there was even an eye roll involved. Also, even though I don't like NuJack AT ALL it was nice to see Dorian out and about (even in that obnoxiously LOUD floral coat) with her nephew and showing them spending some QT. I like it. I feel that so many relationships weren't shown on the former OLTL but maybe that's a different story this go around.  Oh and I remember I love Vicki's office! Very Queen V!

OMG...Bora Bora. Hilarious and so cute and can't believe they actually used their own mash-up name. I'm very curious to see where this radio storyline is going to go but I'm totally openminded.  Bo's office looks almost the same! My favorite was when Nora told Bo he was fast and he responded with "I know. I'm famous for that." *wink wink* Naughty. I dig it.

Todd using his money to get his children's love.  Sometimes that works.  At least Dan-YELLA is taking advantage.  I do think that this whole fallout with Mija and Tea is pretty acurate as far as relationships with angry 21 year olds that resent that parents at the moment. God, was I this much of a bitch?!  I don't think so. I know I was unpleasant at times but damn. Todd saying "j/j" instead of "j/k" and saying "bomb diggity."  OMG dying laughing. RH is too cute!  OH...and Tea JUST NOW noticed Victor's tatto?!  WHAT THE HELL?!  I don't believe that.  And apparently another little pal of Victor's with the same lovely tattoo is in town so hopefully we will get down to the bottom of this shiz soon.

Matthew is driving me CRAZY. Do y'all hear me?! CRAZY. And I remember that Jeffrey seemed to be the only one with any manners at that apartment.  SELF LOVE WITH MOISTURIZER?! Oh.My. Well, I guess at that age and you move in with two guys and you share a bathroom...sure, throw that out there.

I'll say this again. I'm soooo confused with this poisoning bit. Is this like poisonig someone with anti-freeze? I've seen a 48 Hours Mystery and another crime show how you can poison someone with anti-freeze over a period of time from a few days to weeks. I think? Maybe this is that kinda poisoning. I'm just confused at this rate. Todd did look like death warmed over when he went to Vicki's office and did start to act funny but again...confusion is all upon me.  Oh and I love the Vicki/Todd talk at the end. Vicki calling Victor "Faaaaaaaather."  Random Brit dialect thrown in every now and then. I am ready for her to say "not atoll!" That's my fav. And Todd called Vicki an "inspiration" or something. What is going on?!

All I remember...

May 13th

Oh Blair those jeans. Plain white would have been fine.

Surprise! Destiny with the baby! This ought to be good.

LMAO...Zen Todd! He.Cracks.Me.Up.  And Vicki used "detente".  One of my fav words! And thanks for asking which Todd we are dealing with Victoria! I'm dying to know, too!

Tea needs a vacation.  That's all.  HOLY CRAP!!! Actually, it appears she is gonna need a vacation to St. Anne's soon! I'm dying for someone to be in St. Anne's with the nuns. And I would love for Allison Perkins to surface. I can't get enough of that kooky bitch.  What normal person would be able to keep putting up with all this craziness!?  I hate for Tea to be upset but I'm also glad Victor is going to deal with these tattoed effers because I want to know what the hell is going on!

Matthew.Is.Such.A.Douche!!!! God, he is a slapdick and I hate him right now!!! Ummmm could it be any more obvious they are gonna pair up Jeffrey and Destiny? He is all over her with sweet words and compliments, etc.

Sam:  "I'm not a kid and I can whoop your ass any day of the week!" YES!!! This kid is so awesome and in a perfect world Sam would absolutely kick NuJack's ass because he needs it...right after Matthew.  That computer tower may certainly be cool in Jack's eyes but it looks heinous and stupid.  I've seen vomit on the floor of a bar look better. Jack didn't spend his college savings on the computer? God, would Blair be so stupid to let him have access to that? Ugh...probably.

Todd is really pulling on my heart strings these days. Taking blame for the kids being screwed up! VERY ADULT! It's about time. I'm loving this...

Tea is knocking it out of the park today!  Poor thing. I still don't know if TSJ is staying. Is he? "IF I come back I will never leave you again?" Yikes. One never wants to hear those words. LMAO...what did Tea throw? That was hilarious.  It just bounced. LOL.   If I were Tea I would want to kick Victor's ass despite the fact I love him.

Again, can they shove the future Jeff/Des pairing in our faces any more?!  Also, how cute is Jeffrey with a baby?!  Ok. That's it! I HAVE EFFING HAD IT WITH MATTHEW!!!!!  And while I'm on this rant...have the teens been on EVERY SINGLE DAY?! Jesus, I would like just ONE day without seeing these 4. Just one day please. Anyway, I don't understand Matthew's attitude.  I just don't.

Sam needs to just come and live with me and be my friend. We could hang out and eat snacks and he could make me laugh and help me decide on baby names. Yes, this could work.   "Scarface."  Back to using that I see. I like it.

LMAO...more Vickers and Todd.  Todd is like a kid in Toys 'R Us!!! "Did he seem happy?"  Awe. No death from poison please.  WHICH BY THE WAY...Todd seems as healthy as a damn horse!!! WHAT.THE.HELL?!   I guess I'm gonna stick with the "slow death" poisoning type thing. Is there even another option?

NuJack will lash the hell out about Victor leaving. The really really really EVIL mean going to hell Mary-Ella enjoys Jack being upset. WHY oh why do I have it out for this kid?!  At least Tea made Victor tell them "goodbye" before he left. At least there was a big group hug before they left. WHAT? Victor said give Todd a chance? I'm so confused by all this sincerity? Is that what this is?

I do like that Destiny isn't putting up with any of Matthew's shit that he throws at her! I still am not feeling this Destiny just yet but I love the sparring. AND A SLAP! Eh...Matthew, you need to talk to your mom about that abortion foolishness.  Let's not forget.  I want to personally reach through the tv and give Matthew a huge wedgie and then beat the shit out of him with a pot or pan, etc.  I'm too vain to injure my manicured hands.  "BO, will take care of her and Drew."  What the hell is this about?! First name basis with your dad AND you expect him to take care of your son?! OH.HELL.NO. If Matthew says "Nora" instead of Mom I'm really gonna lose it.  Jeffrey...the voice of reason! UGH. I hate all of this right now!

Look at Santa Claus busting up in La Boulaie.  LMAO. Just make out already you two! Just do everyone a favor and make out. Blair:  "Your son is you."  Very ice.

Please tell me Tea and Victor AT LEAST had a quickie before he leaves for God knows how long. I'm gonna pretend they did because if not then that's just dumb.  Well this is sad. Woof. But maybe we'll get some answers soon.

That damn scotch. I just don't think I should comment on this foolishness anymore until we get some more answers because none of us know a damn thing and if one of you reading knows what is up then please feel free to let us all in on this big poison plot.

I'm fine with Jack destroying the computer because it was uglier than Honey Boo Boo's mom's ass. Ugh.

Jesus is that what I'm in for with my child?! Shit everywhere?!  Apparently so.

Oh dammit. Open the door then silence. This show is too short for me!!! But I feel this way about all shows I love and that's only a few.

And where in the hell is Natalie?!?!  She has hardly been on and I'm shocked!

Ok, I have to head to the grocery. Hope y'all had a marvelous Monday!
Cheers!
ME

I Need Shelter from Jamie Franco...

Nora:  "Bo, hold on I have to take a caller. There is a girl on the line asking how to prevent Jamie Franco/Riff Raff from ever being on this show again. She needs my advice."

Good evening! Hello! Bonjour! Sorry I'm so late. Had a whirlwind couple of days with a performance, a shoot, appointments, etc.  Oh, and a little announcement:  I'm having a baby! Yay. So when I start crying over NuJack or something please know it is just the hormones.  I won't bore you anymore with this. This post will be long...

May 7th and 8th Episodes

     Lots of things repulse me or make me gag:  Kim Kardashian, licorice, cockroaches, etc.  I'll now add 2 more words to that list:  Jamie Franco.  Omigod is this dude even real?!  Is.He.Even.REAL?!  I have nightmares about people like this!  His scenes were soooooooo sooooooooo horrible! And what in the hell is up with his southern ghetto talk?!  Like what in God's name is he trying to accomplish with that?!  Nothing intelligent obviously.  I Googled this dude and found out he is from Houston so maybe that explains some of the "southern' twang but OMG, people! And those bottom teeth!  I cannot.  I think he said "fettacini's" (misspelled on purpose) or some crazy shit. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Ooooh and this guy sells ART?! Art in Miami? My ass! I really have nothing much to say except that all this was a train wreck. Actually, I'm just laughing about this now.  Obivously Cutter owed him money for some reason etc.  The guy has the power to get two chicks to make out.  That's all I got. I can't imagine his music is worth a shit.  At least Cutter did the right thing and forked over the money and didn't let Rama be victim to that gross bastard. *shutter*

     Not gonna lie I'm kinda over Shelter for the moment. I just don't want it shoved down my throat and that's how I kinda feel about it at the moment. Like, I'm gagging...

     Fact:  This Michelle bitch Matthew is FB messaging (who in God's name is on FB messenger THAT effing much?!) will be an effing loon. Maybe I'm wrong but I doubt it. She will be crazytown. I just feel it and I just can't imagine them brining a stable chick onto this show to get thrown into the mix with those hellions.

     Another fact:  The dancing between Destiny and Matthew towards the end of the show was no doubt WAY sexier than any sex the original Matthew and Destiny had in that tiny garret.  Hurry, Mary-Ella! Think of something else! Make it go away!  I want to vomit just thinking about it.  Add original Matt/Des sex to that list in paragraph one...

     The guy Dan-YELLA went to the VIP section with looked at least 35.  And he seemed like a douche.  I'm glad Matthew is looking out for her.  I get the sense of genuine concern from him.  My problem with this all goes back to him acting like a douche in his personal life.  So I really don't think he has a right to be so hard on Mija (even if he is coming from a good place) because he is being such a HUGE DOUCHE with this Destiny/Drew thing.

     My friend Gail pointed out that Victor acts drugged. He does right? Or something. I understand he was kidnapped and holed up God knows where for a year etc. and he is probably mindf*cked and all of this mess but something is still "off".  I did laugh when Victor made Mija do the field sobriety test in the house. LOL.  I thought he might have a breathalizer handy, as well.  And Tea's forceful but sincere "I love you" before Dan-YELLA went to bed was touching. Tear.  Holy Crap!!! Tea and Victor's bed is tiny!!! A matchbox is bigger than that foolishness! How in God's name do they sleep comfortably let alone have sex. I would bet money that Liam AND little Drew's beds are bigger. Without question. And I don't care if Tea was living alone for a bit...NO ONE should have a bed that small! This is giving the beds at Llanview Hospital a close race.  Remember? Everyone's feet hang off the bed! LOL.

     Thank you baby Jesus for the Bo and Nora stuff! Good lord if I ever needed them it was during THIS episode with Jamie Franco!!!  AHHH!  Obviously I could gush about their adorableness for hours on end but I won't. Breathe a sigh of relief.  I do want to say that they seem so genuinely happy together and I'm thrilled because OMG these two haven't had a break since they got back together! They are like glowing! AND, I'm so glad that people finally know how to write for them. Dare I say it? Are we getting the awesomeness that was BN in the 90's back?! I think we are. This is the BN that was sooooo stellar and rock solid and why people fell in love with them.  I loved every minute of it. I mean...that phone call! That.Phone.Call. So stinking precious! It was hysterical and all that tipsy flirting...made my day! The handcuffs! LMAO.  I do have to point out two things that I was like "eh, ok."  Nora used to LOVE being a defense attorney! She lived and breathed her work. So I find that kinda hard to believe she wasn't excited to go to work. And, Bo not knowing Nora was a DJ. PLEASE! Now if you didn't watch the show eons ago then you don't care but Bo owned the radio station and Max Holden and Luna Moody had their own show that broadcast from Serentiy Springs and Nora was Bo's attorney for the radio station and they began dating during all this...and she is JUST NOW telling him she is a DJ?  No. I call bullshit on this one. But for the mere fact, I otherwise loved the writing, they are so f*cking perfect and fabulous and I it seems she is sterring away from being the DA then I'll shut up right now. And to end it with sex on the floor. So fabulous. Le sigh. More of their fabulous selves...PLEASE.

     And how about it!?  OLTL gets to use REAL songs! I must admit I had the damn song in my head ALL DAY yesterday but "I Got You Babe" isn't a bad song to sing aloud to yourself. It was great. And obviously we have the big ending with Todd but I have more to say about that once I get more into today's episode. 

     It must be my hormones because I'm upset watching Dorian resign from office.  I love the portrait of Dorian hanging up. It cracks me up. LMAO..."Don't take any wooden nickels."  Should I know what in the hell that means?!  LITTLE SAM! You people have no idea how happy he makes me. OMG the "Pellegrino Fund" on that confidential file folder is so comical.

     Ok so Dan-YELLA's acting has really improved and she has done fabulously with her material during this reboot. That being said...she was just sooooo over the top today! Like I wanted to reach through the tv and just be like "OMG are you on Adderall?!  Please slow down!  You are like a Chihuahua!"  Yeah...Dan-YELLA is talking about the apartment being modern and her excitement was over the top! AH! I dunno why but she is making me want to pull my hair out! And I guess she just has the money to pay for rent...and dress cute...and go out and spend money.  Someone explain this.

     Natalie looks stunning in that green!!! OMG these little tots. How cute. I do have to say that if we are supposed to believe that little Drew is the product of Matthew and this Destiny then I'm not sure this was the best casting decision. Just my opinion.  Oooh isn't Shaun coming back? I do love him. I don't mind this Des and Natty chatting. I totally get it. The last Mes I would have been like "WTF is going on?"  Does anyone else feel HELLA AWKWARD when Matthew walks into the same room with Des?! It's like it screams "You deadbeat father! How can you just ignore her and your child!!!!" OMG...Matthew staring at the baby and not saying anything and then refusing to hold Drew is so awkward and unacceptable.

     Clint and Vicki are so precious and she looks fabulous in that blue!  I couldn't help but LOL when Vicki said "Maybe I was just too slow to join the digital age."  I don't know why I thought that was so hysterical.  Clint's right though. Vicki needs to get a little ruthless.  Vicki will turn the paper around though. I mean, she can't lose The Banner! That would be sacreligeous right? And LOVE how Jeffrey decided to stay!  I love it...this guy comes in to tell Vicki she could be insolvent soon and then she basically throws him out in the most polite way possible. And Vicki is tearing up and well, I just can't have that.  Again, Bless Jeffrey for cheering her up!

     And the award of the day for being a total tell-it-like-it-is-badass goes to:  Clint Buchanan! Praise the Lord! Rip Matthew a new one! Clint is totally right:  this shit is uncomplicated!  Just man up, Matthew! Damn! Omigod, Clint thank you for uttering the words I've been dying for someone to say. You are awesome. That pretty much just sums that up.  Carry on, handsome one.

     Ok now. So Victor put the poison in Todd's scotch. Todd proceeds to drink the whole damn decanter of scotch and now it's the next morning and Todd is still alive!?  How long does it take to kill someone this way!? Victor is obviously like "WTF, mate? How are you still alive?"  Llanview still has the same tall hedges apparently based on the outside of Tea's house.  God I can't remember the last time I saw these two have a talk.  I can't believe poisoned Todd is trying to make amends with Victor (and hoping that Victor just forgets Todd shot him).  I love when Todd left and Victor looked like "my Google search assured me this would work!" LOL.  Alright all you TnBers aren't y'all dying with this interaction? Hell, I'm not a TnBer and I even want them to makeout already. Maybe Todd will be near death and Blair will be by his side and try again with him. I mean, you know she wants to jump him.   Awe and Victor kissed Blair goodbye. That's sweet.  HOW IN GOD'S NAME IS THERE SCOTCH LEFT IN THAT DECANTER?!  How?!  I'm very eager to see how all this goes down.  There is so much I need to know, actually...mainly about Victor and his previous whereabouts, what was done to him, etc.

     There are just too many shades of purple going on in Dorian's house.  Hey!!!! Dorian said no snacks in the living room!!!! That includes Cokes! Remove that pronto!

Sorry I was kinda all over the place but I'm getting sleepy here.  Hope y'all had a good day. Maybe I'll see you tomorrow? If not then Monday. I'll try and do some comment responding soon!

All for now!
Jamie Franco's Fan Club President